On the road to success...

It's funny - weight has always been the one thing that I felt defined me, but that I tried never to let own me. Sure, I was that chubby girl that got her C cup bra at age 11 - not simply because I was an early bloomer - no, because it was mostly fat. But I put on a smile, had friends, went to parties, was a normal girl that just weighed more than most of the people I knew. I didn't grow out of this in my teens, or my twenties.It wasn't a fat girl to skinny girl Disney story. On and off my whole life I've had this love affair with food and this hate affair with owning my eating habits and non-working out habits. But like everything in life, sometimes you get a slap to the head telling you to wake up. And I got it.

In January 2007 I went away on an amazing trip with some girlfriends and looking at the pictures (first two below) I couldn't believe that was me. Why, standing with my girlfriends, did I look at those pictures and think of that sesame street song - which of these things don't belong.





Once I went through the pictures, cried a little, I did something I hadn't done in years. Stepped on a scale. At 5'1" I weighted 205 pounds. Now....months before this trip I probably weighed about 215, but man, that 205 opened my eyes. I joined WW with my best friend, started working out regularly and had success. Over the next seven months I lost 40 pounds, bought a whole new wardrobe and was happy. But then I stopped WW, didn't keep a food diary, and started the yo-yo that has been the past 5 years. Not as bad as the 205 mind you - once I see 180 on a scale I flip out and start back. I've been about 165 for about 10 months now and really want to break into and then out of the 150s. Below is my favourite picture of myself from this past April - I look and feel great. I keep this as the background on my phone as motivation because though I'd like to get smaller - man do I feel good in this pic!


I still have moments of insecurity, but I work out hard, try to eat right, and surround myself with positive people. And one of the best things I ever did was tattoo that 205 on my wrist to remind myself where I used to be, and where I never want to be again




I guess this post is a bit of a cry for help within the MFP community - people going through, or who have been through, what I'm going through. Without the negativity that my friends and I often put on diet and food discussions - the "Man I feel so fat". Because we all have those friends - heck, we all need those friends. But the encouragement - well, if anyone needs a buddy, let me know!

I think that's all...for now.