Ladies would you..? men what would you do..?

in my opinion a woman should never have to resort to asking a man to be her boyfriend or husband. it gives the wrong idea and sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. it shows that you're "wearing the pants" and i only advise proposing if you are ok with opening doors for him and that you'll be the one making the decisions in your relationship.

again this is all my opinion from my own experience and i don't speak on behalf of anyone else but myself. i read somewhere on here that "the gender roles are obsolete" and i couldn't agree more. unfortunately this is a negative thing in my case. I blame the woman's rights movement rightfully, yet this was an unforeseen unfortunate effect. All in all, when it comes down to it, i'd like to be treated like a lady and not have to assume the role of a man or a dominant figure. it's called chivalry and i know its dead but i guess i'm just old fashioned, explains why i'm single i guess. in no way am i saying the woman should be ENTIRELY catered to, i believe there should be balance but when it comes to things like asking a woman to be his wife.... it should be the man. it shows the woman that she is worthy in his eyes, and what girl wouldn't want to know that, with all feminist opinions aside. after all, a woman is gods gift to man, if you believe in that sorta thing which majority of america does, so stay on the pedestal! don't demote yourself because you're impatient. Let him prove he's worthy of you. *i can already hear all the nay sayers talking about equality and blah blah* shut up its my OPINION!

also, think about it this way, if a man hasn't introduced himself, asked you to be his girlfriend, or asked you to marry him he probably just isn't that into you, nor does he hardly think you're worth it otherwise he'd of ran the risk of embarrassment and rejection and just done it because he'd of thought you were worth it! so why would you waste your time and effort on someone who lacks that vision and thinks of you as an honor? move on and find someone who DOES think you're worth it. I personally wouldn't ask again. it's ok to be confident and a "go getter" but when it comes to situations like this be patient or move on.

let me share something i've learned through experience, the relationships where i was the pursuer were nowhere NEAR as significant to me as the ones where the man pursued me. why? because the ones i initiated ended up having self esteem issues or had little to no self confidence *gasp* surprised? you shouldn't be. they relied on me to be the aggressor which is ok from time to time but in my case it was always this way, it was never balanced which led me to feel nothing like a lady and always the one with the balls. I had to make majority of the decisions (not only just for the wedding i mean in the entire relationship), i did plan the whole wedding, i spoke on behalf of him a lot, stood up for him, planned dates, vacations etc. and i was left feeling like he misunderstood me thinking that i liked being in charge all the time which i absolutely did not, yes i do take most of the blame for this. I am an aggressive, bold, strong woman but he really lost sight of the simple fact that regardless of how i "come off", i am ultimately absolutely still a woman and have "softer needs". i never got to explore that side of me because it was left under the rug where i swept it and he kept it. i'm not saying our entire relationship was terrible because we did have some good times, i just wish some of those times he would of been the one to initiate it. it would of made me feel balanced. why does it matter? because when you're the ONLY one doing ANYTHING in a relationship doesn't matter what it is, it gets old. it was a lesson well learned. I will never make the mistake of asking a man to be my boyfriend or husband again.

side note- the night i asked him to marry me, he later waited til we were absolutely alone and shared with me that i made him really uncomfortable and made him feel less of a man. that he wanted to do it. i said something smart *kitten* like "yeah, well i beat you to it" because at the time i really did feel like he could of gone 5 more years without a proposal and i wasn't gonna let that happen. That was stupid of me to let my ego get the best of me and make a crappy decision. never again.

Again!! this is my personal opinion and observation from my own experience. does NOT mean it will happen to you or anyone else, but just something to think about. Balance is key to happiness, will you doing this throw off the balance in your relationship for you? Just something to consider.

btw, he still believes i'm "the one" for him, it's really sad, but i know its because he misses having me around doing everything for him. yes, he was/is a mamas boy. surprised? you shouldn't be.

.s.

Well said Steph. :flowerforyou:

thank you!

Me and my...now husband were just talking about some married friends of ours and it led to discussing future things, which led to the subject of marriage for us, We had been dating for a year, so we kinda both decided to get married. We've been married for 15 years now, and honestly I think I love him more now than I did then. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I am old fashion, I would'nt do it. I think the man should ask for a womans hand in marriage,

Its romantic and probably one of the only things left that a man has now adays that a woman cant take away from or compete with.

Yeah, I said it, I went there.:smokin:

Nah. I honestly can't imagine proposing.


Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:

i must be the only one crazy enough to do this then

What are you going to propose with? I would consider it if you came to me with a Rolex Deep Sea. :happy:

If you love him and you want to be with him, go for it.

As to whether or not I'd ever propose, no. But that's because I see no reason to ever get married.

I proposed to my husband. I'm glad I did. I had 8 wonderful years and 2 kids with him before he passed away.

Yes do it! He's proposed to you in the past, so it's more like your acceptance of his proposal! A career is very important BUT... It doesn't keep you warm at night! In the end your career will matter much less than the partner you settle down with and maybe create a family with. Don't know what the answer is living/working arrangements wise, but if you decide to make it work you'll find a way! Good luck!

Very thoughtful and insiteful response, Steph. Of course the OP said he had proposed to her before. I do think you should not propose, but you should maybe try to move near each other, and go from there.