Dont know where this topic goes

Options
2»

Replies

  • wingsoffire
    wingsoffire Posts: 9
    Options
    Be very careful if you are leaving the state with your child. His father may use that against you if you don't get legal advice first on it. You do need to get out of there. Just maybe not leave the state immediately. I would suggest looking for somewhere safe that is closer. There have to be programs in TN that can help you.
  • Meatsies
    Meatsies Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    I'm going through something similar...started losing weight/bettering myself and realized my relationship was over. I think the first thing you may want to do is find a lawyer who will give a free consultation. He or she can help you to identify what your options are, and you may be able to see the path towards your next step better. Trust me, the HARDEST part is just emotionally making the decision to get out. From there, it's a lot of leg work to see where you go next. Before you commit to the decision, it can be really hard to see whether you have any options...once you make the decision & talk to someone about it, you'll find the strength and will to make it work. Best of luck to you!!
  • LNZimmer
    LNZimmer Posts: 94
    Options
    sorry, but i think you could do better. I know plenty of women with kids who do it on their own, and truly better themselves. you just have to want to do it, and have the drive to do it.

    If you decide to move home, you better make sure you can before you leave the state...it could be kidnapping (messed up, but true)

    It sounds like you just need to bust your butt, get a job or two, a car and move on...
  • MissyBenj
    MissyBenj Posts: 186 Member
    Options
    If everything is in your name, he needs to leave. Get yourself a job, find a reliable babysitter, stay where you are if you don't want to leave. If you do want to leave, you need to discuss it with your childs father and go from there. There are way too many variables to have us solve your problems. Your first step should be getting yourself into a situation that you are able to take care of your child without being dependant on someone else.
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    @TheNewDodge - He basically trapped me to where I can not do anything. The closets DMV is over 10 miles away and there is no way I am walking that in TN heat with a child. Where I live there is also no daycare that takes children under the age of 3 and they have to be potty trained.. The closets job that is in walking distance is 2+ miles away.. Also there are no sidewalks to walk on.. I am not that dependent I was just that stupid to allow him to move me 800 miles away from my family and friends..

    @NoAdditives Thank you for that support :)

    @Pinkenvyx did you mean divorce? I was stupid but not stupid enough to marry him for the legal issues at hand.. Is it still kidnapping if I just move?
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Options
    @TheNewDodge - He basically trapped me to where I can not do anything. The closets DMV is over 10 miles away and there is no way I am walking that in TN heat with a child. Where I live there is also no daycare that takes children under the age of 3 and they have to be potty trained.. The closets job that is in walking distance is 2+ miles away.. Also there are no sidewalks to walk on.. I am not that dependent I was just that stupid to allow him to move me 800 miles away from my family and friends..

    @NoAdditives Thank you for that support :)

    @Pinkenvyx did you mean divorce? I was stupid but not stupid enough to marry him for the legal issues at hand.. Is it still kidnapping if I just move?
    If you decide to live the state with HIS child without HIS concent then yes, it IS kidnapping.
    It IS a federal crime and you probably WILL go to jail.
    Yep, you sure are in a crappy situation without a doubt. Even if HE moves out, he is obviously paing all of the bills to feed you and the kid and to keep a roof over both of your heads.
    Flat out ask him if he will allow you to take your baby and move bato to your parents.
    If he says yes, pack a few bags and call your parents to come pick you up.
    Cut your losses and move on.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    I don't know how you can consider this bettering yourself when you're still living with an *kitten* who treats you like crap. You need to get your driver's license, get a job, and get the *kitten* out of there. If you're truly that miserable, you'll figure out a way.

    I'm sure your family would move you back home if you asked them. If not, then you need to go to a women's shelter where they can hook you up with the right connections to get yourself on your own two feet.

    Is this going to be easy? No. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely. Now put your nose to the grindstone and do what you have to do to truly better yourself.

    This a hundred times over.
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    Thanks Bill :)
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    Please read this

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/onegonzogarbanzo/view/you-can-leave-406144
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    Please read this

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/onegonzogarbanzo/view/you-can-leave-406144

    Will do!!
  • laarae
    laarae Posts: 332 Member
    Options
    Verbal, emotional, physical abuse are all the same-this is the beginning of a long hard road for you and your child if you don't step up and make changes-ask yourself this-Do I want my child to grow up and think it is ok to be treated this way or to treat others this way. because children learn by example-if not for you then for the child- get out of there-surely there are safehouses in TN. Womens shelters or even maybe a church can be of assistance-do you have close friends who would help you out-then get ahold of your family and have them send you a ticket home-eventially you will have to face the courts in regards to custody but so will he. Don't worry you are taking him away from Daddy because it takes more to be a good Daddy than sperm-keep your child first in everything.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Options
    I would also not recommend taking legal advice from a bunch of people on a weight loss website who are calling on their own experience, if nothing else. Laws vary greatly by state. I'd be contacting some of the women's shelters you've received links to and go from there.


    Good luck to you and your child. Hopefully things start looking up for you both :))
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    Thank you all I appreciate the advice :)
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
    Options
    I lived with my ex bf for years after we broke up. The difference is we were, and still are very good friends and he treats me with the respect he would give any friend.

    Your ex does not treat you with respect or as a friend. Therefore, he is not setting a very good example for your child. I would pack up and get my kid out of there.
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Options
    Clean the house everyday, make him lunch for work (never takes it), make dinner almost every night, wash his clothing, did basically everything.. He is just pissed that I am losing weight and guys show attention so now I am the bad person.. Either way I am done with trying to make it work.. Maybe I just need to look into a lawyer back home and move on.. Just sickens me to take my sons father that far from him

    Have you tried talking this out, sounds to me like he is scared( yep from what I understand even MEN get scared) Maybe trying couples cousling, maybe he thinks he is not good enough for you....He is the FATHER of your child and you obviously DON'T want to get away that bad or you have moved out! Both of your are acting like babies and need to grow up- you have a child, if the situation is that bad well, that constitutes abuse and letting your son live in the environment makes you no better than him.

    If it is that bad get to work, beg and borrow money from family and get out.
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    I just wanted to update this really quick and let everyone know I have taken step one in this process.. My father will be picking my son and myself up at the end of this month and I will be moving back home.. It took screaming, fighting, arguing but I finally got my ex to write a statement saying that I can take my son back to buffalo.. Thank you all for giving me the strength!
  • flobeedoodle
    flobeedoodle Posts: 176 Member
    Options
    Congratulations on being so brave, and thank you for the update. Good luck!
  • Kitten2629
    Kitten2629 Posts: 1,359 Member
    Options
    I don't know how you can consider this bettering yourself when you're still living with an *kitten* who treats you like crap. You need to get your driver's license, get a job, and get the *kitten* out of there. If you're truly that miserable, you'll figure out a way.

    I'm sure your family would move you back home if you asked them. If not, then you need to go to a women's shelter where they can hook you up with the right connections to get yourself on your own two feet.

    Is this going to be easy? No. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely. Now put your nose to the grindstone and do what you have to do to truly better yourself.


    I'm going to have to ditto this.., BUT withholding the issue of taking your son away from father which isn't how I view it hence why you do custody.. You need to check with your state laws about removing son out of state if it is before you do so b/c then he can nail you with kidnapping.

    I wouldn't stay in the house.. You can do it on your own. Will it be hard? Yes, there is no sugar coating that, but your doing yourself and your child more harm by staying in a negative enviroment. Child might be young, but they are smarter than we as parents usually give them credit for.
  • Kitten2629
    Kitten2629 Posts: 1,359 Member
    Options
    I just wanted to update this really quick and let everyone know I have taken step one in this process.. My father will be picking my son and myself up at the end of this month and I will be moving back home.. It took screaming, fighting, arguing but I finally got my ex to write a statement saying that I can take my son back to buffalo.. Thank you all for giving me the strength!

    Opps, I guess I should have continued to read.. YAYY on getting written consent so he can't turn around and call the cops on you!.

Categories