Is it so much to ask

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Replies

  • chicadejmu
    chicadejmu Posts: 171 Member
    Sounds like you guys definitely have some relationship issue. My hubby and I have our problems but he doesn't mock me for trying to become healthier. That's just wrong. Hope you guys can figure things out.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Okay, it's not like I don't know we have issues in our relationship---we do. Way more than I care to talk about to complete strangers. We cannot afford counseling, which is why we haven't gone to anyone. I've looked around and no one close enough does anything on a sliding scale or anything of the like.

    And for those telling me to "just leave," it isn't that simple. I have two small kids and no one to watch them so I can go look for work and get a job. I have no friends or family to turn to. Why else would I need MFP for cyber support? That's why I'm here.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member


    Talk to him. Sincerely go to him, not in anger, but in truth and simply tell him how he is making you feel. Likely as not he might be feeling insecure from the changes.

    I have. He's too stupid. He doesn't care, he'll go in another room and shut the door on me. Yelling, talking, doesn't matter. And every argument or fight is my fault and I'm overreacting. I never knew it was so much to ask that I AT LEAST don't get mocked for bettering myself. If he doesn't like it, get the **** over it and let me be.
  • 2011Eileen
    2011Eileen Posts: 63 Member
    To be mocked and etc by your hubby is so sad. Is he maybe scared that others may be looking at you, even if he is...you should not be treated that way. I feel so sorry for you, am I am so lucky to have lots of support especially by my hubby. Hugs to you
  • joharr79
    joharr79 Posts: 5 Member
    If your husband mocks and ridicules you, there are bigger problems going on than just him being unsupportive of you diet! I think a sit down, serious talk, is in order.

    This.

    It's one thing to not be supportive, that's bad enough. But you should not put up with him mocking you.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    tumblr_m52ku9WVYD1qke924o1_500.png

    (its also not about who he thinks you are- show him otherwise)
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    tumblr_m52ku9WVYD1qke924o1_500.png

    (its also not about who he thinks you are- show him otherwise)

    That's exactly what I did last night. Ate right all day, actually way under my calories by accident =( and worked out hard.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    two sides to every story. Have you by chance subjected him to years of yo-yo diets/cleanses etc? it's possible this might be why he isn't supportive. could also just be a jerk :)
  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
    You could always tell him you want to start taking out life insurance policies on him, since it's obvious you'll be around a lot longer.

    Kidding aside, keep doing what you're doing. He sounds like he's afraid of change and is worried he won't be able to keep up with you. The mocking thing has to stop though - that's just cruel. I would talk to him about it and ask what's really going on. Sometimes when people make nasty comments to us, it's more about them than it is about us.
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
    Mocking and ridicule are forms of verbal abuse. Get the book, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, read it, and decide if this is what you want to live with the rest of your life. It is a learned behavior that is very hard to get people to stop doing. Unless he is motivated, all the marital counseling in the world will not help. And you are young, things will only escalate. Often verbal abuse leads to physical abuse or worse. Educate yourself about verbal abuse, and then explore your options.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    that my husband supports me instead of constantly mocks and ridicules me for my changed habits? I can't freaking stand it anymore. I get no support from him at all. Even the doctors have told him to watch what he eats and lose weight. He's not even 30 yet and is just not in good shape at all. I was hoping that by my changes, he might become better too, if not for himself or me, but for his kids. I reached my breaking point today and he mocked me because I refused to eat box mac and cheese I made for the kids for lunch. Because I don't want to eat this, "everything" is bad for me... Really sucks getting no support or help from anyone.

    All behavior is communication. Instead of getting mad, ask him, calmly, what exactly he is communicating with his behavior regarding your food.

    If you react then he reacts to your reaction and you will react to his reaction.....you get my drift.

    Stop talking and start communicating but be prepared because you might not like what he has to say just as he might not like what you have to say.

    Resolve this for the well being of your children and peace under your roof.
  • Hcutter13
    Hcutter13 Posts: 1 Member
    It totally sucks that he is not supporting you,, personally, I think he is AFRAID of the changes you will
    make for yourself,, ex, look better, feel better, and all that comes with a healthy lifestyle,, he may be
    afraid you will not need him anymore,,,, , ........... just a thought
  • ashlbubba
    ashlbubba Posts: 224 Member
    My husband's best friend just started losing weight and trying to get healthy... suddenly his 5'0 300 lbs wife started making dessert every night..

    Very sad.. it sounds like he's not ready to make the change and hoping to get you to fall off the wagon!
  • benich3043
    benich3043 Posts: 252 Member
    My wife did the same thing when I first got started. She would make fun of me for tracking every last bite I took and reading labels and not having desert....the list goes on. Then she started seeing results, got jealous, got motivated and jumped on board. Hopefully, your hubby is just going through these same stages. I know i denied my own weight problem for quite some time until I had just had enough. Eventually, he will see the light.
  • laarae
    laarae Posts: 332 Member
    It totally sucks that he is not supporting you,, personally, I think he is AFRAID of the changes you will
    make for yourself,, ex, look better, feel better, and all that comes with a healthy lifestyle,, he may be
    afraid you will not need him anymore,,,, , ........... just a thought

    I agree with this and I also know that his mocking you-making fun of you and the other things he does are his way of making himself feel better-his insecurity about himself. Maybe he is afraid he won't be able to make these changes. We all know this is not an easy path to follow-everyday-every meal takes strength-somedays I would love to dive into the bag of chips or bucket of Ben and Jerry's or both. If you don't give into your frustration with his comments and behavior eventually he will get the fact that you are doing this for yourself, your children and him too. Never quit no matter what!!!!!! It is so worth it-my husband didn't believe I would change either but now if I have one of those moments of I don't want to workout-he encourages me to go-"you know you'll feel better if you go' is the sweetest thing he has ever said. Good luck prayers for you and him are sent.:smile:
  • msaestein1
    msaestein1 Posts: 264 Member
    tumblr_m52ku9WVYD1qke924o1_500.png

    (its also not about who he thinks you are- show him otherwise)

    That's exactly what I did last night. Ate right all day, actually way under my calories by accident =( and worked out hard.
    I went through this exact same thing with my ex...we never married, but we have a son. He is jealous. You can get through this and you are not alone. I know we don't know you or your situation personally, but we all sympathize with you. Never feel like you are alone. Do you go to church? If so, talk to your pastor. If not, there are some free community support groups you can go to. there are highs and lows in life. You sound like you want to work on this relationship, so just realize you have just hit a low point and you can get through this. Don't give up on yourself or your diet. Just look at this way, the more he mocks you, the more you know you look fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • cbrrabbit25
    cbrrabbit25 Posts: 384 Member
    he will probably like it when he starts noticing the results :-)
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    Ask him if he would tolerate some guy talking to his daughter that way. He needs to treat you the way he expects men to treat his daughter when she is grown, otherwise she will look for a douche that treats her the way he's treating you now.


    Tell him that you are trying to improve your health so that you will be there to care for HIS children as they grow up.
  • PurplePookie
    PurplePookie Posts: 85 Member
    If your husband mocks and ridicules you, there are bigger problems going on than just him being unsupportive of you diet! I think a sit down, serious talk, is in order.

    I agree with this and think the two of you need to figure out the real issues or there will likely be divorce in your future. Considering you have young children it is a must that both of you find a way to work together rather than pull apart. I'm sure he has not been very fun to live with but I doubt that your 'I don't care about him' attitude will help anything. Get a babysitter, plan a date and go out and talk with your husband about how you've been feeling, what you would like from him, how he can support you, how you can support him, etc. Marriage is about communication and compromise and if you and your hubby are both digging your heals in it will only get worse. I'm sorry he's not giving you what you need, but relationships are a two way street so while you're reminding yourself on how much he isn't doing for you, you may want to figure out what you are not giving him.

    Good luck - I really hope you guys can work it out.
  • PurplePookie
    PurplePookie Posts: 85 Member
    I have. He's too stupid. He doesn't care, he'll go in another room and shut the door on me. Yelling, talking, doesn't matter. And every argument or fight is my fault and I'm overreacting. I never knew it was so much to ask that I AT LEAST don't get mocked for bettering myself. If he doesn't like it, get the **** over it and let me be.

    Wow - if you say this stuff to his face I think you BOTH have serious issues on the proper way to treat a partner.
  • know_your_worth
    know_your_worth Posts: 481 Member
    "Get thin and hot then dump him" is repeated so many times here.

    Seriously people?
    Because being thin automatically means you're hot?
    And because she can't dump him NOW and find someone because she still has weight to lose?
    So basically, put up with all this negativity for now until you're thin enough to find someone else.
    Great advice!!

    Oh wait...lets not forget she said she was married, so it's really not really that simple.

    My question is....if he's this much of an *kitten* HOW did you not notice it before? Is he supportive in every other area of your life? Or is this just his nature and something you put up with?

    It all boils down to your choice. You don't need him to pay rent if that's all you're keeping him around for. There are plenty of strong, independent women who value themselves enough to walk away from people who bring them down and create a life for themselves.

    Accountablity is always key.

    If nothing else......have a serious talk with him and tell him to knock it off. (If your relationship is mature enough for that...if not, smh)

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