How/When, if ever to tell someone he/she is obese.

Well, there are more and less tactful ways to bring up this topic. Over the years as I was gaining weight, my mom and husband told me I was fine, I looked fine and didn't need to lose weight. I used the as justification to just keep going. After all, they wouldn't lie to me, would they? Luckily, I listened to the little voice inside of me saying, you are fat (obese), out of shape and can't keep up with your kids.

The lady at the gym seems to be a very informal relation to you. It would kind of be like going up to some stranger on the street and bringing up their weight and diet. I personally don't see a way that this discussion could go well.

The guy you worked with could be different though. If you worked closely together over that time and built even a small relationship, you could find a way to let him know how concerned you are, if you have the right personality and can say it the right way. Saying something like, hey dude, you know you are a tub of lard? is just being an *kitten*. Saying something like, hey, I'm concerned about you, you seem to be having a hard time with..... and you have put on some weight lately. Do you want to talk? Do you want some help? could work just fine.

There is a proper time and place for everything and there are times that you are truly concerned for a loved one and it should be brought up gently and in a comfortable setting. That said, I believe that too many people love to "focus on the speck of sawdust in their neighbor's eye and ignore the friggin 2x4 in their own." Pretty sure those are not the exact biblical words, but the idea is there.

As a "morbidly obese" person, I can honestly say it will hurt them deeply. My mother texted me the other day. I had no idea what had happened in her day ( at the time) to prompt this text, but she said she loved me and was worried about my health. She said she wanted me to outlive her. I replied " right back at ya babe!" with a smiley face... but I was crushed.

Why would you be crushed because your mother was worried about your health? And since you are on MFP it seems you are working on losing weight so why didn't you just tell your mom you are aware of the problem and working on it and that you appreciate her concern and love her too?

You say you are aware that you have weight issues but are you honestly unaware that others know it to? I hope I'm not coming across as offensive, this just seems a very odd reaction to me.

I think one of the key things she said in her message was 'you don't know me'. If you don't know someone well enough to be devistated if they died from their unhealthy life style then it isn't your business

The only time ever that I spoke to my partner about his weight was last weekend when I noticed he stopped breathing in his sleep more often and would wake choking. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have said a word. Hearing you are over weight whether said in a mean way or constructive or factual way still hurts.

Like the news anchor said if you are over weight you know, you don't need people to tell you

Eliza what you describe sounds like sleep apnea to me - i have a couple of male friends who have it... I'm not a Dr so could be wrong but you might want to look into it?

Vix

I wish someone had said something to me, even at 270lbs my husband use to tell me I wasn't fat, I was in denial for the longest time, even now I look back at photos and can't quite believe that was me

In my opinion:

Unless you are a medical professional, and the person is your patient, the correct time is never. If you are a medical professional and the person in question is your patient, it is really only necessary to tell them if you honestly and truly believe they do not already know. You may, as a medical professional, point out that your patient's weight may be an aggravating factor to the condition that led them to come in for treatment, particularly if the connection between weight and the condition are not obvious. Be prepared to explain the mechanisms that justify your statement that weight causes/aggravates the patient's complaint.

If the above circumstances do not describe your situation, I heartily recommend a warm, steaming cup of STFU.

If asked, directly by the person in question, "Am I obese?" I recommend not answering directly, but instead referring him/her to one of the many health and wellness websites with diagnostic criteria for obesity, and let him/her figure it out for him/herself.

If telling people they are fat works, then why are there so many fat people?

The media bombards us with messages about this every day, either directly or indirectly. Fat-shaming is everywhere. How can anyone NOT know they are fat if they are?

I lived fat-shaming every day of my young life, and guess what: no one needed to tell me I was fat. The shaming/bullying was stressful which led me to eat more. How's that for a counterproductive effect?

Also this, a million times over.

If a close family member/friend seemed to be suffering from Anorexia Nervosa, you would say something. If an acquaintance or stranger was the same, you probably wouldn't. Same deal.

The ONLY times it is ok to tell someone that they are obese is if .

1. You are their doctor, and are discussing health problems with them.
2. If you are their significant other... and this is ONLY if you can find a way to say it without being overly insulting... like suggesting that you both start working out more and eating right to be healthier and be around longer for your kids.

Otherwise... believe me, they already know... and not to be rude but it isn't anyone else's business

My sister is obese and I've often been tempted to say something to her whenever she complains about her back, knees, etc. Her blood sugar is high and I know that it's only a matter of time before something life changing happens to her because of her size. I know that her doctors have told her she has to lose, but it's always "I'm starting a diet next week" or "I'm joining the gym next month". I know I can't say anything to her without her getting all defensive, etc.

If she is openly complaining about it, I'd definitely say something to her. If you go to the gym, invite her along. Tell her that you need more friends on MFP and she should join.
I really do believe that most people are overweight because they simply don't know where to start or how to do it.

Tell people to loose weight? You honestly think an obese person doesn't know?


Fools.