To TELL them... or Just let it go?

jr1985
jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a couple friends who don't really have a filter when they speak... I know they don't MEAN to be offensive... but they are sometimes.

The other night one of my guy friends was over, we were talking about a mutual friend, and I said how pretty she was. He says "You're beautiful too... I honestly don't know why so many people put so much emphasis on physical appearance... You have an awesome personality!"

Now, I know him well... I know he MEANT for that to be a compliment... but it made me feel like Quasi Moto in the bell tower.

What do you do with your friends like this... Do you say anything... or just try to take if for the compliment that they meant for it to be and let it go?

* Edit to Add... No I'm not fishing for compliments in any way... and really DO appreciate the compliment... but just not sure if it would be helpful to tell people that while getting the compliment was AWESOME... for future reference it would be even more AWESOME if they phrased it in a different manor to someone else?

I get most of your point for him...

Another example... I have another friends who said "I'm so glad you are starting to work out! I have another friend about your size who does nothing but sits on her butt and eats Pizza all day and wonders why she's fat."... Again... would it be helpful to politely say that there is a better way to phrase that if she is going to say anything in the first place? Or just let it go and try to take it as a compliment?
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Replies

  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    If you knew what was meant, I don't see a problem.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.
  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease too and hate high maintenance people...so I can relate to your friend.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    That IS a compliment. He is your FRIEND, what do you want him to compliment you on ? Your hot *kitten*?

    If that was the worst thing my guy friend said to me I would be happy.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    It is your guy friend, he meant well.
  • cindyj7
    cindyj7 Posts: 339 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.

    ^^This!!
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    What would you tell him exactly? "Thanks for calling my personality beautiful, but you forgot to compliment my appearance?".

    Women.. pfft..
  • TonkaDanteFriend
    TonkaDanteFriend Posts: 70 Member
    Thank him and then make him another sammich.
  • krisiepoo
    krisiepoo Posts: 710 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.

    ^^ bwahahahaaa... this for sure

    Stop being a girl and accept the compliment
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.

    Smart woman! :)
  • Siekobilly
    Siekobilly Posts: 401 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.
    This. It drives me up a wall when a woman asks me something, I answer, and they take it in a completely different direction. As a general rule men say what they mean, and mean what they say.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
    I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease too and hate high maintenance people...so I can relate to your friend.

    <3
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
    I fail to see how what he said was anything other than a compliment.
  • Arexxx
    Arexxx Posts: 486 Member
    He called you beautiful and said you have a great personality. Take the compliment :)
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
    accept it :)

    it may not have been what you wanted to hear but it was a wonderful, sincere compliment.

    :smile:
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    when a friend flubs a compliment like that. i usually sarcastically say "thanks a lot." and then he or she inevitably says, "no, no... i meant ______."

    i rarely put as much thought into this as you have.


    i am beginning to think that you would like to be more than friends.
  • IronTitaness
    IronTitaness Posts: 117
    I would take it as a compliment. I don't see anything wrong with what he said.
  • ericalyn73
    ericalyn73 Posts: 79
    He's a dude. Enough said.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    So, you've got the warm fuzzy feelings for this guy friend and he hasn't expressed a physical attraction. Is that the issue?
  • a_stone_girl_dances
    a_stone_girl_dances Posts: 76 Member
    I don't agree with the majority here, but I also don't know what you would say. He did mean it as a compliment, but though direct, was very insensitive. You *are* very pretty and I think so often, folks don't see the "whole package". Which, he half said. You have every right to be upset, but at the same time, correcting someone rarely works. So, I just hope it dawns on him sooner than later, that he should think a little bit more before he speaks.
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    Keep your mouth shut on this one... it almost sounds like your guy friend might have meant for that to be his "in" on telling you how he really feels if he has a crush on you (or maybe he's just a heck of a nice guy). Either way, he called you beautiful AND said you have an awesome personality. I'd give a kidney to hear a guy friend say something that nice.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    I vote to tell him. don't make us read minds. and break it down specifically why it bothered you - this will help the guy not make the same compliment mistake again
  • xAdrianax
    xAdrianax Posts: 269 Member
    i understood at first what you meant but now i see what he said differently

    you mentioned the friend by her looks, he said he didmt get why people mention people based on looks/physical etc

    maybe he thought you were putting yourself down by talking about how pretty she was and he told you that you were and not just that but you have a great personality! double the compliment!!
  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
    I'm with the majority. If he is your friend then you need to listen with your heart. I'm sure you have said things to your friends that you may not have known they took the wrong way. Btw, I tell my friend all the time that I love her personality. She is stunning but what I like most about her is who she is.
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
    I fail to see how what he said was anything other than a compliment.

    This..
    I would have been tickled pink! At least he didn't say "you have a pretty face, you just need to lose a few pounds!" as one friend told me..:/
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    If you knew what was meant, I don't see a problem.
    Yes. Don't think more into if you already know what he meant. You are your own worst enemy.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I have a couple friends who don't really have a filter when they speak... I know they don't MEAN to be offensive... but they are sometimes.

    The other night one of my guy friends was over, we were talking about a mutual friend, and I said how pretty she was. He says "You're beautiful too... I honestly don't know why so many people put so much emphasis on physical appearance... You have an awesome personality!"

    Now, I know him well... I know he MEANT for that to be a compliment... but it made me feel like Quasi Moto in the bell tower.

    What do you do with your friends like this... Do you say anything... or just try to take if for the compliment that they meant for it to be and let it go?
    Guys are idiots.

    A few years back, I had this old Bronco. While it was fun to drive, getting started apperantly had something to do with the way the stars aligned and if the tide was at high or low or some other crap.
    Anyway, Tiffany drove it to the store and killed the battery while trying to start it to come home so, she called me.
    I came and got in position to jump start the truck and she was crying. I asked her what the problem was and she told me that nobody would help her.
    She followed up with "I guess they don't help ugly girls".
    Now, if you look at my profile pics, you will see that she is far from ugly.
    In my brilliant way, I replied with "They should help ANY girl.".

    It didn't go over so well.
  • ThustonHowell
    ThustonHowell Posts: 43
    So, you've got the warm fuzzy feelings for this guy friend and he hasn't expressed a physical attraction. Is that the issue?

    ^ This. First step is admitting that to yourself, second is admitting that to him. Good luck!
  • jessc4343
    jessc4343 Posts: 214 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't look for things that aren't there. Men rarely say something and mean something else. They aren't girls.


    Thank God.

    this.
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
    Hey said you're beautiful and that you have an awesome personality. Isn't that a double win? Honestly, this is why women can be frustrating to men. Or maybe I'm just clueless and this went over my head.

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