why do young women overlook nice guys

Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun!

Um, your title asks about "nice" guys, but your post is actually about a painfully shy guy. The reason (or at least one reason) that women overlook shy guys is because shy guys don't put out any signals that they're interested.

Very much this. He's going to have to get a little bit more confidence and learn how to talk to girls. Or at least, feign interest to some extent...

It's a turn-off to women when a guy doesn't think enough of her to put himself out there and risk making a fool of himself - not saying he will. But he needs to be willing to do what it takes to engage in some type of interaction.

...is there a recipe for this?

I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

Nice=beta

This.

I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

Nice=beta

This.

I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.

Exactly, but his shyness is causing him to appear insecure which will push women away

Insecure still does not = nice.

There is the definition of shy, and then there is the definition that he isn't interested. Mom, you don't need grandchildren, now do you?

It sounds like he is just shy, but he could be not interested in the girls of his age. Not saying, gay, or anything... if your not interested then your not interested. And if he isn't interested, why try?

Edit:
Oh, and it is good to find out if it is shyness, or introvertness... One isn't moving because of fear, the other isn't moving because he is deep in personal thought.

I go for nice guys. Currently happily seeing one of the nicest guys I've ever met. BUT... most guys that ***** about "nice guys finish last" are BORING. They can't say anything about themselves except, "I'm a really nice guy." ...And??? "I like to... uhhh... watch movies... and.... stuff..." If you have no hobbies, no passions and no dreams, ie. nothing you're willing to talk about, I'm bored 20 minutes into the 'conversation' and already moving on. If you're a well-rounded person who's put in the effort to develop basic social/conversational skills, being a "nice guy" won't hold you back at all. It will be an asset for anyone who's not a shallow twit that would treat you badly, anyway.

Why do guys overlook nice girls? I just bet on appearance as being the issue.
Anyway.... conversation starters are ALWAYS awkward, but there are so many things to bring up to find common interests or life activities.....

i started taking care of myself and was getting a compliment from a friend when we got on the subject of our kids and i was asking her how come my son has had a hard time finding a young woman he is very shy and sometimes he doesnt always know how to start up a conversation when i told her i joined myfitness she said i should put the question up to get a female answer for him he meets women but because he too shy to really talk to them they dismiss him and i dont know how to get him out of that since im doing my own improvements i started wandering what i can do to help him any advice would be helpfull

If he's not approaching them it is unlikely that he'll get a date. I have dated a lot of jerks, I've also broken up with them when they're jerk bahavior became evident. I have a lot of "nice guy" friends and I've noticed they often don't want to date the "nice" girls they know, and they don't approach women. That's the issue, they don't approach women, they don't build relationships and friendships and allow them to grow into something more, they make friends with nice girls and then never ever date them, or ask them out, or tell them they like them.

there is nothing worse than seeing a nice guy getting used though some girls are horrible
x

this happens to one of my mates all the bloody time.

So true

Nobody likes a doormat.

The niceness is not what is being overlooked. You can't meet girls if you are too shy to say hello! You could be the nicest guy in the world but nobody will even know you exist if you don't make it known. Things will work out with time, your son will learn how to make it happen.

Nice doesn't have to mean "doormat." Nice, in my opinion, equates to a man that is respectful. Too many men treat women like a play-thing (not that women aren't guilty of this) and these mind games...no thanks! Mind games are not sexy. Sincerity is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Respect is SEXY. I never had the patience for "bad boys" - I recognized them as a waste of my time.

I married a nice guy. Been married over 4 yrs now and he still opens doors for me, pulls out chairs, etc. He's a gentleman- and just so happens to be the tall, dark, muscular and handsome type. To me, he defines nice (and sexy, but hey!).

I appreciate the effort he goes to just to show he respects me, and I make sure to reciprocate it.

Posted this in another thread, might as well post it here...

I can't stand this.

It upsets me, because I used to be THAT type of guy and at times I still fight with that guy(looking at a girl I'm attracted to, automatically assuming I'm no good.)

I remember being awkward, shy, nervous, worried, sweaty when being approached or approaching a girl.

It took practice, but I managed to change myself(primarily after getting dumped by my ex.) Although I was always assured of myself and had some sense of humor.

Few notes for kiddos out there:



Be confident. When I say this I mean don't have your head down when she looks at you, have something to say if she talks to you. Do you see a girl that you like? THEN APPROACH HER. Woman want the best, so be the best you can be. Showcase your swagger. You have value, why does she deserve you?

Dress proper. Looks don't really matter, but if you're wearing something like it came out of your parents class of 79' photo then chances are you crapped the bed. Doesn't mean to wear prada, gucci and $200 cologne. I like vnecks, skinny jeans, toms for casual. Button down/cardigan for clubbing. Still trimming down to get into blazers.

No girl is special. LEARN TO GET REJECTED. Deal with it. Ask yourself what happened, how I can do better and MOVE ON.

Don't put her on a pedestal. She's not the end all be all. Your life doesn't revolve around her.

Practice. Talk to girls. This isn't something that we are born with. It takes time, trial and error. When I mean talk to a girl, I don't mean talk to some girl that you want - right away. I mean talk to the cashier, bank teller, movie attendant, barista, classmate. Build yourself up so you don't get as nervous and transform yourself to a more seductive, charming man. It DOESN'T happen overnight just like a healthy life style. Elevate your social skills. Go somewhere where your attributes can be noticed and feel more comfortable at first. Smart? Library. Buff? Beach. Dancer? Club. Musician? Concerts/Live bands.

Body Language. Look at her directly, not like a criminal, but with some suave, don't put your hands in your pockets, smile, have good posture(straight, elbows back)

Talking to her: Be cool. Now I don't mean having the latest apple product. I mean be assertive of yourself, be calm, relaxed, nice, fun, open to new things. This is where confidence really comes into play. This is where your mindset should be saying you're the man, and she's lucky to be talking to you NOT the opposite. Get her to talk. Lead on conversations(making sure you're in control), don't let her stop, unless she asks you a question then you answer it and follow up with another question. A good opener is always helpful. Make her laugh. Backhand compliments are great if you know how to use them. Being an *kitten* helps. Woman enjoy an *kitten* opinion and thoughts because they don't always correspond to theirs and it creates sparks. I don't mean be a ****, I mean be playful. Listen to what she has to say. LISTEN. LISTEN. That's how you have a conversation and follow up on things. Store something she has said and keep it with you. Mention it later on. Woman love that. Stop talking about yourself. Stop bragging. Have flow in your conversation. If she's talking about dogs, don't mention your friends dog died. NO. STOP. I like to mention my name in the end, adds mystery.

Make sure she's interested. Eye contact. Eye contact. EYE CONTACT. Chances are if she's looked at you a couple times, she's looking for you to talk to her. Girls don't show interest like men. They're subtle. If she's playing with her hair. If she's smiled, a comment, etc. Okay you've now talked to her for a while and it's going well? Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.

Again don't be desperate, kiss *kitten*, try too hard, and being scared of who you're naturally supposed to be - a man.

Most importantly be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Do some soul searching. Don't live someone else's life. Don't make it all about someone that can hurt you, mistreat, you and eventually break you. Have self-respect. Love yourself because you are so ****ing worth it.

Also:

Stuck in the friend zone? It's your fault. You need to be direct and show her your motive from the get go. Implying and giving 50% of an effort is failure waiting to happen. Be straight forward with her. If she rejects you move on. It is not healthy to do nothing and torment yourself.

Sorry for the spelling, and grammar mistakes.