why do young women overlook nice guys

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  • 714rah714
    714rah714 Posts: 759 Member
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    Being shy myself, I can tell you from experience that shyness is often misinterpreted as disinterest and/or arrogance. Not exactly the best two traits that will woo the women.
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
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    Women don't overlook nice guys, they overlook guys who are too scared to even make a move.

    I know SO many guys who constantly complain about not being able to get dates. I ask them, "Are you asking any girls out?" They say, "Oh no, I'm too scared to get rejected." Ummm, there is your problem. You're the man. Man up and ask a girl out!

    Of course, I'm totally hypocrite since I'm way shy and never approach guys. But I'm also not a man, so I don't have to be the aggressor. ;) haha
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
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    Also, why is this topic in "Recipes"? Just a thought...
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
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    You said he is "too shy to talk to them so they dismiss him..." But what are the women supposed to do? Ask him out? Follow him around and talk to him when he doesn't talk back? It doesn't work like that. It's not a woman's fault if a man doesn't make an effort to talk to her. If a guy wants to get to know someone better, he should show an interest by asking her questions about things that she is interested in. If there is someone in particular he likes, he should ask her about her day, how's school going, how's her job, etc. This is 100% NOT because "women overlook nice guys", this is because women are not mind readers and your son has to make some effort to contribute to conversation if he wants a woman to talk to him.

    Your son just needs some basic conversational skills and that could change everything. If you don't know what to say, you just ask about the other person and let them talk, but you have to contribute too to keep it going. It starts with him taking responsibility for what he wants instead of blaming the women. Some women like jerks and bad boys, but most girls like a nice guy who shows interest in them.

    ^^^ This.

    I don't like bad boys - at all! I don't like awkward & silent guys either. He just needs some confidence to at least say "hello" and "how are you? Hows your day/night been?" "What are you celebrating?" = basic social & communication skills. Confidence does not mean = cocky. Nothing worse than a drunk cocky bad boy thinking he's already got you in a bag. He needs the basic skills to talk briefly and this conversation should let him know if she is interested & if he is still interested...

    He needs to go places and create opportunities to meet people - particularly like-minded people with similar interests, at least that's a good and easy starting talking point.
  • premiumchilenita
    premiumchilenita Posts: 600 Member
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    Make him comfortable with the fact that rejection isn't the end of the world. What's the worst they will say? No. If they do, it's their loss. Help him have some confidence, the niceness is actually a plus :)
    I'm a mum of 3 little boys but I work alot with youth/young adults and this problem comes up all the time.
    Just ask, it's amazing to know how much girls actually like to be asked, especially not at a sleezy place like bars and clubs. Tell him to go for it ;)
  • ifeelbetterworkingout
    ifeelbetterworkingout Posts: 38
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    I have only dated the nice guy and they turned out to belying cheating jerks anyways.

    that's because they weren't really the nice guy.......just a wolf in sheep's clothing
  • ifeelbetterworkingout
    ifeelbetterworkingout Posts: 38
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    I'm sure there's a whole host of evolutionary/biological reasoning for this.

    Nice=beta

    This.

    I don't think you guys are understanding this kid isn't necessarily too "nice"... he's too shy. Nice & shy are not the same. Some women don't give a damn about "bad boys" and all the nonsense that goes along with that high maintenance type of guy. This kid just needs to get some confidence & learn some social and conversational skills.


    Overly shy=beta
    Low self-esteem=beta
    low self-confidence=beta
    (nice=beta)=why this country's divorce rate is 55% and climbing
    get it straight people...........the nice guys and girls are the one's all the poor divorcees are wishing they would have held on to or gone after in the first place
  • hmparkin23
    hmparkin23 Posts: 91 Member
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    I'm 27 and single. I'd love to find a nice guy who I can love and who loves me. Never found that magic combo though! Your friend's son might be a nice guy, but shyness is usually the biggest problem. No-one else is going to fall for you until you accept that you are worth falling for!
  • lkcuts
    lkcuts Posts: 224
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    Well one of the things I have noticed about nice, shy guys is they don't know how to respond to flirting. I work with a wonderfully nice guy and it took a long time to get him to realize that I was genuinely flirting with him. I would gladly date him, but as he has told others he doesn't think I am serious about it. I am a bubbly fun people person, and he doesn't see why I would be attracted to him. So maybe something like that is part of the problem. One day he is going to find a girl who wont give up because he is shy.

    I agree! My daughter -in-law told me that my son was so shy and wouldn't talk, (Hes better now in his older years) She broke up with him because of it for awhile. She said "How is a person supposed to try to get to know someone if they don't talk?" Needless to say 15 years later and three kids, because of her outgoing personality and patience, they got back together. He still doesn't think he is that good looking (Of course she and I beg to differ) but at least now he opens his mouth and can carry on a conversation.
    Some people (like myself) lack the social skills and they have to work on them. there is a book called Dale Carnegy's (spelling)" How to win and influence people." The book teaches you how to handle different situations in talking to people and winning them over to like you. One of the chapters talks about shyness in a group. It said the person thinks everyone is judging them because of the way they look or dress but that's not the case at all. The problem is they are so worried about what people think of them they don't make an effort to meet or get to know them thinking THEY will think they are stupid and not worth knowing etc. It teaches you to actually force yourself to learn to introduce yourself and know a little previous background on the person, (their interests etc) and talk or ask about them..the author goes on to say the thing people like to talk about the most, is THEMSELVES> It forces the person to quit worrying about themselves and project that energy to others.
    The more they do it the more confident they become.
  • sicoe17
    sicoe17 Posts: 120 Member
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    I'm not sure if I'm qualified to respond to this, seeing as how I am a big ol' homo, but as a girl who also dated girls (married to a beautiful one now) it really is all about confidence. If you don't ask you'll never know. Seariously, you have nothing to lose.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Well, it's hard to generalize like that. But in most cases it's simply because they are young. Not all young ladies know exactly what they want just yet.
    I made some of the worst dating choices, EVER>
  • Easywider
    Easywider Posts: 434 Member
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    I guess 'young' is relative to age of the questioned individual..and in my case I've found that it mostly breaks down like this.

    18-20 - Young - 94% fail rate. Lack maturity, depth, socioeconomic mobility, professionalism, and empathy. Avoid.
    21-24 - Peers - 75% fail rate. Lack most of the things as the 'young' group but have strengths in other areas. notable development..but need more time to 'come into their own'.
    25-28 - Ideal - 60% fail rate. These women usually have it together. They may have the experience and the know-how to appreciate a good thing. They don't 'need' to depend on you like the other groups. However, they typically lack the vibrancy and vigor of the others.
  • cbelden05
    cbelden05 Posts: 25
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    I see the opposite. Guys look for the young HOT barbie type, not us average looking girls next door who are fun, and funny.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    I see the opposite. Guys look for the young HOT barbie type, not us average looking girls next door who are fun, and funny.

    It's all about self-awareness, confidence and how a person projects themselves. The fact that you see yourself as "average looking" confirms that. You are far from average looking.

    On the other hand, if a person has an unhealthy attraction to a certain type of person, why bother with them? Be the person that you like and you will find the type of person that you can be yourself around.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    I would help if the OP would actually come back and say how old her son is. If he's 15 then odds are the girls are just too immature to know that the nice guys are the good guys. They want the hot bad boys. If he's 25 then maybe he's looking at the wrong kind of girls and instead of giving the nice girls a shot he's still looking for the Barbies who are still looking for the bad boys. If he's 35 it's time to grow up, cut the apron strings, and stop being so shy.
  • 8Spokes
    8Spokes Posts: 35
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    I see the opposite. Guys look for the young HOT barbie type, not us average looking girls next door who are fun, and funny.

    It's all about self-awareness, confidence and how a person projects themselves. The fact that you see yourself as "average looking" confirms that. You are far from average looking.

    On the other hand, if a person has an unhealthy attraction to a certain type of person, why bother with them? Be the person that you like and you will find the type of person that you can be yourself around.

    ^ Mhmm!
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    he is very shy and sometimes he doesnt always know how to start up a conversation
    That's why.
    Being idle and waiting for stuff to happen won't get anyone any good in life. If he wants to meet people he has to make the effort to actually meet some people.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    'nice' guys are often too busy complaining about the friendzone instead of getting out there, meeting folks, and having a good time.

    That kind of nice definitely equals beta
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    MOM get off my site!!

    lol
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    How does "because he too shy to really talk to them they dismiss him" equate to women overlooking him because he's nice? You have to strike up conversation in order to have any hope of having a relationship of any kind, friendship or otherwise.

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