I feel crazy, Advice?

MakingApril
MakingApril Posts: 178
in Motivation and Support
Alright so this is a bit weird but my boyfriend is turning 19 on Tuesday
and his brother is bringing him to the biggest strip joint in our town...I'm not a jealous type...but I'm so worried, why? D:

I know I'm nothing compared to any of the strippers and I'm bigger but for some reason it just makes me want to work harder, is that bad? :frown:

Replies

  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    It makes you want to work harder? How could that be bad? Sounds great to me!

    Dudes like strip clubs. It's our version of reading 50 Shades of Gray. He's not cheating. Get over it.
  • MakingApril
    MakingApril Posts: 178
    I never said he was cheating o.o, nor have I've ever read 50 shades of gray.
    It makes you want to work harder? How could that be bad? Sounds great to me!

    Dudes like strip clubs. It's our version of reading 50 Shades of Gray. He's not cheating. Get over it.
  • Werner1950
    Werner1950 Posts: 38 Member
    Sure, SOME dudes like strip clubs. But you have to ask why?
    If my partner announced her desire to go to a Chippendale show, I would have a real problem with that. I feel that lusting over someone else other than my partner is crossing some kind of line. I fully understand your discomfort. You are not crazy..

    Call me old-fashioned.
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    Sure, SOME dudes like strip clubs. But you have to ask why?
    If my partner announced her desire to go to a Chippendale show, I would have a real problem with that. I feel that lusting over someone else other than my partner is crossing some kind of line. I fully understand your discomfort. You are not crazy..

    Call me old-fashioned.

    Not old fashion, but unrealistic. To set the expectation that one side of a relationship will never fantasize about another human being is either lying to yourself or setting yourself up for failure. It is human nature. Now, of course not everyone goes to strip clubs, but there is certainly nothing inherently wrong with doing so. It is quite normal and quite healthy and the fact that he told you about it shows he should probably be trusted.

    Edit: Is your concern that he does not find you attractive and is looking to fulfill this by looking at other naked women? Guys don't over think things like this. Looking at one naked woman does not mean we do not enjoy seeing another. Also, it is a social thing guys like to do together.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    Note to all people: if you think your significant other doesn't look at other members of the opposite sex than just you, sorry to break it to you....they do.
  • triinityz
    triinityz Posts: 146 Member
    ha, lap dances and VIP rooms are not just looking, sorry.
  • WhatDoesLisa
    WhatDoesLisa Posts: 214
    I don't know. If I were a stripper, I wouldn't want your boyfriend. I would just want to work my shift, collect the money and get the hell out of there and go home. I would bet that's what they are thinking all night!
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Meh I know a bunch of strippers. Not one of them will give your bf a second glance. They're at work. You should go with him and have some fun. Also, you will get more motorboats than he will which will annoy him.
  • brnsgrsbody
    brnsgrsbody Posts: 254 Member
    I personally go to the strip club too!!! :-)

    Yeah I am way liberal and most everyone I hang out goes with their significant other. I mean there are times he goes with his boys and I don't care about that either. I am just not living in a close-minded world hun!!! Oh you'll learn. I am 34 years old but actually now that I think about it my and my 19 year old husband used to go as well.

    None of my marriages or relationships broke up because of cheating. What's really odd is they didn't understand how I could be so liberal and most of them came to the conclusion that it was because I was cheating on them, WHICH WAS A LIE!!!

    So insecurity shows up in so many ways it's ridiculous.

    What you should do is. Not look down on yourself. Keep working hard at you r goal, and REALIZE that even at your goal your man might still want to go to the strip club. It's just something they do with their boys.

    Oh try going too, on a non-guys night out.
  • MakingApril
    MakingApril Posts: 178
    Meh I know a bunch of strippers. Not one of them will give your bf a second glance. They're at work. You should go with him and have some fun. Also, you will get more motorboats than he will which will annoy him.

    See the issue for me is, my boyfriends brother knows most of the strippers. :/ So it's kinda makes me worry cause I know his brother has a past with most of them.

    And I would join but I'm only 18.
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    My boyfriend is 19, I'm 18. I have no interest in strip clubs.

    If he went, I would feel like he is cheating.

    I am not stupid, i know guys look at other girls even while dating.

    But a strip club!?

    And yeah. totally get the "work harder" feeling... feels like you don't measure up enough so he goes to a bar to see the "perfect" girls. This is all my thoughts spilling, I'm not saying you're not good enough.

    ~hugs~

    I would tell him how it makes you feel... but I don't think he will agree or understand. Who knows!

    If I was married, I would consider a strip club off limits... I don't give a rip if I sound old fashioned.
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    Meh I know a bunch of strippers. Not one of them will give your bf a second glance. They're at work. You should go with him and have some fun. Also, you will get more motorboats than he will which will annoy him.

    See the issue for me is, my boyfriends brother knows most of the strippers. :/ So it's kinda makes me worry cause I know his brother has a past with most of them.

    And I would join but I'm only 18.

    How is it that your 19 yo bf can go but you can't at 18? That makes ZERO sense.

    Let him go, don't make a big deal out of it, he'll think you're the coolest gf ever. End of story. Those strippers probably want nothing to do with his brother or anyone his brother knows if they've already got a past with him! lol
  • ash8184
    ash8184 Posts: 701 Member
    Meh I know a bunch of strippers. Not one of them will give your bf a second glance. They're at work. You should go with him and have some fun. Also, you will get more motorboats than he will which will annoy him.

    Ha! I've done this and I'm a very conservative, buttoned-up girl. I always offer to take my bf (especially for his bday, etc) because I'm more comfortable being there with him than leaving him to his own devices (not that he would do anything - he wouldn't) PLUS I don't want him to feel like he can't do "guy things" because if he feels like he can't, he'll want to do them more. Can you offer to go with him? The last time I went, there were plenty of girls there with their guys and I think it will make you a lot less anxious, even though it feels weird at first. Plus, the working girls had a fun time giving me lap dances and talking to me about what was going on in their lives. It definitely made me take myself a lot less seriously.

    I know how you feel - you aren't crazy!
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    ha, lap dances and VIP rooms are not just looking, sorry.

    TRUE.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Note to all people: if you think your significant other doesn't look at other members of the opposite sex than just you, sorry to break it to you....they do.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I hope they took that news well.
  • MakingApril
    MakingApril Posts: 178
    Meh I know a bunch of strippers. Not one of them will give your bf a second glance. They're at work. You should go with him and have some fun. Also, you will get more motorboats than he will which will annoy him.

    See the issue for me is, my boyfriends brother knows most of the strippers. :/ So it's kinda makes me worry cause I know his brother has a past with most of them.

    And I would join but I'm only 18.

    How is it that your 19 yo bf can go but you can't at 18? That makes ZERO sense.

    Let him go, don't make a big deal out of it, he'll think you're the coolest gf ever. End of story. Those strippers probably want nothing to do with his brother or anyone his brother knows if they've already got a past with him! lol

    Because the other guy said I should go with them and join...
    You need to be 19 to go to a strip club, I'm only 18 and he'll be 19 when he goes
  • ash8184
    ash8184 Posts: 701 Member
    PS: I know how you feel about working harder. My bf's boss wanted to take him to a strip club for his birthday a month or so ago, and he told me a week before his boss was coming in to town. My stomach sank because I look and act nothing like a stripper. When I told him how I felt, he said, "some guys think that strippers are fun to play with - they don't want to take them home". So try not to let it bother you - at the end of the day, a guy that you want to be with will love you - and your body - just the way you are. I think most men like a little "something to hold on to", anyway :) And as an aside, his boss, some friends, he and I all wound up going to a concert instead - way better!
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    Never mind you're in Canada, different rules I guess.
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
    i dont think it's unusual to feel apprehensive when your man is going to look at girls who take off their clothes for a living - even if you arent the jealous type.

    and perhaps the brother is the type who may encourage more than just looking?

    to those who said, oh guys look, of course they do! so do we women! but do i want to know that some girls going to have a her tits and *kitten* on show for my bf all night? hell no!

    if you can go (i know that age is an issue) go and enjoy yourself. there's no harm in discussing a few 'rules' before hand, like the fact that he cant get a lapdance for example.

    :smile:
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
    Never mind you're in Canada, different rules I guess.

    Yeah, Canada has different laws... like drinking age there ranges from 18-19, unlike 21 in USA.

    Strip laws would vary depending which province.
  • Uuuhlexis
    Uuuhlexis Posts: 90 Member
    It's about trust. Personally, I feel more comfortable in my relationship when my boyfriend and I can be honest about our sexuality. Maybe it means we talk about a woman's nice rack, maybe I explain to him what makes McSteamy so steamy, maybe it's him and his friends going to a strip club (though TBH I'd probably want to go because I think it would be fun..). You gotta realize, and maybe I didn't when I was 18, but I do now, that for guys sex doesn't equal love. And finding someone sexually attractive doesn't mean they're gonna go do something with them. If he truly loves and respects you-you have nothing to worry about. Now, if he does do something with a stripper-that just saves you from wasting your time with someone who isn't worth it. Win/win.
  • Uuuhlexis
    Uuuhlexis Posts: 90 Member
    Also, this is just a suggestion, but when he gets back from the club, you should just meet him at home and give him a show of your own ;) That's what I would do.
  • BelleHeart
    BelleHeart Posts: 281 Member
    Are 19 year olds even allowed in strip clubs? lol Just tell him how you feel about the situation and ask him not to go. Don't listen to the dumb people on here who say " get over it". You feelings should be taken into consideration.
  • sarahsummers12
    sarahsummers12 Posts: 128 Member
    Sure, SOME dudes like strip clubs. But you have to ask why?
    If my partner announced her desire to go to a Chippendale show, I would have a real problem with that. I feel that lusting over someone else other than my partner is crossing some kind of line. I fully understand your discomfort. You are not crazy..

    Call me old-fashioned.

    I must be old fashioned too...lol.. I agree - I understand people look at others - but seeing someone in the street and thinking they are attractive is completely different to going to a strip club to purposefully ogle women/ men getting naked and doing acts (especially the female strippers - some of the stuff they do is DISGUSTING!) and your partner isn't going to be able to get a lap dance/private show while perving on the beach! My hubby and I both agree that going to strip clubs when you are with someone is wrong...
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    This is quite a catch 22. You trust your boyfriend, but you really feel apprehensive about him going. Strange, but I think that most women (and even men) understand this. I went with my exH, but that was over 20 years ago. Today, I have different views about how I feel about it. I would not go and would expect my husband to respect the fact I don't want him to go. The same goes for me. He would not want a male stripper hanging his junk all up in my face.

    This has nothing to do with trust. We are married and have a family. He can look at other women all the live long day and appreciate their beauty for what it is. Once the line to lust gets crossed, I have a problem with that.

    When we go out into the world, we represent each other and our family. I want to feel proud about the man who respresents me and vice versa.
  • Werner1950
    Werner1950 Posts: 38 Member
    What was that saying? You don't go chasing clunkers in the street when you have a cadillac in the garage.

    Of course "everybody does it" and that is the same argument that your kids use on you. That is no argument at all. And just because it is a natural inclination in us to do so, does not mean that restraining ourselves is the better part of wisdom, and the more nobler route to go.
  • TessaZx
    TessaZx Posts: 23 Member
    My boyfriend is 19, I'm 18. I have no interest in strip clubs.

    If he went, I would feel like he is cheating.

    I am not stupid, i know guys look at other girls even while dating.

    But a strip club!?

    And yeah. totally get the "work harder" feeling... feels like you don't measure up enough so he goes to a bar to see the "perfect" girls. This is all my thoughts spilling, I'm not saying you're not good enough.

    ~hugs~

    I would tell him how it makes you feel... but I don't think he will agree or understand. Who knows!

    If I was married, I would consider a strip club off limits... I don't give a rip if I sound old fashioned.

    Totally agree!
  • TinGirl314
    TinGirl314 Posts: 430 Member
    I think you should be completely honest about how you feel.
    You might not win 'the coolest girlfriend' award, but if it really bothers you then nothing else matters.

    I would not want my boyfriend going to strip club (Unless it's his bachelor party...I'm not totally heartless.)
    I would also not go to strip club...not because of jealousy...I just think they're kinda gross.

    Let me get back to the point...
    Open and honest communication.
    If it bothers you, you should be able to talk to him about it, explain yourself, and you can hear his reply.
    Then you guys can make a choice...

Categories