how to stay on track when so sad

well it was one week ago today that dad passed away. I have not been doing good on eating or exercising. It seems like junk, junk and more junk is my temporary soother. But I know that my dad would always tell me how proud he was of me becuz I was eating good and exercising. Now I feel like I am disappointing myself and my dad. He was so sick, so so very sick. But what little his body would let him do, he would push hard and do it. Usually that was walking up the steps with two canes. He would then eat and go back to bed. That is the most he could do. He even had to stop midway up the steps to catch his breath. He used to tell me that he wished he had "listened to his body" earlier. He wished he had taken better care of himself. But I know that he pushed himself every day that he was alive and never complained. So Thursday we had the funeral, It still doesn't seem real. Friday was my birthday and I didn;t get that call from my dad wishing me happy birthday and telling me that he loved me. Oh how I missed having that calll. So I need to get myself together and "listen to my body" But I have no energy to do anything but cry. I need to start thinking like my dad did, but I don't know that I have it in me. It is so very hard knowing that I will never hear his voice or see him again.
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Replies

  • NuggetLovesEdie
    NuggetLovesEdie Posts: 477 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Its so fresh right now.
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
    Whenever i'm sad, depressed, or incredibly upset... I actually try to resort to exercise instead of food. Mainly because I know with exercise, my feelings will come out. Instead of hiding them by shoving food in, I'm bawling my eyes out as I walk/run. And I do feel better afterwards.
  • tamba01
    tamba01 Posts: 110 Member
    thank you... it is very fresh
  • Do what you know will make him proud. Work hard and stay fit as if he's right beside you, telling you that you're doing the right thing.

    So sorry for your loss. Stay strong and keep going.
  • brittamh
    brittamh Posts: 137 Member
    Sorry for your loss:(
  • tamba01
    tamba01 Posts: 110 Member
    I did walk alittle today and cried alot, but my energy is just not there TYhank you for your post, when I get sad I will re-read your post
  • I am so sorry for your loss.

    My gut response is give yourself time to process and grieve. Surround yourself with people that will cry with you and comfort you.

    Celebrate his life.

    You will get back on track so don't beat yourself up about it!!!!
  • linmartermarros
    linmartermarros Posts: 8 Member
    Yes, you will hear his voice again - over and over in the little things that he always told you. And, know that your Dad is always with you - he did wish you a happy birthday in your heart. He is so proud of you taking care of yourself. Be patient with the grief, it is difficult and your heart, mind and body need to grieve.
  • jfan175
    jfan175 Posts: 812 Member
    So sorry to hear about your loss. You've got more important things to deal with right now. The grieving process takes time, and that's where your energy should be focused once the business aspects of losing a parent are taken care of. It's a shame that there's so much to do when you really need the time for yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your MFP friends will be here when you're ready to jump back in.
  • jonibc
    jonibc Posts: 104 Member
    I am so sorry. My dad died several years ago in January. I feel like I sat on the couch in a pair of fleece pants and ate constantly all winter. But, you're already on the site and doing the work and you know your dad wants that for you. Try to stock up on lowfat cheese, Greek yogurt, precut veggies, almond coconut milk, popcorn, all the lowfat, easy snacks you can think of so you can grab them and munch without harming yourself. Keep your food diary. Take walks and think about happy times with your dad. Grief comes in waves. When it washes over you, let the tears come. But, when the wave is passed, come up for air and do what's good for you. Do it for him. Big hugs!
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. :(

    Even if you don't feel you have energy to exercise, definitely try to get out and go for walks often.. Keeping yourself busy like that will keep you from turning to junk, and it's a great way to let yourself accept and grieve -- And it's perfectly okay to cry while you're out walking. This is an important time to focus on your mental and physical health.. You are very vulnerable, as it is very recent.

    He will always be with you and looking after you. *Hugs*
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    I buried my dad 2 months and 2 days ago. I know what you are feeling. It STILL isn't real and I've yet to go to his grave. I probably won't for a VERY long time. My birthday is in 25 days and I won't see him either...it's still so surreal. I ate crap for a while, too. Then I felt even worse for weeks after. He died suddenly of heart issues. That will NOT be me. So I pulled myself together and for the past 2 weeks, have focused on eating within my calories and still getting in activity. I can't say when it might get easier...but it will for both of us. :)
  • oneakaqt
    oneakaqt Posts: 14 Member
    I'm so very sorry that you've lost your dad. I know your heart is broken and you feel sad. That's okay, give yourself time to grieve and time to heal. Your father was proud of you and loved you very much. He knows that it will take time for you to find your feet again, but we all know you will. When you feel strong enough to get back to it, set a fitness goal and a timeline and dedicate your results to your father.
  • totalhealth12
    totalhealth12 Posts: 212 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 4 years ago after having pancreatic cancer for 1-1/2 years. Depression from loss can just make good eating go out the window, I know. Just take 1 day at a time. Log your food every day, even if you overeat, because it will still keep your mind focused your weight goals. Exercise releases those endorphins, so even if you can't do your complete workout, just getting a little exercise, a walk here or there, should help you feel a little better physically. Know that your MFP peeps are here for you. Please feel free to add me as a friend.
  • svelt123
    svelt123 Posts: 173 Member
    Hi, I am so very sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve. Surround yourself with family and true friends. Cry and then cry some more. Get closer to your faith. Call upon your faith to help you.
    My Mom passed away 3yrs ago. It feels like it was yesterday. Before she passed away I was working out and working a great deal.

    After two weeks, I thought I was ready to get back into my workout routines. (I was wrong) During my grief, I worked out less and less. I was eating junk food and before I knew it. I had packed on 30lbs! My Mom wouldn't be very happy about my gaining weight and not taking better care of myself. During the past 3yrs, I made several attempts to get back into my working out and eating well. It takes time. Only you will know when the grief is passing or not as painful.

    God bless you. Think about what your Dad would want you to do. I believe that He is with you. You will see him again and you will hear is voice again. You will know his spirit. He is in your heart.
    Take care.
  • Lost my wonderful Dad almost 18 months ago. He battled prostate cancer for 3 years, and it was awful. I miss him every single day. As I write this in many ways it still does not seem possible he is gone. I am sorry for your loss and understand your pain.

    Give yourself time and let your heart, mind and body heal from this terrible loss. Right now your grief is to heavy to force yourself into any big choices. Don't beat yourself up over food- it will just create another obstacle. Feed your soul and your body with kindness, healthy food and exercise. Yoga, walking, swimming - stress reducing activities are a good place to start. Take care and get some rest too. Follow your heart.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Sorry you are coping with this. :(

    Take long walks. They will help you clear your head and burn calories at the same time.
  • I know exactly how you feel. My grandmother passed away on September 9th and it was really difficult to stay motivated. I would go to the park and walk and listen to music and cry. It DOES get easier, but it takes time. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you the best :)
  • farmwife3815
    farmwife3815 Posts: 326 Member
    I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom 10 years ago. It is a very hard thing. Take the time to grieve. Remember the happy times. Celebrate him. It took me a couple of weeks to feel like rejoining the human race. If your sadness continues or is making life to miserable, please find someone to talk to. Don't try to go through this alone and don't try to be strong. It is ok to cry and it is ok to be sad. Just remember that you still have to take care of you. Again, I am so sorry. In time you will remember all your happy times and you will smile. God bless you.
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
    Im very sorry for your loss.. it might not help ow, but i love the verse.. "blessed ae those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

    Take time to grieve... let your body do its thing. Cry, get angry, be sad. its okay to be depressed, for petes sake, you lost your father, your best friend! you are going to be miserable for awhile.. if you werent, i would wonder why!

    Time is the only thing that will heal your pain. It will never cure it, but it will help ease it. Only then will you be able to go on with your daily routine. It will seem just that at first.. routine. going through the motions.. just to pass the time, until you cry again.. then it will seem like you are only doing it to pass the time so you dont cry. Eventually, and i promise, this WILL happen, one day, out of the blue, when you think of your daddy.. a smile will come across your face.. and a single tear. Thats when you know the happy memories will have overweighed the pain of his passing.

    In the mean time, eat what you like, but cut your portions in half. Dont worry so much about what you choose, but the size of what you choose. That will help you when you need those comfort foods, but dont want to kill the work you have put in so far.

    Again, im so sorry for your loss... i cannot imagine.

    Hugs and love.
  • amm703
    amm703 Posts: 111 Member
    You sound just like me, I am very sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Father about 18 months ago after a 5 year battle with colon cancer, and on that day stopped exercising. It has taken over a year to get back on track and I am still not 100% there.

    It will take time, right now you need to grieve but remembering all the good times does help. If you need to, talk to a counselor....they can help. I wish you the best but I also recommend don't give up on exercising and eating healthy
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    Take some time to grieve first. You don't have to do everything at once. Grieve first. The healthy eating and exercise can come later.
  • future_rockstar
    future_rockstar Posts: 711 Member
    I'm so sorry tamba to hear of the loss of your Dad. Losing a parent has got to be one of the most traumatic life events we ever go through. Please do everything you can to take care of yourself as best you can. Don't fight the grief/sadness; you need to take the time to mourn his loss and grieve in whatever way helps you personally. Sometime down the road, you will be ready to deal with "staying on track". It doesn't mean you won't have bumps in the road or setbacks, but you will be able to do it right most of the time and achieve the goals you're hoping for. Your Dad will probably be sitting on your shoulder giving you a gentle nudge when he thinks you need it most. Hugs to you.
  • saraphim41
    saraphim41 Posts: 205 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and join us on the boards whenever you can. We look forward to seeing you, and will be pleased when you feel like joining in again. God bless.
  • tamba01
    tamba01 Posts: 110 Member
    wow, what a wonderful group of people MFP are. I love that I got on here and was feeling down and saw all your responses. It put a smile on my sad face. Thank you for all your support. For those that have lost someone close to them too, I am sorry for your loss. I will continue to re-read all your wonderful replies and know that I have supporters and what wonderful supporters you are. Thank you again.
  • heatherloveslifting
    heatherloveslifting Posts: 1,428 Member
    Honestly, the sadness does get less over time, but it can still come back and hit you out of the blue sometimes. The things that help me most are being kind to myself, getting some alone time to just let my feelings be if I can, and exercise really does help if you can make yourself get started. Huge hugs.
  • Danilynn1975
    Danilynn1975 Posts: 294 Member
    I lost my Dad 23 years ago, he's been gone now longer than I had him. Regardless of the time. sometimes it feels fresh as yesterday, but I can tell you that wound left in your heart will heal over.

    It will get easier to process the loss and missing Dad. You'll never like it and you will always miss him. But there are days and they will come more frequently as time and grief pass that you can think of him or hear phrases people say, or see things that make you think of your dad and it will be a comfort and a happy thing. But I wish I could tell you your birthday will come and it not be hard, but it still isn't there for me. My dad's birthday was 15 days before mine, so my birthday is always a reminder that we split the difference and celebrated both halfway in the middle of his and mine together.

    I can say that if you have kids you will gift them if you can with his silly things and stories, and his spirit will continue. Because I believe no one is gone as long as someone remembers, one to tell and one to listen. So you have shared your dad with us, and we will remember.

    So here's my silly thing me and my daddy used to do, I passed it to my kids. Nutrition be damned. My Dad loved few things as much as Dairy Queen soft serve in a dish savored with Sonic onion rings, followed up with half a Three Musketeers candy bar split with me and a Diet Dr. Pepper. We split just one order of all of that once a week on thursdays, his day off and he spent it with me. Always with me. And the joke to finish the day: " do you want to hear a dirty joke?" Yes daddy, "Ok, he'd say.....a white horse fell in a mud puddle!"

    So, don't beat yourself up. Stay on track as best as you can. Cry when need be. And know as long as you remember him and share his spirit he is never gone.

    Much love to you. My dad and yours I'm sure are smiling and having a grand ole time up there.
  • sharonhauptman
    sharonhauptman Posts: 60 Member
    aw,
    Let it all out , get it all out. As often as you feel sad, let it all out. I still cry 6 years later. Let it all out. I wish he was still here for you.

    You were gift to him on the day of your birth - you can believe it was the best day of the year for him whenever it was your birthday and he got to think of how he treasured you and the day you were born.

    You can find a place with a beautiful bench and maybe STROLL. Slow it down. Right now life is not a race. It is time to mourn, jumping up and down seems contrary to human inclinations right now.

    Love
  • cynthiaterry1234
    cynthiaterry1234 Posts: 5 Member
    A dear friend died a few weeks ago, I keep telling myself that he would want me to honor his memory by finding the humor in dark moments and noticing the little things that are good in life. Grief is a roller coaster. I went through this when my dad passed away. This time I am letting myself feel joy when I do in the knowledge that the tears come anyway at random times. On a more practical note, try to go outside and get some fresh air.