Getting good feedback, and still having the drive to continu

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LivyJo
LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Every time I lose weight, I am going along, doing so well, and then the thing that derails me is when I start to get good feedback from people! Its so frustrating! When someone tells me I look good, or that I've lost weight...etc, something clicks in my mind that tells me "well you look good so you dont need to watch your calories so closely" or something like that.

I do not want that to happen again. Yes, I may look better then I did a few months ago, but I am NOT at my best! I am still not even close to what I want to weigh, or how I want to feel about myself, and I'm just wondering, does this happen to anyone else? I know good feedback is supposed to help you feel good about yourself and keep motivated, but it does just the opposite for me. I don't know if this makes sense or if I am just crazy.

But if anyone else experiences this, I would love to know how you keep focused and not distracted by the positive comments!

***and btw, I'm not talking about positive comments from people on this site. I'm talking about people who see me in person. Just didn't want anyone to think I didn't love positive comments from you all, they really help keep me motivated because i know you all are on this journey with me.

Cheers! :drinker: Its Friday!

Replies

  • tayner
    tayner Posts: 372
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    for me I usually just say.. thank you, but I still have 35 pounds to go, or whatever it happens to be... People are trying to be nice. They are not gonna say... .wow, you look great, you should stop losing now.... LOL just thank them and then tell yourself immediately.. yea, i do look good, but not good enough.... and keep on keepin on.. thats what I do. :)
  • LongMom
    LongMom Posts: 408 Member
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    Wow that's a tough one...people's comments have the opposite effect on me! At the begining, the comments make me feel proud and determined to lose even more to keep them coming! The last time I successfully lost weight (almost 10 years ago!) it actually bummed me out when I hit goal and people stopped commenting LOL.

    Sounds to me like you just need to work harder at taking the comments and turning them into motivation! A brain train :) Keep up the great work!
  • Tibur86
    Tibur86 Posts: 24
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    Ugh, that happens to me too!!! I got a wii about a month ago and for about the first 3 weeks I was really good about using my wii active game i got so I went out and got a pilates video to do too. I was feeling good after the exercises and eating well. I don't have a scale but I could tell by the way my clothes were fitting that I was getting more fit. I have only done that video once (and i loved it!) but ever since then i haven't done either the video or the wii. I've still been eatting more healthy but i don't feel as good about my body as i did a few weeks ago and i can't get the motivation to start working out again :(
    i'm going to be home all weekend so i'm hoping i will start again tonight!
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    Yeah, I agree.... I need to figure out how to train my brain into filtering the comments into motivation.

    I wonder if its kind of like the Advertising psychology. If you hear/see something 7 times or more, you are most likely to believe/buy it. So when I hear "you look good" or "why are you losing more weight" I start to believe people. So i need to take the same willpower that I use to not buy things (i love to shop!!) and use it to kind of not believe people when they give me good comments. Of course I know they are just being nice (well...most of them) and I would never actually not believe them or make them feel like that, because i do know that i look better. Just not MY BEST! That is yet to come!
  • paddlemom
    paddlemom Posts: 682 Member
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    Oh I hear you ! For me it's one of two reactions. I either think "Ya, this is working! I can take a little breather and have that piece of cake, or skip this workout" and then it's a slippery slope to eating treats or skipping workouts too often....

    or

    I feel uncomfortable with the compliments, cause I feel as though someone who is commenting on how I look good now is probably thinking that I didn't look good before.....and that feels de-motivating. Odd...I know!!!

    So now I'm working on taking all comments with an open heart, but not pinning my self worth or motivation on those external influences.
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    Ugh, that happens to me too!!! I got a wii about a month ago and for about the first 3 weeks I was really good about using my wii active game i got so I went out and got a pilates video to do too. I was feeling good after the exercises and eating well. I don't have a scale but I could tell by the way my clothes were fitting that I was getting more fit. I have only done that video once (and i loved it!) but ever since then i haven't done either the video or the wii. I've still been eatting more healthy but i don't feel as good about my body as i did a few weeks ago and i can't get the motivation to start working out again :(
    i'm going to be home all weekend so i'm hoping i will start again tonight!

    We can muscle through this together :flowerforyou: Weekends are a great opportunity get get back on track!
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    So now I'm working on taking all comments with an open heart, but not pinning my self worth or motivation on those external influences.


    Well said, this is what I need to hear. Its good to know that I am not alone, and I like your mindset. Thank you!!!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I had to decide I was doing this for my health, that way when the outside started to look good I wouldn't go back to ugly unhealthy ways.

    The choices you are making now WILL effect you in your 40s........I promise. So if you eat well and exercise more and make it a part of your every day life, you will look great at 40 and 50 and 60....etc............and better yet, your heart, lungs, kidneys and all other inside parts will look good too!
  • JE55Y
    JE55Y Posts: 333 Member
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    I feel really good when I get comments about my weightloss. I've only had one comment so far since starting MFP in january but it's made me want to lose even more weight.

    I don't like it when people ask why you are dieting, and say that you look good and you shouldn't diet. I think sometimes people don't understand that you are doing this for you, so you can feel good about yourself.
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    Happens to me all the time! I don't get it! Since when are NEGATIVE COMMENTS the great motivator?!

    Everytime I feel like binging or blowing off the gym, I remember what it felt like to be trapped at my heaviest and how no one complimented me. I also keep myself in check knowing I'm not exactly where I want to be. Just think about how good it will feel to be there AND have people respond to it!

    Lastly, remember that you're doing this for YOU...no one else! Focus on how good exercising makes YOU feel! :bigsmile:
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
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    Sometimes I tend to scoff (only in my HEAD) about positive feedback. I'm really critical of myself & that's my automatic response.
    I just politely tell the person complimenting me "Thank you" and go about my day.

    Earlier today an older male coworker walked into my office talking to me. I stood up and he kept talking and then looked at me & stopped mid-flippin' sentence and exclaimed (rather loudly) "LOOK AT YOU! You're wasting away!" :laugh: To myself, I thought "HA!! Yeah right!" To him, I said "Why thank you, but I've got a long way to go."
    Then he proceeded to say that Paris Hilton looks like she was just released from a concentration camp and I didn't know how to respond to that so I just kept my mouth shut. :huh:
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    I feel uncomfortable with the compliments, cause I feel as though someone who is commenting on how I look good now is probably thinking that I didn't look good before.....and that feels de-motivating. Odd...I know!!!

    just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this one. i can totally relate!
    dawn
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    Sometimes I tend to scoff (only in my HEAD) about positive feedback. I'm really critical of myself & that's my automatic response.
    I just politely tell the person complimenting me "Thank you" and go about my day.

    Earlier an older male coworker walked into my office talking to me. I stood up and he kept talking and then looked at me & stopped mid-flippin' sentence and exclaimed (rather loudly) "LOOK AT YOU! You're wasting away!" :laugh: To myself, I thought "HA!! Yeah right!" To him, I said "Why, thank you, but I've got a long way to go."
    Then he proceeded to say that Paris Hilton looks like she was just released from a concentration camp and I didn't know what to say in response to that so I just kept my mouth shut. :huh:


    LOL....what on earth did he mean by that. Too funny. Work people can be so funny sometimes! My bosses boss saw me yesterday, and she said if she could whistle at me, she would. Then proceeded to cat-call me by blowing air.

    It does feel nice to get some feedback, but I just dont want it to go to my head. Like you all have said, I AM doing this for me, not for anyone else, and to Jeanne's point, its not about the looks, its about how I feel and how healthy I am inside.
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    Oh I hear you ! For me it's one of two reactions. I either think "Ya, this is working! I can take a little breather and have that piece of cake, or skip this workout" and then it's a slippery slope to eating treats or skipping workouts too often....

    or

    I feel uncomfortable with the compliments, cause I feel as though someone who is commenting on how I look good now is probably thinking that I didn't look good before.....and that feels de-motivating. Odd...I know!!!

    So now I'm working on taking all comments with an open heart, but not pinning my self worth or motivation on those external influences.

    Not odd at all. I have the same thoughts. "Man I must have really looked bad before!" It does feel demotivating, and I think that adds to my struggle as well. Thx for bringing it up!
  • Tibur86
    Tibur86 Posts: 24
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    Yes we can!!!! :)
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
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    LOL....what on earth did he mean by that. Too funny. Work people can be so funny sometimes! My bosses boss saw me yesterday, and she said if she could whistle at me, she would. Then proceeded to cat-call me by blowing air.

    Haha, that's funny!
    I think my coworker was trying to say "don't try to be too skinny" with his Paris Hilton comment -- meaning, in his opinion, being that thin looks unhealthy. I think it would be physicially impossible for me anyway. :laugh:
  • LivyJo
    LivyJo Posts: 355 Member
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    LOL....what on earth did he mean by that. Too funny. Work people can be so funny sometimes! My bosses boss saw me yesterday, and she said if she could whistle at me, she would. Then proceeded to cat-call me by blowing air.

    Haha, that's funny!
    I think my coworker was trying to say "don't try to be too skinny" with his Paris Hilton comment -- meaning, in his opinion, being that thin looks unhealthy. I think it would be physicially impossible for me anyway. :laugh:


    Ohhhhh I'm slow! LOL.
  • SammiAnne11
    SammiAnne11 Posts: 158 Member
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    So now I'm working on taking all comments with an open heart, but not pinning my self worth or motivation on those external influences.


    Well said, this is what I need to hear. Its good to know that I am not alone, and I like your mindset. Thank you!!!

    I love this too!! Keep on keeping on!

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