Losing friends while losing weight.

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kickers19
kickers19 Posts: 63 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've changed my habits and thoughts on healthy eating, and I've been noticing my friends have been coming around less and less. I'm not the type to parade around with my weight loss, but girlfriends always tell me how much they too need to lose weight, but are too lazy and unmotivated. So I tried to offer help and motivation but after trying for the last six months I've given up and just don't care about how fat you are or how much weight you need to lose. I try not to sound *****y when telling friends to get off the couch and do something, but sometimes its hard.

Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is does anyone else have this issue? And how do you deal with it?
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Replies

  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    I didn't have any friends in the first place, so no. I'm not experiencing it.

    As for your friends: They're just jealous. One thing that I have learned in the past is that the people who are your true friends are the ones who stick around when things change. Like, if you're in hospital, they visit, or if you move, they keep in touch. Losing weight and making a lifestyle change is another example. The friends of your who are worth keeping around are the ones who will still visit you when you're fit and healthy, even if they choose not to do the same.
  • supermodelchic
    supermodelchic Posts: 550 Member
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    Sorry to heat that, but you should surround yourself with positive people, find some new friends at your local gym take a few classes and get to know the girls your age those who do workout and eat well. I have found several women that are great friends who have fitness in common and I am 48 so it's never to late to make new connections goodluck!!:flowerforyou:
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Your friends won't do anything about their weight until they are ready. I would not offer any advice at all unless they ask for it. And even if/when they do start asking advice, don't get frustrated when they don't do anything about it. It can take a long time before they are ready to DO, if ever. Most likely they feel bad about themselves because they see you are succeeding and they are not really trying.
  • kickers19
    kickers19 Posts: 63 Member
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    I don't currently go to a gym, but thinking about it. Thanks for the support guys. Sometimes its hard to lose friendships but I had to end one last night due to her being unhealthy for my self esteem.
  • allthenamesaretaken1
    allthenamesaretaken1 Posts: 98
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    If you think about it, its a lifestyle change, which means other things will change too. Sorry about your friends :(
  • semperfit1823
    semperfit1823 Posts: 153
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    I've changed my habits and thoughts on healthy eating, and I've been noticing my friends have been coming around less and less. I'm not the type to parade around with my weight loss, but girlfriends always tell me how much they too need to lose weight, but are too lazy and unmotivated. So I tried to offer help and motivation but after trying for the last six months I've given up and just don't care about how fat you are or how much weight you need to lose. I try not to sound *****y when telling friends to get off the couch and do something, but sometimes its hard.

    Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is does anyone else have this issue? And how do you deal with it?

    When I got back from Afghanistan I went on about a 7 month alcohol, terrible foods and no working out binge. Prior to my current transformations I had "friends" that I would always go out and drink and party with I still do it occasionally but out of the entire crew we had I only hang out with 1 of them now. It's not personal I don't take it that way and I don't think they do as well I just didn't want to surround myself to that temptation. You should surround yourself with people who have the same goals as you, I believe you will find a better core group to help yourself to get to your goals in the end who cares if you lose people that are unsupportive they were never worth your time or attention to begin with.
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
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    Your friends say the need to lose weight, but they obviously don't want to work out. So....if they don't want to get exercise, why do you keep insisting that they exercise? If they don't want to get off the couch, let them stay on the couch. I don't think it sounds like you are being a very good friend, and agree that you should either try to find like-minded new friends or at least stop bugging your current friends about how they aren't living their lives the way you want them to.

    I think the tactic you are trying here is less likely to motivate your friends to be active than it is to make both you and them unhappy without causing anyone to improve their fitness habits.
  • kickers19
    kickers19 Posts: 63 Member
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    Your friends say the need to lose weight, but they obviously don't want to work out. So....if they don't want to get exercise, why do you keep insisting that they exercise? If they don't want to get off the couch, let them stay on the couch. I don't think it sounds like you are being a very good friend, and agree that you should either try to find like-minded new friends or at least stop bugging your current friends about how they aren't living their lives the way you want them to.

    I think the tactic you are trying here is less likely to motivate your friends to be active than it is to make both you and them unhappy without causing anyone to improve their fitness habits.

    You didn't understand my post. I try to help when they reach out but get no where. I'm not pushing anyone to do anything they don't want to.
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
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    Your help is clearly not appreciated since you say they are avoiding you. If you aren't pushing them to do something they don't want to do, then why are your friendships fading?

    I would suggest the next time they say they need to lose weight, respond "I'm sorry, but I'm getting a bit tired of always hearing you say that you need to lose weight...if you ever want to join me for a run or want to make a healthy dinner with me, you are more than welcome! Just let me know. Otherwise, can we talk about something else?" Then when they forget and bring it up again in the future, just say, "Oh, can we please change the subject? Did you hear about X?"
  • kickers19
    kickers19 Posts: 63 Member
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    Getting a little deeper into the issue, I've stopped partying ect. So a lot of those "party" friends are out of the picture. Thats fine, I expect that. But because I watch my calories, I'm "obsessed" with my weight. "vein" as another friend (whom I cut from my life) said because I want abs and to look fit. Like I said, I don't bring up my journey with these friends unless they ask about it. I'm learning though, to keep my weight loss conversations to this forum. And yes, I will try to change the subject when asked about it.
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
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    Getting a little deeper into the issue, I've stopped partying ect. So a lot of those "party" friends are out of the picture. Thats fine, I expect that. But because I watch my calories, I'm "obsessed" with my weight. "vein" as another friend (whom I cut from my life) said because I want abs and to look fit. Like I said, I don't bring up my journey with these friends unless they ask about it. I'm learning though, to keep my weight loss conversations to this forum. And yes, I will try to change the subject when asked about it.

    Good luck. It's always sad when friendships end.
  • thatsingergirl
    thatsingergirl Posts: 70 Member
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    When I was really overweight, a lot of times my fit friends would suggest going for a walk as a way to hang out. We'd go for a walk to a coffee shop 30 minutes away, or pack a lunch and go on a hike. I don't know if your friends would be interested, especially if they are "partiers" as you mentioned, but it might be worth just asking if they want to hang out and then offering the idea of a short walk or an easy hike. It would be hard to convince sedentary people to join you in working out, but sometimes an easy activity like walking will motivate people to be more active. It certainly helped me! Good luck!
  • BabsPerl
    BabsPerl Posts: 18 Member
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    I fortunately have not had this happen to me but then again I have lost in a year and a half, 12 lbs. Now that isn't much but on my small 4'9" frame it is. I think your 'friends' are just jealous they want to lose the weight too but cannot find the motivation. But be careful of talking about your weight loss too much or "I shouldn't eat this or that" type comments. It could grate on your friends. My friends and family care enough to sometimes be concerned with my size. I am now under a nutritionist to help ease my loved ones minds.
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
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    I've generally gained more friends, mainly due to confidence in myself because of weight loss....
    I tend not to offer advice unless someone directly asks me for it, or if I'm close enough to them that I feel as though I can judge whether or not they actually want my advice.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    Yes, it seems that when you stop doing anything that is harmful, all the friends who still do it take your change like a slap in the face. I noticed this when I quit smoking.
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    When it comes to friends, I have strict rules. I won't tell you to work out if you don't tell me how to eat. If they comment that they *want* to make changes, I'll ask them if they want me to encourage them. Most of the time I find out that they want no prodding or encouraging, they just wanted to whine. Sorry, folks, no magic pill! So I don't mention it to them. With most friends, it stops there.

    But others get irritated at my success. They tell me to "live a little" or "be adventurous" or some other euphemism for eating crap. I tell them I like the way I eat and that's not up for discussion. If they persist, I stop hanging out with them.

    Why am I telling you this? Simple. Maybe your encouragement wasn't what they truly wanted. If you want their company, call them and invite them to something. IF the topic of food/weight loss/workouts comes up, you can change the topic or ask them if they really want to discuss it. Usually, if you both set aside the issue and talk about things you really like to share, things are good.

    HTH
  • kookeepup
    kookeepup Posts: 45
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    Yes, it seems that when you stop doing anything that is harmful, all the friends who still do it take your change like a slap in the face. I noticed this when I quit smoking.

    Clapping for you on the sideline for quitting smoking! :flowerforyou:
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    Your friends won't do anything about their weight until they are ready. I would not offer any advice at all unless they ask for it. And even if/when they do start asking advice, don't get frustrated when they don't do anything about it. It can take a long time before they are ready to DO, if ever. Most likely they feel bad about themselves because they see you are succeeding and they are not really trying.

    This exactly. I used to be the biggest girl out of my group of friends. Now I am the smallest. They will always tell me I look great and that they should be losing weight too, and I just tell them they look great too. (they do!) The conversation about weight loss never goes beyond that. I don't want to make them feel bad or jealous or anything. Just wanna hang with my buds and not make weight loss an issue whatsoever!
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
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    I haven't lost any friends, but my social life has decreased, and that's my choice. Before I started to get healthy, it was eating out and partying every weekend. Now that I don't do that, I don't go out as often. But my friends have encouraged me the whole time, and I think that;s cool. I even motivated a good friend to lose weight too, and she's lost 50 lbs so far!!
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
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    Getting a little deeper into the issue, I've stopped partying ect. So a lot of those "party" friends are out of the picture. Thats fine, I expect that. But because I watch my calories, I'm "obsessed" with my weight. "vein" as another friend (whom I cut from my life) said because I want abs and to look fit. Like I said, I don't bring up my journey with these friends unless they ask about it. I'm learning though, to keep my weight loss conversations to this forum. And yes, I will try to change the subject when asked about it.

    You mention the word obsessed and I can only think of this:

    tumblr_m9i1bxDXPF1rcozi7o1_500.jpg

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