Starting to get discouraged...

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So I started this because I used to be 120 when I was in highschool/college...and I'm only 22 now, so it wasn't that long ago, but I got up to 150 over the past 2 years and got really lazy, but had no motivation to work out when I moved away from all my friends. I tried to work out but it just wasn't the same as having a really close friend. Anyways, my fiance found this website for me since he has been trying to help me out since he knows I am unhappy about the 30 lbs I've gained. At first it was working really good and I had lost 5 lbs really quickly...but now I cannot seem to lose anything. I haven't been on the site for all that long, but it still is frusterating to lose 5 lbs quickly, then have it all of a sudden stop. Did anyone else have this happen? I know if I keep going it will eventually keep losing weight, but starting to get frusterated. He even joined the site to try and gain some weight and to help motivate me, but he works overnights and a lot of overtime, and then he is sleeping, so he isn't around to motivate me all that much, and the people that I see most often just tell me that I don't need to lose the weight. I know I don't necessarily need to, but I want to feel pretty again. He is the only person that I'm friends with on here, since I don't really know anyone and none of my friends were willing to do this with me. I guess I just need some motivation and maybe some advice on the whole losing 5 lbs, then nothing thing? IDK..I'm getting married in July and have been looking at wedding dresses, and all I can do is start at the little bulge on my stomach when I try on dresses, even though people say I am imagining it? Am I beating myself up or what should I do to make myself more confident? I was so happy with the site to begin with and now I feel alone and like nothing is working. =(

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  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
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    So I started this because I used to be 120 when I was in highschool/college...and I'm only 22 now, so it wasn't that long ago, but I got up to 150 over the past 2 years and got really lazy, but had no motivation to work out when I moved away from all my friends. I tried to work out but it just wasn't the same as having a really close friend. Anyways, my fiance found this website for me since he has been trying to help me out since he knows I am unhappy about the 30 lbs I've gained. At first it was working really good and I had lost 5 lbs really quickly...but now I cannot seem to lose anything. I haven't been on the site for all that long, but it still is frusterating to lose 5 lbs quickly, then have it all of a sudden stop. Did anyone else have this happen? I know if I keep going it will eventually keep losing weight, but starting to get frusterated. He even joined the site to try and gain some weight and to help motivate me, but he works overnights and a lot of overtime, and then he is sleeping, so he isn't around to motivate me all that much, and the people that I see most often just tell me that I don't need to lose the weight. I know I don't necessarily need to, but I want to feel pretty again. He is the only person that I'm friends with on here, since I don't really know anyone and none of my friends were willing to do this with me. I guess I just need some motivation and maybe some advice on the whole losing 5 lbs, then nothing thing? IDK..I'm getting married in July and have been looking at wedding dresses, and all I can do is start at the little bulge on my stomach when I try on dresses, even though people say I am imagining it? Am I beating myself up or what should I do to make myself more confident? I was so happy with the site to begin with and now I feel alone and like nothing is working. =(

    Spend any time on here, and you'll see it happens all the time. Around first 5 is water weight mostly.

    Several reasons why.

    When you take a huge deficit in eating level you can shock the system. A combination of genetics or how often you have yo-yo dieted in the past may have your metabolism moving fast to slow down if a real big deficit.

    Usually the metabolism will slowly go back up a bit. Sadly not to the level it could be at. You will be making it go slower.

    If you could figure out how much you used to eat on average daily that maintained your previous weight, you subtract 1000 from that, you'll lose 2lb a week.

    MFP is estimating that upper number by your selection of Activity level - probably selected Sedentary "just to be on the safe side" right?
    And that number could be far below what you used to eat and maintain at. So it's already a deficit.

    You probably selected 2lbs per week too, even though it wasn't recommended, right?
    So even a bigger deficit.

    Bigger is not better in this case, your body sees stress, hormones change, things slow down, ect.

    Recommend you set Activity level to Lightly Active, because those with FitBit's or BodyMediaFit devices find that on their non-exercise days with a desk job, that's actually the level they are at.
    Then select 1lb weekly weight loss.

    Now you are giving metabolism a fighting chance to work with you, rather than slow it down. Once it speeds back up, you'll probably lose more than 1lb weekly, most do.
  • bpotts44
    bpotts44 Posts: 1,066 Member
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    This is good advice. Open your diary so we can help.
  • Cana1590
    Cana1590 Posts: 3 Member
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    I think I selected like 1.5 lbs a week. I understand what you are saying though. Makes sense. I have been extremely stressed out lately for so many reasons, but I almost feel like I've been eating less and less because of the stress..I haven't really been all that hungry during the day, but get extremely hungry about an hour before I go to sleep, which makes me even more stressed because I don't think it's healthy to be eating right before I go to bed, but I cannot bring myself to sit down and eat when I am not hungry. Used to be able to do that, but now I just feel sick if I eat when I am not hungry(mild stomach ache). Although maybe I will change it down to 1 lb. Might be more realistic and see more results. =)
  • kdub67
    kdub67 Posts: 181 Member
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    Great advice from Haybales...and do open your diary so we can peek. I joined in September and lost 3.5 the first week (water, I know, but it made me happy!), and I've steadily lost a pound a week since (aside from gaining .3 one week after a girls weekend out of town, so I considered that a victory, haha!). Make sure you are eating enough. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but it seems like so many people are frustrated that they don't lose, and when you look at their diaries, they are so under their calories. I believe in the whole starvation mode theory because I went through it myself, though others discount it.

    Stick with it, lower your settings, as advised, and don't give up! Feel free to add me as a friend, too:)
  • castell5
    castell5 Posts: 234 Member
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    You are pretty young and your metabolism should still be high. Diet, Exercise and Willpower will bring your weight down. Don't set unrealistic goals for yourself. Be happy with a 2 lb per week weight loss. It didn't get on you quick, it doesn't come off quick.. BUT, it does come off quicker then it goes on.. that is the good part. I gained (from simply being lazy) 42 lbs in 4 years. I took 37 of it off in 5 months. I am real close to my goal now. Keep logging your food and exercise and don't cave in.
  • jahilmer
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    yeah....we weigh in every Monday at the hospital here in Helena. I was on this awful freeze in losing wt. and didn't even want to go. I was the lightest one there but just wanted to feel pretty and look nice in dresses again. I was working out and some times it was 9 hours/wk.....kayaking 5 hours straight, etc. I lost at first and then nothing. Eventually, I realized I was exercising too much and putting on muscle. I pulled back and went into a more realistic exercise routine with Winter coming. I started to lose again....but I definitely know the frustration you feel. I don't have all the answers but 2 things were happening to me besides the muscle gain. I wasn't drinking enough water.....and I wasn't eating enough. I only knew this after I braved introducing myself and opening my diary to some smarter MFP members. They pointed out I wasn't getting enough calories. I am working on eating all day long and drinking more water. Friend me if you want and there are lots of others out there closer to you in age to choose from so go get em girl! Good luck! Jane in Montana
  • Cana1590
    Cana1590 Posts: 3 Member
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    Just another quick question...am I supposed to eat back the calories burned from any exercise? I guess that is what confuses me. And I know there were a few days where I went waaaaaaay over my calorie intake, but always tried to make up for it the next day. I guess the whole exercise thing confuses me a bit, are we supposed to eat back what we burn off to reach the recommended calorie intake? and this is soooo nice being able to talk to people. I try to exercise when I can, but go to school full time and then work as well so trying to do as much as possible. But any idea on the whole calorie exercise thing?
  • JasonDetwiler
    JasonDetwiler Posts: 364 Member
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    Yup, open your log.

    The gym is a great place to find new friends, but don't count on friends to work out. My wife is always like, "maybe I can do this with [name of girl friend]," and they maybe go once, usually never.

    If you're serious about looking good for your wedding, please throw away your scale (or at least hide it), begin a strength training program with barbells being the primary element, and only run if you are going to sprint. In six months, pull the scale back out and smile a lot.

    No, you will not get all big and bulky. It is physically impossible unless you are a man, eating copious amounts of food, a genetic freak, and/or using anabolic steroids.
  • Gramps251
    Gramps251 Posts: 738 Member
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    Don't worry about eating before you go to bed as long as you stick with your calorie level and macros.

    Have you calulated your BMR? That can be an eye opener. Go to the "Tools" Tab and check it out.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    Eating back your calories is going to depend on what system you are using. IF you are following MFP then yes you are supposed to eat back (at least half) your calories. If you use a method that already considers your activity (like heybales' "eating for future you") then you only eat back if you do exercise that isn't normal for you.

    Either way always make sure that you always eat at least your BMR. You can calculate that at various places like http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/ if you do not eat your BMR you will end up stalling or just being super tired and generally sickly.
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
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    I think I selected like 1.5 lbs a week. I understand what you are saying though. Makes sense. I have been extremely stressed out lately for so many reasons, but I almost feel like I've been eating less and less because of the stress..I haven't really been all that hungry during the day, but get extremely hungry about an hour before I go to sleep, which makes me even more stressed because I don't think it's healthy to be eating right before I go to bed, but I cannot bring myself to sit down and eat when I am not hungry. Used to be able to do that, but now I just feel sick if I eat when I am not hungry(mild stomach ache). Although maybe I will change it down to 1 lb. Might be more realistic and see more results. =)

    So a person could eat 2000 cal's a day of Little Debbies, and easily meet energy requirements.

    Is their body screaming for nutrients at first, such that they would notice?
    We know, mentally, it's starving for nutrients, but it'll make it a while before signs of that show up if we go on what is my body telling me. (isn't that what got most in trouble, listening to the body not the mind).

    You can also eat 900 cal's a day of great nutrient rich filling foods, and barely meet nutrient requirements.

    But now the body is starving for energy, and does it scream for it?
    No, stomach shrinks, metabolism goes down, you aren't hungry and 900 cal's fills you up.
    But people should know mentally that is just as unwise, and it may be a while, or faster, that it shows up such that we notice.
    Usually it's noticed when what used to be a deficit and weight loss no longer is there. Now anything eaten extra really is surplus again, so weight is gained on each cheat day or meal or binge.

    So someone can actually look through their diary at 6 months, avg eating each day is 1000 calories, and yet they gain 5 lbs. One would think impossible, but not.

    So eat a tad more during the day, no low-fat or non-fat stuff - full fat milk, cheese, yogurt, ect, if really having problems. Drink a protein shake before bed
  • TeeDeezy
    TeeDeezy Posts: 40 Member
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    Just another quick question...am I supposed to eat back the calories burned from any exercise? I guess that is what confuses me. And I know there were a few days where I went waaaaaaay over my calorie intake, but always tried to make up for it the next day. I guess the whole exercise thing confuses me a bit, are we supposed to eat back what we burn off to reach the recommended calorie intake? and this is soooo nice being able to talk to people. I try to exercise when I can, but go to school full time and then work as well so trying to do as much as possible. But any idea on the whole calorie exercise thing?

    You'll find people saying yes and no if you look around enough. It can be confusing. It depends on what kind of deficit you're working with and how much you're exercising. I find that I lose fat quicker if I eat at a deficit and do not work out. If I do both, it's extremely difficult for me to net enough calories and my body tends to shut off any losses and holds on to everything it can. So, I try and balance it out. You want to lose the weight and exercise both. But, you have to find a good balance. If you eat 1400 calories per day and then burn 400 working out, your body isn't going to like it at all and you'll notice that the weight loss will slow to a crawl.
  • jahilmer
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    Not all of us are able to eat back calories burnt....each individual is different. Mostly....if you exercise frequently and faithfully, you will be able to eat some of those calories back. That should be done on that day that you earned the rights. Some people can eat back all the calories and you might be one of these lucky ones. It is better to exercise shorter intervals and more faithfully (3-5x/week) than erratically but any exercise is a positive thing.

    I opened my diary to people who had been at this longer than I had been and got good recommendations that some times I didn't want to face. They were correct, however. I still struggle with the proper intake of calories and love those fat grams in cheeses, olive oils, nuts, etc. Sweets are missed but not as much. LOL Mainly, calorie intake is determined individually. For my age and weight bracket, the hospital recommended I stay at 33g/day. This has been impossible for me....I just can't give up cheese and it has 10g/piece. I also am a meat eater. I try to stay around 1200 calories a day and a bit more if I have exercised but I never eat back all the extra calories they give me. So far...this has worked for me. I am 1 pound a way from what the hospital wanted me to be at (7% loss of present body wt. when you started 6 month long wt. management program).
    This program started in August and goes until January. So...that gives you a perspective. You take your body wt. and find out what 7% of it is and try to lose that in 6 months. However, I lost that faster and have just 1.8 pds. to go. Was that too fast? Most of my friends on here say that losing wt. slower will help it stay off. The hospital also said 2-3 pds/wk loss and no more. Hope this helps. Jane in Montana
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
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    Just another quick question...am I supposed to eat back the calories burned from any exercise? I guess that is what confuses me. And I know there were a few days where I went waaaaaaay over my calorie intake, but always tried to make up for it the next day. I guess the whole exercise thing confuses me a bit, are we supposed to eat back what we burn off to reach the recommended calorie intake? and this is soooo nice being able to talk to people. I try to exercise when I can, but go to school full time and then work as well so trying to do as much as possible. But any idea on the whole calorie exercise thing?

    During setup you were asked for your goal of exercise time and frequency, but it is NOT included in setting your daily goal.

    Your daily goal already has a deficit in it.
    To keep that deficit there, if you burn more, through exercise, you therefore eat more.

    That is why you see you receive credit and your goal goes up for the day - you still eat to reach your goal.

    Or you just made your potentially already too large deficit even bigger.

    If exercise is in the evening, you can float some of those extra cal's to the next day. Your body's needs for them don't stop at midnight. Have a bigger breakfast and lunch. At least before your next workout.
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
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    I'm the same way and yes, you are imagining it, but that doesn't make it any less important. I was 125 when I met my other half, which for my hight was verging on the underweight. I shot up to 176 after three years! I'm healthy, I apparently look good but...I see the bulge. I feel fat. I can actually feel heavy fat weighing down my cheeks. It's not there, but I can feel it, and I can see a bulge on my stomach! But I was so used to seeing that 125lb girl in the mirror that this 176 girl just makes me cringe! I don't want to go down to 125 again, it's not good for me, but I can't be happy until I've lost 20lbs and at least firmed my stomach up.

    What style of dress are you looking at? I had one with a structured bodice so there was absolutely no way I could see my tummy bulge. But don't worry about the slow weight loss, you didn't ain that weight in a day and you're certainly not going to loose it in a day. You just have to keep at it, explore things until you find a method that works. Eating too few cals can be as detrimental as eating too many...
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
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    First, 1.5 lbs per week is too large of a deficit. The less fat mass you have, the less fat oxidation occurs. Set a weight loss goal of 1 lb per week instead, which is a 500 calorie a day deficit.

    Secondly, chronically undereating slows down your resting metabolic rate. Additionally, it causes leptin concentration levels to plummet. Leptin, is your satiety hormone and when it's levels are low, your body will desire more energy in the form of calories yet your signaling mechanism is screwed up so you feel full eating far less. Over time, you'll notice you are eating less and less and less as leptin continues to drop. Not a good thing.

    Next, you mention lots of stress in your life. Dieting is a stress. Exercise is a stress. When you assume too large of a deficit, you will elevate cortisol levels which can contribute to abnormal water weight retention. Reduce the stress on your body be reducing the total deficit - eating an appropriate deficit and not over-training.

    Lastly, eating late at night does not lead to fat gain - eating above what's needed to maintain weight - ie a calorie surplus - does. In general, meal timing and frequency is irrelevant. By meal frequency, I mean the amount of meals you eat a day. Energy is needed to absorb the food you eat which leads to thermic effect of food. This TEF value is the same - assuming you eat the same calories - if you eat 3 large meals vs 7 smaller meals. Thus there is no metabolic advantage of eating more frequent, smaller meals.

    Heybales brings up an important point that dieters need to understand in relation to one's metabolism. The persons who have the greatest success are those whose endocrine system is primed for fat loss - that is, they have been supplying their bodies with enough energy to truly meet their daily energy needs. These people have active metabolisms that will burn the most amount of fat for the longest period of time. In other words, they have not been chronically undereating.

    On the other hand, people who have been chronically engaging in calorie restriction will burn out quickly because their endocrine system is not primed for fat loss in their present state due to a depressed resting metabolic rate and impaired leptin signaling.

    If you are one of those people, you need to eat back to what your true maintenance calorie needs are and hold that for a while. The duration of maintenance depends on how long you have chronically restricted calories - the longer the restriction, the longer it will take for resting metabolic rate to return to optimal levels. Leptin levels, however, are far more difficult to return to normal levels after chronically undereating for a long period of time. None the less, if this is you, you need to return to maintenance and hold at that until everything bounces back to a more adaptive state.
  • martintanz
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    Speaking from experience, I would say transitions have always been dangerous times for my weight. That includes, going to college, moving from college life to adult life, coming back home after living overseas (that was a big one. There really is something about living in the US that contributes to weight gain), relocating, going back to school, changing careers, getting married, and having a child were all tiimes where I had to battle the urge to overeat.

    Why? Changing routines, getting used to eating different food (cafeteria food and late night pizza and beer iin college, lunches out in office treats in work life for example), becoming less active (really an issue for me when I made the transition from school to working in an office every day), getting busy with wedding plans (engagement parties, tasting wedding cake, socializing and going out wiith friends and well wiishers), stressing over work or money, and staying home more (like when you have a child) all had an effect on my waistline. And it goes without saying, women have the whole childbirth thing to look forward to as well if they choose to have children.

    Get control over it now as it doesn't get any easier down the road. Don't rely on others. Motivation has to come from within. Friends can support you, but only you can hold yourself accountable. So, read up on nutrition, here or elsewhere. There is lots of info on nutrition out there. Log your food regularly. Weigh yourself regularly. Weekly, daily, whatever. Get to the gym regularly, or alternately, take up running, swimming, cycling, or some other physical activiity that will become a habit. You have plenty of time to lose weight for your wedding. Worry more about keeping it off after the honeymoon, as this is just the first of many life transitions.