How do I stop being a binge eating whale?

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So, I hired a personal trainer last April. I thought he would help me lose weight. Well, he is a huge support system and an amazing trainer. But, I SUCK! I can't lose any weight. I weigh over 240 lbs at 5'2". I weighed under 190lbs approx 2.5 years ago. I got stressed. My grandma died, my nephew commited suicide, I hated my job, I got a new job, I started working nights, I quit jogging, I quit working out, I started binge eating (again, but without purging) and here I am.
And I haven't lost anything. A lb here or there, but then I gain it back. It's not like I have never lost before, cause I have. But I have never been this big, EVER! When I was in high school and weighed 145lbs I was "huge"... I don't knwo what to do. I am so lost. I am so upset. I am so huge. I am so sad. I eat cause I'm sad and I'm sad cause I eat. I can't stop eating. And now I am starting to drink a lot of alcohol in excess too. I am not an alcoholic. I just eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and eat and eat and eat. I only work out when I have to. I make no extra effort to go to the gym.. I am so ashamed.
How do I stop!?
WHY IS THIS SO F'ING HARD!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
PS. I have had trouble with eating my whole life. started dieting around age 11. starving myself by age 14 , and binging and purging from age 15-20. Now I just binge binge binge.....

Please help me!
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Replies

  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
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    Working night shifts are hard on the diet. I used to binge at work and then when I got home. You need to find an activity that you enjoy that keep your hands busy...like crocheting, painting, etc. Try to just take a walk around the block and take is slowly and enjoy the fall colors and brisk fresh air. Start slowly and take one day at a time. Keep healthy food choices in your house to eat. Get rid of all the unhealthy foods. That will really help. Remember to to make changes slowly. Drink plenty of water, too. Avoid processed foods and the white foods ( sugar, white flour, rice, bread) Try to replace them with higher fiber foods and that will help fill you up with less calories. You really can do this. Feel free to add me.
  • Dill286
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    Night is the easiest time to snack, so being up at night would make it really hard. I know how difficult binge eating (and purging, which by the way it's very admirable of you to have stopped doing) is from experience. I would recommend drinkinng lots of water and maybe pre-logging your calories so you feel like you will be able to eat and are not just depriving yourself? If you want motivation, feel free to add.
  • oohmercyme
    oohmercyme Posts: 279 Member
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    Start with being kind to yourself. Calling yourself a whale isn't helpful. (This is one of the biggest things I've been working on, changing my attitude about me). Also, from all the loses you mentioned and the destructive eating behaviour, perhaps therapy to get to the root of the problem would be useful.

    Good luck. You CAN do this.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Working night shifts are hard on the diet. I used to binge at work and then when I got home. You need to find an activity that you enjoy that keep your hands busy...like crocheting, painting, etc. Try to just take a walk around the block and take is slowly and enjoy the fall colors and brisk fresh air. Start slowly and take one day at a time. Keep healthy food choices in your house to eat. Get rid of all the unhealthy foods. That will really help. Remember to to make changes slowly. Drink plenty of water, too. Avoid processed foods and the white foods ( sugar, white flour, rice, bread) Try to replace them with higher fiber foods and that will help fill you up with less calories. You really can do this. Feel free to add me.

    Night shifts? Did the OP mention night shift because I can't see it - I could be having a moment hahaha...ANYWAY, yes night shift can be hard when dieting. ***OOPS, I see it now*** :blushing:

    If you want this bad enough you will do it. That is all there is to it. You can do it - there is no one stopping you but yourself. Perhaps you should seek some counseling or maybe seek some medical help? Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • Stila562
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    I suggest you plan all your meals carefully. i binge almost every week ( i don't throw up) but i been trying to keep clean this week.
    I know is hard, but believe me is worth it. plan all your meals accordingly and remember your working for something bigger and better. if you need any moral support don't hesitate to add me.
  • claire_90
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    the best way to beat binging is to eat more often (6 meals a day)

    * from personal experience
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    seek help to find the root of your comfort/binge eating, see a dietitian, get a clear plan and make a change. because in the end its your choice. stop eating more than you burn.
  • gsant2281
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    Thanks everyone! You are all amazing people. I appreciate your kind words and advice. I am working on finding a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. My personal trainer is helping me the best he can. Not just with my exercise, but with my diet. He can only do so much tho! He had me logging food on here for months, but then I started eating bad and lying to him.... Like, I wouldn't log, or I would make stuff up.. I couldn't ask for a better trainer! He seems to be frustrated in me... He has to be! But, he won't give up... Problem is, I keep giving up... That's the problem!!!!!!!
    I can't eat right, or make my fat A go to the gym. How am I ever going to win this never ending battle? I only want to get to 159lbs. Why is that so hard?
  • claire_90
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    seek help to find the root of your comfort/binge eating, see a dietitian, get a clear plan and make a change. because in the end its your choice. stop eating more than you burn.
    brilliant suggestion just make sure the dietitian specialises in eating disorders and is well aware of your history or it could do more harm than good
  • gsant2281
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    wow, I didn't expect to get friends by posting this... wow!
  • gsant2281
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    I'm so sick of feeling so guilty and crying! And then eating more to cover up my guilt and sadness! :(
  • AntWrig
    AntWrig Posts: 2,273 Member
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    I have been working the night shift for 2 years. Time of day means nothing in regards to hunger and lack of control.
  • lambstew
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    I don't think this has anything to do with your eating and all to do with how unhappy you sound. Regardless of what you do around food and exercise you have to find something about you that you like and concentrate on that for a while. When we are in a cycle of self loathing we do anything to make that manifest itself. So you will eat more and you will exercise less and you will have a rubbish job - because all of those things help you justify to yourself that you are not worth more. Find something that makes you feel even a tiny bit better about yourself and think about that for a while. Do not fixate about it - otherwise it might be another excuse for failure. Life is relatively so short - don't spend any more of it not liking yourself. Fat is only some extra cells surrounding what I am sure is a pretty fab core! If you don't want those cells any more get rid of them - Much easier said than done - I am a work in progress after 30 years of struggling. But please don't say you "suck" or that you are a "whale" - they are labels that are not helping you get better. You have been and continue to be ill - eating disorders are an illness, which we cope with on our own. If we had some other life threatening disease we would be in treatment. Please, please seek the help you need, rather than berating yourself over your setbacks. Do something you like and you might find you like yourself a bit more.
  • FutureMrsWarby
    FutureMrsWarby Posts: 96 Member
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    I'd have to say the man key to weight loss is to love yourself. Stop looking in the mirror, stop looking at the scale, and just focus on being good to your body.

    I read your profile and it is very self degrading. You call yourself "fat and ugly." If you can't love yourself, you'll never be successful-as a majority of your weight gain possibly came from emotional eating and your binges are likely from that too.
  • orangesmartie
    orangesmartie Posts: 1,870 Member
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    there's a couple of good books available, one is called 'overcoming binge eating' and the other is called getting better bit(e) by bit(e). These help you work through some of the mental triggers/reasons behind binge eating and gives you some tools for tackling it.

    Sadly dealing with binge eating isn't as easy as 'stop eating and do more exercise' in reality and it will take time to eliminate those behaviours. All you can do is take it one day at a time and take your victories where you can find them.

    Also, if you have a PT, then surely you are already undertaking some form of exercise with him each week? Congratulate yourself on taking that step, rather than being down because you didn't go to the gym. Having a training session once a week is way better than doing nothing all week every week.

    Celebrate your positives and try to minimise your negatives, it requires a shift in thinking and it won't happen over night. Take each day as it comes. You came on here and you posted. that makes you awesome!
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    You are the only one who can help yourself. Nothing anyone says on here will change the way you think, unless you want to.

    What do you want more; food, or to be slim? You need to understand why you turn to food for comfort.

    Also, you need to find that thing that motivates you. I was in the exact same boat as you, and then I slipped a disc. Doctor said it would help if I lost weight. I didn't want to be in that much pain ever again, so I started losing weight.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    I've had problems with overeating since I hit puberty. I have binged until I puked, not because I tried to puke, but because my body physically couldn't keep down everything I crammed into it. The best things I ever did to address the issue were to go to a workshop here called "Craving Change", and especially to start seeing an ED counsellor. If you have never been to one, I think you are a prime candidate, having run the gamut of disordered eating habits. Yours sounds like something of an addictive personality, and I really think that seeing such a professional is the way you should go. A personal trainer can help you with the exercise side of things, but really can't do much to address your subconscious eating behaviours. That training is going to go to waste, if you don't properly tackle your relationship with food, as well.

    Unfortunately, the Craving Change program was developed up here in Canada, and I don't think it goes beyond our borders, here. I'll give you the link, to at least give you an idea of what it's about: http://www.cravingchange.ca/ . Given that you're a nurse, though, maybe you have heard of a similar program (it was a group workshop that met once a week, for a few weeks, that dealt with behavioural patterns, recognizing genuine hunger, non-food rewards and non-food coping skills, etc). I would ask a dietician in your area for more resources, and for a referral to a good ED counsellor.
  • lambstew
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    And forget about your target weight - that can seem so far in the distance when things are not going well that it seems too difficult. Look at what Orangesmartie says - celebrate the positives every day and little by little things will get better.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    Start with being kind to yourself. Calling yourself a whale isn't helpful. (This is one of the biggest things I've been working on, changing my attitude about me). Also, from all the loses you mentioned and the destructive eating behaviour, perhaps therapy to get to the root of the problem would be useful.

    Good luck. You CAN do this.
    ^This.

    Binge-eating is a behaviour, it doesn't define who you are as a person. It's obviously a coping strategy that you've learned from a very young age, and to some extent it has worked for you; it's helped you get by. It sounds like you had a really rough time recently and you used food to cope. None of what happened to you are excuses, but it's just a simple fact that they way you cope with things is with food. Other people would have starved themselves, or used alcohol or drugs, or gambled or overspent money they didn't had. Some people would have taken it out on those around them. And, obviously, other people are lucky enough to have never had to develop unhealthy coping strategies in the first place (or over time have learned healthier ones). You can't change the past, and it just so happens that your past includes developing the habit of binge eating.

    To me, the most important thing is to stop with the guilt, stop calling yourself names. In my own experience, I could never lose weight while I was hating myself, and while I was really low and depressed. It's only when I started being kind to myself, accepting that I'm not perfect (and don't have to be) and improving my self esteem and confidence that I suddenly realised that not only did I really want to lose weight and be healthy, it was actually possible. Mentally beating yourself up for "failures" is just going to keep you in a never-ending cycle. Really, really try to remove guilt and shame from how you think about food and eating.

    Ultimately, it doesn't matter what bad things have happened to you (although I'm very sorry they have!) It's not about what happens to us, but how we deal with that stuff. Working nights is not the reason you're overweight (as was helpfully pointed out by someone else) Losing people you love is not the reason you're overweight, but they're big stressors, and for you, food has helped you cope. You can do this, you can start working out again, you can get your eating under control, but you're really going to have to deal with the emotional reasons you binge, and find other coping strategies.

    Stop feeling guilty. Stop being so hard on yourself. Binge eating does not make you a bad person, it's just a challenge that you have to deal with in your life. There are lots of good books out there on binge eating and emotional eating; they would be a good place to start. I also agree that you should look at getting professional help. There's absolutely no shame in it, and it might just give you the support and insight that you need to do this.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    I got stressed. My grandma died, my nephew commited suicide,
    I don't knwo what to do. I am so lost. I am so upset. I am so sad.
    I am so ashamed.

    You have given me the reasons for your bingeing. A personal trainer won't be able to help you unless they are also a part-time therapist. I would seek help to resolve that which makes you sad inside. Then you won't look to be satiated by putting things in your mouth. I'd recommend Emotional Freedom Techniques.