Support in the real world.

chelseabuns88
chelseabuns88 Posts: 77 Member
in Motivation and Support
When you're eating healthy, people notice, when you go the pub and everyone orders chips/nachos and a pint and you have a water, people question.. That's fine, I have no problem telling people I'm tired of being fat and I want to get healthy, I have no problem denying myself fatty snacks or sugary drinks just to be social, however, the reaction I get from my friends is almost incredulous..

Friend: 'Do you want to share a pizza with me tonight?'
Me: 'No, I'm eating healthy!'
Friend: 'Why?'
Me: 'I'm tired of being fat, I actually like eating healthy food.. I feel a lot better for it!'
Friend: 'You don't need to lose weight.'
Me: 'I definitely do!'
Friend: 'You have a nice figure'
Me: (uncomfortable) 'ok'

I don't know why people feel the need to try and convince me I'm not obese? I'm not blind, I can see myself and I can see the number on the scale.. It actually leaves me questioning whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia and a broken scale... But I just know that isn't the case! I appreciate that they don't want to insult me, but to almost try to convince me not to live a healthy lifestyle? Who does that benefit?


Does anyone have any friends/family like this? How do you make them understand?

Replies

  • ariesmom07
    ariesmom07 Posts: 57 Member
    I totally know what you are talking about. Idk how many times my skinny friend would tell me "Your not that big..." Blah blah blah...What I really needed to hear was encouragement to try and keep trying to change. Not lies. I think its just people trying to be nice.
  • scheatwood
    scheatwood Posts: 207 Member
    My husband, sort of. He hate it when I portion out my food to the last teaspoon, questions if I'll make him do the same as I lose more weight. I haven't asked him to join me (at least not yet) but I want this for myself, not him.
  • juliec33
    juliec33 Posts: 238 Member
    Maybe your friend doesn't see you as either fat or skinny....your her friend. She might be a little scared of the change that you're making. Now she doesn't have anyone to share pizza's with or whatever other bad habits that both of you shared.

    Tell her that you ar serious about making this lifestyle change and that it would be so much easier with her support.

    Good luck on this journey. It is worth it in the end and you're friends will start supporting you once they realize how serious you are about this change!!!!
  • CoachReddy
    CoachReddy Posts: 3,949 Member
    whenever someone says something like that to you, it's NOT ABOUT YOU, it's about them. they're convincing themselves they don't need to lose weight, or eat healthy, or do what you're doing. it sucks, but you have to just tune it out. KNOW why you're doing it, and tell them why, and ask them to respect that! :)
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    If that's how most of the conversations go, I'd leave out the explanations and keep it simple:

    Do you want to share a pizza with me?
    No thanks.

    If they ask for an explanation, just say you're not in the mood for pizza or you already have chicken and veggies (or whatever) planned for dinner tonight or you'd rather have the salad. Whatever it is, just avoid mentioning the weight/health thing as often as you can. Friends tend to accept and love us for who we are, not what we look like, and may not realize how overweight we really are especially if they see us often enough.

    I'm sure your friends have the best of intentions with their responses too. Unfortunately a lot of folks these days have extreme ideas like if you're overweight/bese sure you're a little unhealthy but it's no big deal. But if you're dieting it's like OMG all of a sudden you have an eating disorder or you're completely obsessed about exercise. Or like my mother and husband used to do, go the other way and become the food police "is that on your diet?". It's crazy...but it comes from a place of love and concern so you can't fully fault them. :shrug:

    ETA: If the above doesn't work, I'd say go ahead and have a little heart to heart with them. "It's sweet that you love me for who I am and you may not realize this but I'm x amount overweight and really do need to work on losing the excess pounds to get healthy and I could really use your support. Eventually I may be able to incorporate pizza into my diet but for now I'm trying to avoid things like that so please don't ask me anymore". And hopefully, as a good friend they will understand and support you. They may forget and keep asking out of habit but you can just keep saying no and hopefully it'll sink in.
  • marissa14danielle
    marissa14danielle Posts: 21 Member
    ugh my friends are totally like that, why can't they try to help support and encourage us! but not only is it about the healthy diet, its also going to the gym. I LOVE going to the gym, it make me happy, but they try to tell me that i don't NEED to go. They try to convince me that I don't need to change for anyone, even though i have told them countless times that I've made these changes in my life for no one else but me. I think that they will always try to ask us 'why, you don't need to' but when we've reached our goals they will be asking us"how!?' so we just have to remember why we are doing it and have the dedication to continue with our without their support.
  • chelseabuns88
    chelseabuns88 Posts: 77 Member
    The pizza thing was just an example.. this is the basic framework of conversations I seem to be having everyday.. and when I don't mention the healthy thing, they just try and convince me until I offer said reason! It's usually a guilt trip over sharing popcorn at the cinema or they want to go to an unhealthy place to eat and I'm expected to accompany them.

    Thanks for your responses, I wasn't really looking for advice on the issue (though I appreciate the points that have been made), they are who they are and I love them as they love me =) I was more ranting about the annoyance of it and offering to share experiences! I am not a retiring wallflower, I have no trouble expressing myself or telling my friends how I feel, unfortunately, i find these situations embarrassing, more than anything.

    Luckily for me I have a very supportive family and that really helps, as it's at home where I find temptations more difficult to resist!

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