is this normal? What do guys like?

claireHslats
claireHslats Posts: 19
in Motivation and Support
Is it normal/bad/right, to feel pressurised to get your body as best as it can be for your boyfriend?

Sounds a little silly, but sometimes i just never no what he thinks or what he likes, and im too scared to go on about it and ask, sounds pathetic really. But he's tall and not exactly the biggest guy, but he's constantly trying to gain work and he does try alot. But hes the classic, skinny jean type of guy. I just feel sometimes people compare us, or i feel im the bigger one. or maybe im not trying hard enough for him..

What do guys like..
«13

Replies

  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    It's natural to hope your partner likes how you look but he's already dating you. Chances are he likes you just as you are.
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
    You shouldnt want to lose weight for your boyfriend... But yet you never wanna give up looking your best.

    I hate when I'm "bigger" than my husband, or even feel bigger so I understand that.
    My husband is a marine, works out 6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I have to workout 5-6 days to feel like I'm trying as much as him...yet I'm coming around to the fact that I'm not giving up on myself, I workout when I can its not my job like his.

    You have to do what feels right for you. Like everyone on this site, everyone is different and losing weight differently.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
    you may be in the beginning of your relationship, and it's normal to feel a bit "shy" and unsure.

    but as penrbrown said, if he's dating you, he probably already likes you as you are!

    if you're really worried about it, maybe talk with him? it could lead to a great conversation about self-esteem and your relationship.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    Guys like girls that are happy with themselves.
    So whatever it is that makes you happy, do that.

    Since he got with you, obviously he doesn't dislike what you're offering.

    It's one thing to change a little bit cuz that's what your partner likes, no harm in that I think.
    But if a guy ever asks for massive changes or creates expectations on your looks, then he sucks and it's time to move on.

    Point is, do what makes you happy and a good guy will love you for you doing you.

    Edit: Damn. I just looked at your photos. There's no more work to be done. Goal -> Complete. You look gorgeous. Don't feel pressured to change a thing!
  • CoachReddy
    CoachReddy Posts: 3,949 Member
    i second the last two posters - if you're happy, motivated, and fun to be around, all the rest doesn't matter! :)
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    we've been together for like two years so its not early days, just feel sense of insecurity. yano when they drool over VS models and im like.... i wish haha. but im short and just those girls are almost non existing

    but yeah, i do believe strongly in personality :) so yeah thanks guys, taken on board x
  • Chief_Rocka
    Chief_Rocka Posts: 4,710 Member
    Apparently he likes you
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    What do guys like best though, like in sense of body etc. Like what to focus on, abs, legs etc.
    Get insecure and nervous, like on holidays etc. When its just us two, not so much but still...
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    This.

    I know my husband always liked athletic type girls, which I was when we first started dating, he still loved/ was attracted to me when I was overweight.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    What do guys like best though, like in sense of body etc. Like what to focus on, abs, legs etc.
    Get insecure and nervous, like on holidays etc. When its just us two, not so much but still...

    That is still a total individual thing. You are never going to find one thing that all guys agree on.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    This.

    I know my husband always liked athletic type girls, which I was when we first started dating, he still loved/ was attracted to me when I was overweight.




    The route of this is confidence, i see that now. But how do i gain confidence? Sounds a silly question but I normally need other people to give me that boost and confidence push but im not going to be having that all the time. I need to no and find the ability to help myself out and find away of feeling great just by being me.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    you may be in the beginning of your relationship, and it's normal to feel a bit "shy" and unsure.

    but as penrbrown said, if he's dating you, he probably already likes you as you are!

    if you're really worried about it, maybe talk with him? it could lead to a great conversation about self-esteem and your relationship.

    we've been together for like two years so its not early days, just feel sense of insecurity. yano when they drool over VS models and im like.... i wish haha. but im short and just those girls are almost non existing


    Just couldnt see us striking out a conversation, like how would i go about that without sounding like a total mug.paha
  • diligentjosh
    diligentjosh Posts: 274
    If you: 1. are serious about the relationship, and 2. are in a mature relationship, you will talk to him about this. I do not, and will probably never, understand the sensitivity of women. But I think it is best if you talk to him. Many a divorces have come by way of attraction dwindling, so it is an important issue, in my opinion. I am putting myself in a position to be a keeper, and I would expect it the same from my future other. But if you can't talk abou fitness and sex appeal with your boyfriend, then you don't really stand a chance anyways. Good luck!
  • diligentjosh
    diligentjosh Posts: 274
    Oh, and for the record, I am a boobs guy. Love them big hooties! Second in line come thighs. I love to tease her on them :wink:
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    ^^^^ THIS

    There's no one specific thing but any thing that defines or marks you as a woman is cool with most guys. Don't be extremely overweight but don't stress if you don't have abs. Most guys could care less if their woman has abs. Above all just be confident and fun to be around.
  • claireHslats
    claireHslats Posts: 19
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    ^^^^ THIS

    There's no one specific thing but any thing that defines or marks you as a woman is cool with most guys. Don't be extremely overweight but don't stress if you don't have abs. Most guys could care less if their woman has abs. Above all just be confident and fun to be around.


    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Individual men have individual, differing preferences for body type. As a whole, men like confidence.

    ^^^^ THIS

    There's no one specific thing but any thing that defines or marks you as a woman is cool with most guys. Don't be extremely overweight but don't stress if you don't have abs. Most guys could care less if their woman has abs. Above all just be confident and fun to be around.



    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?

    True confidence is only generated intrinsically. Try reading, meditating, therapy. There are many ways to gain confidence. It takes thoughtful effort.
  • BaileyP3
    BaileyP3 Posts: 151 Member
    Yes! I think confidence is key. My husband and I met through a friend online. (my business friend's brother was his college roommate) This was a NJ to Canada LDR. We met 2 1/2 months after our first phone conversation. At that time I was heavier -200-ish. I had seen several pics of him (and he of me in slimmer days because I had no current pics) All we knew for certain is that we were both 6' and after daily phone conversations....I think 7 hours one day was our record...we were in love.

    That was almost 10 years ago...I proceeded to get heavier during the stress of immigrating and relocating top weight was 226....fortunate the stress settled down and I got back to normal. And here I am at 158 and I haven 't been this healthy in 15 years...

    Poor man :-)) He doesn't know what to do with his new improved wife. :laugh:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

    I guess my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We fell in love with each others personalities and values. The added bonus was being in lust when we finally met regardless of the packaging :-)

    Best of luck
  • mreuvers
    mreuvers Posts: 14 Member
    From your photos I would say you are very, very attractive so I won't worry about that. I think the issue is you and your self esteem. You got to love your self before someone else can love you.
  • juliec33
    juliec33 Posts: 238 Member
    Its how to get that confidence though, i cant generate it on my own, or i havent in the past, but i need to be able to, so how?
    [/quote]

    The thing is, no one can tell you how to get that confidence. It has to come from you. What makes you feel proud of yourself? Do more of whatever it is. Pick a physical attribute you really like about yourself (and it doesn't have to be weight related) and compliment yourself daily. Yes, I mean look in the mirror at yourself and say "Wow, I have really pretty ______". We women tend to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves daily how fat we are or how much we hate our thighs, stomachs, whatever. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves what is great about ourselves!!!!
  • strawberrytoast
    strawberrytoast Posts: 711 Member
    My man liked me fat, he likes me now a little less fat. If ever he didnt like what i was doing thats his problem not mine :bigsmile:
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    Here's a better question. Why do you care??





    Oh wait, I just saw your age. Nevermind. Carry on.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    It's natural to hope your partner likes how you look but he's already dating you. Chances are he likes you just as you are.

    Ditto.
  • lamilli09
    lamilli09 Posts: 354 Member
    I think it's normal to want to have a great body that your significant other can enjoy!

    I don't know about the pressured part. Just talk to him about it!

    PS. In my opinion, you look great :)
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
    First, YOU have to be happy with yourself. By looking at your pictures, you are not overweight, and a gorgeous girl. Sometimes women are insecure, whether we are a size 2, or a size 12. But if you're really worried about what he thinks, TALK TO HIM. You have been dating 2+ years, by now you should be able to discuss anything. and by the way, I think all men drool at VS models, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he wishes you looked like that.
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
    He doesn't like you because you are bigger or smaller than him, he just likes you. If you get too wrapped up in that it will stand in the way of your own perception of yourself and why you are even trying to be the best YOU can be.
    I've never been taller than my husband but I've weighed less than him, more than him, way less than him and way more than him and I don't base my feelings for him on his weight and I know he doesn't do the same. You really shouldn't worry about it.
  • Guines9
    Guines9 Posts: 137
    I thnk you both have unrealistic expectations andfalse images of self.
  • lilmisfit
    lilmisfit Posts: 860 Member
    From your photos I would say you are very, very attractive so I won't worry about that. I think the issue is you and your self esteem. You got to love your self before someone else can love you.

    I was going to say the same thing. You are tiny, so there is no reason you should feel *bigger* than your boyfriend.
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
    I see both sides - because I feel the same way. Here's how I look at it:

    I'm losing weight for me. Because I want and deserve to be healthy and look as good and sexy as I feel. If I were doing it for someone else I would need their constant approval and push for motivation because it would be the same as, lets say, dressing the way your SO likes, you probably wouldn't do it when they're not around if you're not invested yourself.
    THAT BEING SAID - I think very highly of my life partner, he's a god man and deserves the best of everything. Including me. I want to be a person that he deserves (otherwise why would he stay if he can do better?). This of course applies to many things other than looks. I'm fairly successful, attractive, intelligent, hard working - all qualities that he deserves in a partner, just like I deserve him and all the wonderful things he brings to my life.

    See - you can have it both ways.

    My best friend teases me that him and I look like the number 10 when we stand side by side (and here's a hint: I'm not the 1 in that compilation) Luckily he has a thing for bigger girls, but he also wants me healthy. Between a size 10-12 he's thrilled (I started my weight loss journey on here as a size 20, I've gone down to an 18, and I think I'm just a couple pounds away from a 16)

Categories