Recovery from mental illness..

I tried DBT, in a group, and I found it incredibly difficult. I find it difficult to be among groups of people anyway due to also being on the autistic spectrum(go figure, having bpd and that, you wouldnt have thought it possible), and I found a lot of it seemed so basic. I got frustrated and quit on that. I tried CBT for a while recently, but was not at ease with the therapist, and asking someone who has issues with autistic traits to deal with recognising emotions, well. I found myself just missing appointments and wanting to escape. I think partly, because I found therapy, and the whole psychiatric process, left me more aware of myself as being this damaged, flawed and failed human being. I wanted to be normal and I hated being reminded that I am not 'normal', whatever that might be.

I spent almost a year totally isolated from society, because I decided that with the borderline diagnosis, that was the only way I could ever find any peace. I often despise my emotions, and wish to God I had none at all. They used to serve me well in terms of my writing, photography and creativity, but at the same time, they are so intense that things that others might just be able to allow to wash over them, leave me so crippled by emotional hurt that I end up sedating myself by various means or just resorting to comfort eating, or abusing myself. There is no balance, for me, between being too attached to people and too detached, thus friendships have eluded me for the most part, though there are some people online and a few in real life(at a distance) who have seen something in me worth sticking around for (god knows what!)

In my own city, I have no-one. I know no-one really. I had a boyfriend, but had to step away from that recently because it was not working and my issues were becoming worse. I had a nutritionist who took me under her wing, but due to hitting her own issues, she went from daily contact, and regular meetings, to little to no contact, thus I have spent the last few weeks in the most incredibly bad place, in a deep foggy depression, bulimia raging out of control, and full of self hatred, with no one to turn to at all. I cannot tell you how hard that is when you have no support system and the one person who had stepped in to help and to support, stepped back out again. I don't feel sorry for myself, I know I will eventually manage to pull myself back up again, I usually do once I find some spark inside, something in me that I feel is worth fighting for.

I have all the time in the world for others who are suffering and who are feeling alone, or desperate, as I have been there so often myself. I think, unless you have experienced certain things, it can be impossible to relate or empathise with those going through mental health difficulties. There is so much stigma attached to certain diagnoses, especially personality disorders, which are often just another form of PTSD. In my case, childhood sexual abuse and certain family issues left me with zero sense of self worth, and therefore the expectation that anyone who came to know me, would walk away.

I have battled through severe anorexia, and almost died from it 4 times. I spent endless periods in hospitals from the age of 14, from overdosing in an attempt to escape my own mind and my home situation. I experienced being sectioned for a month and kept in my room 24/7, and not treated very well by the staff involved(I was once stitched up with nothing to numb the pain, as punishment). I have lost many people who failed to see the good parts of me, because at the time, I was consumed in the bad.

So yeah, I have such empathy and sympathy for others who are in this same place.
I hope one day to find some way out of how I am, as it is like being in prison. You are always on the outside, looking into a world you cannot be a part of. Watching people interract and have fun, and become friends, but having no idea how to get there yourself.
About to give treatment another try, as I am now 37 and life is slipping me by, and I feel I am not living it at all.
I have lost so many years to these diagnoses, and often wonder if there is actually anything left of 'me' underneath the labels, or if the labels are all anyone is every going to see.

So, that is my sharing. Something I have grown to dislike doing because often, sharing so openly leads people to either run a mile, or to use your vulnerabilities against you.

I hope everyone in this thread, finds some sort of peace, and can reach a point where their issues are no longer preventing them from living a productive and contented life. I think everyone deserves to experience love and joy in their lives, regardless of their diagnoses.

I tried DBT, in a group, and I found it incredibly difficult. I find it difficult to be among groups of people anyway due to also being on the autistic spectrum(go figure, having bpd and that, you wouldnt have thought it possible), and I found a lot of it seemed so basic. I got frustrated and quit on that. I tried CBT for a while recently, but was not at ease with the therapist, and asking someone who has issues with autistic traits to deal with recognising emotions, well. I found myself just missing appointments and wanting to escape. I think partly, because I found therapy, and the whole psychiatric process, left me more aware of myself as being this damaged, flawed and failed human being. I wanted to be normal and I hated being reminded that I am not 'normal', whatever that might be.

I spent almost a year totally isolated from society, because I decided that with the borderline diagnosis, that was the only way I could ever find any peace. I often despise my emotions, and wish to God I had none at all. They used to serve me well in terms of my writing, photography and creativity, but at the same time, they are so intense that things that others might just be able to allow to wash over them, leave me so crippled by emotional hurt that I end up sedating myself by various means or just resorting to comfort eating, or abusing myself. There is no balance, for me, between being too attached to people and too detached, thus friendships have eluded me for the most part, though there are some people online and a few in real life(at a distance) who have seen something in me worth sticking around for (god knows what!)

In my own city, I have no-one. I know no-one really. I had a boyfriend, but had to step away from that recently because it was not working and my issues were becoming worse. I had a nutritionist who took me under her wing, but due to hitting her own issues, she went from daily contact, and regular meetings, to little to no contact, thus I have spent the last few weeks in the most incredibly bad place, in a deep foggy depression, bulimia raging out of control, and full of self hatred, with no one to turn to at all. I cannot tell you how hard that is when you have no support system and the one person who had stepped in to help and to support, stepped back out again. I don't feel sorry for myself, I know I will eventually manage to pull myself back up again, I usually do once I find some spark inside, something in me that I feel is worth fighting for.

I have all the time in the world for others who are suffering and who are feeling alone, or desperate, as I have been there so often myself. I think, unless you have experienced certain things, it can be impossible to relate or empathise with those going through mental health difficulties. There is so much stigma attached to certain diagnoses, especially personality disorders, which are often just another form of PTSD. In my case, childhood sexual abuse and certain family issues left me with zero sense of self worth, and therefore the expectation that anyone who came to know me, would walk away.

I have battled through severe anorexia, and almost died from it 4 times. I spent endless periods in hospitals from the age of 14, from overdosing in an attempt to escape my own mind and my home situation. I experienced being sectioned for a month and kept in my room 24/7, and not treated very well by the staff involved(I was once stitched up with nothing to numb the pain, as punishment). I have lost many people who failed to see the good parts of me, because at the time, I was consumed in the bad.

So yeah, I have such empathy and sympathy for others who are in this same place.
I hope one day to find some way out of how I am, as it is like being in prison. You are always on the outside, looking into a world you cannot be a part of. Watching people interract and have fun, and become friends, but having no idea how to get there yourself.
About to give treatment another try, as I am now 37 and life is slipping me by, and I feel I am not living it at all.
I have lost so many years to these diagnoses, and often wonder if there is actually anything left of 'me' underneath the labels, or if the labels are all anyone is every going to see.

So, that is my sharing. Something I have grown to dislike doing because often, sharing so openly leads people to either run a mile, or to use your vulnerabilities against you.

I hope everyone in this thread, finds some sort of peace, and can reach a point where their issues are no longer preventing them from living a productive and contented life. I think everyone deserves to experience love and joy in their lives, regardless of their diagnoses.

I know how you feel, I work in the field as a biller, and everyday I come in contact with those of you with these issues, I don't do anything but try my best to treat you with the same respect I expect from others, I have always kept a smile on my face and have been told that I "make their day"...I too have issues with anxiety, but I have pulled myself up with the help of meds and am now productive...It does a lot for your self esteem...find something you enjoy, and maybe good at, and pursue that...give it your all...it will help you in the long run....this is also a help when you feel all alone...I have been divorced now for 30 years and had to raise my kids alone...nobody wanted a "ready made family"...the only male friends that came along...turned out to be married, that really sucks...LOL....so that was another form of abuse that came my way....I found hobbies to keep me busy, and then sold my creations....made a little exra cash that way....not only did that help take care of my family, but I was proud of what I had done...

Please find something, and pursue it...we will all support you..

I tried DBT, in a group, and I found it incredibly difficult. I find it difficult to be among groups of people anyway due to also being on the autistic spectrum(go figure, having bpd and that, you wouldnt have thought it possible), and I found a lot of it seemed so basic. I got frustrated and quit on that. I tried CBT for a while recently, but was not at ease with the therapist, and asking someone who has issues with autistic traits to deal with recognising emotions, well. I found myself just missing appointments and wanting to escape. I think partly, because I found therapy, and the whole psychiatric process, left me more aware of myself as being this damaged, flawed and failed human being. I wanted to be normal and I hated being reminded that I am not 'normal', whatever that might be.

DBT is supposed to be more effective for people on the autism spectrum than CBT (according to recent research, anyway - i like to read all the recent research on ASDs, as I'm on the autism spectrum myself, so I am always looking for more strategies for myself). You don't have to do it in a group though - you can get a workbook to work through by yourself or with a therapist. I bought a workbook and it seems quite good.

Does diet and exercise help you wellbeing. I trying to help someone I know, the frustrating thing is I think come on just do it, snap out of it - only if it were that easy. Any ideas diet wise or exercise ideas please message me or quote me. Thanks all your advise is very much appreciated

Stealth exercise is good. I used it on a friend of mine. We'd go for a coffee and then I'd suggest going for lunch at this great little place I'd been to recently that was only a 'short' walk away. 'Short' being about a mile. Also, you could cook for your friend every now and then. Company and good food can make a difference.

But there's a caveat to all of this. You have to be really careful, because it's easy to push someone too hard or get upset if they cancel on you at the last minute, which is something I used to do when my depression was at its worst. I've also had it done to me. The best thing of all is always to ask what you can do to help. Sometimes it can be as simple as going to a doctor's appointment with someone so they can get professional help.

S.

I just want to give everyone here a massive shout out for being brave enough to post here. Thank you, sincerely.

I've had depression for about 20 years now. It came along with ME/CFS back in the day and didn't leave when that did. I'm still on medication and that's fine - it smooths things out and helps me to avoid the worst of the lows.

I've been on the way to the river, strapped into a rucksack full of weights, and stopped. I've been in the bath with a naked razor blade. But I didn't do it either time, and I'm indescribably glad of that. Now, down the line, life is pretty good and I'm starting to get my body under control again after years of leaning on food as an emotional crutch.

Anyone who wants to add me as a friend, feel free. Depression and mental illness are such personal things that no one can know exactly how you're feeling or what the best course of action is in any given situation. But I'm happy to provide what support I can.

Cheers,

Steven

wow, some people have so much to deal with, nothing but admiration for them. i suffered from anorexia for a long time, but mfp has been a real support for me to get to a now healthy weight.

mental illness is just as serious as physical illness, sometimes i think it can be even worse, so the fact that people are so open and mostly understanding on this site is something you cant put a price on!

Great you are open to talking about it-- I sent you an add/message with more details but as many others, I have had my share of battles with depression. (if I am too old I understand No worries.

Exercise is great to take the edge off as a supplement. I also found creative outlets HUGE - for me in particular playing guitar, listening to music, writing, journaling -- taking inspiration from great books... really was the difference some days where I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

Good luck on your journey.

The way that most people live is subconsciously dominated by the need to be connected. Brené Brown Ph.D[ii], gave a Ted/X presentation (Brown citation for video/transcript?) on the gifts of imperfection and the necessity for vulnerability in human connection. It seems that her research clearly gives cause for what Brené calls, “the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.” The cause (well exasperating factor) for this is the subconscious need to “numb” the emotions of vulnerability and shame. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb the discomfort and pain of these emotions. People can’t selectively numb emotions; when we numb shame or vulnerability, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, and we numb happiness.

"I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection. The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen." brene brown



Alternate definitions of terms (and their meaningful relationships with one another) culled from the lecture “the power of vulnerability”

Blame: A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

Courage: (Latin root “cour” or heart) to tell the story of who you are with you whole heart.

Connection: relationship resulting from having the courage to be who you really are (i.e. authenticity.

Creativity: our chance to uniquely contribute to the world of meaning and beuty through. Art, cooking, painting, dance, and on and on, it doesn’t really matter, what matters is creating.

Fear and Joy: “The dark does not destroy the light: it defines it. It’s out fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”

Love: cultivated between two people who allow their most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known. Trust, respect, kindness, and affection are key, while shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and withholding affections damage love. One can only love another person as much as they love themselves.

Singing, dancing, and laughing: create spiritual and emotional connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters: we are not alone.

Perfection and imperfection: need to validate ones worthiness by “being perfect”, instead of having the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves as well as others. And last the connection as a result of authenticity. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be in order to be who you really are.

Play and work: play is akin to sleep in its ability to restore our enthusiasm, passion, and deal with obstacles. The opposite of play is not work, it is depression.

Shame: the fear of disconnection from the people in our lives. “I’m not worthy.”

Vulnerability and numbing: Vulnerability is the willingness to give without promise of anything in return. It is an essential component for Joy, creativity, belonging, love and connection; also it is the center of our beauty or uniqueness as a person. When we struggle with our vulnerability we numb ourselves; we eat, some drink or do drugs, shop, whatever it takes. Numbing is more than just addiction’s, it’s also making everything that is uncertain certain. Fear + vulnerability become blame, judgment, as a way to discharge the pain and discomfort.


(from my blog and a paper i wrote last year for English 101)

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/LordByproduct?month=201210

The way that most people live is subconsciously dominated by the need to be connected. Brené Brown Ph.D[ii], gave a Ted/X presentation (Brown citation for video/transcript?) on the gifts of imperfection and the necessity for vulnerability in human connection. It seems that her research clearly gives cause for what Brené calls, “the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.” The cause (well exasperating factor) for this is the subconscious need to “numb” the emotions of vulnerability and shame. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb the discomfort and pain of these emotions. People can’t selectively numb emotions; when we numb shame or vulnerability, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, and we numb happiness.

"I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection. The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen." brene brown



Alternate definitions of terms (and their meaningful relationships with one another) culled from the lecture “the power of vulnerability”

Blame: A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

Courage: (Latin root “cour” or heart) to tell the story of who you are with you whole heart.

Connection: relationship resulting from having the courage to be who you really are (i.e. authenticity.

Creativity: our chance to uniquely contribute to the world of meaning and beuty through. Art, cooking, painting, dance, and on and on, it doesn’t really matter, what matters is creating.

Fear and Joy: “The dark does not destroy the light: it defines it. It’s out fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”

Love: cultivated between two people who allow their most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known. Trust, respect, kindness, and affection are key, while shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and withholding affections damage love. One can only love another person as much as they love themselves.

Singing, dancing, and laughing: create spiritual and emotional connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters: we are not alone.

Perfection and imperfection: need to validate ones worthiness by “being perfect”, instead of having the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves as well as others. And last the connection as a result of authenticity. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be in order to be who you really are.

Play and work: play is akin to sleep in its ability to restore our enthusiasm, passion, and deal with obstacles. The opposite of play is not work, it is depression.

Shame: the fear of disconnection from the people in our lives. “I’m not worthy.”

Vulnerability and numbing: Vulnerability is the willingness to give without promise of anything in return. It is an essential component for Joy, creativity, belonging, love and connection; also it is the center of our beauty or uniqueness as a person. When we struggle with our vulnerability we numb ourselves; we eat, some drink or do drugs, shop, whatever it takes. Numbing is more than just addiction’s, it’s also making everything that is uncertain certain. Fear + vulnerability become blame, judgment, as a way to discharge the pain and discomfort.


(from my blog and a paper i wrote last year for English 101)

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/LordByproduct?month=201210

I think you just won. Quoting for truth.
About the shirt, that's one that should be made. My mom had breast cancer and I believe that all boobies are sacred and should be protected.

Thanks

I had a family member who was committed 2-3 times in the past 5 months, she lost it, wrote all over her house-crazy stuff, talked to people who werent there, wasnt sleeping, acting like the exorsist and destroyed her life, she just got on meds about 1 month ago, claims she was diagnosed with bipolar, but I believe she is a paranoid scitzo. I havent talked to her since she has been out this time, and i am almost afraid to because of what shes done. have you ever heard of bipolar doing stuff like that?

I have been diagnosed as bipolar as well...I was admitted to the hospital at one point because of how hysterical I was....While in there I learned a lot about the disease, and delusions such as those that you described, are quite possible....that is just one of many symptoms that are part of it. The best thing to do is not to avoid her like the plague, even though I understand how you were traumatized, but she is still a person with feelings...It seems she just needed to be diagnosed correctly. ... With the right diagnosis and medication, there is possibility of a complete personality turnaround in a good way.

I don't really understand the "getting better" and/or relapsing people are talking about. Mental illnesses are typically for life, right? I mean that's how I view mine. It's something I will always have to deal with and be aware of, and in knowing that, I'm more able to watch out for warning signs or triggers that might send me into a down spiral. I only have depression, but I do think I have a bit of anxiety at times... I used to get really anxious around big groups of people and avoided them at all costs.

I'm on medicine now though and have been for about 2 years, which is working well for me - knock on wood! hehe. I was on several different kinds of medicines before the one I'm on now, and I'd given up on psychiatric medicine for a long time. I spent over half my life in and out of mental health specialists' offices, and a short time in an in-patient facility. I used to cut, for a long time, which started when I was twelve. I think that was my way of coping with things I'd blacked out and repressed from my childhood coming back through night terrors.

I think understanding your mental affliction is the biggest and most important part of dealing with it. Knowing your own mind as best you can and cooperating with GOOD doctors that know what they're doing to give you the right treatment is so important... I got lucky with the medicine I'm taking now. It was prescribed to me by my family doctor as a quit smoking aid, but actually ended up treating all my symptoms of depression. It truly has changed my life in so many ways. I never thought I could feel this way again, and I will be forever thankful for it. But, I did get lucky. I had only one psychiatrist that I actually respected when I was growing up. I saw him when I was about 16-17 years old. He actually took the time to look through all his giant medical books and show me the medicines he was putting me on, showed me all their side-effects and the possible interactions they would have with other medicines. He explained to me why he chose this pill over the other, and although I didn't get "better" from the medicines he prescribed me, the counseling he gave me was invaluable. I really respected him, and he gave me hope.

I really hope you can find what you need in a doctor and that things are looking up for you soon. Add me if you want! I try to be a positive motivator when I can!