What do you do when you eat at a friend's house?

I must say that, unless you are on a medically supervised restrictive diet that would require you to do so, bringing your own food when invited to dinner seems incredibly rude to me. Eat as little as you like, even decline dessert if you must. You are under no obligation to stuff yourself silly but there is no need to be rude just because you are on a diet.

Huh?

When one of my friends invites me over for dinner, I always offer to bring a salad or starter dish and a bottle of wine. It seems perfectly polite to me, and my friends always seem to appreciate having one course of the meal taken care of.

I can understand your point if I showed up and brought my own complete meal without saying anything, and completely ignored the meal you were generously offering to me. That could potentially be rude if your host/ess was the sort of person who cared about such things.

But if I say "Dinner would be great, thanks! Would you like me to bring a salad for starters?" I've never heard anyone tell me that's rude. Then I can control my own portions of salad versus whatever my generous friend has prepared, and if I happen to load up a little more salad than main course, I've never had a friend become offended about it.

But, then again, the kinds of friends who invite me over to dinner are also the kinds of friends who I don't generally tend to worry about offending or take offense from their actions. They are friends. If I invite them over for dinner, it's because I want to hang out and enjoy their company, not because I want to put an obligation on them to compliment me about my cooking skills. If they bring their own food, it's all good. There's space at the table, and good conversation, and no one gets uptight about what everyone else is eating (except the parents making sure their kids get their veggies, etc).

Thank you, all of you for your answers. A salad would not go over well because the hostess doesn't like lettuce. She HATES lettuce.

I've been trying to cut high calorie food out of my diet. I watched my friend make spaghetti once and it was 2 16oz packs of noodles with 2 jars of sauce. 2 oz of noodles (which really isn't much) is 200 calories, obviously just filling a bowl with pasta can ruin my entire day just on calories. I try to eat 6 small meals that are no more than 250 calories total. So far my plan has been working fairly well.

Dinner with my friend isn't until tomorrow night, but I wanted suggestions now so I can have a plan in place for tomorrow.
My next challenge will be getting through the holidays.

Is this a meal about the hostess, or a meal about friends getting together to enjoy each other's company for an evening? If it's about the hostess then don't take a salad or anything else and just eat small portions, if it's about friends getting together then add to the menu whatever you want and will eat. It doesn't sound like she's exactly a gourmet cook, so I don't see what issue she would take with you chipping in, seeing as it wouldn't really ruin the overall ambiance of the meal.

I entertain a lot and can completely appreciate all the hard work and planning that goes into a dinner party. I would be incredibly offended if someone brought their own food. I would just be honest with her ahead of time and let her know what you're trying to do for yourself. You may be surprised to find some healthier options served. Hostesses love to please their guests!!

Regarding lettuce, who says a salad has to include lettuce? I'm pretty sure there isn't a law requiring this. For lunch today I had a salad with cucumber, olives and tomatoes with a little balsamic vinegar. There are lots of other fresh veggie combinations that I think count as "salad." Another one of my favorites is roasted asparagus with red peppers and a little feta.

Think outside the head of lettuce!!!:happy:

I must say that, unless you are on a medically supervised restrictive diet that would require you to do so, bringing your own food when invited to dinner seems incredibly rude to me. Eat as little as you like, even decline dessert if you must. You are under no obligation to stuff yourself silly but there is no need to be rude just because you are on a diet.

Huh?

When one of my friends invites me over for dinner, I always offer to bring a salad or starter dish and a bottle of wine. It seems perfectly polite to me, and my friends always seem to appreciate having one course of the meal taken care of.

I can understand your point if I showed up and brought my own complete meal without saying anything, and completely ignored the meal you were generously offering to me. That could potentially be rude if your host/ess was the sort of person who cared about such things.

But if I say "Dinner would be great, thanks! Would you like me to bring a salad for starters?" I've never heard anyone tell me that's rude. Then I can control my own portions of salad versus whatever my generous friend has prepared, and if I happen to load up a little more salad than main course, I've never had a friend become offended about it.

But, then again, the kinds of friends who invite me over to dinner are also the kinds of friends who I don't generally tend to worry about offending or take offense from their actions. They are friends. If I invite them over for dinner, it's because I want to hang out and enjoy their company, not because I want to put an obligation on them to compliment me about my cooking skills. If they bring their own food, it's all good. There's space at the table, and good conversation, and no one gets uptight about what everyone else is eating (except the parents making sure their kids get their veggies, etc).

Obviously if you offered to bring food and the hostess said yes, then that would different than just showing up with your own food because you are on a diet and didn't want to eat what was offered. And bringing a bottle of wine is a totally different story and you should not necessarily expect that bottle to be opened that night (though it may be if the host/ess so chooses) But even if you brought enough "healthy" food for everyone, it would still be rude not to eat what the hotess was serving.

Well, sort of. Once a month won't wreck the plan. The thing is, many people find themselves in situations anywhere from once or twice a month to 4 or 5 times a week. That is the issue. Working long hours, you bring in takeout food instead of cooking at home. Or someone at the office is having a birthday and brings cake, you go out for drinks with friends, dinner out with the family or SO, and dinner with friends. If you just indulge, pretty soon you are off the program and not losing weight or even worse, gaining back the weight.

That's not always the case. For some, yes. Possibly even most. But there are structured eating plans that intentionally cycle calorie intake so that you're at a deficit during the week & have a surplus on one day. I followed such a plan for quite a long time & successfully lost a lot of my weight that way. You're referring to those who tend toward disordered eating, which is very different from structuring your intake so that you have a surplus one day a week. I would sync up my spike days with any events or holidays that came up & it worked great.

One can eat at maintenance or a surplus once a week without binge-eating & still lose weight. If you have your 3500-calorie deficit at the end of the week, you'll lose about a pound whether you had a 500-calorie deficit for 7 days or a 750-calorie deficit for 6 days with a 1000-calorie surplus on spike day. I find that knowing I'll have a day each week to eat some extra food is a very effective way to prevent cravings for junky stuff during the week, plus post-spike workouts are BOSS. The mental benefits are even more significant; I've been at this for a long time so it's nice to have regular breaks from "dieting" each week.

But I digress, this is just what works for me & it's not for everybody. Some may find themselves slipping into the 4 or 5 days a week of crappy eating if they do this, so they shouldn't. And I agree, it doesn't sound like what she cooks is worth going off-plan for that frequently, so the suggestion someone made to alternate houses for the get-togethers is a good one. If the hostess isn't willing to at least make an effort to serve healthier food - & no one can force her to, nor should they if she's the hostess - then the OP should probably make a decision about attending the dinner parties as often.