Walking(exerc.) w/ Friends & Family? HELP
3foldchord
Posts: 2,918 Member
(this started with a question in mind, then became a "read my story and commiserate so I know I am not alone on this"
teensy bit of background:
I am 40, my mom is 64. She thinks we are best friends. I was out of state for 5 yrs and just moved back. She is exctatic.
She is overwieght and has both knees replaced. She got the same yoga app I use and asked me to do a workout (and diet-food) program with her. (I design little workout routines for my boys and myself- mostly bodyweight/small weights)
I turned her down for doing the workout/nutrition program (she used the word 'teaching'). With her joint replacement and food allergies, my sanity is too precious. (she is the type that asks for advice then has an excuse why This or That or The Other won't work for her, in her situation.
The Actual Info for my Post:
well, she saw soemting I postted on FB about the park in my neighborhood having a walking path. She came over (for a visit) and mentioned how much she woud love to have a walking partner and to call her on days I walk and she'll walk with me. (She lives about 11 minutes driving time)
So I bit the bullet and called her today. (I usually don't use the path- how boring to walk in the same circle 6 times - to be 2 miles. I walk the neighborhood.
Withh her knees we'll walk the path.
anyway. I guess I used to have a question, but I don't anymore, becuase I guess I know whatt I should do. Just buck-up and walk slow and boring, for my mom.
She will walk slower than me. I like to walk fast. I will be upset that I will have to log 2.5, or worse yet, 3.0-walk the dog (I don't OWN a dog!) instead of my 4.0 pace.
So now I just want a little Commisserating... What/when have you "Nerfed" your workout for the sake of others?
teensy bit of background:
I am 40, my mom is 64. She thinks we are best friends. I was out of state for 5 yrs and just moved back. She is exctatic.
She is overwieght and has both knees replaced. She got the same yoga app I use and asked me to do a workout (and diet-food) program with her. (I design little workout routines for my boys and myself- mostly bodyweight/small weights)
I turned her down for doing the workout/nutrition program (she used the word 'teaching'). With her joint replacement and food allergies, my sanity is too precious. (she is the type that asks for advice then has an excuse why This or That or The Other won't work for her, in her situation.
The Actual Info for my Post:
well, she saw soemting I postted on FB about the park in my neighborhood having a walking path. She came over (for a visit) and mentioned how much she woud love to have a walking partner and to call her on days I walk and she'll walk with me. (She lives about 11 minutes driving time)
So I bit the bullet and called her today. (I usually don't use the path- how boring to walk in the same circle 6 times - to be 2 miles. I walk the neighborhood.
Withh her knees we'll walk the path.
anyway. I guess I used to have a question, but I don't anymore, becuase I guess I know whatt I should do. Just buck-up and walk slow and boring, for my mom.
She will walk slower than me. I like to walk fast. I will be upset that I will have to log 2.5, or worse yet, 3.0-walk the dog (I don't OWN a dog!) instead of my 4.0 pace.
So now I just want a little Commisserating... What/when have you "Nerfed" your workout for the sake of others?
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Replies
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Anyone?0
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I don't call it my workout. I call it fun with my kids...or friends...and do my real workout alone or with my dad who walks fast.
Just don't count it as your workout. It's time with your mom that she apparently needs.
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Is it possible if you DO chose to do the path, you go ahead of her, get a "real " workout in, say, run it or jog it, ahead of time? Then have her meet you there later, when you are done, and walk it with her?0
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I've only gone out for a run once with a friend, hes relatively fit / skinny. He could not keep up with me so I let him lead the pace, but it was obvious I could run circles around him. Having been the fat friend a year prior it felt pretty good. I may have laughed at him a bunch :P
Lots of friends have wanted to try running with me after they have seen what good things it has done for me (weight wise). I'm not going to be the guy who calls them on their offer. if you want to run, then lets run. nobody ever follows through with it. I'm not going to hound people either, they need to have their own motivation. I'd be down to run with them, probably do a slow 5k with them, and then when they go home I would do a speedy 5k by myself. I would not enjoy doing this often though.0 -
I agree - spend time with your mom and get your real exercise some other time.I don't call it my workout. I call it fun with my kids...or friends...and do my real workout alone or with my dad who walks fast.
Just don't count it as your workout. It's time with your mom that she apparently needs.0 -
This is tough .... a couple of ideas
1. Suggest doing a yoga video instead of walking. Pick a nice relaxing hatha yoga workout. This is great for relieving stress & improving flexibility. Older people really need to work on balance as well. It's still not a great calorie burner ... but so good for you.
2. Do a "walking" video together. You can go at the faster pace (higher knees ... bigger arms) while mom can go at her own pace. There is no choreography to "learn" ... so going at your own pace is doable. Lots of these on youtube .... your local library ... or Wal-Mart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjduJjO1pLg&feature=related 0 -
I don't relate to the workout "nerfing" (I rarely work out with anyone else, and when I used to run with my former roommate we were pretty evenly matched), but I TOTALLY relate to the mom issues. Lucky for me I am a few states away. But my poor sister is a certified trainer and our obese mom is always asking her to train her or make a diet plan or whatever. My sister makes suggestions, which my mom follows for about a day. It's very frustrating and guilt-inducing.
Props to my mom though, she's down about 60 pounds using South Beach. I am not a fan of diet plan book fads, and she has been a life-long yo-yo dieter, so I am cautious about her success thus far. But it's the first time she's lost weight in maybe 15 years.
Walk with your mom. It'll make her feel good. Think of it as your warmup.0 -
I am still wondering if I should record it or not. It is so hard to amke time to go for brisk walks and bike rides as it is , without having a 'psuedo walk'.. BUT maybe she will walk faster than I think. Maybe I will find time to go on a real walk.
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and am fraid a 'pseudo walk' (and everythig else I am doing today) will wear me out too much for a real walk. But maybe it's OK occasionally.
(and, for the person who said they count these things as "fun with mom or kids or whomever".. FUN is not an appropriate description. )
Oh, well. I was probably just complaining. I am going to buck up and have fun.0 -
bump0
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I used to go for walks with my Mom all the time. We went skiing together too. That was a long time ago and she has since developed arthritis and had her hips replaced so she isn't internested in so much walking anymore. She certainly couldn't keep my regular pace. If we walk together it is slow and still somewhat painful for her so really not fun for eigher one, but good for her and for us to be together. So I do walks with my Mom on a "rest day" and kick it up a notch or two on other days when I walk alone or with a friend.0
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My hubby I think tends to "Nerf" his workout for me. I have a bad knee, bad hip, and now a strained back. I feel like I am falling apart, or my warranty has run out, lmao. I think it is about compromise. Maybe walk a little with her and go back and walk it fast with your boys. Race them, have sprints, etc. My boys (11 & 12) want me to run with them all the time. I do it in very short sprints then volunteer another activity where they are running crazy and i can do a lower level. (Example: Soccer, with mom being teh goalie). Good luck either way. Remember one day, you may miss the slow walks with her.0
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Since you are going on the same circular path I would do some of the path with mom, then go your own pace until you catch up with her again, stay with mom a while then go again at your own pace etc.
I am not a runner but my ex and I would go running. He was a foot taller and in much better running shape then me. We would run together then he would run a head a while, run back to me, stay with me a while, run ahead, run back to me etc. We both got our workouts in, but I am still not a runner.0 -
Go 2x a week to make her happy, for you it's your one on one time with her, for her - it's exercise. You still do what you do though in the meantime and use that as quality time 2x a week with her.0
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How many laps is she hoping to walk with you? I would suggest she pushes it and walks as fast as she can manage for one lap, then sit out a lap/slow way way down while you run a lap to get back to her, then walk another lap, slightly slower, break again, you run a lap, then she pushes again for a 3rd lap.0
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My wife and I take our daughter hiking at the weekends. It's a great time and I just log the walk at whatever speed we make. With a 7 year old, we're not going to break any speed records, but I would rather do this with her than on my own any day of the week.0
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She "thinks" you are best friends? Doesn't sound much like it to me. Maybe she'll get lucky and find someone to REALLY be best friends with, someone who is more her speed. I hope so, for her sake.
I would give anything I own just to be able to walk with my mama again. She's been gone 7 years now.0 -
I gotta say I do both. I walk for fun (aka walking the dog, walking with the kids) and then I walk for exercise (fast walking, treadmill, miles, etc.), but I would only consider the latter worthy of logging for actual exercise.
I say do what you feel like doing with your Ma, spend the time with her and enjoy it, and then do some extra for yourself.0 -
You are lucky to have ANY family that wants anything to do with you. You have no idea how excited I would be if my mom or one of my sisters called and asked me to go on a walk with them. I'd crawl if I had to. But, that will never happen.
Anywayyy, back when mom was someone 'herself', (she has alzheimers), I'd take her on walks, outings, etc. and she walked soooooo slow it made me crazy. I had been walking fast to lose weight and it was hard for me to slow things down. I ended up telling myself that it was NOT my workout, it was time with my mom that I'd never get back if I didn't do it. I have no regrets!
Now, my husband had major surgery on his leg and is wearing an aircast. He is also terminally ill. Well, today I had planned on walking/jogging/biking 12 miles (to catch up a goal to reach 1000 MILES by sat.) and instead we are taking off in the car to go for a drive along the river to enjoy the fall season together. I'm going to pack our lunch and enjoy precious time with my husband. We will, hopefully, get out of the car when we reach our destination and walk a bit. He's just now putting weight on his leg so it wont be far.
Another BUT>>>but, I will be jogging my C25K segment before we leave. haha
Point is, work around it. Slow down. Enjoy time with your mom, appreciate the fact that she wants to spend time with you, get healthier and that she loves you.0 -
She "thinks" you are best friends? Doesn't sound much like it to me. Maybe she'll get lucky and find someone to REALLY be best friends with, someone who is more her speed. I hope so, for her sake.
I would give anything I own just to be able to walk with my mama again. She's been gone 7 years now.
Perspective right there!0 -
You're an awesome dad. Good for you!My wife and I take our daughter hiking at the weekends. It's a great time and I just log the walk at whatever speed we make. With a 7 year old, we're not going to break any speed records, but I would rather do this with her than on my own any day of the week.0 -
She "thinks" you are best friends? Doesn't sound much like it to me. Maybe she'll get lucky and find someone to REALLY be best friends with, someone who is more her speed. I hope so, for her sake.
I would give anything I own just to be able to walk with my mama again. She's been gone 7 years now.
Yes. and I know that is bad of me. And I feel guilty for the way I feel, just haven't found a way to not feel that way yet
. She told me all my life that she is not my friend. "I'm NOT your friend! I'm your mom. I don't care if you like me"
(and I was one of the 'Goody Two Shoes obedient kids")
I am not her best friend. and, according to how I was brought up, I shoulnd't be her best friend. Doesn't mea I don't love her or don't care for her. but I just don't know how to think of her as a best friend.
I am a bad daughter and a bad best friend for my mom.0 -
(this started with a question in mind, then became a "read my story and commiserate so I know I am not alone on this"
teensy bit of background:
I am 40, my mom is 64. She thinks we are best friends. I was out of state for 5 yrs and just moved back. She is exctatic.
She is overwieght and has both knees replaced. She got the same yoga app I use and asked me to do a workout (and diet-food) program with her. (I design little workout routines for my boys and myself- mostly bodyweight/small weights)
I turned her down for doing the workout/nutrition program (she used the word 'teaching'). With her joint replacement and food allergies, my sanity is too precious. (she is the type that asks for advice then has an excuse why This or That or The Other won't work for her, in her situation.
The Actual Info for my Post:
well, she saw soemting I postted on FB about the park in my neighborhood having a walking path. She came over (for a visit) and mentioned how much she woud love to have a walking partner and to call her on days I walk and she'll walk with me. (She lives about 11 minutes driving time)
So I bit the bullet and called her today. (I usually don't use the path- how boring to walk in the same circle 6 times - to be 2 miles. I walk the neighborhood.
Withh her knees we'll walk the path.
anyway. I guess I used to have a question, but I don't anymore, becuase I guess I know whatt I should do. Just buck-up and walk slow and boring, for my mom.
She will walk slower than me. I like to walk fast. I will be upset that I will have to log 2.5, or worse yet, 3.0-walk the dog (I don't OWN a dog!) instead of my 4.0 pace.
So now I just want a little Commisserating... What/when have you "Nerfed" your workout for the sake of others?
Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.
Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.0 -
I don't call it my workout. I call it fun with my kids...or friends...and do my real workout alone or with my dad who walks fast.
Just don't count it as your workout. It's time with your mom that she apparently needs.
^^^^Well said! Exactly!!0 -
It's your mom. How would you feel about not spending time with her if she dropped dead tommorow? Walk with her and find the time for another workout.0
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I am still wondering if I should record it or not. It is so hard to amke time to go for brisk walks and bike rides as it is , without having a 'psuedo walk'.. BUT maybe she will walk faster than I think. Maybe I will find time to go on a real walk.
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and am fraid a 'pseudo walk' (and everythig else I am doing today) will wear me out too much for a real walk. But maybe it's OK occasionally.
(and, for the person who said they count these things as "fun with mom or kids or whomever".. FUN is not an appropriate description. )
Oh, well. I was probably just complaining. I am going to buck up and have fun.
This is starting to sound like a relationship issue between you and your Mom.....not a fitness issue.0 -
Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.
Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.
Thanks. I need to work on making it a special time for us and view it as that instead of my exercise time.0 -
I have, in the past, worked out, hiked or walked with friends that are not at the same cardio level I am. I enjoy their company and I also enjoy supporting them on THEIR path to healthy living. I work out in the mornings alone and then walk/hike with them at different times. I still log it as exercise as, well you know, I am exercising even if it isn't at MY optimal level.
Your mom sounds like she wants and needs support... I agree with you... don't make a routine for her... this is HER journey. She needs to come up with a plan that works for her... all you can do is support her in her journey. Good luck to you and your mom.0 -
Some day, when she's gone, you will look back on this and realize what a special time it was for her and you.
Since it's not a challenging work out for you - you might want to make a once a week walking date with your Mom. Be honest and tell her you like to get a fast pace walk in...she'll understand if you only want to walk with her once a week.
Thanks. I need to work on making it a special time for us and view it as that instead of my exercise time.
I live with my 82 year old Mom (moved in to help her out when my Dad passed a few years ago). God knows I love her to death...it's not easy living with her!!!! But I know when she's gone I'm going to cherish this time that I got to have with her. It's been wonderful getting to know her as a person not just a mother! I will admit though....it takes a lot of patience!!0 -
This is starting to sound like a relationship issue between you and your Mom.....not a fitness issue.
I agree to a degree, It is sounding like both a mom-issue than a fitness quandry. I didn't realize it was more the former than the later when I sarted out.
but is a fitness quandry for me, too. Which is why I came here, to get advice or 'your story' of this situation for the fitness part of the quandry.
I know the mom-issue needs work, too, but this is a fitness site, not a relationship therapy site, so I wanted fitness issue advice.
And I should have ttall kept any relationship part out of my fitness dvice thread. My apologies.0 -
I have a neighbor/friend who asks occasionally if I want to walk. I try to walk every evening after work. Selfishly, I like to go by myself. I put my earbuds in, got my 2# hand weights and crank up the Electro Dance channel and hit it. (step to the beat!) I don't want to chit-chat; I don't want to look at the neighbor's yard, I don't want to gossip, I just want to push it and push it hard.
So, I do understand.0
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