Before and After Where People Look Anorexic

kelly_e_montana
kelly_e_montana Posts: 1,999 Member
in Chit-Chat
So is there a proper protocol to a situation where a person posts before pics that look very healthy (could use a little toning but no weight loss) and then later pics that make them look anorexic? Do we have a moral obligation to point this out? Perhaps they have body dsymorphic disorder? It concerns me when people say "You look great" when in reality, they look like they can no longer even menstruate. Maybe one person in the thread points it out, but the others just say "great." What's the right thing to here? Should politeness and encouragement overrule common sense and concern for a person's health? Obviously we aren't doctors, but haven't you all seen something that makes you go "hmmm?"

And if so, what's the appropriate response? Silence? Positive feedback? Negative feedback? I'm not sure and I wanted your opinions. :)
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Replies

  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    I haven't seen the pictures you're referencing, but keep in mind that rapid weight loss or weight loss without resistance training results in a significant loss of muscle along with the fat. A lot of people who have just completed their weight loss will look somewhat gaunt at first, until they work on replacing the muscles lost, even if they are at a healthy weight. A few months later, at the same weight, they look healthy again.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    if people post on forums like this, you are entitled to give your opinion if you think they look 'anorexic'.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    yep,,,, i say it! these people NEED HELP!
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    I tend to say nothing if I can't say something nice though.
  • nz_deevaa
    nz_deevaa Posts: 12,209 Member
    I don't think an appropriate response is ever "gosh, you looked better before you look anorexic now" ....never. Ever.
  • wjkfloyd
    wjkfloyd Posts: 125
    Since we really don't know the facts in terms of what their medically recommended weight should be, I do not think we should make a comment.

    Hopefully, if they are too thin, someone close to them can talk with them.
  • kellehbeans
    kellehbeans Posts: 838 Member
    I just don't say anything. If you tell them 'WOW! You look great, keep it up' or something like that, they will probably feel 'wow, I'm doing great, I need to maintain this', and possibly won't listen to someone close enough to tell them they are beginning to look very thin.

    If you don't say anything at all, it stops you from looking like a monster - and if you have nothing nice to say - then don't say it at all! However, if you don't give them any compliments, they may try and make it worse and get even thinner. You don't know if that person suffers from anything at all. I choose to say nothing so I can't be involved if they do fall ill! Because I would feel guilty.
  • bjhazelman
    bjhazelman Posts: 5
    I think that this should only be a forum where we build each other up. Everyone has the right to their own opinion; but there is no obligation or right to share if you are going to hurt someone else. Stating something negative on here is not going to be the catalyst to send someone to therapy. We aren't physicians and don't know anyone elses struggles or physical situation.If we can't be positive, we should be quiet. And that... is only my opinion.
  • kimmianne89
    kimmianne89 Posts: 428 Member
    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    I tend to say nothing if I can't say something nice though.

    I agree, If I have nothing nice to say I keep my opinion to myself.

    What if you had lost 100lb, your still big but so proud of what you have accomplished and someone responds saying "you're still fat"... it would be so hurtful. I have seen people say that the person looks worse now than before and look anorexic and say "eat more lol" because they are now thin. They are not anorexic and I think it's plain rude. Unless their bones are poking out and look really ill then maybe a private message if you are concerned, I don't think this should be pointed out to them in a public forum.
  • aldalilja
    aldalilja Posts: 17 Member
    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    I tend to say nothing if I can't say something nice though.

    I agree, If I have nothing nice to say I keep my opinion to myself.

    What if you had lost 100lb, your still big but so proud of what you have accomplished and someone responds saying "you're still fat"... it would be so hurtful. I have seen people say that the person looks worse now than before and look anorexic and say "eat more lol" because they are now thin. They are not anorexic and I think it's plain rude. Unless they're bones are poking out and look really ill then maybe a private message if you are concerned, I don't think this should be pointed out to them in a public forum.

    Agree with these.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    I think people should mind their business. Just ignore the tread.

    How about a person post a before/after and a person goes "wow you still need more work but good try so far!" Yeah, I'm sure that wouldn't go over so well.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    If they give their height and weight or BMI and are not healthy I do not feel they should be giving a pat on the back for their good work when they starved themselves (like 200-300 calories daily). People post their pictures for critisism (hopefully positive) but I dont ever tell someone good job when I dont think that. If someone posts and asks how they look, I feel that is fair game to give critisism.
    For example: If I posted a photo of myself asking people what they think about my progress and how much more I should lose/tone and someone says I should tone my butt up a little more and here are some exercises to do, how can I be upset? They are giving me feedback that I asked for.

    On a side note: I dont friend people that are obviously too skinny to be healthy, pro ana, pro bela, do the abc diet or anything else I flat out think is wrong.
  • 00Melyanna00
    00Melyanna00 Posts: 221 Member
    I think this is a very good point, but also a bit problematic.

    On one hand, it's good to try to help, but it's true that it's a bit rude (ok, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it's much more polite to keep negative ones for ourselves unless we were expressively asked to say something).

    The other thing is, comments like these can always trigger the opposite reaction (due to some psychological mechanisms I can't explain very well here), so you think you are helping, but you end up provoking a negative reaction.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    I tend to say nothing if I can't say something nice though.

    I agree, If I have nothing nice to say I keep my opinion to myself.

    What if you had lost 100lb, your still big but so proud of what you have accomplished and someone responds saying "you're still fat"... it would be so hurtful. I have seen people say that the person looks worse now than before and look anorexic and say "eat more lol" because they are now thin. They are not anorexic and I think it's plain rude. Unless their bones are poking out and look really ill then maybe a private message if you are concerned, I don't think this should be pointed out to them in a public forum.

    Some people just need a little tact. Anyone who lost 100 lbs has to be super proud of themselves! When asking other peoples opinions, you may get them. But why cant the people just say congradulations for the 100 lbs and leave it at that. If they are asking for something specific, like do you think I should lose 20 more pounds, I think it is fine to answer yes or no with a reason why.
    When I was 5'2 and 125 people would say I was too thin and my BMI was perfectly fine. I think if you have a good grasp on BMI, know the person or they asked your opinion it is ok to say something. I do not think it is appropriate to just start talking to a co-worker or someone you barely know about how poorly they are taking care of themselves.
  • Elle408
    Elle408 Posts: 500 Member
    I think all those suggesting that if you have nothing nice to say, not to say anything are missing the point. Mentioning that the poster has gone a little too far or might want to try and stay in a healthy range isn't unkind. And i'm speaking from experience. I got really quite thin at the height of my weight loss, my hair was falling out, my skin was terrible and I looked like I had an eating disorder, I was so skewed in my logic though that even when I hit goal I didn't eat at maintenance, I clung on to that deficit and kept trying to lose just a few more... no one said anything. Not one person (IRL or on the net) said that I should probably stop. It was only ligament damage and a break from MFP that I started to realise what I had done. (Size 6UK (2US) tops were too big and I am large framed) Once I was eating more and exercising a little less, I could see the damage, and when i'd put on a few pounds and started to look healthier, friends suddenly started saying that they were glad because they thought I'd gone too far, I asked them why they hadn't said anything and they all said because they thought it was rude, or none of their business. Granted, I can't guarantee that I would have listened, but everyone was telling me 'well done' so I thought I was doing the right thing...

    I think a gentle 'You've done a great job, now let's focus on being healthy and strong and building that muscle' would have sank in a bit better... Particularly if those who don't want to say something 'not nice' aren't, and those who are pro-ana are saying well done, it is going to skew your logic!
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    I think all those suggesting that if you have nothing nice to say, not to say anything are missing the point. Mentioning that the poster has gone a little too far or might want to try and stay in a healthy range isn't unkind. And i'm speaking from experience. I got really quite thin at the height of my weight loss, my hair was falling out, my skin was terrible and I looked like I had an eating disorder, I was so skewed in my logic though that even when I hit goal I didn't eat at maintenance, I clung on to that deficit and kept trying to lose just a few more... no one said anything. Not one person (IRL or on the net) said that I should probably stop. It was only ligament damage and a break from MFP that I started to realise what I had done. (Size 6UK (2US) tops were too big and I am large framed) Once I was eating more and exercising a little less, I could see the damage, and when i'd put on a few pounds and started to look healthier, friends suddenly started saying that they were glad because they thought I'd gone too far, I asked them why they hadn't said anything and they all said because they thought it was rude, or none of their business. Granted, I can't guarantee that I would have listened, but everyone was telling me 'well done' so I thought I was doing the right thing...

    I think a gentle 'You've done a great job, now let's focus on being healthy and strong and building that muscle' would have sank in a bit better... Particularly if those who don't want to say something 'not nice' aren't, and those who are pro-ana are saying well done, it is going to skew your logic!

    If someone really wants to be complemented for super skinny/unhealthy BMI they will search that out at pro-ana sites. Women like this need real answer, gently phrased as she put it.
  • Arexxx
    Arexxx Posts: 486 Member
    I call them out on it.
    To peoples disgust and anger.

    But if you look like you're going to drop dead, and have sunken eyes and waxy skin. You don't need positive re-inforcement. You need help.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
    I call them out on it.
    To peoples disgust and anger.

    But if you look like you're going to drop dead, and have sunken eyes and waxy skin. You don't need positive re-inforcement. You need help.

    exactly
  • lozadee
    lozadee Posts: 89 Member
    From what I've seen on here, some people say rude things for the sake of it/just to cause an argument.

    Private messages are the best way to send things if you want to be supportive.

    Surely theres never really a time for a horrible message - thats the whole point of the website "myfitnessPAL" not bully!
  • stephc0711
    stephc0711 Posts: 1,022 Member
    Ive private messaged one or two people before, because it looked like they were absolutely wasting away. I voiced my concern, but that was it. I usually can manage a polite, diplomatic approach to sensitive things, and if I can't I won't say anything. I've been on both sides, and it's not easy.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Yesterday I was talking to a good friend I've known about 7 years. it went a little like this

    "man, so Melissa found this old picture of me from the 80's, oh man, you would not believe how fat I was back then. I can't believe no one told me what a fat fvck I'd become!!"

    Some people don't want to hear it
    Some people are in denial and don't realize it
    Some people want to hear it
    Some people need to hear it.

    Worst case scenario you get a shaming letter from a mod and a clear consience. (sp?)
  • PicklePlum
    PicklePlum Posts: 192 Member
    Ive private messaged one or two people before, because it looked like they were absolutely wasting away. I voiced my concern, but that was it. I usually can manage a polite, diplomatic approach to sensitive things, and if I can't I won't say anything. I've been on both sides, and it's not easy.

    The right way to address anas IMO. At the very least be polite about it, if posted in their thread. Attacking them publically is humiliating and chances are they won't listen.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    From what I've seen on here, some people say rude things for the sake of it/just to cause an argument.

    Private messages are the best way to send things if you want to be supportive.

    Surely theres never really a time for a horrible message - thats the whole point of the website "myfitnessPAL" not bully!
    The word "bully" is way overused on this website. I'm not saying that a public forum is the right place to discuss these issues (kind of depends on the context and content of the original post) but expressing concern ≠ bullying and attacking.
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
    I wouldn't say anything. If they are here and posting it, they know.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    In a situation like this I would probably respond by saying that they looked great in the before pictures.
  • Arexxx
    Arexxx Posts: 486 Member
    I wouldn't say anything. If they are here and posting it, they know.

    What? No. That is certainly not the case.
    People view themselves differently, they may think they need to lose another several pounds when in fact, they need to gain some.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    So, if someone posts a photo and they are overweight, would you tell them that they are fat?
    Why is it ok to tell someone they are too skinny, but it's unacceptable to tell someone they are too fat?

    People look bigger and smaller in their photos. The "anorexic looking one" needs to only hear it from her doctor.
  • murphy612
    murphy612 Posts: 734 Member
    I think all those suggesting that if you have nothing nice to say, not to say anything are missing the point. Mentioning that the poster has gone a little too far or might want to try and stay in a healthy range isn't unkind. And i'm speaking from experience. I got really quite thin at the height of my weight loss, my hair was falling out, my skin was terrible and I looked like I had an eating disorder, I was so skewed in my logic though that even when I hit goal I didn't eat at maintenance, I clung on to that deficit and kept trying to lose just a few more... no one said anything. Not one person (IRL or on the net) said that I should probably stop. It was only ligament damage and a break from MFP that I started to realise what I had done. (Size 6UK (2US) tops were too big and I am large framed) Once I was eating more and exercising a little less, I could see the damage, and when i'd put on a few pounds and started to look healthier, friends suddenly started saying that they were glad because they thought I'd gone too far, I asked them why they hadn't said anything and they all said because they thought it was rude, or none of their business. Granted, I can't guarantee that I would have listened, but everyone was telling me 'well done' so I thought I was doing the right thing...

    I think a gentle 'You've done a great job, now let's focus on being healthy and strong and building that muscle' would have sank in a bit better... Particularly if those who don't want to say something 'not nice' aren't, and those who are pro-ana are saying well done, it is going to skew your logic!

    Very well written with an excellent example. I couldn't agree with you more. I try to respond with kindness and not judgement, if I respond at all. For an IRL friend I wouldn't hesitate to voice my concerns, but on a public forum, you just never know the mental health of someone :)
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I mind my own damn business...
  • yngone
    yngone Posts: 52 Member
    If someone, ....anyone, asks me my personal opinion.... I call a spade a spade.
    But..... diplomacy, manners and couth must also come into play.

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