How to deal with non-supportive friends?

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  • wabbit19
    wabbit19 Posts: 3
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    I'm in the same boat, over the last year I gained 22lbs (family probs) and am trying sooo hard to lose it again. All of my friends and FAMILY say that I'm stupid and I go on these "dumb" diets, that I should just be content.

    I try my best to ignore it, and hopefully physically show them that I can lose the weight and maybe some more.
  • onepillarofsalt
    onepillarofsalt Posts: 37 Member
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    Maybe I'm at a different place in my life, but my definition of a "friend" is someone who can enter into a relationship with me in which we can be mutually supportive of each other's positive life goals. Those are the ONLY people I am willing to voluntarily spend time with. Life is hard enough without choosing to put people in it who just weigh you down.

    Super super true.

    My sister and I are both on this site, encouraging each other all over the place. All of my coworkers are super supportive, as is my partner and the rest of my family. I can't imagine tolerating people in my life who don't support me in making physically and mentally healthy choices. I mean, I guess the frenemy is a common thing... I just have no patience for that kind of nonsense.
  • monuinal
    monuinal Posts: 4
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    Who cares about them. This is all about you. You don't need confirmation from anyone. You'll find what works for you. Like me, i tried like all sorts of diets and was never quite consistent, until recently discovering Optifast :-) When you are loosing the weight, it speaks for itself. I have lost 70 lbs and i never mentioned any of it unless people asked, only now have i started publicly talking about it because I've plateaued, and whatever i was doing before isn't working for me now, but besides the point. People are very funny in their ways, the only thing that matters is what you think. Don't let anyone make you think any differently.
  • pkoll
    pkoll Posts: 135 Member
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    Here are my theories--- Sometimes people close to you are threatened by your weight loss, afraid you'll gain confidence and leave them. Some may feel bad about themselves because you are being strong and they are not. Some of your thinner friends may be threatened that you may catch up with them, which changes the dynamics of how they see you and see themselves. I've heard people say that they will be sooo mad when a friend who has always been heavier than them loses weight and will now be smaller than them. They took comfort in the fact that they were always the thinner one and now they don't have that!

    See it as their inability to cope, and KEEP GOING!
  • Rogue_Minx
    Rogue_Minx Posts: 71 Member
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    If you can't support me and my goals, I don't need to support yours. And I also don't need to be your "friend". I surround myself with those who encourage me and let me encourage them, people who want the best for me and love to see me shine. No offense to your friends, but that's just me.
  • HMToomey
    HMToomey Posts: 276
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    Take before pictures now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I take pics every month and for awhile I could not see the difference but now to look at October vs. April it's crazy!

    Also, why not make friends with other people who need work out buddies?
  • aldousmom
    aldousmom Posts: 382 Member
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    Ugg, that's the worst.

    I have the same problem. I just read a fantastic article on No Meat Athlete, where he's talking about when you're setting goals (fitness, weight, whatever) to enlist the support of friends by telling them all about it, what your goals are, how you're going to get there, etc. He's saying, by safely keeping your goals to yourself, you save the embarrassment of failure.

    I'm cool with failing...that's how you learn. What I'm not cool with is people who hear your goal, and flat out discourage you from attempting it. That sucks balls. I am not friends with those people anymore, and I stay away from them. I hear thru the grapevine that they are still pretty negative about the successes I've had. And, they're all still either fat or sick, or both. Bless their hearts, I hope they figure it out. And I hope they can do it without being hateful or calling anyone else names. ;) I have new friends.

    I wrote a blog post about this just yesterday, about my situation and my journey, if you want to check it out.

    http://aldousmom.tumblr.com/post/34807065303/how-most-people-fail-before-they-even-start
  • babeinthemoon
    babeinthemoon Posts: 471 Member
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    My hubby wasn't all that supportive until I got past the 2 month mark, where he could really see that I was being dedicated to it. Then I was hit with an emotional bombshell, and I still kept up the hard work.... which to him was even more impressive, even if the weight loss has slowed down a little. :) Give them time. :)
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    I wish it was weight loss that had opened by eyes to my less supportive friends. Sadly it was getting divorced! 2 people I thought would be supportive basically told me I ruined my marriage (they didn't know he was cheating) and it was my fault and they were going to miss HIM! And the other event was my 20th (er, um, OK....20th) HS reunion. People I had know for literally decades turned into raging b1tches and being hateful and nasty to the "popular" kids from 1989! I was appalled.

    How did I deal. . .politely give them their space. I don't need negative and hateful people influencing any part of my journey. I do have a person that I would've liked to call a friend who basically told me that my talking about my running and physical activity p!sses her off so I have to watch what I say when she's at my house every week for a group meeting. If anyone comments, I try to redirect the conversation.

    I just don't give them power over my emotions or my dedication to healthier living. It sucks, but some times people just need their space!

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