A boyfriend's role in dieting

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SophieSLP
SophieSLP Posts: 107 Member
in Motivation and Support
My boyfriend of 2 months dared to mention that he thought I would look great 25 or so pounds lighter. First, I was horribly offended. No, I still am horribly offended. I am 5'3" and 145 pounds currently. I don't know whether he was trying to be helpful and being a man, he didn't think before he spoke, or whether he is not worth my time if he can't accept me the way I am. Anyone have any words of wisdom for me?
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  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
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    I agree with you that he should have kept that to himself.

    But do you agree with him? Would you feel better if you lost 25lbs?
    Also, why do you think he can't accept you the way you are? Does he show that he cares about you less?
  • SophieSLP
    SophieSLP Posts: 107 Member
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    I would love to be 25 pounds less, and that has been my goal. So I don't know whether to take it as a swift kick of motivation or an insult. I know he will be supportive along the way, granted he has nothing to lose himself.
  • lcoliver
    lcoliver Posts: 3 Member
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    sounds like an *kitten* to me... 2 months? please. i'm 5'4" and 200 lbs and my boyfriend keeps complaining that my butt is getting smaller as I lose weight. find someone who loves you and thinks you're beautiful regardless. a guy should never make you feel bad about yourself.
  • meggolego
    meggolego Posts: 69
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    Hmmm, I think I would be just as offended. Hopefully he meant it in the best way, like if he knew that you had a goal in mind. But to name a specific loss amount...jerk move. Tough situation!
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
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    I would love to be 25 pounds less, and that has been my goal. So I don't know whether to take it as a swift kick of motivation or an insult. I know he will be supportive along the way, granted he has nothing to lose himself.

    I wouldn't take it as an insult if you agree with him.
    That is just how I personally feel, but I am not too sensitive about those sort of things.

    Just make sure that you are doing it for yourself. Make sure YOU are happy before anyone else!
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
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    Is this the first time he has said something like this?

    Also, have YOU mentioned wanting to lose weight? If you mentioned it first and said something like "I'm thinking I wan't to lose a few pounds" and he agreed with you than you shouldn't be offended.

    If he just came out of nowhere with it I'd be offended and ask him what his deal was...

    One thing you should definitely try not to do is starve yourself for a man. If YOU want to lose weight than do it for you and do it the healthy way. (I checked out your diary ;) )
  • SophieSLP
    SophieSLP Posts: 107 Member
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    I have been an unhealthy 100 pounds before, and that's what he knows. That's part of why I couldn't believe he mentioned my weight. And I really haven't been consistent with my diary at all, so don't go off that! I will start tomorrow!
  • lcoliver
    lcoliver Posts: 3 Member
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    if you wanna lose weight, lose weight, but do it without any regard for his preference. i think no matter what his words are an insult. it's going to be REALLY important to have his support (not criticism) along the way, i live with my boyfriend and know how very hard it was to stay on track when he didn't care about what he was eating...
  • CkepiJinx
    CkepiJinx Posts: 613 Member
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    Depends did he say it after you mentioned your goal? Was he trying to support your already stated goal? Sometimes people don't think before the speak.

    Is he generally kind to you?

    Context can make a huge difference in this kind of situation.
  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
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    Had you mentioned that you were thinking about dieting/exercising/losing weight? He may have been trying to be helpful, but as I'm far too guilty of, it didn't come out the right way. I'm sure he didn't mean anything hurtful by it. If you guys are already dating at your current weight, and he is attentive and affectionate and shows he cares, it sounds like he accepts you. Don't know the whole story, really, but maybe talk to him about it and explain your side of the story. How the conversation goes will show if he's a keeper or not.

    Cheers,
    Jared
  • jmc0806
    jmc0806 Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Personally I know better than to ever say something like that to a woman, but did he already know your goal was 25lbs? If so he could have meant it as encouragement I guess
  • TMLPatrick
    TMLPatrick Posts: 558 Member
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    Your boyfriend probably means well, but isn't able to understand how comments like that can affect a person's psyche.
  • Jessicao33
    Jessicao33 Posts: 189 Member
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    It's rude for him to say that, if u asked him what he thought would be good then I see it was ok. My boyfriend say don't lose my boob which u do when losing weigh, butt has gotten small and he hates that. But he would never come out and say u could lose 25 pounds. I would be up set and offered.also 2 month and he voiced this I would voice it and kick him out the door..good luck on what u. Choice to do.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    I hope he guarded his privates when he told you that. My fiance is my greatest cheerleader but he lets me know in a million ways that if I never lose another pound or even gain back what I've lost that his love for me and love for my body will never ever decrease. He looks at me like the same way I look at a cupcake, READY TO DEVOUR! And I feel so good making him proud. He's gonna have one hot and sexy wife!
  • lenartn
    lenartn Posts: 27 Member
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    I would be offended, especially only 2 months in. When you are married for a lifetime, there are a lot of ups and downs that happen. Having kids, losing loved ones, money and job stresses, etc. At my highest I was 120 pounds more than when I met my husband and he never once mentioned anything about my weight. And he was still attracted to me. Now that I'm working on getting healthy again he is very supportive and encouraging. But if there would have been a time when he said something to me about the way I looked, I probably would have shut down. Now there are times I could see a spouse encouraging the other to get healthy, go on family walks, eat a little better, but mentioning "you would look better 20 pounds lighter" is about looks not health.
  • EatcleanTraindirty11
    EatcleanTraindirty11 Posts: 11
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    i would be offened i have a boyfriend of 3 years he goes to the gym and eats well to surport me i dont think he really wants to but does. And even when i was at my biggest in our relationship and id say am i fat he says no and i say i want to lose X amount he replys what ever will make you feel better. but the most important part in a relationship is loving who that person is no matter if they are 80 punds or 800 punds.
  • BMC_roadie
    BMC_roadie Posts: 11
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    Why is it perfectly acceptable for a woman to say the very same thing to her boyfriend/husband or even friend, but heaven forbid a man say it to a woman. He must not be very wise, or he was just really tired and it slipped out. I think he was trying to encourage you.

    Bottom line, if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask the question....(or make suggestions/comments meant to get some sort or response)
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
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    wow hope you guys never make for better or worse vowes. just sayin.
  • Masterdo
    Masterdo Posts: 331 Member
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    Do you disagree with his statement? Would you look worse with 25 pounds less?

    Since this is not your first post, maybe he saw your interest in MFP or dieting/fitness and was trying to be supportive.

    This forum is so weird at times... The next step will be you complaining about people telling you you look awesome when you do lose those 25 pounds. You'll assume it means you were not looking great before and still be pissed.
  • SophieSLP
    SophieSLP Posts: 107 Member
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    Do you disagree with his statement? Would you look worse with 25 pounds less?

    Since this is not your first post, maybe he saw your interest in MFP or dieting/fitness and was trying to be supportive.

    This forum is so weird at times... The next step will be you complaining about people telling you you look awesome when you do lose those 25 pounds. You'll assume it means you were not looking great before and still be pissed.

    Clearly I would never date you

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