Coping with a miscarriage

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charm9
charm9 Posts: 56 Member
in Motivation and Support
I originally started using MFP to motivate me to lose weight for my wedding. Just after the honeymoon I found out I was pregnant and I basically stopped using MFP however last week I suffered a miscarriage. I had surgery last week to remove the pregnancy and now I'm struggling to cope. Usually I'm an emotional eater however this time I'm having the complete opposite. I just don't want to eat. I feel so empty inside and I know food is going to make no difference. I have lost about half a stone in a week and I decided to come back on here to maybe try and get some control and try to get back to my usual self. I just wandered how others coped with this.
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Replies

  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    Omg. I'm so sorry dear. I never had a miscarriage, but I have gone through that type of insane depression in the past where I just did not eat for days (not one bite). You just have to will yourself to keep going and I know a lot of people who have miscarried. I don't know if you would be interested, but I also am a part of a group on fb for women who miscarried (or parents, I'm sure dads could join if they wanted to). I didn't lose a pregnancy, but my cousin did and it really affected me because we are very close and I got pregnant with my daughter the same day and then my son was born that same day 2 years later. It made me feel guilty, so I joined a support group. Maybe it would help you to talk to people with similar experiences. <3 Prayers.
  • charm9
    charm9 Posts: 56 Member
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    Thank you Verity. I will have a look at that Facebook group. It would be good to speak to people who understand what I'm going through. Thank you for your kind words.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I had a miscarriage in 2009, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

    My only advice to you is to give yourself time to grieve for the loss. Don't think you need to just "move on" and get over it. You don't. Rely on the people who love you and are supportive as much as possible. Let them be there for you.

    I also find that setting weekly achievable goals (non-scale) helped a lot to keep me focused and not dwelling on it.
  • niamhclem21
    niamhclem21 Posts: 21 Member
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    Im very sorry for your loss and please be kind to yourself. In the UK there is a support group called SANDS and they are a really good support network but i am sure they have international equivalents. Im a midwife and have dealt with miscarriages and stillbirths for a many years. It is normal to feel empty and dont worry to much about weight at the moment. Just take the time you need to grieve and let yourself come to terms with your loss in your own time and way. I don't think feelings of loss leave you i think you just find a way to live with them so they are not at the forefront of your thoughts. However it is very fresh at the minute and just give yourself time,

    xx
  • tabbykat6802
    tabbykat6802 Posts: 233 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a m/c in June 2008 @ 9 weeks along. I ended up having to have 2 D&C's a week apart. I know how you are feeling. I gained a fair amount due to emotional eating. Through the support of my friends and family, I have pushed through the pain and sorrow. I get a peaceful feeling when I think about him looking down from Heaven.
    **Elliott Andrew 6/17/09**

    I am here for you any time you need me.
  • ChasingStarlight
    ChasingStarlight Posts: 424 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a baby girl on 9/9/09. I called her Aurora and I bought a charm to remember her. It was devastating and personally it wasn't until I fell pregnant again that I felt normal again. I don't have any great advice, allow yourself time to mourn.
  • sweetpea7441
    sweetpea7441 Posts: 149 Member
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    Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had one too and its tough. Just take each day as it comes, talk about it as much or as little as you want with people that are close to you or on forums (www.askbaby.com is a brilliant one and has a section for miscarriages).

    If you see that your eating is not improving over the coming weeks, maybe you should try and set yourself a food goal (menu) for each day and do your best to eat it, just so that you are getting food and nourishment in.
    Big hug. xxx
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
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    I'm so sorry....I had one last year on Christmas day. It just takes time. Please just give yourself time to heal. It will get better. Just be patient with yourself. :(
  • Bethie_B
    Bethie_B Posts: 292 Member
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    There really is no easy way to deal with it. I was similar to you, always an emotional eater, but when I had mine, I just shut down. Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself permission to feel however you need to, and allow yourself to grieve. When you're ready, you'll come back to the world.

    Many hugs to you.
  • cgarand
    cgarand Posts: 541 Member
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    There are no words that will ease your pain, but I am truly sorry for your loss. Those of us who have experienced a miscarriage never forget the child that we never got to hold. Give yourself time to grieve, take care of yourself and your husband (he may handle this very differently, men can be really quiet about their feelings, but it hurts them too...especially to see their favorite girl suffering) *hugs*
  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
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    So sorry for your loss
  • c2111
    c2111 Posts: 693 Member
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    hi charm, I dont now how to respond but im in a similar situation, found out 3 weeks ago, pregnant then not pregnant then told non viable as hcg levels too low must have miscarried and need a d & c then discovered, still pregnant but not in the uterus in my r ovary, then surgery was deemed too risky, so had chemotherapy for 2 weeks, unfortuntly saturday night i ruptured, I had emergency surgery tube etc removed. Im out of the woods, just have to take time and get better. Your more than welcome to add me I havnt really concieved the idea of loss yet everything has been so intense, I already have 2 beautiful children and advised definatly no more risk is too high for another ectopic. Thats the sad part for me, oh well I understand, I feel empty too but I have to get on, get healthy and look to the future xxx
  • CEHayes73
    CEHayes73 Posts: 221 Member
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    So sorry for your loss. I've suffered two miscarriages, and there is no easy way to deal with it. For me, I didn't begin to come out of it until after my EDD. I also suffered from clinical depression in the months following. A miscarriage is both a hormonal trigger, and an emotional one. If you find yourself having trouble coping as time goes on, please consult your family doctor. Post-partum depression is now talked about much more, but in my experience post-miscarriage is much worse. One of my worst fears in those days, was that I would never have the children I longed for, but take heart, I've gone on to have 4 healthy, happy children, and your future may well hold similar happiness.
  • StrengthIDidntKnow
    StrengthIDidntKnow Posts: 568 Member
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    I am sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve, it is a tough time. For me, it will always hurt a little but I have found it hurts a little less as time goes on.
  • cmacphee3
    cmacphee3 Posts: 278 Member
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    I am so sorry. I haven't been aware of being pregnant before (it was suspected I miscarried once when I didn't realise I had been pregnant) and so I can't have any idea what you are going through, but I have several friends who have been through this and it is just awful. I think there is a support group called Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope or something like that, Face2Face groups being involved, one of my friends works hard for them. If you want more information I can ask her for more details.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    20 years later, all I'm willing and able to share is that we have a very late loss of our first daughter. I still walk with her in my heart, the weight of it lessens with time, sometimes she is the rock of experience to my emotional strength. What was, what will not be, keep that in mind but don't let it rule you. And forgive people, they just don't know how to deal with this and will say thoughtless things in trying to support you.
    Talk to people around you, there are many that do understand.

    Hugs.
  • SuzMcH
    SuzMcH Posts: 343 Member
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    Hi, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are going through.

    I lost a baby boy at 7 months pregnant, also suffered a number rof miscarriages in early pregnancy. I have also carried my miracle little boy to full term and he is now 4.
    I carry one little boy in my arms and the others in my heart and soul.

    Happy to listen to any feelings you are having but if your Dr provides counselling then I would suggest investigating it. As for emotional eating, MFP is a wonderful resource for any food issues you have. It will take time but your eating will return to normal and MFP will help you track and montor it.

    Best wishes and take the time to heal your body and emotions. S x
  • charm9
    charm9 Posts: 56 Member
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    Thank you everyone I'm overwhelmed with all the supportive comments and inbox messages. It's surprising how alone you feel yet so many people have experienced this. People I know are trying to be supportive however their comments often hurt more. I am trying to be forgiving of that as like some of you say they just don't understand and I guess what some people want to hear others don't. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with my emotions.
  • bufger
    bufger Posts: 763 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    I havent been through this but I know a great place where ladies (and affected men) can anonymously talk through the whole thing and support each other. Its part of a bigger site about saving money but it has evolved within to become a good source for moral and emotional support. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2236699
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
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    Thus far, I've had 4 miscarriages. It's not something you get over, but in time, it does get a little easier just like any other loss of a loved one. Be prepared to face people who don't exactly understand what it feels like too. For me, the insensitivity of other people got to me worse than the miscarriages themselves.

    ETA: Also, don't give up hope or anything. Miscarriages aren't as uncommon as one would think.

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