Do your friends understand?

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WeekndOVOXO
WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.
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  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
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    Why can't you go to the functions? Is it a self control thing? My social life revolves around drinking and eating usually. I'm trying to teach myself to be able to be in these situations without losing self control
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,804 Member
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    at first it was like a joke to t he people in my office, "hey Tony there is cake in the breakroom, common man you want some" but now that i have really lost a bunch of weight they act different, they might mention something about food in there or better yet give me a heads up so I can plan on it. I think your friends will come around in time, once they know you are serious.
  • flobeedoodle
    flobeedoodle Posts: 176 Member
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    I think it is possible to find a balance so that you can still exist in the real world and lose weight. The thing I keep reading is that sustained weight loss is about making lifestyle changes that you can stick with, not about a short period (short compared to lifespan, I guess,) of deprivation. Social isolation would not be sustainable for most people. Unless the functions are competitive eating events, it should be possible to find a way to work it into a sensible nutritional plan.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    my friends totally get it and I was invited to 2 things in the last couple months where I was promised right up front that there would be healthy options at the party/bbq. Another one I was to bring a dish and I brought something I knew I could eat so I didn't feel bad or go off track. I haven't turned down a single invite. One friend got kinda mad when she suggested we do potuck dishes for our scrapbook club and I didn't wanna participate. That group tends to do really fattening stuff so I was better off packing my own lunch that day. But i still went to scrapbook, just not to eat.
  • gymnastgirl359
    gymnastgirl359 Posts: 1
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    Yup. Same exact story. Except more often than not, it's the adults in my life (not my parents though), such s youth leaders and people at my congcregation. They all are more over weight than me, but they tell me I don't have to lose weight and I have no support from my friends because they weigh more than me and think I shouldn't be complaining. Most of them don't seem to have a problem with themselves and make no attempt to fix anything. They've pretty much just accepted how they are now. I really only have my dad to vent to, and my mom for advice.

    P.S. Your case may be different, but I can't get it through their heads and I've given up, there's no point trying.
  • Julzmusic
    Julzmusic Posts: 48 Member
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    I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.

    Hey mate, I was in the same boat.... Except a few of us started losing weight at the same time and I was the only one who really pushed and really tried, so when they didn't have the same results they used to get angry with me if I didn't eat junk food (as they had gone back to due to not getting immediate gratification for their one day of being healthy).

    And they would tell me I was obsessive about it, now they ask me for advice -.- go figure.

    However after a few strict months I have been going through a pretty rocky period over the past week, and lapsed on food abit.... :( I do plan on picking it back up with all my might once I return from my holiday :P they seem to like it when I fail a bit on my diet/exercise.....
  • waterwing
    waterwing Posts: 214 Member
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    I have been pretty surprised to find out which friends of mine are supportive and which ones turn into... for lack of a better less dramatic word.. sabotagers..

    People react strangely for lots of different reasons, jealousy, insecurity, fear (when the fat friend gets skinny it changes things), their own guilt or competitive natures.. I don't know but it has been interesting.

    Be strong, stick to your convictions and make sure you are getting support from somewhere... like MFP.

    Most likely your friends will come around :)
  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
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    Why can't you go to the functions? Is it a self control thing? My social life revolves around drinking and eating usually. I'm trying to teach myself to be able to be in these situations without losing self control

    It's because any blimp in my calories usually affects my goal(weekly weigh in.) Which is why I tend to be as strict as possible.. I do cheat meals about every 2-3 weeks, but my friends invite me almost every weekend. I feel once I reach one of my weight goals I'll be a bit more open to functions, but for now I'm putting in work and I want my friends to understand. I think it's cause they never went through weight loss.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.
  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
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    I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.

    Hoy I agree. These friends are two of my best friends. So we know pretty much everything about each other. Out of my 3 best friend there's one friend that knows not to push me. He's religious and I never push him to do anything he's not allowed to, so he kind of knows how it feels in a way to be limited. He also was super scrawny and knows what it takes to get jacked and the effort and dedication it involves for sacrifices.

    And they would tell me I was obsessive about it, now they ask me for advice -.- go figure.

    However after a few strict months I have been going through a pretty rocky period over the past week, and lapsed on food abit.... :( I do plan on picking it back up with all my might once I return from my holiday :P they seem to like it when I fail a bit on my diet/exercise.....

    They said the same thing. Obsessive. I just don't think they seem to understand where I'm coming from and it boils down to accepting someone's decision which they never seem to do.

    And get back on the horse. Giddy up.

    I think it is possible to find a balance so that you can still exist in the real world and lose weight. The thing I keep reading is that sustained weight loss is about making lifestyle changes that you can stick with, not about a short period (short compared to lifespan, I guess,) of deprivation. Social isolation would not be sustainable for most people. Unless the functions are competitive eating events, it should be possible to find a way to work it into a sensible nutritional plan.

    Sustained weight loss for me is once I reach goals of mine I'll start being a bit less strict. I know once I hit my ideal weight and the bf% that I want I can eat 2200-2500 calories which will make it a lot easier for me to be able to socialize with my friends and go to events that they want me to go to.


    Thanks for everyone's reply. Appreciate it. Work hard.
  • BelindaDuvessa
    BelindaDuvessa Posts: 1,014 Member
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    ...What are these things called friends?

    In all seriousness, I don't have alot of people I hang out with outside of work. The work people are mixed. Most of the guys are overweight anyways, and don't care about losing. The girls are generally trying to as well. Of the few people outside of work, I have one who is always talking about Herbalife. And her boyfriend is severely overweight but has told her himself that he doesn't think Herbalife is worth it. He brought up the same point that's been brought up here...will you keep doing it the rest of your life?

    My family understands, at least. My husband is supportive, but not on the bandwagon yet. And my mom and SIL were really supportive when I did manage to lose all of the weight, before I had these back to back pregnancies.

    As for going to functions....I don't limit myself. If I know something is coming up, that then becomes my "free" day. I don't go crazy, but I definitely don't cry if I go over on calories. The same with food groups.....I don't cut anything out of my diet. I do smaller portions, and not as often, but I don't deprive myself.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    The only friends I have are 2 women that live in my apartment complex and my work friends. The 2 women in my apartment complex and I have not really known each other that long, I didn't start talking much to them till I lost most my weight. Pretty much same with work people. I didn't start working till like 40lbs ago.

    With work friends I think they are use to me now. I work around food so when someone orders something, talking about a work friend here. I'll jokingly go "Do you know how many calories are in that?" I work at Applebee's and I know the Nutrition facts pretty much by heart. Like tonight one of my really good friends ordered boneless wings and I was like "EW! That's gross" he said "What?" I said "The calories in one wing is gross enough but 10 of them? That's more then I consume a day." lol not really but pretty close. They laugh at me now but some have actually started counting calories, they may not know what they should eat but the will come to me and ask me how many calories are in what they order lol. It's a start! I have explained that eating high calories isn't a bad thing if its the right foods.

    Anyways yes my friends know, do they understand? I don't know if they do or not, but they accept me for what I do and that's cool with me. They listen to my ramblings of "I can't believe I ate this and that" when I do bad. They pretend to understand if they don't.
  • PrettyGirlPayton
    PrettyGirlPayton Posts: 93 Member
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    Everything is about you. Go out when you are ready. If you want to accomplish something first then do that. Over time you will gain more self control. As for your friends it really doesn't matter. Once they see you are serious they may understand more. Hope I helped.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    So on your tombstone you'll be able to write "She had no friends, but her weight was right".

    Go out, see people, be healthy, see this as a lifestyle change that can work in company or you'll eventually lose friends. It isn't one or the other.
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
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    I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.

    It may be that you're being too strict with yourself. I still attend any function I can and plan my meals accordingly. I usually eat beforehand so I'm much less hungry at the function. Plus, I can usually find something there that's somewhat healthy. Also, I keep my portions small.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
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    Just go and don't eat/drink everything in sight. For the first year of my health regime I would always volunteer myself as designated driver for nights out and only have water and diet Coke. Still had a fun time, just didn't drink. I've now reached the stage that I feel comfortable having a night off every couple of weeks, but even when I was being obsessive about sticking to the number with no cheat days it didn't stop me getting out and joining in the fun, I just did it with some restraint.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    [sarcasm] eating in moderation is a bish isn't it?........[sarcasm]


    Just go and eat ( or drink ) a little bit of the "unhealthy" / "fattening" stuff.
  • melanie8289
    melanie8289 Posts: 161 Member
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    Don't stop yourself going to the functions, there is usually a salad option so just be in control at the function and say no to the fattening food. As for alcohol - offer to drive then you can't drink and won't be tempted. It's all about finding a way to cope without changing your life to a point where you cant sustain the change. Not going out with your friends isn't sustainable or fun so make changes that are :)
  • shireengool
    shireengool Posts: 73 Member
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    I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.

    almost same for me, i tell no one not even my family, i tried telling my friends before and they are over reacting, they dont undestand calories and will not let me eat anything they think is not good even if i can fit it with in my calories, they dont understand portions, i can eat half a cup of rice as part of my meal, but they think rice is evil, so they may even go as far as taking my food away from me, it makes me mad, and since I dont like to be controled sometimes i end up eating more than planned just because of them.

    so now i just order what i want and eat my portion and take the rest and take away, i give it to hungry ppl in the street or save it for another meal. if they ask i just say i am full :wink:

    same for my family at home, if they know, they will make me hate it, so i never tell them, anyway i love veggies and i dont like meat, so no body ever wonders why i am cooking for myself instead of eating from the food cooked by my mother. when the food is healthy i take my portion eat half and freez the rest for a bad day, and when i cook i also cook more, so i can save for later.
  • IronDame
    IronDame Posts: 275
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    My friends finally get it. For a while they thought I was becoming a loner and that I need to get out and hang with my friends. I will admit at first I didn't make any time for them, but as time went on I started to find a balance. They see now that all my hard work and time spent away has been paying off. I won’t put myself on hold for anyone…this is about me and for me. If these friends don’t understand, then they aren’t really friends at all.

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