Do your friends understand?
WeekndOVOXO
Posts: 779 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.
0
Replies
-
Why can't you go to the functions? Is it a self control thing? My social life revolves around drinking and eating usually. I'm trying to teach myself to be able to be in these situations without losing self control0
-
at first it was like a joke to t he people in my office, "hey Tony there is cake in the breakroom, common man you want some" but now that i have really lost a bunch of weight they act different, they might mention something about food in there or better yet give me a heads up so I can plan on it. I think your friends will come around in time, once they know you are serious.0
-
I think it is possible to find a balance so that you can still exist in the real world and lose weight. The thing I keep reading is that sustained weight loss is about making lifestyle changes that you can stick with, not about a short period (short compared to lifespan, I guess,) of deprivation. Social isolation would not be sustainable for most people. Unless the functions are competitive eating events, it should be possible to find a way to work it into a sensible nutritional plan.0
-
my friends totally get it and I was invited to 2 things in the last couple months where I was promised right up front that there would be healthy options at the party/bbq. Another one I was to bring a dish and I brought something I knew I could eat so I didn't feel bad or go off track. I haven't turned down a single invite. One friend got kinda mad when she suggested we do potuck dishes for our scrapbook club and I didn't wanna participate. That group tends to do really fattening stuff so I was better off packing my own lunch that day. But i still went to scrapbook, just not to eat.0
-
Yup. Same exact story. Except more often than not, it's the adults in my life (not my parents though), such s youth leaders and people at my congcregation. They all are more over weight than me, but they tell me I don't have to lose weight and I have no support from my friends because they weigh more than me and think I shouldn't be complaining. Most of them don't seem to have a problem with themselves and make no attempt to fix anything. They've pretty much just accepted how they are now. I really only have my dad to vent to, and my mom for advice.
P.S. Your case may be different, but I can't get it through their heads and I've given up, there's no point trying.0 -
I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.
Hey mate, I was in the same boat.... Except a few of us started losing weight at the same time and I was the only one who really pushed and really tried, so when they didn't have the same results they used to get angry with me if I didn't eat junk food (as they had gone back to due to not getting immediate gratification for their one day of being healthy).
And they would tell me I was obsessive about it, now they ask me for advice -.- go figure.
However after a few strict months I have been going through a pretty rocky period over the past week, and lapsed on food abit....
I do plan on picking it back up with all my might once I return from my holiday :P they seem to like it when I fail a bit on my diet/exercise..... 0 -
I have been pretty surprised to find out which friends of mine are supportive and which ones turn into... for lack of a better less dramatic word.. sabotagers..
People react strangely for lots of different reasons, jealousy, insecurity, fear (when the fat friend gets skinny it changes things), their own guilt or competitive natures.. I don't know but it has been interesting.
Be strong, stick to your convictions and make sure you are getting support from somewhere... like MFP.
Most likely your friends will come around
0 -
Why can't you go to the functions? Is it a self control thing? My social life revolves around drinking and eating usually. I'm trying to teach myself to be able to be in these situations without losing self control
It's because any blimp in my calories usually affects my goal(weekly weigh in.) Which is why I tend to be as strict as possible.. I do cheat meals about every 2-3 weeks, but my friends invite me almost every weekend. I feel once I reach one of my weight goals I'll be a bit more open to functions, but for now I'm putting in work and I want my friends to understand. I think it's cause they never went through weight loss.0 -
I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.0
-
I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.
Hoy I agree. These friends are two of my best friends. So we know pretty much everything about each other. Out of my 3 best friend there's one friend that knows not to push me. He's religious and I never push him to do anything he's not allowed to, so he kind of knows how it feels in a way to be limited. He also was super scrawny and knows what it takes to get jacked and the effort and dedication it involves for sacrifices.
And they would tell me I was obsessive about it, now they ask me for advice -.- go figure.
However after a few strict months I have been going through a pretty rocky period over the past week, and lapsed on food abit.... I do plan on picking it back up with all my might once I return from my holiday :P they seem to like it when I fail a bit on my diet/exercise.....
They said the same thing. Obsessive. I just don't think they seem to understand where I'm coming from and it boils down to accepting someone's decision which they never seem to do.
And get back on the horse. Giddy up.I think it is possible to find a balance so that you can still exist in the real world and lose weight. The thing I keep reading is that sustained weight loss is about making lifestyle changes that you can stick with, not about a short period (short compared to lifespan, I guess,) of deprivation. Social isolation would not be sustainable for most people. Unless the functions are competitive eating events, it should be possible to find a way to work it into a sensible nutritional plan.
Sustained weight loss for me is once I reach goals of mine I'll start being a bit less strict. I know once I hit my ideal weight and the bf% that I want I can eat 2200-2500 calories which will make it a lot easier for me to be able to socialize with my friends and go to events that they want me to go to.
Thanks for everyone's reply. Appreciate it. Work hard.0 -
...What are these things called friends?
In all seriousness, I don't have alot of people I hang out with outside of work. The work people are mixed. Most of the guys are overweight anyways, and don't care about losing. The girls are generally trying to as well. Of the few people outside of work, I have one who is always talking about Herbalife. And her boyfriend is severely overweight but has told her himself that he doesn't think Herbalife is worth it. He brought up the same point that's been brought up here...will you keep doing it the rest of your life?
My family understands, at least. My husband is supportive, but not on the bandwagon yet. And my mom and SIL were really supportive when I did manage to lose all of the weight, before I had these back to back pregnancies.
As for going to functions....I don't limit myself. If I know something is coming up, that then becomes my "free" day. I don't go crazy, but I definitely don't cry if I go over on calories. The same with food groups.....I don't cut anything out of my diet. I do smaller portions, and not as often, but I don't deprive myself.0 -
The only friends I have are 2 women that live in my apartment complex and my work friends. The 2 women in my apartment complex and I have not really known each other that long, I didn't start talking much to them till I lost most my weight. Pretty much same with work people. I didn't start working till like 40lbs ago.
With work friends I think they are use to me now. I work around food so when someone orders something, talking about a work friend here. I'll jokingly go "Do you know how many calories are in that?" I work at Applebee's and I know the Nutrition facts pretty much by heart. Like tonight one of my really good friends ordered boneless wings and I was like "EW! That's gross" he said "What?" I said "The calories in one wing is gross enough but 10 of them? That's more then I consume a day." lol not really but pretty close. They laugh at me now but some have actually started counting calories, they may not know what they should eat but the will come to me and ask me how many calories are in what they order lol. It's a start! I have explained that eating high calories isn't a bad thing if its the right foods.
Anyways yes my friends know, do they understand? I don't know if they do or not, but they accept me for what I do and that's cool with me. They listen to my ramblings of "I can't believe I ate this and that" when I do bad. They pretend to understand if they don't.0 -
Everything is about you. Go out when you are ready. If you want to accomplish something first then do that. Over time you will gain more self control. As for your friends it really doesn't matter. Once they see you are serious they may understand more. Hope I helped.0
-
So on your tombstone you'll be able to write "She had no friends, but her weight was right".
Go out, see people, be healthy, see this as a lifestyle change that can work in company or you'll eventually lose friends. It isn't one or the other.0 -
I'm trying to lose weight. And so far so good, but my friends don't seem to get it. They invite me to functions when they know I can't go. They get mad at me when I have to tell them even though I've said it numerous times. I've talked to them and they still seem to not get it. I'm just asking because I'm wondering if others have gone through the same thing? And if you have what did you guys do to get it across from em.
It may be that you're being too strict with yourself. I still attend any function I can and plan my meals accordingly. I usually eat beforehand so I'm much less hungry at the function. Plus, I can usually find something there that's somewhat healthy. Also, I keep my portions small.0 -
Just go and don't eat/drink everything in sight. For the first year of my health regime I would always volunteer myself as designated driver for nights out and only have water and diet Coke. Still had a fun time, just didn't drink. I've now reached the stage that I feel comfortable having a night off every couple of weeks, but even when I was being obsessive about sticking to the number with no cheat days it didn't stop me getting out and joining in the fun, I just did it with some restraint.0
-
[sarcasm] eating in moderation is a bish isn't it?........[sarcasm]
Just go and eat ( or drink ) a little bit of the "unhealthy" / "fattening" stuff.0 -
Don't stop yourself going to the functions, there is usually a salad option so just be in control at the function and say no to the fattening food. As for alcohol - offer to drive then you can't drink and won't be tempted. It's all about finding a way to cope without changing your life to a point where you cant sustain the change. Not going out with your friends isn't sustainable or fun so make changes that are 0
-
I have learned to never tell ANYONE that I'm trying to lose weight unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they'll be supportive.
almost same for me, i tell no one not even my family, i tried telling my friends before and they are over reacting, they dont undestand calories and will not let me eat anything they think is not good even if i can fit it with in my calories, they dont understand portions, i can eat half a cup of rice as part of my meal, but they think rice is evil, so they may even go as far as taking my food away from me, it makes me mad, and since I dont like to be controled sometimes i end up eating more than planned just because of them.
so now i just order what i want and eat my portion and take the rest and take away, i give it to hungry ppl in the street or save it for another meal. if they ask i just say i am full
same for my family at home, if they know, they will make me hate it, so i never tell them, anyway i love veggies and i dont like meat, so no body ever wonders why i am cooking for myself instead of eating from the food cooked by my mother. when the food is healthy i take my portion eat half and freez the rest for a bad day, and when i cook i also cook more, so i can save for later.0 -
My friends finally get it. For a while they thought I was becoming a loner and that I need to get out and hang with my friends. I will admit at first I didn't make any time for them, but as time went on I started to find a balance. They see now that all my hard work and time spent away has been paying off. I won’t put myself on hold for anyone…this is about me and for me. If these friends don’t understand, then they aren’t really friends at all.0
-
None of my friends get it. Specially my best friends who laugh and say Im fine and dont need to lose weight. One of them being 5 foot 9 and 100 lbs soaking wet. Ive almost cried to them discussing how unhappy I am with the way my body looks. They say things like "you look great for having 4 kids!"... says the mom with 5 kids and is as skinny as a toothpick. They offer me junkfood all the time then laugh when I refuse. I really wish all these important people in my life were more supportive.0
-
I really don't like the term "Not allowed". You are allowed to do ANYTHING you want, you are choosing not to participate. IMHO, this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. If you can't learn how to deal with the ins and outs of daily life (in response to your comment that once you're at your weight loss goal you'll start going back out once in a while) now, then you'll never learn how to deal with it.
We watch this constantly on shows like the Biggest Loser. Anybody can lose weight if they coop themselves up in their house, never interact with anybody else and focus solely on weight loss. But that's not real life, at least not for most people.
Get out there. Be active. Learn moderation in all things.0 -
You can still go to the functions, you just need to have self control and discipline. It's hard to have self control, but you can do it. I can do it, I have faith in you!0
-
Why can't you go? You can't expect everyone to stop doing what they normally do because you are on a diet. Don't talk about what you can and cannot eat. Go and have a good time and say "no thank you" if you don't want something that is offered to you. This is a skill that you need to develop in order to maintain weight once you do lose. May as well start now.0
-
Find new friends. Their sole purpose in life is to keep you miserable. Clearly.0
-
Why can't you go? You can't expect everyone to stop doing what they normally do because you are on a diet. Don't talk about what you can and cannot eat. Go and have a good time and say "no thank you" if you don't want something that is offered to you. This is a skill that you need to develop in order to maintain weight once you do lose. May as well start now.
I'm not asking for people to stop doing what they do. I just expect my friends, of all people to be more courteous of my decisions. My friend DJs at clubs and he always invites me. That environment usually involves drinking and for that reason I stay away. Not only that, but before or after(likely after.) We'd hit up fast food and I'm just not willing to have to go through that right now. If not that then house parties. And it's more or less the same thing. Or dinners(exception is my friends birthday this weekend, which will also be my cheat meal.)
I still socialize. Just not as much as before. Movies, sports, and other activities I'm open arms.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions