2 parties for the second baby?

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_Brown_Eyed_Girl_
_Brown_Eyed_Girl_ Posts: 39 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a bit of a rant I hope you all don't mind my venting and getting your opinions. So, one of my best friends is pregnant with her second baby and I told her I wanted to throw her a baby sprinkle (for those not in the know, it's like a smaller, no registry, casual baby shower). I had the idea that it could be a gender reveal party too (which is where you don't tell the sex of the baby until the party). Well, now she wants 2 parties and wants the gender reveal party to be down in Oregon (we live near Seattle, WA). BUT, she's acting like I'm planning BOTH. I can't go to the one on Oregon. Am I being inconsiderate because I don't think she should have 2 parties for her second baby? Or is she in the wrong? I'm just annoyed.

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  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
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    I don't see the point in even having one party....
    With my family, at least, the party is for the first kid only.... because heck, you're new at it.... you probably need some help starting out.... after that, no party, but yes you will get a gift and/or money.
  • megalin9
    megalin9 Posts: 771 Member
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    I felt completely forgotten about and jipped when no one threw me a baby shower for my 2nd baby. There were still some serious items I needed: diapers, wipes, clothes for a boy since I had a girl before, a double stroller, etc. With that said, I think two baby showers is asking too much, and she should absolutely not expect you to have to organize both of them. If she is a true friend, you should be able to be upfront with her and tell her that you can only do the one and can't go to Oregon.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    I felt completely forgotten about and jipped when no one threw me a baby shower for my 2nd baby. There were still some serious items I needed: diapers, wipes, clothes for a boy since I had a girl before, a double stroller, etc. With that said, I think two baby showers is asking too much, and she should absolutely not expect you to have to organize both of them. If she is a true friend, you should be able to be upfront with her and tell her that you can only do the one and can't go to Oregon.

    Its not up to friends and family to buy diapers for your kid. Or a double ($$$) stroller. I think people should be appreciative for the 1st shower, let alone expect a 2nd one. If you can't support a kid, don't have one. I bought very little new clothes for the 2nd kid because i knew she wouldn't be wearing them. She completely skipped newborn clothes.
    **an exception on this is a 4 yr+ gap between the the newborn and the last kid.

    OP; a "sprinkle" party in 1 town is generous and you shouldn't feel obligated. Just be politely honest. You can't arrange the one in Oregon as it's far away and you don't feel comfortable with because you won't be able to travel down there to make sure it goes well. I think she's being a bit self-centered expecting it.
  • toomuchbootyindapants
    toomuchbootyindapants Posts: 811 Member
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    Maybe I'm too old school here but second babies don't usually get showers, unless there is a significant time lapse between the two babies. If friends wanna get together and hang out, buy her gifts, or not, whatever, that's cool. But you shouldn't have to do anything you don't *want* to do. If you do - you will end up resenting her. So bless her as your heart feels, but don't do it out of obligation. If someone else wants to throw her a party elsewhere, good for her. But whatever YOU do - do it with a pure heart, motivated only by love.
  • _Brown_Eyed_Girl_
    _Brown_Eyed_Girl_ Posts: 39 Member
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    Her son will be 4 when the baby is born, so there is a bit of an age gap. I just wanted to do something nice for her and I feel like she's going a bit overboard.
  • toomuchbootyindapants
    toomuchbootyindapants Posts: 811 Member
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    Honestly, in my humble opinion, not large enough of a gap. My kids were four years apart and I never expected (nor did I receive) a second shower - even though he was a boy (and I had a girl first). Didn't matter. I still had most of the baby equipment/furniture from first child and family took care of spoiling the new baby out of the goodness of their hearts. Again - if *you* WANT to do this - then do it. It's nice to bless others. But don't do it if you are going to resent it or feel she owes you in some way later. Do with the expectation that it may never be done for you and be okay with that. And don't judge your actions by whether someone else throws her another party. She's emotional right now - she's pregnant.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
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    I don't see the point in even having one party....
    With my family, at least, the party is for the first kid only.... because heck, you're new at it.... you probably need some help starting out.... after that, no party, but yes you will get a gift and/or money.

    ^^This. I had a shower at work for my second baby, but that's just because I already had my son when I went to work there. Other than that...no shower for me for Baby #2. And I've never been to a baby #2 shower, sprinkle, whatever. Why would you??
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
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    I don't see the point in even having one party....
    With my family, at least, the party is for the first kid only.... because heck, you're new at it.... you probably need some help starting out.... after that, no party, but yes you will get a gift and/or money.

    ^This. WTF, when did it become an obligation to keep getting parties, gifts and money for something you should be able to afford already if you can't get your tubes tied--it's cheaper, and you don't have to worry about college tuition.
  • jporte
    jporte Posts: 164 Member
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    I had my kids 7 years apart (dff gender too)...didn't get a shower and wasn't upset about it.....she should be grateful that you were willing to do a sprinkle.
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
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    IMO baby showers are supposed to celebrate the new baby coming into the world. I have had 4 kids...all very close in age and I didnt get one baby shower until my 4th baby and I think thats because all my friends felt sad for me because of all the anxiety I went through with the pregnancy. He was either going to be born with downs or not born at all. I wasnt expecting it at alll until a friend came over to ask if I could go somewhere and help her with something. Walked into the building with all my friends and family standing with cameras to capture the surprise on my face lol.


    You should not only throw your friend one party...but you shouldnt discuss it with her anymore. If she wants to tell you how to do everything then she can throw the party herself.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    It is her choice if she has two parties. However, you are not obligated to plan or attend both of them. Just be direct, tell her you will plan one, but the other party is on her or another friend who volunteers.

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