Obsession/ Eating disorder?

crazyjkgirl
crazyjkgirl Posts: 123 Member
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
Okay so I've noticed myself obsessing over food/weight/exercise. It consumes so much of my time. I have weird habits that I've taken to while eating (for example, I must cut up an apple into tiny slices to eat it, I cannot and will not eat it without it being sliced). On occasion, I will "binge" (I use the term binge lightly. In reality, I'm just not eating healthy whatsoever and knowingly doing so. An example would be an ice cream sundae or chocolate chip pancakes or chinese takeout) and immediately feel guilty, disgusting, fat, etc. I say really horrible things to myself when this happens such as "You fat cow, everyone must be watching you stuff your chubby face you stupid pig." I feel the urge to throw up after eating like this sometimes but have never done so. I really push myself when working out and usually burn around 550 calories a workout. I spend a lot of time comparing my body to others and am constantly feeling my stomach pouch. I still eat a healthy amount of calories every day and I usually eat about half of my workout calories.

I'm not much overweight anymore. According to BMI, I have 3 pounds to loose to not be overweight but my body fat percentage has been averaging around 22-23% lately which is relatively athletic. I'm wearing a size 8 jean in womens.

I don't really know what to do at this point. I fell like I need to count calories or I will loose my mind. However, if I keep down this path I'm afraid that my disorder eating tendencies and obsessions will become a full blown eating disorder. My ultimate goal is to be in the best shape of my life and be healthy. I would like to be happy as well. Does anyone have any feedback?

Replies

  • imagymrat
    imagymrat Posts: 862 Member
    Okay so I've noticed myself obsessing over food/weight/exercise. It consumes so much of my time. I have weird habits that I've taken to while eating (for example, I must cut up an apple into tiny slices to eat it, I cannot and will not eat it without it being sliced). On occasion, I will "binge" (I use the term binge lightly. In reality, I'm just not eating healthy whatsoever and knowingly doing so. An example would be an ice cream sundae or chocolate chip pancakes or chinese takeout) and immediately feel guilty, disgusting, fat, etc. I say really horrible things to myself when this happens such as "You fat cow, everyone must be watching you stuff your chubby face you stupid pig." I feel the urge to throw up after eating like this sometimes but have never done so. I really push myself when working out and usually burn around 550 calories a workout. I spend a lot of time comparing my body to others and am constantly feeling my stomach pouch. I still eat a healthy amount of calories every day and I usually eat about half of my workout calories.

    I'm not much overweight anymore. According to BMI, I have 3 pounds to loose to not be overweight but my body fat percentage has been averaging around 22-23% lately which is relatively athletic. I'm wearing a size 8 jean in womens.

    I don't really know what to do at this point. I fell like I need to count calories or I will loose my mind. However, if I keep down this path I'm afraid that my disorder eating tendencies and obsessions will become a full blown eating disorder. My ultimate goal is to be in the best shape of my life and be healthy. I would like to be happy as well. Does anyone have any feedback?

    I think that you need to talk to someone, you sound like you have very low self esteem, you need someone to help you work through that, you shouldn't feel the need to call yourself names after eating a meal. Does working out make you feel better about the meal you beat yourself up over? and if you have a day of healthy eating, how do you feel about yourself?
  • lyndaosborne
    lyndaosborne Posts: 1
    I constantly battle with 10-15 lbs.....People say I look fine but since I don't show off my cellulite and back fat and stomach fat...they don't see it like I do....I used to feel guilty every time I ate....until I realized how ridiculous it was as i had to eat and would eat and eating is what people do to stay alive....so I stopped with the guilt. It was easy for me... I had a friend who died of anorexia ...she said food scared her....she didn't know what to put in her body...and was scared of gaining weight. We do it to ourselves and we can undo it as well.....! Just recognize how negative the guilt is...and change it to a positive...and if you have a bad day...leave it at that and start the next day fresh....Don't aim for 100%....or just do one day at a time.....Good luck
  • crazyjkgirl
    crazyjkgirl Posts: 123 Member
    Okay so I've noticed myself obsessing over food/weight/exercise. It consumes so much of my time. I have weird habits that I've taken to while eating (for example, I must cut up an apple into tiny slices to eat it, I cannot and will not eat it without it being sliced). On occasion, I will "binge" (I use the term binge lightly. In reality, I'm just not eating healthy whatsoever and knowingly doing so. An example would be an ice cream sundae or chocolate chip pancakes or chinese takeout) and immediately feel guilty, disgusting, fat, etc. I say really horrible things to myself when this happens such as "You fat cow, everyone must be watching you stuff your chubby face you stupid pig." I feel the urge to throw up after eating like this sometimes but have never done so. I really push myself when working out and usually burn around 550 calories a workout. I spend a lot of time comparing my body to others and am constantly feeling my stomach pouch. I still eat a healthy amount of calories every day and I usually eat about half of my workout calories.

    I'm not much overweight anymore. According to BMI, I have 3 pounds to loose to not be overweight but my body fat percentage has been averaging around 22-23% lately which is relatively athletic. I'm wearing a size 8 jean in womens.

    I don't really know what to do at this point. I fell like I need to count calories or I will loose my mind. However, if I keep down this path I'm afraid that my disorder eating tendencies and obsessions will become a full blown eating disorder. My ultimate goal is to be in the best shape of my life and be healthy. I would like to be happy as well. Does anyone have any feedback?

    I think that you need to talk to someone, you sound like you have very low self esteem, you need someone to help you work through that, you shouldn't feel the need to call yourself names after eating a meal. Does working out make you feel better about the meal you beat yourself up over? and if you have a day of healthy eating, how do you feel about yourself?

    I do have self esteem issues. I always have due to abuse in my childhood, depression, etc. I actively self harmed for 11 years as well. I currently have 2 years self injury free and have been much happier and healthier than ever before. Which clearly illustrates why this concerns me. I don't really call myself names after eating healthy only when I go grab that chocolate brownie or decide to pick up some General Tsos chicken. Working out makes me feel great regardless. I get such an awesome burst of energetic pride afterwards. Watching my body transform over the past four/five months has been amazing. It's not all bad. I'm proud of myself for my weight loss and healthier lifestyle. I've even grown to love the veggies and fruits more than I ever thought possible (and I already liked them before)!

    I do plan to talk to someone soon as there's another completely irrelevant issue that I'd like to resolve. I just don't know exactly what to do about my calorie counting and weight obsession for now.
  • eepidee
    eepidee Posts: 6 Member
    Lose the 3 lbs you want to lose then change your settings to maintain your weight. Continue to use MFP. That will help with the idea you are still very involved with the calorie counting. As more Americans should do. MFP is not only for weight loss it is for eating and living healthy. You can lose, gain and or maintain weight with MFP. Counceling is good for all! Good luck!
  • eepidee
    eepidee Posts: 6 Member
    Congrats on the 27 lb weight loss. That is no easy task and you should be VERY proud!
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