Question About Unsupportive "Friends"

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grapeeyes1
grapeeyes1 Posts: 237 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok, every month I go through and delete people off my friends list who haven't commented even once in over a month. I have a lot of friends and it takes me about 30-45 minutes a night just to read through and offer encouragement, etc. I think it is only fair if I am going to invest my time to support them, they could at least do it once a month.

Deleting people is not the question.

The question is this: I am thinking about this month, before I delete them off my friends list, sending them an email first to let them know why they are deleted. Maybe they have no idea that they are doing this? Or should I just do it the old way and delete them without a word?


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Replies

  • Stenobun
    Stenobun Posts: 166 Member
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    I think that if they haven't taken the time to comment or post at all, they're probably not going to be that affected by knowing why you're deleting them. The email would probably be more for your sake than theirs.
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
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    I wouldn't worry about it so much really. I don't think most people here are too terribly concerned if a stranger deletes them. LOL. Know what I mean? In general, I would cut your friend list down drastically if it's important to you that everyone be active. I can't imagine spending 45 minutes/day reading and commenting on people's statuses. That's time you will never get back and could be using more productively, in my opinion. I have less than 20 friends and all are active. It takes me about 10 minutes to check in on everyone.

    If they haven't commented in a month, they likely won't even notice that you delete them. Don't worry about it.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    I wouldn't care if you deleted me and I'm one of those people who rarely says anything. Most of them probably won't notice.
  • sometimes_blondie
    sometimes_blondie Posts: 241
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    If I notice someone never interacts with me, I first try to engage them, to see if maybe they are going through something. If they still don't interact with me, I let them go. You shouldn't feel bad about it. :smile:
  • kat65
    kat65 Posts: 124 Member
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    I could never spend 45 minutes per night posting. I don't have that much time.

    I'm not a huge posting person. If I see someone lost weight, I will acknowledge it, but I can't post just to post.

    Seeing posts lets me know that I'm not struggling alone. It gives me encouragement to see that people are struggling just as I am. Sometimes, I will post my frustrations and struggles.

    In the end, it really doesn't matter if everyone is posting all the time. Unless, you are always posting on their comments and they NEVER repost on yours. I see that all the time and it is annoying. It makes me feel invisible. It seems that some people just like to talk about themselves.
  • andiechick
    andiechick Posts: 916 Member
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    I tend to delete people who haven't logged onto MFP for a couple of months as I appreciate not everyone has time to comment on people's statuses all the time, particularly if your using a phone which only shows you a limited number
  • want2belean
    want2belean Posts: 124 Member
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    It really is about what you want, Unless you actually KNOW these ppl or have become online FRIENDS, I don't think a formal message is not nessasary, this is only my opinion. what can you live with? just deleting or sending a message.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,590 Member
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    I have put a disclaimer on my profile, if I don't feel we're travelling along the same path then you're off my list. Makes me feel a bit bad when I do delete people, but at the end of the day I started MFP for a reason and that was to get healthy, not to get a big friends list.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    I also keep a smaller friends list because I can't keep up.

    However, I don't delete people if they don't comment, some do not comment but I get inspiration by seeing their workouts and diary.
  • Marc713
    Marc713 Posts: 328 Member
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    Seems like a lot of energy exerted on something that doesn’t really matter. Spend that 30 minutes working out or cooking a healthy delicious meal. If you are adding lots of friends, perhaps you just need to cut back and let your friend list grow organically. I don’t have many, but I interact with many of them and there are a few I even text, call, meet for dinner, have drinks with, etc. Some people don’t have the time to spend stroking the ego of every person on their friend list. When I see someone get a good workout in or post something worthy of encouragement, I try to post up, but I rarely have the time to hit the “show more” button at the bottom and catch up on every post & reply to them. Full time career, 11 hours of college classes, maintaining my household, getting in my workouts, having social time, down time, catch up on the DVR time….yea, I can’t even keep up with the 23 people on my list.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Just delete them.
    If they aren't "supportive" they probably won't care or notice.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    I will 'glance' at diaries and generally only comment on something 'different'. If you have a specific demand of your friends why not be open with it. Say "hey guys, I am really looking for people to comment in this / these ways 1.2.3". People ask to be added all the time but really unless they tell me they are looking for something 'specific' I will just stick to what I am doing. As far as the emails go..probably they won't even notice. BUT I would really try to be specific about what you are looking for first - people may just be like me and without knowing that you are looking for a specific type of encouragement they may not be sure what it is you need..communicate!! lol
  • Lisah8969
    Lisah8969 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    I recently started a challenge group and I have been posting more on message boards, so I have gained a few more friends in the past couple months. I am not someone who posts to everyone every day. I glance at the news feed and if there is something funny or a great weight loss or just plain good info, I will comment, but not for every time they go out and take a 15 minute walk. I don't keep track of how many friends I now have so it's very possible some people have dropped me for that reason. That's ok...if they aren't getting what they need from me then I am fine with it. For my close friends IRL on MFP, I make sure they know I support them. I wouldn't worry about it...they probably won't even notice.
  • notsosimplyabby
    notsosimplyabby Posts: 138 Member
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    Honestly, if it concerns them that they are no longer your friend, they will message you. Then, you can let them know why they have been deleted. If then, they want to become one of your GENUINE supporters, add them back!
  • Aventuria
    Aventuria Posts: 151
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    It's funny really. Most of my mfp friends complain about the same thing over and over again, but only two of them regularly post on my stuff...

    If you are unhappy, dlete them, end of story. :wink:
  • grapeeyes1
    grapeeyes1 Posts: 237 Member
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    Seems like a lot of energy exerted on something that doesn’t really matter. Spend that 30 minutes working out or cooking a healthy delicious meal. If you are adding lots of friends, perhaps you just need to cut back and let your friend list grow organically. I don’t have many, but I interact with many of them and there are a few I even text, call, meet for dinner, have drinks with, etc. Some people don’t have the time to spend stroking the ego of every person on their friend list. When I see someone get a good workout in or post something worthy of encouragement, I try to post up, but I rarely have the time to hit the “show more” button at the bottom and catch up on every post & reply to them. Full time career, 11 hours of college classes, maintaining my household, getting in my workouts, having social time, down time, catch up on the DVR time….yea, I can’t even keep up with the 23 people on my list.

    I know you are trying to be helpful, but your comment clearly shows that you are making assumptions about me. Let me clarify things so you actually know some facts. I do cook a healthy meal every night In fact I usually cook 2, one for my father and then home to cook one for my husband and myself and after I pack healthy lunches for the next day. I also work out every day and work a full time job. I leave my house every morning at 8 am and usually do not get home to cook our meals until about 8 pm. My time on the computer is for me to relax after a long day. I do not go out and just add friends to see how many I can get. I have only requested perhaps 2 friends since I started MFP, but I never refuse friendship to someone who requests it. My friends list is probably as organic as it gets. We all need help through this process and I do not have it in my heart to refuse someone who is reaching out to me. If you read, it was about whether or not to have the courtesy to let people know why I am deleting them. I do not expect an ego stroke, but I do take the time to encourage people and as I said, at least one comment a month would be nice.
  • grapeeyes1
    grapeeyes1 Posts: 237 Member
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    Honestly, if it concerns them that they are no longer your friend, they will message you. Then, you can let them know why they have been deleted. If then, they want to become one of your GENUINE supporters, add them back!

    That sounds good, thank you.
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
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    messaging them seems passive aggressive to me and 45 minutes seems like an extreme waste of time, but that's me. I happen to be very discriminating in who I put on my friends list and frankly I don't care if they comment or delete me because these people aren't my actual friends they are just a bunch of fellow dieters, and there will always be new members if I feel like I need the attention.
  • Tinkerbell1369
    Tinkerbell1369 Posts: 32 Member
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    Dear just delete them. After all if you send them a email and they start posting it won't be long before they drop off again. Will you send them aother email? Just dump them if they really enjoyed being your frind they will friend request you again and them maybe take the time to explain why they were dumped first. Emailing themto me seems like a waste of time. I would so much enjoy a "like" or "awesome" button for those times I have only enough time to quickly drop in.
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
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    I'm really glad my MFP friends don't expect me to perform. Some days it's all I can do to get on and log my calories and workouts for the day and answer a few questions, let alone keep up with everyone's activities.

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