I Don't want to offend you...

x_cinder_x
x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
in Motivation and Support
"I don't want to offend you, but have you lost weight?"

I heard this, or some variance of it, allot as my weight loss became more and more noticeable. The way it was worded was always polite and really worried I would actually be mad at them for saying something. As soon as I said yes, they would usually follow up with a positive 'your work is showing' type thing.

I can't imagine being offended over someone asking in a polite supportive type way. To me it was actually really encouraging. I mean if I notice someone working on being more healthy I would probably say something like that to. I was just wondering what other takes there are on it.
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Replies

  • kmhenry84
    kmhenry84 Posts: 96 Member
    Some people are embarassed about the fact that they had weight to lose. Just let them know you appreciate the support and aren't offended by any positive comments =D
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    I'm never offended by that. EVER. I relish it :happy:
  • joannbrunton
    joannbrunton Posts: 93 Member
    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    The "problem" with that sort of question is that it may imply that the asker thinks you need(ed?) to lose weight in the first place. I think a better way to approach it is to simply compliment the person and ask if they've done something differently. I did that with the girl that cuts my hair, noticing she had lost a little weight. She simply smiled and said she had lost ten pounds. I told her she looked great - not that she looked bad before - and she seemed happy that I/someone noticed.
  • 1sophiesophie
    1sophiesophie Posts: 67 Member
    Of course, it is all about the context and tone with which it is said, but overall - I totally agree with the OP. I would never be offended, particularly if it is then followed up with an explicitly positive statement, such as "well, you look really well on it" or something similar.

    I don't understand why anybody would be embarrassed about losing weight. It is the people moaning about their weight and not doing anything about it who should be embarrassed. Those of you taking control - be proud!
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
    Some people are embarassed about the fact that they had weight to lose.

    This.

    And congrats on your weight loss :)
  • brendaj39
    brendaj39 Posts: 375 Member
    i like being told i look better or good...it help keep me going. Even tho I have heard from some..."its about time" now thats when I stick my tongue at them...:huh:
  • gsager
    gsager Posts: 977 Member
    The other day a man said,"I don't mean to offend you but you legs look good, very toned." I told him,"thank you, I work very hard". I think that he didn't want me to be offended by the fact that he was looking at my legs.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.

    This is a good point. Never even considered it.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
    The other day a man said,"I don't mean to offend you but you legs look good, very toned." I told him,"thank you, I work very hard". I think that he didn't want me to be offended by the fact that he was looking at my legs.

    Haha- I bet that made you grin!
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
    I agree. Who would be offended by someone noticing weight loss. That said, I don't do this for other people. I do it for me.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
    There was actually a post awhile back where someone was offended when people notice. I don't understand it but I guess it happens.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/762685-getting-upset-when-people-notice
  • carneson3
    carneson3 Posts: 33
    I think a lot of people don't want to bring up weight because it's a little taboo to ask someone about, but they are genuinely curious or worried. I had a coworker ask me if I was ok and wanted to make sure I wasn't loosing because I was sick. Of course I informed him i was sick and started to pretend cry....I quickly laughed so not to freak him out and told him I was just counting calories/exercising!! I thought it was very sweet that he cared enough to ask. When people are genuine it's hard to be offended.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
    I've had a couple of people ask me if I've been sick. Others told me I'm "too skinny". Believe me, I neither look sick nor do I look "skinny". I think people get so accustomed to seeing overweight people that healthy looks skinny to them.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Interesting questions I received.

    From guys (who were a bit hesitant to just say hey you lost weight) - Have you been working out?
    From women (who had not seen me in a while) - Is something going on with you? You have lost weight. It seems they were also testing the waters to inquire if it was my effort or a problem such as illness or stress).
    And from some close friends - You are getting skinny. LOL

    I was never offended.
  • oohmercyme
    oohmercyme Posts: 279 Member
    i think it could be that they are afraid you have a medical problem that has caused your weight loss. i tell people nothing is wrong, i have worked for every pound i've lost.
    I've had a couple of people ask me if I've been sick. Others told me I'm "too skinny". Believe me, I neither look sick nor do I look "skinny". I think people get so accustomed to seeing overweight people that healthy looks skinny to them.

    Yep. This is annoying.
    Have you lost weight? Yes.
    On purpose? Um yes.
    You aren't sick or anything? Go away!
  • tommygirl15
    tommygirl15 Posts: 1,012 Member
    Whenever someone makes a comment about my weightloss I always take it as a compliment - whether it was meant to be or not.
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
    I have middle-child syndrome and want attention at all times, haha. So someone noticing my weight loss would never offend me even if it was worded like "GIRL, YOU LOOK LESS HEFTY THEN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU!".
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Some people seem to actively look for ways to be offended. So "You look great, did you lose weight?" gets heard as, "You looked fat and disgusting before." :indifferent:

    Years ago, I ran into my real estate agent from when I bought my house. He told me I looked great... did I lose weight? I'd actually gained quite a few. I was too skinny before, and was happier with an extra 20 pounds. But when I told him that no, I'd gained, he couldn't seem to wrap his head around a woman confessing to or being happy about weighing more. :laugh: You could literally see circuits shorting in his brain trying to figure out how to respond.
  • Heather0123456789
    Heather0123456789 Posts: 91
    I see my patients about 6 months apart, so they've noticed ;). I've never been offended by it! Everyone is always so polite and positive towards me. Feeling and looking better? Makes ALL of those workouts worth it ;)
  • bluemilan
    bluemilan Posts: 17
    Yeah happened yesterday when one of the consultants said to me- "you being very good, keep up the good work"

    I actually thought he hadn't noticed as he said said nothing, so sometimes, silence is better.

    LA
  • icimani
    icimani Posts: 1,454 Member
    There was actually a post awhile back where someone was offended when people notice. I don't understand it but I guess it happens.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/762685-getting-upset-when-people-notice

    I have a history of abuse - part of my MO was to become invisible, to be incredibly average. And the weight was definitely a way of insulating myself from people. So when people notice me, it sometimes is very uncomfortable. I've come a long way (like even venturing to post this!) :noway: , and I take people's comments as compliments now but it's been, and will be, a long journey with a lot of hard work.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    I stand by my belief that there is never a good way to discuss another person's weight. It seems to be an off-limits topic....except here.

    Op, you look like you've lost some weight?!! Great job!!
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
    I think, men especially are afraid to say anything. It can be taken so many different ways by a woman. Like others said, they could be afraid of the, "so you did think I was fat before!". Also in a work setting, it could be taken as unwanted attention. One of the guys I work with didn't say anything, until after I told him I was trying to lose weight. He said he had noticed but was scared to comment. lol
  • joybedford
    joybedford Posts: 1,680 Member
    I love it when people notice and comment it makes my day. I was recently looking after a woman giving birth to her 3rd child (I am a midwife) she spoke very little english but gave me a number of compliments. The first was she asked if I had children I said yes and told her there names and ages she was shocked that my oldest was almost 17 and asked my age when I told her I was 41 she accused me of lying. When her sister arrived she asked her to tellme I had an amazing body and what was my secret. I had a great day at work that day and left feeling ultra confident. This makes the hard work worth it.
  • OddballExtreme
    OddballExtreme Posts: 296 Member
    I had worn my Catwoman costume to my job on Halloween, and the first thing I heard from one of my co-workers: "My, she is slimming down." I took that as a major compliment. It's a testament of what I've been able to do for the past nine months, losing the 43 pounds. Everyone at my job has noticed, and they're very supportive of me and my efforts to stay healthy.
  • dwoodmanjr
    dwoodmanjr Posts: 89 Member
    I am now cycling through client visits who haven't seen me in about 12 months, so the expressions I have received have ranged from stunned silence (not sure whether to mention it or not), to effusive "OMG !!!". I also had a tendancy to make myself invisible, and get a little embarassed with the compliments - I don't take them well - and I need to learn how to.

    I also have my annual physical Monday and really can't wait for my Dr's reaction
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
    I wouldn't be offended (AT ALL). But, some people are so self-concious about their weight... and they know others are as well. Some wouldn't want to make you more self-concious. I think it's wonderful that people are noticing your success though. And, that they are very considerate about how they word it.
  • tonightokayalright
    tonightokayalright Posts: 289 Member
    Weight is always a touchy subject, and most women know to approach it by beating around the bush a little until you know for sure that a) they're losing weight, and b) they're doing it intentionally.

    Personally, I hate talking about my weight. I'm proud of myself, but it just opens up the conversation for everyone to give me their opinions, and I don't like that.
  • andriadean7171
    andriadean7171 Posts: 42
    They don't want you to feel like they're trying to say you were fat in the first place... You know people get offended so easily now

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