Dating as a BBW
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When I met my husband online, I weight 272 (I'm 5'6"). I had a pretty, full length photo up, so he knew what I looked like.
If you need a confidence boost, read this post:
http://thehairpin.com/2010/12/i-like-fat-chicks-questions/
There are people, not just creepy people, who are more than comfortable with plus size gals.0 -
It used to bother me and I felt kind of rejected when a guy didn't respond, but after I had to do it myself a few times I felt better about it. Sometimes you just know it's not going to happen. Or, you just went on a date with someone who is really great and while you aren't quite ready to delete your profile, you are trying to focus on this great new person you just met. Or you are too lazy to delete the old profile. It happens. Don't take it too personally. Stay inside yourself and focus on you. And yes, don't go out of your way to post bad pics but be honest. I posted a pic of myself halfway through a (walking) marathon and it wasn't the best pic, but I got a good response to it because it was honest and showed my whole body - and that I may be heavy but I'm not a total couch potato! Near the end of the whole dating thing I was actually starting to enjoy it, until I met my current SO. Now I sometimes kind of miss it in a weird way!0
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Being confident and projecting confidence are the two key factors in successful dating. If you don't yet feel truly confident, fake it till you make it. Nobody knows you don't feel 100% confident, so just pretend you are... they don't know the difference. Bonus: eventually you start to believe it yourself, and the next thing you know, you ARE that confident fabulous person you've been putting out there.
Now I dated a lot as a bigger gal ... I don't like to identify as a BBW, so I won't call myself that.. but I was big. But I got lots of dates with really great guys, and never had trouble sealing the deal when I wanted to. Because I smiled, projected confidence, took care of myself (dressed nicely, and in ways that flatter my figure, well manicured nails, clean and styled hair... it's not vanity, it's putting your very best face forward), and was friendly and not afraid to approach a man or "make the first move", I got to have a lot of nice dates with interesting men, and eventually found a husband who is basically the most amazing person on the frucking planet.0 -
Eh.. I'm not sure there's an easy way to feel confident.
Online dating is a tricky place. I much prefer meeting people first and then pursuing them after. At least I know they've SEEN me, all of me, and I like me anyway despite my size.
BUT online dating CAN work. Just... don't give up I guess.
Don't be personally offended when you don't hear a response.
Do put yourself out there. Don't be afraid to message someone.0 -
I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
true story....you have to be honest about yourself....warts and all....0 -
Same happens in real life too.... You just have to keep trying
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I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
THIS! Everyone has insecurities...but confidence goes a long way in the dating world!0 -
I met my husband on match.com 6 years ago. but there were lot of no's and no replies before that. it takes time, which it feels like there is not enough of...especially when you are lonely. Good luck to you!!!0
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Online dating is hard thin or as a BBW. At my heaviest (320 lbs) it was hard and now at 175lbs it is hard. Online dating can be a real kick to the self esteem. Just know that there are men out there that will enjoy you, for who you are and what you desire to become.
I am suffering through the same thing, and decided to take time off from it because I truly need to love myself before I can love someone else.
Hang in there and be patient.... everything is possible!
this is also true.....at my highest weight (and yeah look at my ticker) dating was HARD but at least those that didn't feign interest didn't feign interest...it was almost easier...
now I have to weed through a LOT of crazies...and i'm STILL not finding good, nice, dependable people. I'm just getting crazies.
so I dunno that it's really easy for ANYONE....at any weight...
i've given up completely on those websites.....well to be honest I've given up completely on dating all together...
it's just not something I'm prepared to do right now.0 -
I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
true story....you have to be honest about yourself....warts and all....
Genital warts?0 -
It's online dating, start pooling them up. Don't just reply to one and then sit and wait...multiple dating is where it's at. get 3 or 4 converstions going at once, if one doesn't pan out, continue the search. you don't have to wait for a "match" either, go on the forums or click search and type in your criteria. I could waste hours doing this instead of homework lol you're going to find a lot of duds, but go out, have fun, experiece the dating scene in a different aspect. Don't head out looking for "the one" go out for a good time and some safe sex. trust me, I met my fiance 5 years ago on POF, but he wasn't the only one on the line until I knew for sure that he was it.0
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I met my current gf through match.com. We've been dating about 2.5 months now.
My advice would be just keep trying. I know that I sent out lots of emails, and the response rate was maybe 1 for every 4 or 5 I sent. As a male, it seems that it is still left up to us to make the first move, even in online dating, as I only ever got a few smiles and very few emails initiated by a woman (or it could just be me! Surely not!!!). It can certainly be very disheartening. So it was always nice to know that someone else had noticed me and taken some time to write, or just smile. I tried to respond to each of the emails (even if it was a simple no thanks), but I'd ignore the smiles if I didn't see a good match in the profile. But at least it made me look at them, when I might have just skipped them too quickly before.
So yeah - don't take the rejection/lack of reply too personally. And do put yourself out there! Good luck.0 -
I think that you shouldn't worry about them not responding back, it's their loss not yours. You should never feel you need to change yourself for anyone. There is a man out there who will be absolutely head over heels for you just the way you are, you just haven't meet the right one!
as for the internet dating, I'm not a fan. In my single days I tried it and it seemed like every guy was looking to get laid and made it blatantly clear lol.0 -
i met my husband on a dating website. it seems to be just a pure numbers game. the first 30 or so guys i talked to or tried to talk to were jackholes or had their head up their rears, and this was on a paid site. then i met my husband - that was 6 years ago in october. you just have to keep putting it out there over and over and over and over and over again. don't settle for mediocre, there's a perfect one out there for you!0
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There is a lot of really good advice in here~ As a BBW, formerly dating online as well, I can offer a few tips.
First, you have to accept yourself. You can do things to change your weight/health, etc., but you still have to accept who you are, right now. I've learned that everyone finds different things attractive/not attractive, etc. I see plenty of men that a lot of women find attractive, and I do not. Not everyone is going to think you are good looking or attractive, and you have to just accept that part of being a human beingy. That does not change just because you are skinny. I know a TON of men that are not attracted to skinny women, at all. So, there is someone(s) out there that will be attracted to you. Be honest and upfront about you are. Include full body shots along with the upclose face shots, so they see the REAL you
You can't hide who you are, if you intend to eventually meet/date this person.
Put out a lot of "feelers". I would send a simple, to the point message to anyone I was somewhat interested in, and if they reply, great! If not, they aren't for you. Don't get discouraged. "Hey, I liked your profile. Check mine out and if you're interested, jot me back a line or two". I sent a message to one of the most attractive men on the site, not thinking he would ever message me back. 1.5 years later and we are living together
Be positive. Nothing was more unattractive than a man that wasn't confident, or was constantly putting him self down to me. Whatever your insecurities, you need to put them aside to show him you love yourself and accept who you are and that you are worth his time 0 -
Internet dating is really hard no matter WHAT you look like. It's hard to put yourself out there. Rejection sucks. BUT. In order to meet someone you have to take a chance. It's hard and very scary, but you never know who you might meet. I met my partner on the internet and we have been together for over 7 years. Just be yourself. Post full body pics and be honest about what you look like. If someone doesn't respond to your inquiry...just move on. Obviously that person wasn't for you. The GOOD thing about internet dating is you don't have to face that rejection face to face. Someone WILL respond hun. It might take some time, and you might meet some real duds...but...you just might meet your next Mr. Wonderful. i wish you the very best of luck!!0
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I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
true story....you have to be honest about yourself....warts and all....
Genital warts?
Bwahahahahaha....i totally walked into that....SMH...
but thankfully no.....LOL...I'm a bit more careful than that....0 -
Just send a whole bunch and don't pay attention to who doesn't respond. That way when someone does respond you won't even know if you did send him a message or not. You can't be offended when someone doesn't respond to you. A lot of those things men just look at your photo and don't pay attention to who you are. If they are that shallow to not pay attention to the person you are then you don't want them in your life.0
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Personally, I don't think you should date until you've handled the self confidence issues. If you don't think you are truly amazing and deserve the best, you will probably settle for less than what you deserve because you think it's the best you can get or else you'll find an amazing guy who you do deserve but feel like you don't.
I will never again date someone with deep rooted confidence issues... I think you need to love yourself before you love others0 -
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