Partner not as supportive as id like him to be..

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toottoots
toottoots Posts: 67 Member
in Motivation and Support
ok... im going to revise that - hes not supportive at all.

Ive lost 7 pounds in 6 days and nothing - even when i say something about it he just says (sarcastically) *ooooh its just FALLING off you"

if he notices me on this site he says "aw are you on your little weightloss site again"

Then i cook him dinner last night and he says "why have you give me all this, youre trying to make me fat just cause youre on a diet"

now hes "on a diet" - and i feel its just to "beat" me - even though its not a competition?!

just a "well done so far..." would make me happy (i have only been doing this a week, but still - ive got off my fat *kitten* and started moving)


theres my rant of the day Lol
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Replies

  • OddballExtreme
    OddballExtreme Posts: 296 Member
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    Your topic is "Partner" not as supportive. I've got something different...my mother not very supportive. Here I am at 138 pounds after being 181 almost 10 months ago and diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Heck, I was at 192 two years ago.

    I was living under the impression that being diabetic meant no sweets of any kind. However, the dietitian told me that's not true. I can still enjoy sweets as long as I don't overdo it on those sweets. The first thing my mother said when I told her that, "She's lying. You can't have sweets." I'm listening to the licensed and certified dietitian and not my mother.

    She still tries the hell to embarrass me in front of my niece and nephews saying, "She has diabetes and she can still eat everything she wants." I have to keep reminding her, almost to the point of shouting, that it's not how sweet something is, but how many carbs are in it. Some of the sweets I like to eat have LESS carbs than a full cup of white rice, which has 45 carbs by itself. (I discovered I ate at least TWO cups for each lunch and dinner.)

    And now this morning she's ragging on me because I ate a multi-grain wrap filled with broccoli and one chicken wing. Yes, only one. There was a little bit of skin on it, but a little will not harm anyone unless I were eating ten damn wings every day, which I do not. :angry:

    I know what this is boiling down to...jealousy. She's just jealous because here I am losing the weight and still able to eat everything I want. The biggest differences have been that I drink A LOT more water than I've done, I'm exercising every day, and I watch what and how much I eat. She, on the other hand, has done only walking and won't eat anything else, not even a piece of candy.

    When it comes down to it, I'm trusting my doctor and the dietitian, not my mother's sometimes lame medical advice. :grumble:
  • Cupcakehippiemommy
    Cupcakehippiemommy Posts: 457 Member
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    Ignore,push through,succeed and rub it in his face (well less of you) lol
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Some people think being as *kitten* to you will motivate you.
  • LilEmm
    LilEmm Posts: 240
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    They sound like they're being jerks. Just ask them to stop mocking you, and either say something nice, or keep it shut. Then come on here for the support! :)

    @TAT: WELL DONE! You're doing great - keep it up!! Well, hey, forget a diet, it sounds like it's an opportunity for you both to embrace a lifestyle change. So you get to cook the healthy stuff for both of ya. Or, now that he's eating well, he can cook for both of you.

    @SAB: GREAT JOB!! That's wonderful you've made sustainable lifestyle changes - hopefully mama will come around but if not, hey, your nephews have eyes. They can see you're dropping the lbs. :)
  • barbie_g1rl
    barbie_g1rl Posts: 43
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    yes definatley sounds like he is jealous.

    thats really not a very nice attitude to have towards you you deserve praise.
    well done on ur 7 lbs loss thats brilliant :) xx
  • ashleew1117
    ashleew1117 Posts: 158
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    Maybe you should try talking to him about how you feel. Tell him that you are not doing this to try to competive that you are trying to do it for your well-being, health, and overall self.
    Tell him that you want him to be a part of it, and that you would like for him to be supportive and helpful.

    Ask him to go for a walk with you sometimes, or workout with you everyone in a while to show him what your doing and that your serious about what you are doing.

    If he tells you no, and he doesn't want to be a part of it. Then i would say leave him out and don't mention anything to him about your weight loss or when you go workout or whatever. Just let him do his thing, and when he makes a comment just ignore him.
    Eventually when the weight is off, and he sees how good you look maybe he will come around.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    7 pounds in 6 days? Starving yourself?

    As for partners, mine has seen my diet plans be abandoned so many times that he doesn't believe in me anymore. I've seen him rolling his eyes a time or two while I weigh and measure things. I can't blame him. He's a jewel in other ways, so I figure I'll take the good with the bad. If I am to succeed, it's up to me.
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
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    You have to lose weight for yourself. You have to be your own cheerleader!

    Often some friends or family members can be "jealous" , because of the motivation you have acquired, and the results you are getting..... Some people enjoy other people's failures....

    Ignore the boyfriend.... I would use it as motivation to show him what I am made of. Ignore his comments/ negativity and use it to fuel your workouts. Take the negative and transform it to positive.

    Trust me.... when your body starts feeling good and you are feeling good in your skin.... it won`t be thanks to him.

    MFP is a great place for support and WE are here for you !
  • karynspeace
    karynspeace Posts: 132
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    I think sometimes our significant others are just *kitten*. If we lose weight, they get concerned that someone else may notice. If we don't lose weight, we are just "letting ourselves go". God forbid they scream for all to see "CHECK OUT MY WOMAN- ISN'T SHE SEXY!" or "THAT'S RIGHT - THIS IS MY LADY so BTFO!" (OR MAN, WHICHEVER YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS) My opinion, for what it is worth, is DO IT FOR YOURSELF. If your significant other has anything negative to say, it is their issue, not yours. KNOW that you are doing this for yourself, and when you get compliments outside of home, remember them. Use MFP as a support network and to get the compliments you need. Your significant other can either join the party or wallow in self pity by themselves. One day they may wake up and realize you left.... a LONG time ago.
  • Slack2ShortGo
    Slack2ShortGo Posts: 74 Member
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    I wish I had some great advice for you but, I don't. I am in a similar situation only my wife is a little supportive. I use this site a motivating tool. I get the support I need from my MFP friends since I don't get it from my wife. I am not "dieting" like I have tried in the past. I am going through a lifestyle change. Buying better foods, exercising and changing my approach toward life. All you can do is push through the negative energy and use MFP as your crutch. Your partner may come around but until then, keep doing what you are doing and take care of #1, YOU!
  • CaptChad75
    CaptChad75 Posts: 115
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    I don't think it's your partner being non supportive in the manner you're suggesting it is in. In the day and age we live in everyone wants to be healthier, skinnier, sexier etc. So I can't even begin to give you an accurate count of how many times I hear someone say "I'm so on a diet" especially right before the holidays. Basically we hear it so much from people that we never really take it seriously until we notice the results on someone. I started at 255lbs, I ordered P90x and had everyone smile and say "okay whatever" or "we'll see how long that lasts" Because I didn't like those responses I stopped telling people and just did it. I had my stumbles and lack of motivation but I'm down 30lbs and people now say "oh what are you doing I need to do that" So what I'm telling you is it's not that he doesn't think you CAN do it but rather he thinks you WON'T do it. So stay on task, do it for you, and once he sees the change he'll be more supportive and may even suggest hints from you on how he can lose a little.
  • Briko3
    Briko3 Posts: 267 Member
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    Then i cook him dinner last night and he says "why have you give me all this, youre trying to make me fat just cause youre on a diet"

    now hes "on a diet" - and i feel its just to "beat" me - even though its not a competition?!

    You just solved your own problem. He's self conscience about his weight, but it was OK because you were there with him. You're 'forcing' him to change against his will, because he doesn't want you to 'beat' him. Men are strange creatures.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Reading posts like yours makes me sad. I'm blessed to be married to a wonderful man who initially was supportive. . .and then fully involved just like me. He still won't take up running with me, but I think that's because he doesn't like getting beat by a girl!! LOL (kidding)

    Remember your value is not determined by your partner. If he's being dismissive, that speaks more about him than you! You are worth the hard work it will take to make lifetime changes.

    And, to be fair, I'd lost like 15 lbs before my hubby noticed. Once the "girls" started shrinking a bit he REALLY noticed how much progress I had made!! So, 7 lbs may not LOOK as noticeable as the scale would lead you to believe. Kepp at it, and you'll be getting compliments from LOTS of people!!
  • asherdasher63
    asherdasher63 Posts: 4
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    I know how you feel! My boyfriend just laughs at me and says that the program I'm doing is not real. So I said I will show you what I do and he had me put the dvd in. As he watched it he and his friend started laughing and I got mad. I told them sure it's easy to laugh when your sitting on your *kitten* not even trying it and then told them to shut the f up. That made me feel better.

    So I would just ignore him and not share with him the progress you are making. I know that will be tough cause you want support I do the same thing but I'm over it. I'll come on here for support. And when they see how good we look you can say that you did it on your own and don't need him to help you reach your goals. Then rub it in his face. lol

    Great Job on the 7lbs by the way!
  • Bossit
    Bossit Posts: 118 Member
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    You are only 6 days in.. that's not even a week. Good for you for starting, but maybe he isn't taking you seriously because of the short time frame. Feel good about yourself and don't rely on others.
  • KarCrib
    KarCrib Posts: 39 Member
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    I have not read the replies but what comes to mind is this is obviously something you will have to do on your own and on its own merits. Do it for yourself, for your body and for your spirit, not for your partner to notice or make you feel good by saying something. Ideally you should be doing this for the intrinsic value, you are bettering yourself and doing something good for yourself.

    When someone decides to change their life, lifestyle, habits etc for a new and positive outlook on life it is noticable but what happens is this means your partner may have started looking at himself adn maybe he is not ready to change.

    Keep on what you are doing and know that this community is here to support you.

    Cheers.
  • eve7166
    eve7166 Posts: 223 Member
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    It sounds like hes insecure and maybe he feels your rubbing your weight loss in his face. If he starts to diet with you it might actually be good and you can both help each other and then he can feel good about his own weight loss. :)
  • Colleen118
    Colleen118 Posts: 491 Member
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    When I'd finally had enough and decided it was time to take action I KNOW my hubby thought "here we go again... how long will it last this time". But I started it on my own. I had asked him to act as my personal trainer since he was very active and fit and I thought it would be a great way to get him to see how clear I was in succeeding. He said he would and he left me holding the bag all alone at the gym so I just took off on my own and left it be. Around a month later my loss was getting noticeable. He commented, congratulated, and started going the gym himself, not with me and on the occasion he did go with me, we didn't work out together. At the end of the day he would report his victories and interupt me telling mine but I'd still get the comments of noticing the way I looked changing. Fast forward 6 months. He's GREAT about what I eat. Sometimes I have to remind him things like Applesauce are limited for me and not as "healthy" as he might think. BUT when it comes to working out I am alone and his progress on the scale is the key for him. I totally feel like I was entered in some contest rather than attempting to change my life and health. It has recently caused a big problem for us and has destroyed my drive to workout at the moment. I will get it back but it is gone right now and I blame him for making it about him and his weight loss when he was perfectly healthy to begin with (weight, everything, he's very healthy - very active) rather than working withme and teaching me some of his activity routines to assist in my progress as I ahd asked him to. I nkow I am probably feeling sorry for myself right now and it will pass but it really has me bothered that he has made this about him.

    Moral of the story: don't let his being a selfish jerk sway you. Tell him how you are feeling NOW and explain how important it is to you that he understand you are not in a competition and he is either on board with supporting you completely or he isn't but that the mocking and making fun of you is uncalled for, demeaning, and really showing you that he may not be the person you should be with if he can't support you becoming healthy without destroying your self confidence.
  • ChristinaG100
    ChristinaG100 Posts: 41 Member
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    Sounds like he has his own insecurities and issues that he didn't have to think about when you were both not worried about being fit. Now he has to face them. You can't lose weight for anyone but yourself. Sometimes it has to be all about you and it has to be enough that you know you're successful. Stop holding your breath for his praise. It may never come. Good luck!
  • PaulaPalooza
    PaulaPalooza Posts: 137 Member
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    A lot of people have said that you have to lose the weight for yourself. This is totally true. But it isn't wrong to want support from your partner. That he isn't giving it... I think that's a far bigger issue than not being supportive just in regards to weight loss.

    I hope so much that things improve for you!!!

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