Looking in the mirror again

For a long, long, long, long, long (x100) time I have been afraid of mirrors (or really just any surface that I could see my reflection in). It got to a point in my life where I just covered up every mirror that I had to spend extended time around. For a long time this was a pretty big problem in my life. Not only that but it was pretty obvious to other people as well and they would tease me about whenever it came up.

I know one of the main reasons for my eisoptrophobia is that I hated and was afraid of what I saw in it. Sometimes when I was forced to stare at my own reflection it would cause actual pain and other awful, uncomfortable feelings that were more mental than anything else.

It looked like it was a problem that would continue with no end in sight and it would just ruin my life in small subtle ways.

Then I started making a serious effort to lose weight. And it was working.

Slowly and more slowly, passing by a mirror was less painful and more tolerable.

It could actually look at myself with more than just a quick side-ways glance to make sure the shifty mirror didn't go anywhere.

Now its not even a problem anymore. I mean it hasn't completely gone away, but its gone from being a painful, stressful, anxiety-ridden experience and turned into something that could be a little awkward but it more of "eh whatever" situation.

It may not seem like a big deal to most people. But it means a lot to me. I think it shows that slowly and more slowly I'm starting to not be so afraid of how I see myself.

I know losing weight has helped. I know I'm getting a small (but growing!) sense of confidence. And these two things working together are helping me conquer this fear.

For that I'm glad and I resolve to never go back to that place ever again.

Ever.