well that was just uncalled for...
Replies
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That can (and does, sometimes) backfire.Awwww, she was disappointed with herself. Don't say anything. Just hold her while she cries, tell her you love her, tell her she's beautiful.0 -
"Wow, really? Just one pound??? I'm surprised, because you look like you've lost a lot more than that."0
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"Wow, really? Just one pound??? I'm surprised, because you look like you've lost a lot more than that."
that would have gotten me shot...0 -
How long has she been in the program? I seriously had to avoid the scale for a while during the start of my weight-loss because even a 0.2 gain would make me a psycho hose-beast. My husband learned to recognize 'the face' and just give me a hug instead.
No words. Just hands.
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EOT...good night, go home people...0
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She wanted you to validate her feelings, no matter how irrational they seem. Feelings are irrational. Your response made her feel like you don't care how she feels.
I'm not saying she's not overreacting; (she is, big time). I'm also not saying it's your fault she feels this way (it's not!), or that you could have predicted what her response would be.
Something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how upset you were. Do you want to talk?" and then if she does, just listen and nod, try to restate what you think she's feeling rather than solve her problem. Things like, "That sounds frustrating." or "I can see why that makes you upset." Then, once she calms down, hit her with some gentle reason. "You've been working very hard," "The scale doesn't always tell the whole story." And then some validating stuff, "I'm sorry you're not happy with your weight loss, but I think you're beautiful."
And next time, "I'm sorry you didn't lose as much as you wanted to, but I think you're beautiful." will go a long way.
^^^ This0 -
She wanted you to validate her feelings, no matter how irrational they seem. Feelings are irrational. Your response made her feel like you don't care how she feels.
I'm not saying she's not overreacting; (she is, big time). I'm also not saying it's your fault she feels this way (it's not!), or that you could have predicted what her response would be.
Something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how upset you were. Do you want to talk?" and then if she does, just listen and nod, try to restate what you think she's feeling rather than solve her problem. Things like, "That sounds frustrating." or "I can see why that makes you upset." Then, once she calms down, hit her with some gentle reason. "You've been working very hard," "The scale doesn't always tell the whole story." And then some validating stuff, "I'm sorry you're not happy with your weight loss, but I think you're beautiful."
And next time, "I'm sorry you didn't lose as much as you wanted to, but I think you're beautiful." will go a long way.
^^^ This
I listen to a lot of **** I don't want to without asking "do you want to talk"... just saying.0 -
"Wow, really? Just one pound??? I'm surprised, because you look like you've lost a lot more than that."
that would have gotten me shot...
Really? Why?0 -
She wanted you to validate her feelings, no matter how irrational they seem. Feelings are irrational. Your response made her feel like you don't care how she feels.
I'm not saying she's not overreacting; (she is, big time). I'm also not saying it's your fault she feels this way (it's not!), or that you could have predicted what her response would be.
Something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how upset you were. Do you want to talk?" and then if she does, just listen and nod, try to restate what you think she's feeling rather than solve her problem. Things like, "That sounds frustrating." or "I can see why that makes you upset." Then, once she calms down, hit her with some gentle reason. "You've been working very hard," "The scale doesn't always tell the whole story." And then some validating stuff, "I'm sorry you're not happy with your weight loss, but I think you're beautiful."
And next time, "I'm sorry you didn't lose as much as you wanted to, but I think you're beautiful." will go a long way.
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"Wow, really? Just one pound??? I'm surprised, because you look like you've lost a lot more than that."
that would have gotten me shot...
Really? Why?
out of character for me. I tell her she looks great all the time, but that just wouldn't be something I'd reply to her with at that time. Hard to explain really, as I just play an a-hole on the internet and am quite sensitive to her IRL.0 -
First, I love the hardcore response...
Second, just reach for the Twix... it's a no win situation.0 -
(wife after WW meeting)
Her: only a lb. in two weeks :-(
Me: So, still losing, Good Job!!!
Her: STFU
what did i say? (chasing after crying wife)
:-( Clearly she was too upset to hear anything positive, but I agree with you. She'll come around. You didn't say anything wrong.0 -
"Wow, really? Just one pound??? I'm surprised, because you look like you've lost a lot more than that."
that would have gotten me shot...
Really? Why?
out of character for me. I tell her she looks great all the time, but that just wouldn't be something I'd reply to her with at that time. Hard to explain really, as I just play an a-hole on the internet and am quite sensitive to her IRL.
Well, there's your problem. Stop telling her that all the time so when you do say it, it will be more meaningful.0 -
Take her out for some Italian, then for some lattes, then for some ice cream and cake. Also, on the way home, say you "forgot" something, then come out of the store with wine, chocolate, and flowers. Lots of wine and chocolate.
Then, when she's had a glass or two, tell her that if she's not going to be more supportive of you being supportive of her, then you're going to quit being supportive of her until she starts to be supportive of you being supportive of her. Then tell her that you work your butt off to make sure she knows that you love and care and support her and if she's going to just toss your emotions and feelings to the side, then maybe your time would be better spent uplifting some other woman who is trying to lose weight and who would appreciate a good complement of "a loss is a loss. great job!" Someone who will appreciate the effort and care you take into choosing each word carefully so that you don't upset her. Then tell her, that if she's going to be like this losing weight you would rather she stay really fat, at least then you don't have to tip-toe around the compliments.
Then come back on here and let us know how long you think you'll be without internet until you get settled in your new bachelor pad. We're here to support you. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'd go with....."you're right, that is completely unacceptable. You need to move your fat *kitten* more and use your lip smackin, teeth mashing teeth less.". Then crack a whip.
Let's see what that does for ya!0 -
its certainly a struggle0
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2 posts and no "break up wth her"
You people are slacking today...
Well it's because she's your wife and not a girlfriend! A girlfriend it would've been a deal breaker! Just DON'T apologize with chocolate!!!0 -
Ummm whoever is telling you to break up with her is being redonkulous! It's one bad moment!!! Just let it go...she'll get over it. If she does this kind of stuff all the time...theeeeen reconsider costs vs. benefits lol0
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omg lol thats terrible lolTell her that still more than your girlfriend lost.0 -
since offering her chocolate will only add to your misery, try offering her some conselatory sex?0
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You obviously need to tell her to eat less and move more and tell her often - particularly when she is eating or has just sat down after a hard day...cos women like to be told this as much as possible - we forget so easily..
Oh and when she is eating you should ask her if she should really be eating that?
And don't forget to tell her that her clothes look a bit snug as well - we never know it until we are told!
And if you ask her what dress size she is, always go one size up on what you think, so if she is an 8 ask if she is a 10. Women LOVE that you are so considerate about them being comfortable in clothes.0 -
OUCH. Good for you for being kind and supportive. Shame on her for not being grateful. Upset or not, taking your emotions out on someone you love is not OK...0
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She's not really upset with you. I know I get upset when the scale doesn't say what I want it to. One pound in two weeks is about the same rate I am losing. Some of us have to make ourselves pretty miserable to lose any faster and that's not a sustainable lifestyle. Just tell her the changes are not always indicated by the scale and that you can see changes in her body. It's not always as fast as we want it to be and that's disappointing but it is happening. At her current rate, it will more likely be permanent. It's a good thing.0
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Dude, she needs three hours of amazing sex!
Or maybe i do, regardless, it'll make her feel better & you!
Now go get em' tiger!;)0 -
(wife after WW meeting)
Her: only a lb. in two weeks :-(
Me: So, still losing, Good Job!!!
Her: STFU
what did i say? (chasing after crying wife)
I'm going to guess that the part that upset her the most was the "so" at the beginning of your consoling. To me, that was dismissive and I'm sure she felt that same way. It's disheartening to work your butt off and not lose that much. Yes, 1 lb is still a loss, but it could/should have been more. Maybe next time leave "so" out of it, and say something like "I know you worked really hard, and you should be proud of yourself. I know I'm very proud of you. I know you wanted to lose more, but try to remember you are getting fitter even if the scale isn't moving. You are beautiful and I love you just the way you are. Want me to rub your feet for a while before I make dinner?" That is what I would want my husband to say to me. Sometimes women are irrational, but what does it hurt to coddle her a little? She needs it during this difficult journey. Just my opinion, best of luck to you.0 -
Keep this for future reference, always choose the column to the right
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A few years ago I was part of a weight loss program - they separated the women and the men into 2 support groups. Me being a woman and in the women's group - us ladies were working so hard... tracking food, working out, drinking water - doing everything right to loose 0.5#'s each week when the guys were loosing 2 - 6 #'s per WEEK. Pure physical make-up and biology at work!
Just be yourself and talk through it! This is small stuff!
I have food allergies and some health concerns... I look at my body as a fine luxury race car that takes special food and care. My husband on the other hand... he's a beater car - he can eat ANYTHING he wants and never gains weight. It's not fair but it is what it is!
And yet it still seems that more pressure is on women to be skinny when we have a more difficult time keeping it off!! :grumble:0 -
I say remind her of how many calories you both will burn with sex with a big grin on your face and raising your eyebrows......
And DUCK in case she tries to swing at you after you say it.....0 -
It's a no win situation man.... Let her vent and move on.
^^0 -
Yeah man....that is a no win situation. Just let it be and let her vent.0
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