Really Annoying NSV

I suppose I should take it as a compliment, but I am getting a bit fed up with people saying to me that I look gaunt, or I have lost too much weight now.

Does anyone else find this annoying, and when I comment that I am still an overweight BMI, 25.7 with body fat % of 20, they then say take no notice it is how you look that counts!!

Any thoughts on this, and does anyone else get it?
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Replies

  • phoenixsmommy
    phoenixsmommy Posts: 6 Member
    well I think you look great. I don't see it. And personally I think it's how you feel that counts and your health, not how you look. I would say don't take it to heart. It's just perception.
  • meyerstwilight6
    meyerstwilight6 Posts: 72 Member
    Yes, well I used to. I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant with my son so I am back up there but losing currently. When I used to weigh 140lbs(I am 5'5) I used to get SO many people telling me I'm too skinny. I find it weird because my target weight is 125lbs lol. I honestly believe a lot of it has to do with your bone structure too. Some people just have a more pronounced one where things like collar bones etc will be more obvious when losing weight.
  • miadhail
    miadhail Posts: 383 Member
    I think it is a compliment when they mention that you have lost weight, but I do find it insulting if they say that you look gaunt or that you have lost too much weight. >_< That is indeed annoying.

    We don't walk around with our scale weight, and body fat% plastered on our forehead (thank god) so people really just notice physical changes. And honestly, someone with your same scale weight and body fat%, and height can look very different (maybe even bigger). So it is a good thing when people notice :)

    But yeah, "take no notice it is how you look that counts" is not really a good saying to go by. You should go by how you feel about yourself, your personal goals.

    Personally, I have people noticing how much weight I have lost, and some who don't notice, I really just depend my NSVs on how well my clothes are fitting me, or the number of full push ups I can do now (lol, i can do three now!!). What people say vary, from person to person, and I have experienced people who try to sabotage and get me down..

    So yeah, great job on your weight loss! Keep it up! :)
  • I'd throw out the "overweight" thing though--BMI for men (or just muscular people in general) is really really really misleading.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Really? They tell you it's how you look that counts? That's completely the opposite of what every after school special I ever saw said. They always told me it doesn't matter how you look, that it's what's on the inside that matters. I'm shattered now. SHATTERED!

    Seriously, though, I think you look great, and if you were just doing this for other people, you never would have gotten so far. You're doing it for you, so unless you actually are underweight and unhealthy, screw them. Set your sights on your goals and block out everything else until you reach them!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    These are probably people that are used to seeing you overweight. I think you look great, not "gaunt" at all!
  • shovav91
    shovav91 Posts: 2,335 Member
    I feel your pain. I've always been thin (Obviously not here to lose weight), and people constantly come up to me saying I'm too thin, I need to gain weight, I'm like a stick, etc. You wouldn't go up to someone overweight and say things like "oh, you're so round" or "you need to lose weight"! Why is there such a stigma? Why is this acceptable for someone thin?
    Answer: It's not. I'm sorry you're dealing with this :(
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    I feel your pain. I've always been thin (Obviously not here to lose weight), and people constantly come up to me saying I'm too thin, I need to gain weight, I'm like a stick, etc. You wouldn't go up to someone overweight and say things like "oh, you're so round" or "you need to lose weight"! Why is there such a stigma? Why is this acceptable for someone thin?
    Answer: It's not. I'm sorry you're dealing with this :(
    Today I saw one of my friends on FB had reposted a picture from a group called "Curvy Women are Better Than Skinny Women," and I wished there was a group called "Healthy Women are Better Than Fat Women" just so I could share pictures and watch people get all bent out of shape about it. It's such a double standard (especially since the pictures of the "curvy" women I saw on there were obviously overweight women, not healthy looking women with curvy bodies).
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    Tell them maybe they're just too overweight. That will shut them up.

    I hate people who think it's appropriate to bluntly call somebody 'too thin' unsolicited though you're clearly healthy.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
    Really? They tell you it's how you look that counts? That's completely the opposite of what every after school special I ever saw said. They always told me it doesn't matter how you look, that it's what's on the inside that matters. I'm shattered now. SHATTERED!

    like!
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    I would say you look chiseled. Are those people saying it with good intention or otherwise?
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
    You look fine. Maybe they are just used to the old look or are jealous?
  • wolfchild59
    wolfchild59 Posts: 2,608 Member
    The first Thanksgiving I spent with my family after I'd lost weight, my aunt became convinced that I was anorexic. Keep in mind that I had seen her at 4th of July earlier that year and had only lost a handful of additional weight between then and TDay. But she was so adamant about it that she talked to darn near every single one of my family members (never once said anything to me) about how sick I looked. She even called my mom a week later and berated her for not noticing how sick I was and turning a blind eye.

    Now, luckily everyone in family knew I'd been counting calories, safely, with MFP and had been losing my weight slowly over the course of about 9 months at that point. So every last one of them stood up for me and basically told my aunt that she was crazy. But it actually caused a rift between her and the rest of the family that hasn't completely healed.

    The kicker? At the time I weighed about 145 pounds, down from 185. At 5'5" that put me at just under the range of overweight on the BMI scale. And I hadn't been working out at all during that time, I wasn't extra lean from that weight being muscle mass. My aunt probably weighed less than me, or at least about the same, at the time. But it was all just skewed perspective from the weight I'd always been in her head. (I've been heavy since I was a teenager)

    Ignore those people and focus on you being happy with how you look.
  • poeco76
    poeco76 Posts: 139 Member
    You wouldn't go up to someone overweight and say things like "oh, you're so round" or "you need to lose weight"! Why is there such a stigma? Why is this acceptable for someone thin?
    Answer: It's not. I'm sorry you're dealing with this :(

    Um, people have done this to me, so it does happen to overweight people too. I think there are just individuals in this world who feel it is their duty/responsibility to inform everyone else what is on their minds. Sometimes, it really is okay to say nothing at all.
  • deadmittens
    deadmittens Posts: 536 Member
    I would love to hear someone tell me I've lost too much weight. I'm not quite there yet.
    One of the docs I worked with jokingly asked if I was anorexic. A DOCTOR jokingly asked that!
  • awesomek001
    awesomek001 Posts: 167 Member
    I suppose I should take it as a compliment, but I am getting a bit fed up with people saying to me that I look gaunt, or I have lost too much weight now.

    Does anyone else find this annoying, and when I comment that I am still an overweight BMI, 25.7 with body fat % of 20, they then say take no notice it is how you look that counts!!

    Any thoughts on this, and does anyone else get it?

    It really is about how you feel. I'm technically obese according to my BMI, but I'm probably healthier than most of my friends. Of course, they are also the ones who feel the need to tell me I'm anorexic (as I'm holding a plate of veggies chatting with them) because I no longer look like I did 90 lbs ago.

    Personally, I think that if you're only using the BMI as a measure of your health, you might want to re-evaluate that method of measurement. HOWEVER, that having been said, you probably wouldn't be ticked off by the comments if you are not feeling great about where you are. You can look them straight in the eye and ask them what they are doing to increase their health levels. It's their insecurities kicking in since you've obviously been able to find success in an area that everyone struggles with. Stay Strong - - you know what your goal is!! They will either accept you as you change or they will drift away becoming those who didn't matter in the first place.

    Good luck - and congrats on how far you've come!
  • brainfreeze72
    brainfreeze72 Posts: 180 Member
    I'd bite my tongue off on that one! The nerve or some people. I think you look great. I could come up with some cruel replies but seriously, what if you were sick? My ex husband had gastric bypass and due to complications he dropped from 6'4" 400 lbs to 190 lbs. HE looked sickly but there was nothing he could do about it, he had to go back for a few procedures to correct the problem and he'll never be "normal" again. At least he's bounced back a little bit now to at least looking healthy. I intend on getting "too thin" myself then building up muscle in the right places. I carry all my weight in my bottom half and practically nothing in the top half. I'm HOPING I can thin out the bottom a little and work on strengthening the top so my collar bone doesn't jut out making me look malnourished in a tank top. I've run the gamut in the past 21 years being ill at 19 and weighing 90 lbs at 5'8", back then nobody told me I was too thin but someone asked my mother if I was on drugs!
  • Chewster001
    Chewster001 Posts: 201 Member
    You look the best I've ever seen you look.
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    I think a lot of it is perception too. When my friend lost a lot of weight, she looked SO THIN to me, but then I realized it's just because I'm so used to seeing slightly heavy or obese people. She's actually well within the healthy weight range for her height and frame; I'm just not used to seeing her or other people that small. It took me a long time to get used to it. I never told her she looked too small, but I worried every time I saw her until my brain adjusted. Maybe they're just surprised too? I'm sorry they say things like that. They should be proud of you!
  • susehocking
    susehocking Posts: 30 Member
    I think sometimes people can see your success and are maybe jealous? Jealous people always have to say something putting others down to make them feel better about themselves, often with backhanded compliments. I Think you look great! You have worked hard and it is what is on the INSIDE that counts...are you happy? If yes...then you are doing just fine!
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    This has happened to me a couple of times lately. "You look great....you're done dieting now right? You don't want to go too far" well thanks for your concern and the compliment, but I am far from skinny at this point. No, I'm not done yet, but I'm not in a hurry either, ill let you get used to this, ok?
    Actually ive been rethinking my goal weight upwards, now that ive seen what this weight looks and feels like. But by all means...keep telling me I look skinny, its the first time in my life its ever happened!:laugh:
  • Jodibear58
    Jodibear58 Posts: 280 Member
    What *I* would give to hear anything close to that in my life! Congrats on your weight loss!!
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    You look great.
  • kaseysospacey
    kaseysospacey Posts: 499 Member
    I'm very overweight, and if I lose any noticeable weight at all people will be like,you lost weight so you're done. Like I don't have to finish because I lost a few lbs
  • haters_fb62b5_2448292_zpsa05b12f7.gif

    :drinker: Keep being the healthy you!
  • dogacreek
    dogacreek Posts: 289 Member
    I was receiving the same remarks a few months ago. I still have about 35 pounds to lose, so it was frustrating to me also. My girlfriend told me to use a better moisturizer cream on my skin. It has really improved my "look" and I don't hear near as many comments now. Just a suggestion.
  • DenyseMarieL
    DenyseMarieL Posts: 673 Member
    I used to weigh around 130, and got down to about 118, (I am 5'3" and have a small frame, so this is NOT unreasonable for me), when a girlfriend actually asked me if I had become anorexic. I was insulted! I am by no means skinny, I still have some curves. She is overweight so perhaps jealousy is a factor....?
  • I just ranted about this on another thread... My coworkers have taken to calling me skinny mini. I am far from skinny mini! Still at 215lbs, sure I started at 266 but I my current goal is around 170 just to be at a healthy weight since I am 5'9"!
    Even my gym buddy told me to stop losing weight because I am getting to thin... WTF? crazy people just used to seeing us a certain way is the only explination for it. Good luck keeping positive through the negativity I will continue to do the same.
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    Yeah, I get that. I just tell them they wish they were as thin as I am and invite them to go for a run.
  • pixiestick
    pixiestick Posts: 839 Member
    I wished there was a group called "Healthy Women are Better Than Fat Women"

    :laugh: :laugh:

    My personal thought is that most people have some level of membership in the "fat" clubhouse. For some, it's unhealthy habits masked by being naturally slender. For others, they just don't want to be made aware of their own 5-star status in the club. :noway:

    If someone healthy, fit, and leading an admirable, sustainably active lifestyle tells me to slow down because I may be injuring myself, I'll think about paying attention. But most of the "cautionary compliments" come from people who miss you in the clubhouse. :yawn:
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