Motivation with an Unmotivated Spouse?

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  • mercymarque
    mercymarque Posts: 450
    I have an unmotivated husband... He recently joined the gym because our son was going. He goes to the gym most days but comes home and has a few drinks so everything he has done at the gym is for nothing. I do all the cooking so he eats good healthy meals. He leaves to early to work so I'm not sure what he eats for breakfast. As for lunch if there is anything left over, he has that. If not again I'm not sure what he eats. He snacks also. I try to keep nuts, fruits and 100 calorie snacks in the house but we have children and they are healthy and very active.

    I go to the gym because I want to be healthy and look good. I feel like if I do this and he sees my efforts, my achievements he will follow. He sees my accomplishments and ask me if I've gone to the gym if he's unsure. He's trying he's just not there yet. My advice would be to work on you and he will follow suit. It may not be in your time but in his. You have to find your motivation and stick with it. Eat as clean as possible (fresh fruits, veggies and whole grains), make healthy replacementss in the kitchen, drink plenty of water and limit other beverages, get plenty of rest and get out and move. Good luck!
  • Bean615
    Bean615 Posts: 132 Member
    My boyfriend and I started this journey together. He lost weight and has gained it back over the past four years. I wake up every morning around 5:30 and go to the gym. i try to eat healthy and clean, however it was much easier when we were on the same page. He likes eating out, i like eating meals that are premade and from home. He wants to get back to the gym and back into shape, but hasn't. i tell him all the time it was easier with him. its easier with someone by your side pushing you and working together with you. it also was a fun little competition we had as well. i feel your pain, but you have to keep on doing what is best for you even with the added cheeseburger in your face. he will come around, and you just need to fight the temptations and added pressure from him to be bad!
  • praxisproject
    praxisproject Posts: 154 Member
    If you can get him to not hinder you, that's really all you need :) You can do this :D
  • Slack2ShortGo
    Slack2ShortGo Posts: 74 Member
    My advice will echo what most people have said to far.
    I wanted to lose weight for years but, my wife, who is only a few pounds overweight, did not. I kept using her as my excuse for not losing weight because she didn't want to do it with me. I finally got over it and started making small changes in my life. Eat fruit or veggies instead of fries. Or, grab a water from the fridge instead of a pop. Every little step is a step towards a healthier you. My wife and I still argue over what we are going to buy at the store and fix for supper. You can't worry about what your spouse is or isn't doing. Work on you. If I had figured that out years ago I wouldn't be overweight like I am now.
  • FattieBabs
    FattieBabs Posts: 542 Member
    I can identify with the OP completely. It is so hard when my husband keeps tempting me with wine and drinks it in front of me when I try to abstain. I will have a really healthy day foodwise and then blow the cals by giving in and having some. The first time I refused I felt really proud of myself and am trying to hang on to that feeling. He is complimenting me now on how my body shape is changing and starting to have fun when cooking when I am on at him for the food quantities to put into the app. Then he wrecks it by saying, "right, how many cals do you have left, oh, you can have two glasses of wine then!" GRRRGH!


    Still, I WILL DO THIS!. The good news is, that on evenings on my own, I eat very sensibly and resist the wine in the fridge and feel a lot better for it....
  • AmberLynn0913
    AmberLynn0913 Posts: 1
    I get where you're coming from. When I first starting working out and eating heathier to lose the weight, my husband was convinced that I was doing it so that I could leave him, which was never the case. I do high intense zumba 4 days a week and run 3 miles once a week. I have lost 28lbs and have become more confident in my body and have higher self esteem. I told him just the other day, after yet another arguement about me going to work out after work, that I'm doing this for me. I want him to fall in love with me all over again and we have a child that i want to be around to see grow up. I want to be able to run and play with him. He still isn't the most supportive or motivational person when it comes to my weight loss but he's getting better about.
  • Sul3i
    Sul3i Posts: 553 Member
    My spouse is also unmotivated and about 100 lbs overweight and not interested at all in losing weight however hes always been this way so going into this I didn't have expectations that he would do it with me. He seems OK with himself however I was def not OK at all with how overweight I was. I started this for me I was getting results every week I had great supporters here and in life n I just kept going week after week never looking back! I never looked at how far I had to go was only super proud of every milestone I had achieved! U can do this u r worth it and u will love itself in the end for reaching it on ur own!!
  • beebee0925
    beebee0925 Posts: 441 Member
    bump
  • ladioffaith
    ladioffaith Posts: 49
    I'm single and Roomie and I have taken turns being the "unmotivated roommate."

    First Roomie was the one obsessed with losing weight. There would be a shopping trip with healthy foods. Since Roomie and I take turns buying groceries, with Roomie buying groceries in the first 2 weeks, and me buying at the end of the month, this would generally last 2-3 weeks, since I had no idea what to buy that would mesh well with my crazy work schedule and Roomie's "diet."

    I should probably mention that said platonic roommate is a guy, so any attempt to walk together was a disaster. Ever try to walk anywhere with somebody who is a foot taller than you, and yet you still outweigh him by about 50 pounds?

    Now I am the one who is focused on weight loss. I joined a gym and have started keeping track of my calories. Any time Roomie attempts to cook, I make a feeble attempt to adjust my portions. When he goes to the drive thru and asks if I want anything, my mind instantly goes to the options I've successfully entered in MFP. Then I discard the bun from the sandwich and enjoy a side salad in lieu of fries.

    I keep telling him about MFP but he blames his medication for making him lose weight, all while consuming twice as many calories as me.

    I guess the bottom line of this is that since we are both single people, we realize our motivation has to come from ourselves and not from other people.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
    Just....break up with him lol
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
    This is going to hurt to say... but I had to stop caring about motivating him. It took and takes way to much out of me.

    I focus on the basics for myself. I cook our dinners so I know he's getting something good but I only prep the rest of the meals for myself since he'll sometimes make some snide comment about what I am packing.
    I leave him at home while I go work out 4-5 times a week. He sits in his recliner or on the xbox and then tells me good job when I get home.

    I'm in hopes that as I lose more and more that would motivate him to lose weight... if not, I'm doing this for me and am being selfish for once. If that means we end then we end... but I have faith that he'll catch on eventually.
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
    I do... but you might not like it. lol.

    I am the unmotivated spouse. Or, more accurately, I WAS the unmotivated spouse.

    As I slowly gained 30 pounds, my wife got up every morning at 5:45 and hit the gym before work. Early on, she asked me about going to the gym a few times and I blew her off like her husband did to you. I just didn't feel like going.

    But here's the thing... as I watched her get leaner, healthier, firmer, sexier, my pride started to finally kick in. I said, "I don't want to be known as her FAT husband" and so I finally got off my butt and started hitting the gym. It took a while, but her consistency and results finally inspired me.

    I think right now you just need to focus on doing this yourself. When you succeed, you will motivate him. Don't pester him - just say, "Do what you want to do." But silently use his apathy to motivate you. Think to yourself... "I'll show HIM!" and recognize that the more you do the more you'll inspire him and encourage him.

    Right now, my wife and I are at the gym every day. I'm usually arriving as she's leaving - I start work later than she does so I make sure the kids get off to school and then go. On the weekend we usually work out together. We're finally at the point where we motivate and support each other, which is definitely a great place to be.

    Hang in there... you have to take the lead and show him the way (not tell him the way, lol). It will be harder for you without his support until he gets on board, but that's the way it's going to be for a while. Feel free to add me as a friend - I'll try to offer you as much support as I can.

    This is sage advise. I would take it to heart as I am going to. I too, have an unmotivated spouse who does not care that he is morbidly obese, does not care what he eats, does not exercise, etc. He only exercises his fingers on his portable games and gadgets. Therefore, he is not encouraging to me during my weight loss journey. He eats at fast food places which is difficult for me. In the meantime, I have to do what I am doing by watching my calories and eating healthy. I steal moments in the early morning and late evenings for exercise. I hope that If I lose enough weight, my dear hubby will take notice and want to get on board with me, otherwise, I am not holding me breath. I am doing this for me!

    I get plenty of motivation and support from other mfp members for which I am grateful.
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
    My spouse is also unmotivated and about 100 lbs overweight and not interested at all in losing weight however hes always been this way so going into this I didn't have expectations that he would do it with me. He seems OK with himself however I was def not OK at all with how overweight I was. I started this for me I was getting results every week I had great supporters here and in life n I just kept going week after week never looking back! I never looked at how far I had to go was only super proud of every milestone I had achieved! U can do this u r worth it and u will love itself in the end for reaching it on ur own!!

    Your photo hits home with me because it reminds me of the progress my wife made. She didn't lose as much as you but she firmed up and looks so incredible now - as you do. What an amazing transformation. I couldn't stay 40 pounds overweight with my wife looking like she does, and I doubt your husband will be "OK with himself" too much longer with the way you look.

    GREAT JOB!!!!
  • tabbykat6802
    tabbykat6802 Posts: 233 Member
    I have had an unmotivated spouse for years. He is about 100lbs overweight. I had put on weight when we started dating and things didn't change even after 2 kids. I decided to lose the weight in 2008-I started a modified WW-ish program & walking w/ co-workers. My hubby didn't bat an eye and did not change a thing himself. I lost almost 20lbs, but had a m/c and the start of seizures that June. So, I lost my way due to the depression & stress. 2011-my hubby started on the herbalife program. He lost almost 50lbs and I lost 10lbs. 2012-we lost our way at the beginning of the year,. I gained 20 lbs and he put back on most of what he had lost. By July, I was fed up and began this journey w/ MFP. I get up mon-sat @ 5am to exercise. I thought things were going to change when he wanted to get a membership @ a gym close by, but he goes maybe once a week if that. I am not really a gym person, but have gone some. I usually do workout dvds instead. I like that someone else tells me what to do to work out b/c I have no clue. Unfortunately, the gym does not have classes, so I just use the treadmill and some of the other cardio-ish equipment(still have no real clue).

    I am watching what I eat, but he stuffs his face w/o any care at all. I have tried to get him onto MFP and even told him about a walking challenge that encompasses Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. I was so excited about it and he just shrugged.

    I know that he has to be the one to choose to work towards a better person, but it is hard for me to see him every day, knowing that he is not helping his health at all. I fear that his health will fail and my kids and I will be without him.

    I am not letting this derail me, but it does make it hard to do.

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