Chuck Norris

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  • Maurice1966
    Maurice1966 Posts: 438 Member
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    It turns out he is quite the religious fanatic. Too bad such a badass had to turn out to be such a nutjob.
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    Mate, I'm glad I'm Sydney cause you're going to be struck down by lightening (aka kick to head by CN) :o))

    Seriously tho, didn't realise that about him. Hmmm.
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
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    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.

    Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

    Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry!!!

    Chuck Norris visited the "virgin" islands... when he left it was renamed to the islands.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    when chuck norris was born only the dr cried, cuz no one slaps chuck norris

    chuck norris can get blackjack with one card

    they invented the automobile to escape chuck norris, chuck norris invented the automobile accident

    chuck norris uses tabasco sauce for eye drops

    chuck norrris aced the SAT's by writting "chuck norris" for every answer

    chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did

    instead of being birthed the usual way he punched his way out of his mother's womb. and promptly grew a beard

    chuck norris' tears cure cancer. too bad he's never cried

    chuck norris doesn't read books. he stares them down till he gets the information he wants.

    when chuck norris is hungry he shouts BAKE and his food cooks itself out of fear

    chuck norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris

    waldo is hiding from chuck norris

    the quickest way to a man's heart is a punch through the chest from chuck norris

    if you spell CHUCK NORRIS in scrabble you win. forever

    my fave...
    chuck norris can swallow a rubix cube and poop it out solved


    LOL
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    My fave: Chuck Norris once fell into a lake. He didn't get wet, but the lake got Chuck Norris'ed.
  • FauxNinja
    FauxNinja Posts: 77
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    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
  • Surfrider
    Surfrider Posts: 364 Member
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    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

    Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  • Quietprofessional83
    Quietprofessional83 Posts: 53
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    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

    The original title of Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris. They had to scrap the idea because no one would pay $9 to see a movie 14 seconds long.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
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    My company drilled an irrigation well for Chuck Norris's ranch recently...true story.

    We set up the rig and he just roundhouse kicked the pipe down hole.
  • krash999
    krash999 Posts: 476 Member
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    under Chuck Norris's beard is another fist

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