The "BEST" Weightloss Strategy of All Time!

Rosbrook1985 · November 2012

You MUST eat something the moment you wake up. The bigger the better.

And if you eat ANYTHING after 5pm you're going to explode.

Spartan_Maker · November 2012

Eat according to the U.S. government's Food Pyramid and MyPlate. This will ensure that you, too, subsidize non-sustainable food sources, spend all day burning sugar for energy, and only tap into your fat stores for a few hours when you're asleep. No worries, however, because it's only healthy to lose 1 pound a week.

If you want to lock in that 1 pound a week, though, you must run for one hour a day and never lift anything heavy. The reason you'll want to follow this course of action is because our ancestors clearly spent the last 250,000 years wasting energy and doing very little physical labor. Plus, we all know that fat loss is about simple and predictable math and has absolutely nothing to do with hormones like insulin, leptin, ghrelin, and thyroid.

KristenE83 · November 2012

It's the nature of hand to bottom combat.

LMAO....Literally cracking up. I must be a black belt in hand to bottom combat by now!

Mokey41 · November 2012

You must never, ever think for yourself. Whatever you read on the internet is the gospel truth. People on the internet would not lie to you and it counts as a clinical study as long as you can find it at www.crazydiet.com.
Ask on the forums every time an idea comes into your head. "Can I eat a piece of fruit?" "Should I count asking this question as exercise?" "I just pee'd so do you think I weight less" and the all time favorite "Auntie Flo came to visit. How much do you gain at that time?"

Kathy535 · November 2012

The tip I frequently revert to, if you don't record your calorie intake then it doesn't count because your body doesn't know you've eaten it

stephdeeable · November 2012

The tip I frequently revert to, if you don't record your calorie intake then it doesn't count because your body doesn't know you've eaten it

That's just common sense.

Also, if you can convince your significant other to force feed you while you're sleeping, those calories don't count either. Because you're sleeping and your metabolism is shut off for the day - DUH!

gotogirl81 · November 2012

come on now..this is how I loose weight!

LizzieMdp · November 2012

Hi Jillian Michealls workout... the 30 day shread one if free in Youtube!!

You can download using youtube downloader!!

And save it for free in your PC Lifetime!!

Briko3 · November 2012

Don't worry -- I have, with the help of MFP discussions, compiled all the best advice to create a perfect weight loss plan.

My nutrition plan is simple. I’m going to eat nothing for three days with the exception of a smoothie made of chili powder, raw egg, and an assortment of caffeine based supplements. Then, after this has scared all the toxins out of my body, I am going to gorge myself on whatever I want for two days to get enough calories for phase 2. During this phase, I am going to inject hormones into my butt and increase my calorie intake to 500 per day. The 500 calories will mostly come from pre-packaged cookies, but who cares -- I will take a multivitamin, and that will meet all my nutritional needs. Then I will go into maintenance mode of 1200 calories a day for the rest of my life. I will eat all of these 1200 calories at breakfast, because if you eat after noon your body stores it all as fat. I will never go below 1200 calories EVER because then my body will go into starvation mode and I will die. Of course, I will only eat what cavemen ate, particularly raw antelope that I have chased down myself. Well, not only that, also anything else in the store labeled “gluten free.” If I do ever go over 1200 calories, I will eat a pound of celery because that burns off all the extra calories.

For fitness, I am going to start by buying this great DVD I saw during a late night commercial. That, supplemented with the chair that I sit in to spot reduce my belly should get me in shape in no time. I will lift weights, too, but only ones that are colored hot pink. When I go to the gym, I will hang out at level one on the elliptical for about 30 minutes, making sure to pay attention and notice all the annoying things other people do so I can comment on it on MFP later. I will only do 30 minutes because as everyone knows by now, cardio is not helpful to the body at all. This is, of course, until they create a pill that does all this for me, which I hear is being approved by the FDA now.

What’s the “best” weight loss advice you have?

LMAO. You also have to act like you know all the secrets and that everyone else is an idiot for not thinking the way you do. Oh, and put down everyone else's ideas. Pretty much sums up 60% of the boards.

Ge0rgiana · November 2012

You make an important point. It only works if the weights are hot pink. BUT, you forgot the glitter, although Bedazzling would have been a good alternative. *looks at you disapprovingly*

Brunner26_2 · November 2012

I approve this message.

chulie · November 2012

Also...we aren't actually all overweight...we just have lots of toxins stuck to our colon walls.....so if you just buy "insert ridiculous plant based item here" you can just lose that extra 5-25 lbs stuck there....there will be no need to lose weight.......