Lost that loving feeling/co-habitation.

I think it's pretty normal but also depends upon the people in the relationship. I know that when I didn't live with my ex bf we did it almost every night...but then I moved in...and it did change. I think it's because you KNOW you will be with that person at night. It's not like you have to plan to go to his place or have him come to yours. There is no "end" to the date where one of you has to go home. My situation was a bit different in that his mom was in the bedroom RIGHT NEXT TO OURS. That tends to change things a bit. We didn't work out, but still talk and share 4 dogs. I've learned a few things from the relationship and am better prepared for the next bf...whenever he comes along!!! :bigsmile: :blushing:

Married 13 years, together for 15. Do you have any idea what I'd give for twice a week and weekends... OMG!!!

^^ This. It's all about supply and demand. If its always potentially available, then it's less desirable. Living apart means you always see each other at your best.

thats totally what happened with me and my ex. and when i questioned him about it, he said that theres no need to have sex all the time bc we live together and its always available. it had nothing to do with him not finding me attractive it was just less of a take it when I can get it cuz im not sure when it will happen again situation bc we lived slept in the same bed and he was happy with the option, he tho he ddint take advantage of it all the time. 2x a week. most times. sometimes not even that. but it was routine. not always what i wanted but sometimes more too. as long as you communicate and talk about it. and there is still desire i think you can make it

Whiners.

I've got my hopes up for my semi-annual satisfaction some time in the next month or so.

I've been married for 4 years, together 7...and I'm usually the one running from sex, my husband can go all day everyday lol!
But when I do want it, I dress up so there's no way i could be turned down. I think it's fun to dress up for my husband and play little games with him...I'm always worried things will get dull between us, so I'll try new things to keep the relationship spicy lol!

Been married 6 years, together 8. Sex life has cooled down from dating, but if it didn't, we'd both be dead by now.

We live in a smallish home and have a teenager across the hall. We sneak it in when we can, it's not as often as either of us would like, but we're both happy. The thing is, we're intimate and somewhat sexual (not in front of the kid, but sneakily) all.the.time. I will sneak up behind my husband and grab his junk while he's making toast - or while we're wandering the aisles at Lowes. He does similar little things to me. We kiss each other often and rarely pass by one another without some kind of touch. It's subtle, we're not all gross PDA about it. It's just how we are, BUT it lends a constant undercurrent of being far more than just roommates.

Being on a sex schedule or knowing you have demands from your partner can be a big downer. I'm not saying you're wrong for wanting more sex, you're not. I'm just saying that if you know your partner is circling you looking to get some, and your head isn't there, it's a weird combination of pressure and resistance. Like, the way people rebel when you tell them what not to do. KWIM? Your man may not have the energy to have sex during the week. He also may feel.... bad about that. Maybe he means to please you, he wants to, but he's just not in the headspace.

There is a constant give and take in a healthy relationship. One person is the pursuer, and one person is being persued. Then that switches up. Kind of like one person likes the other more at any given point. You constantly being the pursuer is a drag for you, clearly, as it would be for anyone. You have to change that up to keep things interesting.

You could try backing off a little and seeing if he picks up the slack. Combine that with playful sexual affection and see if he comes around without you having to remind him. Treat him, without expecting anything in return, every once in a while. Nothing quite reminds a man he's a man like a bj. (I hope I can say that here, I guess I'll find out) Show him, don't tell him but show him that he's not on the hook to perform, but that you love him and just want that closeness.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to be the dutiful wife and please him even when he's being a butthead, I'm just saying that if you want things to change, you'll have to be the one to start changing things.

If he goes a week or two of that kind of behavior with no changes, or if he gets even more defensive, you may have to face the fact that his sex drive is just different than yours.

Don't listen to the people saying "schedule it". Nothing will kill his interest more than having it scheduled.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but is he often seeing you in less than flattering sweats, t-shirts, etc? I don't want to make assumptions but sometimes our comfy lounging clothes are less than inspiring, kwim? Just a thought.. That's not to say sexy clothes have to be uncomfortable.
I agree that the supply-demand aspect comes into play as well.

I've been married since 1999, together since 1996. I don't know what kind of marriages your friends have, but let me just say...my husband never is too tired.

I really HATE when people say that it is "just how it is" if you are married, and that getting married kills your sex drive.


NO. Not true.


What IS true is that it takes work, just like all other aspects of your relationship, to find a rhythm that you are both comfortable with and that fits into your life—which includes how often you see each other, if you live together, etc. There are many different factors.

*grumbles* - together with my man for 14+ years - I'm lucky to get laid on the weekends. I'd take it everyday if I could. Ohhh if I'm a realllly good girl (or pretty much just "take it") - I might get a mid-week romp. Marriage sucks (and guys - sorry, but it's not always the women who are "too tired, have a headache, wah wah wahhhh" - sometimes its members of your own group). :P

I need your phone number...hell I need to know where you live...are you sure you are not ME??

Having a good sex life takes work. I find that it waxes and wanes...it'll be hot and frequent for a few weeks, and then we get busy (we are both working full time, going to school at night part time, and taking care of his kids on the weekends) and it fades for a few weeks.

I think you just have to talk about it and work on it. Sex is part of a healthy relationship, but just because you're having it 5x a week doesn't mean the relationship is healthy, nor does having it twice a month mean it's unhealthy. You just gotta make it a priority! And as someone above said, a little sexy lingerie on a girl never hurts...and a clean shaven, freshly showered man wearing a hint of cologne can do wonders for a woman's urges. :blushing:

Gotta love the stereo type of marriage. While my husband and I had our fair share before marriage, I think we are more active now than ever before. Maybe 2 days a week that we don't have sex and 1 week out of the month we don't have sex.

Try approaching him in the evening after work BEFORE bedtime.

If you are always trying to initiate once you are already in bed to go to sleep then it's no shock when he turns you down. Bed = sleepy time for our brains so it is totally viable that he is actually too tired to have sex.

Maybe the problem is not that he is no longer hungry for sex but rather you have fallen into a boring routine. Anything, even sex, can become boring if it's just part of a nightly schedule.

Brush teeth, bed, 10 minutes of TV, sex, sleep.

:yawn: :yawn: :yawn: :yawn:

Don't turn sex into another chore for him.