Lost that loving feeling/co-habitation.

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124

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  • AnahitaCanDoIt
    AnahitaCanDoIt Posts: 448
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    Just an observation: Americans seem way more open about discussing their relationships/sex lives than Irish people are.

    And yes, marriage + kids + work + house + life in general = less sex (for me and hub)
    but I'm hoping he'll suddenly throw me over the edge of our new kitchen counter and take me. :)
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    He want make sex to you... he go to sleep still... you bore in sack?
  • youcandooeet
    youcandooeet Posts: 104 Member
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    Well I'm in a different situation than you because I've been married for four years but I'll put my two cents in.

    Living with someone puts you in a different place. You no longer show up looking fabulous every time you see each other, you see the process of what you have to do to get to that fabulous point. If you're an open couple, you pee with the bathroom door open. You may even combine finances and get mad at each other about household responsibilites. Hopefully, overall you are comfortable and happy. But life is more "real" now.

    It's absolutely silly to say that there's something wrong when after a major life change (ie moving in together) you have a change in your sex life. It doesn't mean he doesn't still think you're smoking hot. It doesn't mean he's cheating. It means you've had a major change and you're still adjusting. It could be that it will naturally pick back up, but then again, you could just be settling into his natural rhythm.

    If you don't like the frequency, you need to be open with him. Let him know that you prefer having sex more often. Make sure you initiate just as much as he does. If you guys end up compromising at 3 or 4 times a week, it doesn't mean you're in a dead relationship or need to move out. It means you're perfectly normal and your relationship is going to be different than someone else's.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Get some hot new lingerie! We are still at the 'can't keep our hands off each other' stage after 4 years...I can't foresee a time when he would reject me or the other way around but people do have different libidos. Make sure you're not setting yourself up for a sexless marriage, that I could not put up with but I've seen people on here say it's months or years since they had sex with their husband. Make sure you know what you're getting yourself into!!!!
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    I really HATE when people say that it is "just how it is" if you are married, and that getting married kills your sex drive.


    NO. Not true.


    What IS true is that it takes work, just like all other aspects of your relationship, to find a rhythm that you are both comfortable with and that fits into your life—which includes how often you see each other, if you live together, etc. There are many different factors.

    ^^^^^^THIS

    I have been with my wife 9 years now and married for 8. When dating, I only saw her 3 days a week so we were both looking our best and knew we were having sex that night. Now, we have been together for many years, have 2 kids and work opposite shifts. The point is I have never been more attracted to my wife or wanted her more than now. We just have to work at it and "plan" times to be together. She is off 3 nights a week and of that we make time for each other that way at least 2 if not all 3. We often find a way to sneak another afternoon in somewhere. You just both have to know what each other want and work to make sure each others needs are met. We have never had it better or done more than we do now.
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
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    At least you get it on the weekends ;(

    I agree with living separately though. My fiance and I barely have sex but when we do, its because I am visiting my mom for a few days and I come back to a ravenous sex animal.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Welcome to my cohabitation hell! Oh the fun we could have if he wasnt just so "tired" all the time. Oh well thank God for batteries.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
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    Welcome to my cohabitation hell! Oh the fun we could have if he wasnt just so "tired" all the time. Oh well thank God for batteries.

    Where do you undersexed women come from?!!!

    I smash it every time she wants it and talk her into it when she doesn't (on occasion, but that's my "job")...

    WTH is wrong with you girls' men?
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Welcome to my cohabitation hell! Oh the fun we could have if he wasnt just so "tired" all the time. Oh well thank God for batteries.

    Where do you undersexed women come from?!!!

    I smash it every time she wants it and talk her into it when she doesn't (on occasion, but that's my "job")...

    WTH is wrong with you girls' men?

    Well I'm in Iowa....
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    My man and I live together (about 1 month and 1/2 now) and have sex every day - sometimes 2x, which is more than we used to before because he lived across town. Sorry, Charlie, somethings really wrong...

    Wow, you've lived together a whole six weeks, so you know all about co-habiting relationships.

    To the OP. Has anything else changed? More work stress, longer commute time? Have you tried talking to him about your concerns?
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
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    Married 4 years and I'm 24 husband is 26. The first year was every single day, and if not, he would complain.
    Now theres days or even a week in between. (Rarely a week...but sometimes) He works long hours comes home to our 4 year old, I work long hours come home to our 4 year old and then we all go to the gym. Home by 8pm bed by 10pm (if we're lucky).
    Some weeks are better than others with having sex often....but we also have a 4 year old that likes to climb into the bed at night :sad:


    Plus I think once your living with someone, your thinking goes "hey they will be here tomorrow", when not living together you may not know the next time you see that person.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    My man and I live together (about 1 month and 1/2 now) and have sex every day - sometimes 2x, which is more than we used to before because he lived across town. Sorry, Charlie, somethings really wrong...

    Wow, you've lived together a whole six weeks, so you know all about co-habiting relationships.

    To the OP. Has anything else changed? More work stress, longer commute time? Have you tried talking to him about your concerns?

    Nope, our life is grossly stress-free. Money is fine, the house is great, work is good... there's no stress whatsoever to speak of. His commute is 5mins, mine is 8 lol

    I have tried talking to him and he says nothing is wrong; just that he was tired or didn't mean to fall asleep or something of the like. And he's not much for lip service, so I know he's not fibbing to me. It's just really really annoying. Really. Annoying.
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
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    we are going through the same thing! we've been living together for quite a bit longer but it is both of us we are just too tired sometimes!

    are you always doing that thing with your lips? }{ haha j/k
  • thoseblueeyes
    thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
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    WOW don't know what to tell ya.. I think you need to change it up so he wants to have it more..hahahaha Spice it up hun and if that doesn't work move out to see if that helps.
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 477 Member
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    Move out. Ta da.

    LOL....this! Apparently, it was a much better situation for your before!!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    so, 5x's a week not living together and now maybe 2x's a week? Ouch! I had nothing to add other than that....
  • tgh1914
    tgh1914 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    *grumbles* - together with my man for 14+ years - I'm lucky to get laid on the weekends. I'd take it everyday if I could. Ohhh if I'm a realllly good girl (or pretty much just "take it") - I might get a mid-week romp. Marriage sucks (and guys - sorry, but it's not always the women who are "too tired, have a headache, wah wah wahhhh" - sometimes its members of your own group). :P
    I'll see your "once a week", & raise you a "once a month." 14 years here too. Yes, it does suck! err... doesn't... whatever.

    I'm gettin FRUSTRATED over here!
  • gdortiz
    gdortiz Posts: 169 Member
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    My man and I live together (about 1 month and 1/2 now) and have sex every day - sometimes 2x, which is more than we used to before because he lived across town. Sorry, Charlie, somethings really wrong...

    I'm sorry ... BUT THAT IS CRAP.
  • AnahitaCanDoIt
    AnahitaCanDoIt Posts: 448
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    Yeah... especially when *some* women get older and get as horny as a 19yr old boy and their partners are on the decline.
    Still and all...thank goodness for The Wand! Good for any age!
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
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    So, I moved in with my Man Friend in September. Things are great with our relationship, no complaints really except.

    When I lived in my own place, we had sex at least 5x a week. Now that I live there, it's 2x a week and weekends only. Last night, he told me he wanted to do sex to me (yes, he's romantic) but then fell asleep.

    I tell my best friend Odus and she informs me that I got married (no, not really. but figuratively speaking) and that's how it is. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So c'mon. Tell me your stories and that my life isn't going to be a sexless desert from Mon-Thurs. And yes, I've spoken with him about this and he says "Aww, I'm sorry honey. I was just tired last night. I'll take care of you tonight." And no, he's not the type to just take me and have his way with me and yes.

    He will turn me down. Did I just get husband upped and I didn't realize it?

    Been with the hubby for 18 years, married for almost 12...There are going to be dry spells where you won't have sex for weeks, then there might be several days when he can't get enough of you. We just had sex a few days ago, and at 3am he was wanting to get romantic ( yeah, didn't happen)
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