Help please...binge disasters

You might want to go and talk to your GP about this, it sounds like you have the start of an eating disorder. Especially if you are hiding food and binging as much as you say. You might need to speak to a professional who might be able to give you better advice on stuff like that.

Hope you get some help soon

Losing weight and dieting should never be about deprivation. I'm another person advocating for talking with a nutritionist or dietician. Your GP can refer you to someone who can talk with you about what you're going through and work with you to not only eat in a way that will work FOR YOU but to help you to build a support system too. A really good nutritional plan will give you a way of dealing with most of the balance issues.
When you were "not eating much", you likely were also feeling that you were depriving yourself of things. Over a very short period, that works but over the longer time, it works against you.
The other things that will help when you have that urge to binge are: drink water, change what you're doing at the moment, and occupy both your mind and your hands so you're not filling your tummy. Do you knit or crochet? Is there something else that you can get lost in for a few minutes till that urge to binge is gone?
Put those things that you tend to reach for out of reach, out of sight and where it's a real effort to go and get.

I can relate to many of the things you described, and counseling has been the main factor in me turning around my health. I'd encourage you to talk to someone because there is an underlying reason as to why you feel compelled to hide food and binge.

When I'm on a binge I eat everything I can find, make up excuses to go to the shop, hide food and consume it in private, eat till I'm ready to throw up......... It's a compulsive behaviour that's not easy to stop without some outside help. Can you confide in someone you trust or get counselling? I started ready everything I could find online and at the library. When I realised that there are people who have recovered from binge eating disorder I began to be less critical of myself. I still obsess about food and have the occassional binge but it's greatly improved particularly since I joined the gym and changed my focus to doing things that make me feel good rather than making myself feel bad. I totally sympathise.

Amelia, what's something you've always wanted to do that has nothing to do with your fitness?

Share with us if you want, and we'll try to keep you motivated to learn it, master it, or develop skills you already had.

To people not familiar with stones, 6 stone 8 pounds is only about 112 pounds.

OP, you are not overweight; instead of focusing on the number on the scale, try eating healthy foods with good amount of protein, and LIFT HEAVY. Do classic lifting exercises like squats, deadlifts, lunges, etc. This will change the way you look. If you can't stop worrying about the number on the scale, it's not healthy for your body or mind.

Just wanted to correct that ^, 6 stones 8 pounds is actually just 92 lbs, not 112 lbs.

OP, I can completely relate to you. A few years back I was in exactly the same position. I had relied on stupidly low amount of calories for almost a year and I too weighed in at 92 lbs (I'm also 5'2''). Then suddenly it seemed I'd lost control and could no longer eat that less. I still believed I was too fat even though I was a UK size 4 (US 0) and was obviously tiny. I wanted to get thinner and to me that meant weighing 70 lbs or less!

Once the binges started they wouldn't stop and I just couldn't control myself. I felt weak and pathetic, but now looking back, I couldn't have done anything different - I literally couldn't think of anything other than food as I was starving as I am sure you must be too.

I'd recommend talking to someone about this; your doctor could definitely help you. Also, up your calories to as much as you require so that you're not starving yourself. How many calories are you currently eating? The worst thing you can do right now is under-eat to make up for binge eating previously. This will just make you more hungry and you're much more likely to binge.

I have this all or nothing mentality too. I either starve myself or binge eat. I'm still working on this right now - have a way to go before I completely change my ways!

Those binges are your body desperately trying to survive so that you might continue to live.
You need the nutrition. I would suggest you stop the idea of losing more weight, you are already underweight, and focus on eating a healthy diet, so that your body will not be pushing you to binge eat. It is the only way, quite honestly.
You obviously have a bright future ahead, don't throw it away on an eating disorder, been there and done that, and it is such a terrible waste. You are not your body, your body is what is inside that body, the body is your house, take care of it before it falls apart on you and you do irreparable damage.

I too have gone up and down with eating. My worst is wine; I used to drink a bottle a day! Always said I won't give up wine. I met with a personal trainer yesterday and she does not structure or cut out food. Her point is make sure you get enough protein from your meals to sustain the muscle you have; the rest is portion control and a balance of macros; protien, carbs and fats. The only way I can stick to healthy eating is to take the time to plan and record. Otherwise how can I keep myself accountable? MFP has been a godsend. I'm doing something that I never thought I would do...I measure out 6 oz. of wine and that's my limit! Will I be disiplined like this 100% of the time? My trainer says probably not; but if you can do it 80% of the time; the 20% when you go nuts won't negate your hard work.
If and when I binge, and I'm sure I will, I'm going to record it in MFP. If nothing else, you SEE what you ate; and when you look back on that day, you'll say hmm, that's not so good; then putting time between you and the binge, you won't beat yourself up so much. But you can address it, own it and determine to do better. Just my 2 cents worth.