Dealing with comments from other people

Cariad1709
Cariad1709 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 5' 7.5", and I began my weight loss journey on August 4th, I clocked in at 203lbs and 43.8% body fat, and as on November 12th, through both diet and exercise, I am 171lbs and 32.5% body fat. So even though I have lost 32lbs and 11.3% body fat so far, I am still in the overweight category for my height and age. I am happier with my body, but still want to loose more, as I still not happy.

The problem I am having is I am getting the classic comments of "I don't think you should lose any more weight, you'll disappear soon", and I even had a comment of one of my co-workers of "The other girls and I have been talking, and we think your starting to look gaunt, so I think you should stop losing weight", that comment took me back and made me doubt myself, but after asking my mother, my boyfriend and my best-friend about it, they assured me that I was looking fab.

I just don't know how to deal with the don't lose any more weight comments, yes there has been a change, I have lost 2 dress sizes, but I'm still classed as overweight, and 10 years ago I was about 140lbs and 2 dress sizes smaller again than I am now. I don't want to be super skinny, I am exercising in order to tone my body, and gain a bit of muscle mass too. I just want to be happy and healthy. Do I ignore the comments, back up why I need/want to loose more, or politely tell them to back off? Please help!!!
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Replies

  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    Here's my opinion--Who cares what other people think? If you know you're not where you want YOUR body to be, then fix it! It's your life, you deserve to be happy and you need to do what makes YOU sleep well at night. Give it your all and get to a place where you're completely proud of yourself :flowerforyou:

    Congrats on your progress btw, that's amazing!! Keep up the good work!
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    I think a lot of us are so used to looking at overweight people that they forget how fit people are supposed to look. Don't pander to their ignorance.
  • SuperSexyDork
    SuperSexyDork Posts: 1,669 Member
    First off, let me congratulate you on your weight loss so far! That's great progress!

    Secondly, I would like to point out that you cannot add muscle and lose weight at the same time. It's not possible.

    As for your question, if YOU are not happy with yourself and the way you look, then keep going. It doesn't matter what they think, it matters how you feel. You're the one that has to live with your body for the rest of your life. They'll adjust.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    I think a lot of us are so used to looking at overweight people that they forget how fit people are supposed to look. Don't pander to their ignorance.
    Yes for sure! And this really varies depending on where you live (some places just have "fatter" people per capita).
  • mystarwillshine
    mystarwillshine Posts: 21 Member
    If you are losing weight and exercising, being healthy about it and not starving yourself, then others have no right to tell you what you should do. Continue doing what you need to do to get to goal, and be proud of what you've accomplished so far. Sometimes, other people are more jealous than helpful. :)
  • amazing_shrinking_woman
    amazing_shrinking_woman Posts: 66 Member
    People tell me I'm "getting too thin" or "going to blow away". I look them in the eyes and say with a straight face "that's the point". Now it's their turn to figure out what to say. I figure my weight, my body, my business - i don't need commentary.

    Note: I only do this when the people are being serious. If they are kidding, i laugh right along with them.
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    Personally, I had this happen and I have been wondering "why". In my opinion, I think it has to do with change.
    Whenever we try to change something about ourselves we are often hit with resistance from family and friends.

    I think some times it is good to say something when a person makes a negative comment about your weight loss
    and change in activity level. Other times, it is best to ignore their comments. I think it depends upon the person and if
    your comments will be heard.
  • sevencallmemom
    sevencallmemom Posts: 505 Member
    I get this too, which is just laughable because my BMI is still nearly midway between healthy and obese. I take it like I take any other unwanted advice (like on how to raise my kids), in one ear and out the other.

    You are doing AMAZING!
  • JeffTCole
    JeffTCole Posts: 140 Member
    If you are losing weight and exercising, being healthy about it and not starving yourself, then others have no right to tell you what you should do. Continue doing what you need to do to get to goal, and be proud of what you've accomplished so far. Sometimes, other people are more jealous than helpful. :)

    Well said.
  • djl1977
    djl1977 Posts: 21
    This as well has been happening to me, "you're so skinny now", "are you sick ? do you have cancer", "you don't need to lose anymore" I could go on, I take it all in as compliments that people can see how much I've changed and then I smile and say yeah I'm happy thanks :)
  • terracotti
    terracotti Posts: 101 Member
    some people can't stand a change in appearance of someone they know, maybe because you look different. some are just envious. but generally, I don't think people really mean what they say. some people also make a small comment just for the sake of commenting. unless majority of people disagree with the way you look and they really insist you to eat more, then you should consider it. but seeing your numbers, you're obviously on the right track. just ignore them or tell them that you're not intending to be skinny and that they shouldn't worry about you.
  • collingmommy
    collingmommy Posts: 456 Member
    As long as u make yourself happy, the healthy way, then keep going. Don't stop just to make someone happy.. Just like no one should lose weight to make someone happy. It works both ways. Do it for u
  • finding_sammi
    finding_sammi Posts: 207
    sabotage comes in many different guises... just agree with em that you've stopped trying to be healthier, then do what you wanna do..you cant force ppl to be supportive, BUT and HOWEVER, you dont have to listen to their advice either!! good luck on your journey!
  • cbbarge
    cbbarge Posts: 250 Member
    A very simple "Hey, thanks for your input." and leave it at that. You know the old sayings about opinions and a**holes. Everyone's got one. Do what you know is best for you and don't waste time worrying about what other people say about you.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    First off, congrats on your weight loss!!!!!!!!!!!! :flowerforyou:

    Secondly, don't let people get you down or make you doubt, because once that happens, then you begin to question everything and that just makes you end up going crazy. Truly and honestly, do it for yourself and say to them "well thank you for your input." and walk away. If they wish to keep babbling, then that is their choice and waste of their own breath.

    Just my own two cents.
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
    Go to the park.

    Find a duck.

    Take it home.

    Put it on the kitchen floor.

    Fill a glass with water.

    Pour it on the duck.

    Watch what the duck does.

    Be a duck.
  • rwhawkes
    rwhawkes Posts: 117 Member
    A very simple "Hey, thanks for your input." and leave it at that. You know the old sayings about opinions and a**holes. Everyone's got one. Do what you know is best for you and don't waste time worrying about what other people say about you.


    I second this advice! You're doing this for you. The important people who love you (you, your bf, your parents) all think you're looking great, so you keep on pressing to the goal that you want to reach. We're cheering for you!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    It sounds like you're doing really great on your way to a healthy lifestyle!

    Honestly, when I was trying to lose weight that I'd recently gained, I just told people I wasn't trying to lose any more weight. It got them off my back, and they didn't notice when I lost it because they weren't paying attention to it anymore.
  • GrannySparkle
    GrannySparkle Posts: 225 Member
    Oh the things people say to us. And what do you say in return. Age old question. First, congrats on the weight loss. I was 306 at my highest. So I have heard it all. Do you really need to eat that? Why are you eating a candy and drinking DIET soda? You know they don't cancel each other out.

    Now, 92 pounds lighter, I have heard just how much more weight are you going to loss. Don't you think you lost enough. WHAT?? I am 214. Yes I have to loss more.

    Then of course add in the fact I had gastric bypass and have been told that's cheating. That's taking the easy way out. WHAT?? How do you call surgery the easy way out. I have to watch just how much I eat at a time or I get sick. I can't have anything with more than 10 g's of sugar or I will be sick...instantly.

    So when someone tells me something negative, I simply thank the person for their opinion and move on. If I am on the phone, I suddenly have another incoming call. If I am at the bowling alley, I go look at the scoring, or bowl, or anything to get away from the nay-sayer.

    We have to be comfortable in our own skin. So thank that person for their opinion and take it with a grain of salt.
  • dicoveringwhoIam
    dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
    You can lose weight an build muscle btw.
    http://www.livestrong.com/article/353310-how-to-lose-weight-gain-muscle-mass-at-the-same-time/
    I use this site all the time and a couple of others.

    Anyway, just let their comments roll of your back. Since you're transforming yourself you are probably making them uncomfortable. Keep doing what you're doing!
    Congrats!
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
    Amazing how people can and will say things like that. You want a certain weight? Go for it!

    I can't even count how many times I have heard things like that. I've even been told I was too thin and put 10 pounds back on!

    I would just keep on doing what you're doing, smile and ignore them.
  • manwithpans
    manwithpans Posts: 41 Member
    Here's something to live by. Pay more attention to the mirror and less attention to the scale. This is your body. Your health so it should be your call on what you do with it. If you wanna lose more weight go for it but do it for you. If someone tells you something negative just blow it off and remember its you in that mirror not them. I person can be 400 lbs and be happy with themselves. Its up to them.
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
    I began a thread similar to yours back in April or May. I wrote that no one you know will ever come to you and say, "Hey - you're looking kind of fat, you ought to back off on your portions sizes". That same person will have no problem whatsoever telling "You've lost too much - stop the diet".... I too got sick of hearing it.

    Anyway - screw 'em. Do what YOU want to do. Until you actually start zoning into unhealthy areas (like low teens for women on your BF percentage) keep doing what you're doing.

    Good luck.
  • Bernadettetoo
    Bernadettetoo Posts: 97
    Here's my opinion--Who cares what other people think? If you know you're not where you want YOUR body to be, then fix it! It's your life, you deserve to be happy and you need to do what makes YOU sleep well at night. Give it your all and get to a place where you're completely proud of yourself :flowerforyou:

    Congrats on your progress btw, that's amazing!! Keep up the good work!

    I totally agree!
  • StyxxandStones
    StyxxandStones Posts: 120
    I get this all the time too. When someone says I'm losing too much, I just let them know I've talked to my dr, and he's good with me losing another 20 lbs. While this is true, I do not want to get to that weight. I think it would be too thin. But, knowing my dr. is okay with it makes me, and most others, okay with my continued dedication. I also usually tell them that I'm not planning on losing anymore, because I'm not.
  • Neequie
    Neequie Posts: 48
    You need to do what makes you HEALTHY! So many confuse our being overweight with being about how we LOOK, and it isn't about that at all, it's about being HEALTHY! Tell them to MYOB!
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    If I care about the person and feel they are doing something dangerous, like taking laxatives just to lose water weight, or doing some kind of fad diet, then I will speak up in a kind way. But losing 30 lbs. since August seems healthy to me. Your friend's/family's/co-workers intentions may be good, and they may even care about you a great deal, but no one has a right to be rude. There are other, better ways to express your concern for someone without making them feel bad (unless they are completely oversensitive, in which case, no matter how you say something, they will be defensive and offended). If they've hurt your feelings, speak up and tell them so, and give them a chance to either explain or apologize. Life is too short to hold grudges.
  • nonstopper
    nonstopper Posts: 1,108 Member
    Look babe, I know haters very well. People are going to talk the talk but not back it up. And if you have someone (haha) saying you need to stop losing weight, then you need to tell them they need to Shut up and start losing weight if their going to talk to you. :bigsmile: There are a bunch of haters out there that wont like you for being better than them at something or having something they dont , which is the will power to keep taking care of yourself. Your doing great and dont stop at it for no one! Just be around people that want to do better. Unlike others that cant move their *kitten*. KEEP IT UP!
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    They say that because you let them. Don't let people treat you like that. Be you and its your body, get to the weight you decide and if you think its too low, then gain some back. I bet they are just jealous.
  • jigglewiggles
    jigglewiggles Posts: 173 Member
    I think a lot of us are so used to looking at overweight people that they forget how fit people are supposed to look. Don't pander to their ignorance.
    Yes for sure! And this really varies depending on where you live (some places just have "fatter" people per capita).

    I agree, but I think it could be that they were so used to seeing the "overweight" version of you, that maybe they just need to get used to the new more slender you. : ) If you haven't yet reached your goal, I would continue with the journey until YOU are completely satisfied with how you look and feel. They will eventually adapt to the new you. Congrats with your weight loss, and good luck to you!!

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