Single girls I need advise....
thoseblueeyes
Posts: 812 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I have this situation that I need help with. I am newly single( about 2 months) and have not dated for 24 yrs . I am really rusty on dating or just guys in general. The issue I have is I am going on my first date this coming Sat. I am nervous since I found out he is taking me to really romantic restaurant plus yesterday he had flowers delivered to me at work. I don't want a relationship and plan on dating other guys so how do I let him know this without hurting his feelings? Am I reading to much into this?
I use to be excited for this Sat. but now I am stressing out. I wish I could cancel on him but I already did that 2 weeks ago. Please give me any advise what you think I should do.:grumble:
I use to be excited for this Sat. but now I am stressing out. I wish I could cancel on him but I already did that 2 weeks ago. Please give me any advise what you think I should do.:grumble:
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Replies
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First off - don't stress!
Just accept the flowers and romantic dinner.
Maybe you'll get to know him better and find out he's someone that you would consider having a relationship with? Even if that's not the case, I think you should enjoy it. He's the one that's going out of his way to try to impress you...that doesn't mean you are or should feel the pressure to commit to him.
Personally, I wouldn't address the fact that you don't want anything serious right off the bat. I'd wait and see if he brings it up or asks.
Good luck!0 -
Did you know him previously or did you just meet him?
Don't overthink it or make it more complicated than it has to be.
It's a first date -- you don't owe him exclusivity at this point. Odds are that the subject won't even come up. If he does bring up being exclusive, just say you aren't ready for that right now. Don't feel guilty. Say you aren't ready and change the topic. End of story.
I wouldn't bring it up if he doesn't. I don't think you need to tell him you are dating others -- just go ahead and do it. Without exclusivity, you are free to do that.
Oh, and have fun on the date! Drink a glass of wine before you go -- that usually helps with the nerves! :drinker:0 -
I wish I had this problem!
Go on the date and just enjoy the moment! If it leads to a relationship great if not so be it!
Embrace the dating scene!0 -
quote]
Did you know him previously or did you just meet him?
Don't overthink it or make it more complicated than it has to be.
It's a first date -- you don't owe him exclusivity at this point. Odds are that the subject won't even come up. If he does bring up being exclusive, just say you aren't ready for that right now. Don't feel guilty. Say you aren't ready and change the topic. End of story.
I wouldn't bring it up if he doesn't. I don't think you need to tell him you are dating others -- just go ahead and do it. Without exclusivity, you are free to do that.
Oh, and have fun on the date! Drink a glass of wine before you go -- that usually helps with the nerves! :drinker:
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He works in the same building as I do but we work for different companies. I just met him but we have seen each other in the building but never talked. I think it will take a couple glasses of wine to calm my nerves...:laugh:0 -
cougar on the prowl... :laugh:0
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He works in the same building as I do but we work for different companies. I just met him but we have seen each other in the building but never talked. I think it will take a couple glasses of wine to calm my nerves...:laugh:
dont crap where you eat... a healthy relationship needs separation at times and then if things go bad you dont want to see the other person daily at your work place.0 -
Interesting. I am in a similar situation. Married 28 years , separated 3 months. I have not gone out yet on any dates, but from a guy's point of view, don't worry about it. He is just trying to make an honest good impression. There is no need to stress over it as no one can expect to know a person that well on or after 1 date. Relax, be yourself and see what you think after the date.0
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cougar on the prowl... :laugh:
Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:0 -
cougar on the prowl... :laugh:
Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:
your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage0 -
As a guy I say enjoy the evening and be thankful he is acting like a gentleman should, To me it shows respect for you. If he pushes for more or its not going to work for you, just be honest.0
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cougar on the prowl... :laugh:
Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:
your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage
*hands you a shovel*
Keep digging the hole..0 -
I wouldn't address the fact that you don't want anything serious right off the bat. I'd wait and see if he brings it up or asks.
I definitely second this. WHen he brings it up I would say something along the lines of "I just got out of a really long serious relationship, and while I value your friendship quite a lot, I need some me time to reevaluate my life and get my head on straight."
Any guy worth your time will understand that. If he gets upset, then you'll know right away that he's no good for you, as a friend or otherwise.0 -
Just go and enjoy the night and don't worry about expectations. If you feel like he is looking for more than you are, casually work into the conversation that you aren't quite ready for anything serious. He should understand since you have only been single for a couple of months.0
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Just go and enjoy the night and don't worry about expectations. If you feel like he is looking for more than you are, casually work into the conversation that you aren't quite ready for anything serious. He should understand since you have only been single for a couple of months.
^^^ This.
About the flowers and attention....maybe it's been awhile since he was on a date. Or, maybe he likes you. Who knows? Different men behave in different ways and it's not always an indicator of him looking for a serious commitment. It might just be him trying to be a gentleman before the date.0 -
nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!
why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well
also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.
hope you have a great time!0 -
nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!
why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well
also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.
hope you have a great time!
He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????
Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?0 -
cougar on the prowl... :laugh:
Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:
your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage
*hands you a shovel*
Keep digging the hole..
This made me laugh out loud at work! :P
He seems like a gentleman, which is very rare nowadays. Give it a shot, if you hit if off - great, If you don't - well then you took a chance and that's all that matters!0 -
Always offer to pay for half of it, it's respectful.0
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nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!
why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well
also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.
hope you have a great time!
He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????
Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?
ah the perils of getting back into the dating game
offer to pay - however if he insists that he wants to, graciously accept it he does sound like a romantic and a proper gentleman! 0 -
To be honest, the flowers thing although was a bit too much, especially before a first date, he was probably just trying to be "sweet". Not necessarily proposing marriage or anything crazy.
Just go on the date imo, and make your intentions clear that you are not necessarily looking for anything serious.
That may require you to be verbal, lol, about your intentions.
Trust me, he probably won't be offended for any kind of casual dating, whatever you determine that level of casual is.
EDIT: And also, kudos to the ladies above me! Yes offer to pay half, that will help set the tone!0 -
nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!
why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well
also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.
hope you have a great time!
He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????
Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?
first thing when he picks you up, run through the following checklist with him:
1) did you bring whips, chains, and nipple clamps or should i go get mine?
2) do you have condoms? if so, how many? 3 dozen should be about right for tonight.
3) what's your safe word?
:bigsmile:
ok, all kidding aside. just go on the date and have fun!!! he's just trying to impress you, not proposing marriage. if he asks for another date, say "yes" if you want to, but remind him that you're just getting back into the dating scene and not looking for a relationship right now. that's all.0 -
I definitely second this. WHen he brings it up I would say something along the lines of "I just got out of a really long serious relationship, and while I value your friendship quite a lot, I need some me time to reevaluate my life and get my head on straight."
Any guy worth your time will understand that. If he gets upset, then you'll know right away that he's no good for you, as a friend or otherwise.
too many words. men don't parse words the way women do. when you explain too much it makes it look like you're trying to not hurt our feelings. all she needs to say is this.
"thanks. i had fun. i'm not ready for another relationship right now, but if you wanted to ask me out again, i'd be happy to accept."
there is ZERO chance of confusion or hurt feelings with that.0 -
nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!
why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well
also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.
Thanks for the laugh let's hope he has a sense of humor like you but without the sex toys.
hope you have a great time!
He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????
Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?
first thing when he picks you up, run through the following checklist with him:
1) did you bring whips, chains, and nipple clamps or should i go get mine?
2) do you have condoms? if so, how many? 3 dozen should be about right for tonight.
3) what's your safe word?
:bigsmile:
ok, all kidding aside. just go on the date and have fun!!! he's just trying to impress you, not proposing marriage. if he asks for another date, say "yes" if you want to, but remind him that you're just getting back into the dating scene and not looking for a relationship right now. that's all.0 -
You've received so much good advice already.
Definitely don't stress and enjoy being treated the way you deserve with or without exclusivity.
Btw, I read the first part of your post as 24 hrs not yrs. I was like, "whoa!!! Look at you go!!!" ;P0 -
This is a first date and no matter how well it goes you're under no obligation to go on a second one. So there is literally ZERO commitment here past the first date. There is no assumption of exclusivity, no commitment, nothing...
He is hoping that he impresses you so that you will go on a second date with him.
Just go, have fun, don't be anxious... If you feel that you don't want a second date after this one then don't go. You're not under any obligation to pay for your meal, again his buying you a meal is just that, buying a meal not a second date.
He sees you for the catch that you are and is pulling out all the stops ... Don't worry about it! Have fun!0 -
It's just a first date. Albeit, the flowers and super romantic dinner spot are a little intense. But, hey, why not enjoy it? We always complain we don't get that stuff and then, when it happens, it freaks us out.
There's no obligation for a second date if you don't have fun, but go in open minded. And, just be honest. If you aren't into it, and he wants to see you again, tell him you don't sense a romantic connection.
In regards to the bill, I always offer to pay half. If I'm really not into the guy at all, I will insist.0 -
I haven't read all this, but kudos to dude for going after what he wants and not being a total *****.0
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Hey,
I think firstly you need to enjoy the dinner you have planned with him, accept the flowers with a smile and then, go from there. See what happens when you meet up. Enjoy the fact there is a guy doing something really nice for a first date. If you don't have fun, you don't have to have a second date, and even if you do, you don't have to jump to being in a relationship.
My advice just enjoy saturday
And see what happens after that :flowerforyou: xxx0 -
too many words. men don't parse words the way women do. when you explain too much it makes it look like you're trying to not hurt our feelings. all she needs to say is this. "thanks. i had fun. i'm not ready for another relationship right now, but if you wanted to ask me out again, i'd be happy to accept." there is ZERO chance of confusion or hurt feelings with that.
'Zactly. You don't hurt a man by being honest and direct, you hurt him by being indirect and vague and hoping he gets the idea and never saying what you mean.
The fact that he's doing flowers/dinner already indicates he's sort of clueless about how to plan a fun, low-pressure date, and is likely more serious than you.0 -
I wish I had that problem. I usually get the guy who wants to meet me at the restaurant and split the check.
Consider yourself lucky that he is a gentleman!0
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