Single girls I need advise....

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thoseblueeyes
thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I have this situation that I need help with. I am newly single( about 2 months) and have not dated for 24 yrs . I am really rusty on dating or just guys in general. The issue I have is I am going on my first date this coming Sat. I am nervous since I found out he is taking me to really romantic restaurant plus yesterday he had flowers delivered to me at work. I don't want a relationship and plan on dating other guys so how do I let him know this without hurting his feelings? Am I reading to much into this?

I use to be excited for this Sat. but now I am stressing out. I wish I could cancel on him but I already did that 2 weeks ago. Please give me any advise what you think I should do.:grumble:
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  • know_your_worth
    know_your_worth Posts: 481 Member
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    First off - don't stress! :)
    Just accept the flowers and romantic dinner.

    Maybe you'll get to know him better and find out he's someone that you would consider having a relationship with? Even if that's not the case, I think you should enjoy it. He's the one that's going out of his way to try to impress you...that doesn't mean you are or should feel the pressure to commit to him.

    Personally, I wouldn't address the fact that you don't want anything serious right off the bat. I'd wait and see if he brings it up or asks.

    Good luck!
  • kls13la
    kls13la Posts: 377 Member
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    Did you know him previously or did you just meet him?

    Don't overthink it or make it more complicated than it has to be.

    It's a first date -- you don't owe him exclusivity at this point. Odds are that the subject won't even come up. If he does bring up being exclusive, just say you aren't ready for that right now. Don't feel guilty. Say you aren't ready and change the topic. End of story.

    I wouldn't bring it up if he doesn't. I don't think you need to tell him you are dating others -- just go ahead and do it. Without exclusivity, you are free to do that.

    Oh, and have fun on the date! Drink a glass of wine before you go -- that usually helps with the nerves! :drinker:
  • jessicalynn75
    jessicalynn75 Posts: 371 Member
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    I wish I had this problem! :)

    Go on the date and just enjoy the moment! If it leads to a relationship great if not so be it!

    Embrace the dating scene!
  • thoseblueeyes
    thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
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    quote]
    Did you know him previously or did you just meet him?

    Don't overthink it or make it more complicated than it has to be.

    It's a first date -- you don't owe him exclusivity at this point. Odds are that the subject won't even come up. If he does bring up being exclusive, just say you aren't ready for that right now. Don't feel guilty. Say you aren't ready and change the topic. End of story.

    I wouldn't bring it up if he doesn't. I don't think you need to tell him you are dating others -- just go ahead and do it. Without exclusivity, you are free to do that.

    Oh, and have fun on the date! Drink a glass of wine before you go -- that usually helps with the nerves! :drinker:
    [/quote]

    He works in the same building as I do but we work for different companies. I just met him but we have seen each other in the building but never talked. I think it will take a couple glasses of wine to calm my nerves...:laugh:
  • amann1976
    amann1976 Posts: 742 Member
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    cougar on the prowl... :laugh:
  • amann1976
    amann1976 Posts: 742 Member
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    He works in the same building as I do but we work for different companies. I just met him but we have seen each other in the building but never talked. I think it will take a couple glasses of wine to calm my nerves...:laugh:

    dont crap where you eat... a healthy relationship needs separation at times and then if things go bad you dont want to see the other person daily at your work place.
  • bluesrockerman
    bluesrockerman Posts: 21 Member
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    Interesting. I am in a similar situation. Married 28 years , separated 3 months. I have not gone out yet on any dates, but from a guy's point of view, don't worry about it. He is just trying to make an honest good impression. There is no need to stress over it as no one can expect to know a person that well on or after 1 date. Relax, be yourself and see what you think after the date.
  • thoseblueeyes
    thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
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    cougar on the prowl... :laugh:

    Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:
  • amann1976
    amann1976 Posts: 742 Member
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    cougar on the prowl... :laugh:

    Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:

    your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage
  • harvo
    harvo Posts: 4,676 Member
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    As a guy I say enjoy the evening and be thankful he is acting like a gentleman should, To me it shows respect for you. If he pushes for more or its not going to work for you, just be honest.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    cougar on the prowl... :laugh:

    Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:

    your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage

    *hands you a shovel*

    Keep digging the hole..
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    I wouldn't address the fact that you don't want anything serious right off the bat. I'd wait and see if he brings it up or asks.

    I definitely second this. WHen he brings it up I would say something along the lines of "I just got out of a really long serious relationship, and while I value your friendship quite a lot, I need some me time to reevaluate my life and get my head on straight."

    Any guy worth your time will understand that. If he gets upset, then you'll know right away that he's no good for you, as a friend or otherwise.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    Just go and enjoy the night and don't worry about expectations. If you feel like he is looking for more than you are, casually work into the conversation that you aren't quite ready for anything serious. He should understand since you have only been single for a couple of months.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
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    Just go and enjoy the night and don't worry about expectations. If you feel like he is looking for more than you are, casually work into the conversation that you aren't quite ready for anything serious. He should understand since you have only been single for a couple of months.

    ^^^ This.

    About the flowers and attention....maybe it's been awhile since he was on a date. Or, maybe he likes you. Who knows? Different men behave in different ways and it's not always an indicator of him looking for a serious commitment. It might just be him trying to be a gentleman before the date.
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!

    why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well :smile:

    also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.

    hope you have a great time!
  • thoseblueeyes
    thoseblueeyes Posts: 812 Member
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    nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!

    why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well :smile:

    also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.

    hope you have a great time!

    He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????

    Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?
  • laural007
    laural007 Posts: 251 Member
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    cougar on the prowl... :laugh:

    Cougar???? really I am that old to be called a cougar? oh that made my day!::grumble:

    your age is hidden and you said you haven't dated in 24 years... besides nothing wrong with being a cougar... if your hot enough to get a younger dude if that is what you wanted use it to your advantage

    *hands you a shovel*

    Keep digging the hole..

    This made me laugh out loud at work! :P

    He seems like a gentleman, which is very rare nowadays. Give it a shot, if you hit if off - great, If you don't - well then you took a chance and that's all that matters!
  • laural007
    laural007 Posts: 251 Member
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    Always offer to pay for half of it, it's respectful.
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    nnoooo, dont mess him around by cancelling and things like that. we women hate it when men keep us hanging, yet we think nothing of doing the same to them!

    why dont you suggest meeting for a drink or coffee or even lunch rather than a romantic dinner? the guy's already bought you flowers which suggests that he is investing something in this. if you want things to slow down, then make some suggestions as well :smile:

    also, i would def offer to pay on your date - regardless of whether he accepts it or not, if you are planning on seeing other guys, it's only fair to do so.

    hope you have a great time!

    He asked me out for dinner. To be honest I just thought dinner no biggie but when I found out where he had made reservations and then the flowers that freaked me out. I think your suggestion of paying for my dinner is great but the issue is won't that offend him since he knows I know its a date. Okay can you tell I am really bad at this????

    Anyone else have an opinion on this? Should I offer to pay for my own dinner?

    ah the perils of getting back into the dating game :)

    offer to pay - however if he insists that he wants to, graciously accept it :) he does sound like a romantic and a proper gentleman!
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
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    To be honest, the flowers thing although was a bit too much, especially before a first date, he was probably just trying to be "sweet". Not necessarily proposing marriage or anything crazy.

    Just go on the date imo, and make your intentions clear that you are not necessarily looking for anything serious.

    That may require you to be verbal, lol, about your intentions.

    Trust me, he probably won't be offended for any kind of casual dating, whatever you determine that level of casual is.

    EDIT: And also, kudos to the ladies above me! Yes offer to pay half, that will help set the tone!

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