Anyone else feel bad when people comment on their loss?
bella1381
Posts: 4
This may sound strange, but I feel bad when people say I look great now and they notice I have lost a lot of weight. I know most people would love to hear that, but when I was 40lbs heavier I was very depressed and didnt even like to hang out with friends. I lost the weight and feel like myself again but wherever I go people comment on how much weight I lost. And for some reason that makes me feel bad that they are bringing up the fact that I use to be fat. I know they dont mean it in a negative way but it feels like they are saying " you use to be fat but now your not". Maybe its just me, but I just wanted to rant lol.
0
Replies
-
I know what you mean. We know that they are trying to be complimentary and supportive, but we hear, 'I always used to notice how fat you were.' *hugs* I hope everyone gets used to the 'new you' soon, and finds something less personal to talk about.0
-
" you use to be fat but now your not"
Isn't this a good thing?0 -
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.0
-
It's not much better knowing that people think of you as 'the one who used to be fat' as knowing that they think of you as 'the fat one.' But keep your chin up, eventually they'll get used to your new shape and not think about it at all.0
-
i'm the opposite. I realize that I'm chunky and now that I'm losing I get upset when people don't notice or say anything. I've worked really hard and it sucks not having people notice...three people in the last six months have said things about it to me...so it'd be cool if there were more. I don't know. I don't think like you, but I would be proud of your compliments and weight loss because you are doing awesome.. I don't think they are saying 'you used to be fat!' i think they're just noticing that you look differently now.0
-
I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.0
-
i'm the opposite. I realize that I'm chunky and now that I'm losing I get upset when people don't notice or say anything. I've worked really hard and it sucks not having people notice...three people in the last six months have said things about it to me...so it'd be cool if there were more. I don't know. I don't think like you, but I would be proud of your compliments and weight loss because you are doing awesome.. I don't think they are saying 'you used to be fat!' i think they're just noticing that you look differently now.
I agree 100%0 -
I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.
Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments.
And wow, before even saying hello? 0 -
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out
Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?0 -
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out
Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?
I don't have the spoons to educate you. Google Kate Harding and "fat acceptance".0 -
I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.
Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments. And wow, before even saying hello?
Yes- but this is a forum of support- for weight loss. I don't know you, and I don't judge you- and if you are 400 lbs I don't either - but who we are here is not what it is in the real world. Now, there are some less than tactful individuals out there, cocky, arrogant- not sure why they stay on MFP except to terrorize ...........rest assured, that is not me.
Hello- thats out there. Now, focus on the problem0 -
yes, then my husband is around.
he got hurt at work and gained back ALOT of weight.
so it makes me feel bad when they do it in front of him.
also...
the people who say it EVERYTIME i see them.0 -
isnt this the reason you joined mfp for help/support to acheive what you wanted....too lose weight. I wont try to understand your psychological reason as to why you feel the way you do but you lost 40lbs...you should feel good abt urself no matter what ppl think. You obvious wanted to lose the weight...hell if anything they might be a tad envious of your acheivement....(((embrace it)))
:drinker:0 -
Everybody is different so i cant tell you how to feel but i would feel great if someone made those comments to me...losing weight is hard...im actually working just to hear those same comments0
-
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out
Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?
I don't have the spoons to educate you. Google Kate Harding and "fat acceptance".
I am not interested in being educated by a child- keep your spoons, you need them for yourself.
I don't accept fat acceptance- its a lazy excuse for a slow death- and it will happen.0 -
I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.
Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments. And wow, before even saying hello?
Yes- but this is a forum of support- for weight loss. I don't know you, and I don't judge you- and if you are 400 lbs I don't either - but who we are here is not what it is in the real world. Now, there are some less than tactful individuals out there, cocky, arrogant- not sure why they stay on MFP except to terrorize ...........rest assured, that is not me.
Hello- thats out there. Now, focus on the problem
I'm pretty sure she was referencing in-person interaction. Comments on your MFP are obviously different.
I'd address the rest of what you're saying but I honestly have no idea what you're on about.0 -
I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.0
-
I think she was just trying to say that you should be ok with yourself whether or not you're "fat." This seems pretty reasonable to me, probably not a cause for attack.0
-
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out
Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?
Sorry, but I agree. It's not okay to be fat. It's not okay to abuse anything...animals, children, the environment...and this includes your own body. There might be reasons for getting to that point, but come on. There is no excuse to stay that way.0 -
I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.
It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:0 -
OP- enjoy your successes, they are well earned. Don't accept anything less than you can do- and you and I know you can probably do more than you are right now? Ask an inch- give a mile, ok, half a mile. But you get what I am saying I hope.
Celebrate your weight loss with something you want! Something non food- something you cheerish. My Goal is in my closet, my beautiful roller skates- almost ready to get in them and ad this to at least 2 x a week if not more. Long term.............want to join a roller derby! Yes, at 41 I want to join a roller derby!!0 -
You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out
Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?
Sorry, but I agree. It's not okay to be fat. It's not okay to abuse anything...animals, children, the environment...and this includes your own body. There might be reasons for getting to that point, but come on. There is no excuse to stay that way.
Unless one is on a suicide mission, then no, its not ok. If you have family, children, and for me, I am 41 and I have grandchildren. I just took a fitness training a few weeks ago- for Zumbatomic- (kids version of Zumba) - this program is working hand in hand with the National Lets move program started by the first lady- Mrs Obama. Hopefully thru funding available thru grants- we are going to be able to branch out into schools, (same schools are cutting PE out of their schools)- and bring in Zumbatomic 1 or 2 X a week.
Kids are easier to recover from being obese, diet change and physical activity- they love to run and play- for us its a little more work.0 -
Thank you for all the responses! I understand where every one is coming from. I guess I just feel that way because I use to be really fit and then I got to a point in my life where I gained a lot of weight but luckily have lost that weight.0
-
I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.
It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:
Why even try to do anything, then? If everything is "okay"?0 -
I've personally never felt bad about it, but can understand how in some situations it may be awkward (i.e. you're losing while your husband gains...)0
-
Most of the time I enjoy it when people mention that I'm looking slimmer, but there is a girl at the gym who loudly compliments my appearance EVERY SINGLE DAY. The first time, it was nice, but it quickly got weird and uncomfortable. It doesn't help that she does it at the top of her lungs, so everyone in the gym can hear. I feel like she's fishing for a compliment herself, as she tells me she has lost about 15 pounds as well, but since I never saw her when she was heavier, it feels awkward to have to counter-compliment her every single day.0
-
I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.
It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:
Why even try to do anything, then? If everything is "okay"?
Because a person is entitled to make decisions about their own body?0 -
This may sound strange, but I feel bad when people say I look great now and they notice I have lost a lot of weight. I know most people would love to hear that, but when I was 40lbs heavier I was very depressed and didnt even like to hang out with friends. I lost the weight and feel like myself again but wherever I go people comment on how much weight I lost. And for some reason that makes me feel bad that they are bringing up the fact that I use to be fat. I know they dont mean it in a negative way but it feels like they are saying " you use to be fat but now your not". Maybe its just me, but I just wanted to rant lol.
I'm the same way too! Especially if they go ON and On about it and want to know every single thing I did to lose weight. It's like they're dissecting me. I was overweight for 8 years and honestly now that I'm close to being back to the way I was the first 30 years of my life, I just want to "forget" my fat phase, but it's hard to do when people bring it up all the time. And like someone else said, I've had people remark on my weight loss before even saying hello. My brother and his girlfriend did that to me when they ran into me at a Redbox. I'm trying to pick a movie and there's several people behind me, but in front of everyone they're bombarding me with questions. I guess my brother who had called me a "fat *kitten*" a year earlier and never apologized was trying to make amends, but that, for me, was not the time and place...0 -
This may sound strange, but I feel bad when people say I look great now and they notice I have lost a lot of weight. I know most people would love to hear that, but when I was 40lbs heavier I was very depressed and didnt even like to hang out with friends. I lost the weight and feel like myself again but wherever I go people comment on how much weight I lost. And for some reason that makes me feel bad that they are bringing up the fact that I use to be fat. I know they dont mean it in a negative way but it feels like they are saying " you use to be fat but now your not". Maybe its just me, but I just wanted to rant lol.
I'm the same way too! Especially if they go ON and On about it and want to know every single thing I did to lose weight. It's like they're dissecting me. I was overweight for 8 years and honestly now that I'm close to being back to the way I was the first 30 years of my life, I just want to "forget" my fat phase, but it's hard to do when people bring it up all the time. And like someone else said, I've had people remark on my weight loss before even saying hello. My brother and his girlfriend did that to me when they ran into me at a Redbox. I'm trying to pick a movie and there's several people behind me, but in front of everyone they're bombarding me with questions. I guess my brother who had called me a "fat *kitten*" a year earlier and never apologized was trying to make amends, but that, for me, was not the time and place...
yeah, i noticed my sister staring at me strangely when i met her for dinner last friday. then she commented that i looked really skinny. going to see my parents tomorrow for thanksgiving and haven't seen them since late september which was probably the last time i saw my sister before last friday as well. i'm curious if they will notice. i've only lost 5 pounds since the last time i saw them though, 20 pounds overall. maybe the last 5 were really noticable.0 -
I don't mind it unless they're gushing on and on about it. I don't like to have that much attention focused on me. The thing I really hate though is when they tell me I look great. Um...no, I don't look great. Yes, I have lost 43 pounds since Feb, but I still have 47 left to go (my profile picture is an old one meant to motivate me, btw). I'm not even quite halfway there yet, and I'm still in the "obese" range for my height...so no, I really don't look great (how bad did I look before if this is great?). That said, I know that's my issue, and I don't hold it against the people who say it. I believe their intentions are good, and it's not their fault that it makes me uncomfortable.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.2K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 421 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions