Loving yourself
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missimperfect
Posts: 66 Member
How does one work on loving themselves? I'm 20 years old and growing up I've never really had self esteem ...ever. Since I was little I was told horrible things. I've been told I'm weird, odd, chubby which turned into too fat, a retard, worthless...the list goes on and on.
Long story short I hate myself. With every fiber of my being. I don't believe I'm pretty. I can't. I just can't see it. I can't see one good redeeming quality about myself. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm just wondering how one starts loving themselves...
Long story short I hate myself. With every fiber of my being. I don't believe I'm pretty. I can't. I just can't see it. I can't see one good redeeming quality about myself. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm just wondering how one starts loving themselves...
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Replies
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Starting telling yourself that you love yourself - even if you don't believe it right now - tell yourself that you are worth it, beautiful and fabulous every single day.
A daily affirmation may help. You can look them up and pick one that you like and say it to yourself every morning - post it on your mirror!
Make a list of everything you love about yourself. You say "nothing" but I am sure there is at least 1 good quality about yourself.
Do an appriciation journal. You start with "Today I feel grateful for...." and do maybe 3 of these sentences a day.
Make a list of the top 3 things that bother you about yourself. Make a plan to fix each thing! If you can't fix it - figure out a way to deal with it and look at the positive side. EX - "I hate that I am fat. I love my curves." turn your negatives to a positive!0 -
I used to struggle with the same issue. In fact I think a lot of us still do and will for all of our lives. However it doesn't mean we can't learn to lower those negative voices. I went to see a counselor and part of dealing with this was having self compassion.
She also directed me to this http://www.self-compassion.org/
Perhaps you will find that beneficial as it was for me. Finding someone to talk to about this is very important and I would recommend you do that if you can. Good luck..and for the record..you are a beautiful girl. :flowerforyou:0 -
let me know when you find out..
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Seeking professional help is one way to go about it....
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( I totally thought this thread was going in a whole other direction, maybe the right people just hadn't seen it yet)0 -
The first issue is listening and actually projecting onto yourself what those certain people have told you. Just because people say it and it supports your pessimism and self loathing, does not make it true, especially on such subjective matters.
Life is not a meadow of sunshine and fairy farts, unfortunately, however, once you realize that you're the only person you can truly rely on, it becomes much easier to love yourself. Stop listening to people who are negative towards you, why would you listen to them? If they have to be that ****ty towards another person to make themselves feel better, than they are worse than anything they could possibly ever call you. They are self righteous, immature, cowardly brats. They are not correct just because you look down on yourself at the moment. The collective IQ of humanity is in the double digits, do you really care what anyone like that has to say? Listen to yourself before anyone else, never base any thought process or decision on anyone else, much less negative people who try to bring you down. Look at things objectively, and if you need to improve in areas, do so. Only you can do it. You have to learn to love yourself before you're successful in most endeavors.0 -
Personally I don't find affirmations very helpful for feelings that are so deeply ingrained. I used to hate myself also then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks - I am not a bad person, I am worthy of love. Seems so simple but it was quite a revelation. I'm not sure why I believed the negative crap but couldn't bring myself to believe the good things people said about me. I really think you need some professional help to deal with your demons so you can live a life of happiness.0
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Imagine your best friend or your sister or your niece came to you and said, "I'm fat and ugly and stupid and useless."
Would you agree? Would you punish her?
Of course you wouldn't. You'd tell her she's wonderful and how much she means to you; you'd make her a nice cup of tea and you'd listen to her problems.
So why are we so hard on ourselves?
We need to be our own best friends.
Most of use are on here to change the way we look - that's the easy part. Changing the way we think and behave is harder. Changing the way we feel inside is the hardest challenge.
But I genuinely believe we can get there if we change the way we think and behave.
So when you feel down on yourself, try to imagine how you would treat your best friend or your sister and try to treat yourself that way - gently, lovingly.
Try to be kind to yourself. Take the time to take care of yourself (cooking healthy meals; personal grooming, etc.) Don't think about what you deserve, but what you need.0 -
The majority of negative comments you will receive in life are from people who are jealous of you in some way and are afraid that if you really shone you would outshine them and that scares them so they put you down. That at least is how I have experienced this in the past and even still today on occasions.
Retaliation will just make you hurt more and make you feel bad so smile and walk away - rise above it and they will have nowhere to go with it.
In terms of you I suggest that you take a good look at your life and the people in it - do you really need them around you, ditch the dead wood and stick with the people who give without expectations of anything in return - these are your true friends and you may have fewer than you think but that is ok.
Get rid of the negative influences and start thinking positively about yourself, you are strong or you would not have asked that question and exposed yourself to words that you may not be ready to hear.
You are determined - you are on a path of weight-loss that will ultimately make you feel better about whatever it was that made you start on that path.
You are beautiful - both inside and out and believe me when I say that beautiful on the inside is something that certain people can only dream of being. All bullies are ugly on the inside.
You hang in there, you're doing just fine. You get out of life what you put in so put out enough positive energy and it will start to come back to you.0 -
i use a good, unscented lotion to love myself.0
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To start, you are pretty good at describing your hate for yourself, so your description is something worth feeling good about, you do have at least one talent. If sure you have more. Tell me some more about yourself, and I'll pick out something else again!:flowerforyou:0
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let me know when you find out..0
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( I totally thought this thread was going in a whole other direction, maybe the right people just hadn't seen it yet)
I thought the same thing... ;-)0 -
Yeah I've been there. It's not a good place. The best advice I ever got was to start small. Pick one thing about yourself that you like and ask yourself why. I started with my eyes. I think I have really pretty eyes, I like the shape, the colour and my eyelashes are really long and dark even though I'm fair. I love my eyes. Once you can say that you love that one thing then pick another. It doesn't have to be a feature, it can be a talent or a characteristic. Pick something that you can do. It doesn't matter if it's not unique or other people can do it too. Eventually, the things you love about yourself will outweigh the things you dislike. and even if someone says something negative then you won't automatically focus on it and take it to heart. Also if you don't like something then ask yourself why. If it's something you can change then make it happen. Only you can make yourself love you.0
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First off, just realize that self esteem is ESSENTIAL in practically every area of life if you want to be successful in anything, ever. Once I just "got" the notion that if I wanted to achieve anything long-term, I HAD to believe in and love myself, I was kind of forced into at least trying.
You need to realize that EVERYONE has flaws, and there are people with more than you have who STILL love themselves. And you know why? Because one, they focus on their goods and not their bads. They're able to say "sure, I have a big nose. yeah, I can be a little stubborn sometimes. but I still love my [hair/legs/smile] and I know I'm still a pleasant person to be around." Secondly, and probably most importantly, they STOP wasting energy worrying about things they can't change and instead direct that energy into improving the things they can. It makes a world of difference.0 -
To be honest, I'm still trying to figure this out, as well. As a child, I was told pretty much all you were told... along with the fact that I was sexually abused by a "family friend".... repeatedly. I have always felt like trash. Like I'm not good enough for anything.
HOWEVER... It does get better. Some days I still feel like trash. Other days... I actually do love myself. It's always a battle... but, you have to keep fighting. Start accepting complements... even if you don't agree with them just yet. Eventually, you will start believing them. Start making lists of everything you like about yourself. You may have to think really hard at first.... or even lie to yourself.... but, again, eventually it will become easier and more truthful. And, most importantly... stop listening to anyone else. Just listen to God.
This may not be PC... or even "allowed" on the boards... BUT.... God doesn't make trash. Also.... from just looking at your profile picture... I think you have a very beautiful face. So... put that down as today's item of what you like about yourself.
And... I pray everything gets better for you.0 -
Starting telling yourself that you love yourself - even if you don't believe it right now - tell yourself that you are worth it, beautiful and fabulous every single day.
A daily affirmation may help. You can look them up and pick one that you like and say it to yourself every morning - post it on your mirror!
Make a list of everything you love about yourself. You say "nothing" but I am sure there is at least 1 good quality about yourself.
Do an appriciation journal. You start with "Today I feel grateful for...." and do maybe 3 of these sentences a day.
Make a list of the top 3 things that bother you about yourself. Make a plan to fix each thing! If you can't fix it - figure out a way to deal with it and look at the positive side. EX - "I hate that I am fat. I love my curves." turn your negatives to a positive!
couldnt have said it better myself..0 -
Starting telling yourself that you love yourself - even if you don't believe it right now - tell yourself that you are worth it, beautiful and fabulous every single day.
A daily affirmation may help. You can look them up and pick one that you like and say it to yourself every morning - post it on your mirror!
Make a list of everything you love about yourself. You say "nothing" but I am sure there is at least 1 good quality about yourself.
Do an appriciation journal. You start with "Today I feel grateful for...." and do maybe 3 of these sentences a day.
Make a list of the top 3 things that bother you about yourself. Make a plan to fix each thing! If you can't fix it - figure out a way to deal with it and look at the positive side. EX - "I hate that I am fat. I love my curves." turn your negatives to a positive!
couldnt have said it better myself..
This is great advice. We had a lot of the same ideas. I wrote mine before reading what anyone else posted, though... or I might have changed some of mine up.0 -
i use a good, unscented lotion to love myself.
Ridiulous.
Ridiculously funny.0 -
Step back and look at things a different way. Ask yourself why anyone should be better than you? Treat yourself better, you wouldn´t want your beloved sister/boyfriend/mother/bestfriend to starve/sit in the cold/get talked down, so don´t do it with yourself either. Take care of yourself, have kindness for yourself. You are WORTH wearing the nice clothes, even daily. You are worth the money that it costs to make your flat warm or to be able to shower daily. Treat yourself with the same respect you have towards people you love. Protect yourself. be good to yourself. Say things like "I love myself too much to do ... now" "I won´t let... use me because I don´t deserve this" "I don´t deserve to be talked to like the person infront of me does, so I won´t let them" "I don´t need to listen to other peoples judgements because I am good enough the way I am."
For me it all started with someone saying "This is not what you deserve" someone seriously thought and honestly believed that I deserve better. That I am not scam. It is such a hard battle sometimes but believe me, its totaly worth it. Life is so much better and easier if you don´t have to be 24/7 with someone you absolutely despite.
I wish you the best.0 -
i use a good, unscented lotion to love myself.
Ridiulous.
Ridiculously funny.
I would have stuck with the ridiculous, but adding ridiculously insensitive......0
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