how to motivate someone else to start

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djames92
djames92 Posts: 990 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
i need some advice on how to get someone motivated to start a healthy lifestyle. when i started i was very motivated to lose weight and get in shape and i succeeded but i want to get my brother to do the same thing hes about 60 pounds overweight and says he wants to lose weight but it seems that he just thinks it will happen and isnt very motivated anyone have any suggestions on how to light a fire under his *kitten* to get him started?
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  • kaypat09
    kaypat09 Posts: 130 Member
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    All you can do is be supportive... I've learned that no one can be forced or persuaded to lose weight. It has to be a personal decision and most motivation has to come from within.
  • djames92
    djames92 Posts: 990 Member
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    i fear that that is true but i dont think hell ever do it without a push
  • wolfchild59
    wolfchild59 Posts: 2,608 Member
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    You can't really make someone else make a change like that. They have to be ready and willing to do it in order to be successful. If you push someone into it they are going to be more resistant to everything, be more prone to quitting, and possibly end up resenting you for making them do it.

    So much of something like this is mental that the person has to really be ready and come into it on their own.

    The best you can do is be there to be supportive until that time comes and then even more supportive when it does.
  • djames92
    djames92 Posts: 990 Member
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    you see hes been saying i want to do this for months now ever since i lost my weight hes been talking about doing it himself and how he wants me to hold him accountable but its hard to do that when i live 3 hours away from him
  • Pandorian
    Pandorian Posts: 2,055 MFP Moderator
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    Just be there for them, if it comes out that he wants to go for a walk or hike be ready to go, be ready to be supportive when interest IS shown but it's up to them to get interested. being pushed will just get a lot of folks backs up and resent it...
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    If you talk to people who were overweight for a long time before deciding to make the jump into weight loss, they'll all tell you that they had an "ah-ha" moment where they realized it was time. Until your brother has that moment, there is little you can do to push him into it. Trying to guilt him or otherwise motivate him will likely backfire. Unless you can control someone's eating and exercise, they can sabotage it and "blame" it on you for pressuring them.

    All you can do is sit him down, explain why you think it's important and let him know that you're ready to support him whenever he's ready to make the commitment. And then follow through on that support when he IS ready. If he says he's ready, but isn't really making the effort, try to plan work outs together, invite him over for healthy meals (or cook with him if you live together) etc. Success breeds success. If he starts to see results he's more likely to start to become more invested in the process.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    You cant. You can encourage but ultimately it has to come within themselves. I got a buddy who was hospitalized and almost died last Summer related to his weight. Doesn't care. Eats crap, doesn't join me at the gym, even after I offered to pick him up from home and bring him back. He quit soda pop for a few months but started up again. It depresses me that I can't motivate him to change. I feel like a failure at times but it's his life. He is taking pills to control his high cholesterol and blood pressure and doesn't care.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Buy him a gym membership for Christmas.


    Tell him he should join MFP
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    When he says he wants to do it tell him "Do it! Start today, I'm behind you 100%. Let me know if you have any questions"

    That's pretty much all you can do.
  • PAZlady
    PAZlady Posts: 59 Member
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    You lead by example and hopefully he follows. He will just resent you if you keep trying to push him.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Make him meet you at the gym a couple times a week. Be supportive. Suggest MFP to him.
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
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    You can only push so much before you just have to run out in front and hope he'll follow. Motivation comes from within. Your brother obviously hasn't found his reason to start yet.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    I worry about the same thing with my mom. She's on here... but, she's not as enthusiastic as I am. She's lost some weight... but, she's still eating too many of the wrong things... but, way less than 1200 calories a day... and she never drinks water, and drinks too many sodas. It worries me that she never wants to exercise either. She was always after me to eat right and exercise... and, now that I finally am (and loving it), she won't.
  • ceejay000
    ceejay000 Posts: 402 Member
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    When you talk to him about it ask him about why he wants to do it and what he thinks is holding him back. What would need to change in order for him to take the next step toward leading a healthier lifestyle? Don't lecture him, but make sure he knows you're there when he's ready. If you're in the same place as him, invite him to go for a walk/bike ride/to the gym, etc. with you. That way you're not being pushy, but he knows the option is there for him to take that first step.

    You can also offer to work with him on it. If you're not able to physically be there with him to exercise or plan meals (because of distance), set up a time, maybe once a week, to talk on the phone and discuss the progress each of you has made. Talk about what's hard about what you are doing and how each of you overcomes that particular obstacle. It's much easier to make a lifestyle change if you don't have to do it alone, so this might be a way you can help him.
  • PamelaKuz
    PamelaKuz Posts: 191 Member
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    Get him to set up an account here. You guys can compare diaries, and you can encourage him every day. Maybe bribe him, lol. Get him to set a goal (like, an amount he wants to lose by Christmas).. And if he meets his goal you have to treat him to a night on the town or something.
  • petersonabt
    petersonabt Posts: 518 Member
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    For me the push was for someone to finally tell me how over weight I was...when I got pregnant with my daughter I got real sick and was worried I wasn't eating enough...the doctor told me "you have enough fat on you to feed the baby" it was harsh and hard to swallow but after I had her I changed my life and started living healthy.

    everyone for 5 year...(didn't have a weight issue till after my first) tip toed around my weight gain, never being upfront with me and of course telling me "your still beautiful" and when I would say things like I want to loose weight and blah blah. I got the "we support you" "do what you need too" yet still never did anything about it.

    I am glad she was so harsh with me. it was the push I needed.

    Im not saying it would work with your brother, but tough love worked with me.

    I did like another poster suggesting MFP as well as having him meet you at the gym. or maybe even like go play basket ball together or something active to get him started but not making him feel like you are "exercising"
  • mjbauer
    mjbauer Posts: 13 Member
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    It's definitely gotta come from within, but my best advice to you would be to invite him to work out with you. Don't put pressure on him or anything but every time you go, invite him to join, or when you guys are doing something together try to make it activity based. Instead of getting together for drinks or meals, suggest something active, and make it fun. Maybe an afternoon of paintball instead of video games? I don't know what interests he has right now, but I know how hard it is to get your *kitten* in gear and keep it there. You just have to help him find the activity that really grabs his attention, if not, then he's not ready.
  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
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    you see hes been saying i want to do this for months now ever since i lost my weight hes been talking about doing it himself and how he wants me to hold him accountable but its hard to do that when i live 3 hours away from him

    hate to say it, but I think the only way you can help him is to tell him straight up - the next time he says that about wanting you to hold him accountable, you need to let him know that is BS and HE needs to hold HIMSELF accountable.

    That statement leads me to believe he is just shifting the blame to someone else when all the blame belongs on his own shoulders. By saying he wants you to hold him accountable (knowing that it isn't physically possible - even if you lived WITH him) it gives him the excuse that it isn't his fault because "you aren't doing your part".

    There is nothing you can do to make him do it other than lead by example and be supportive, but I wouldn't put up with him trying to blame you for his choices - that should stop. abruptly.
  • Everythin2Lose
    Everythin2Lose Posts: 110
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    You can encourage... but that is about it.

    Remember when that light went off in your head, when you decided to fight for your health? There has to be a personal trigger to motivate you. My "trigger" wasn't my family pointing out for the 1000th time that "have you gained?"... I grew up with my brothers calling me fat from the age of 13 (gotta love older brothers hahaha) so their comments slid off my back. The trigger was as simple as feeling so self-concious after my ex broke up with me that I decided to not be the girl guys left (although my weight had nothing to do with that...i see that now!). But now I continue for me.... when I get pissed off that the scale doesn't move... I need that "trigger" to kick my butt to the gym. He needs to reach that "point"... then you can make him write it down and place it on the fridge to remind himself daily that the fight is going to be worth it!
  • djames92
    djames92 Posts: 990 Member
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    thanks guys! ill try to get him to make an account on here!

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