How far I've come (bloggish, but just wanting to help other)

It all started in third grade. I was walking across the blacktop at recess and a boy I thought was my good friend screamed in front of his friends, "Hey Alyssa, slim fast really works."

I was mortified. I went home that night and remember just crying hysterically to my Mom. She told me I was beautiful and kids are mean and that he is wrong, but at that point I just didn't understand. Why would he say that?

That was the first time I ever remember someone commenting on my weight, but it didn't stop there by any means. Even boys at my church, where I was supposed to feel safe and loved, made fun of me and called me fat

All throughout elementary school and middle school I was the victim of severe bullying. I remember going home hundreds of days crying hysterically to my Mom and Dad and not understanding why kids would call me fat. I knew I was overweight, but I didn't do ANYTHING to deserve anyone to call me that. I was nice to everyone. ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ACCEPTED. I HATE that word fat. To this day I cannot handle it.

Being bullied my whole life caused my self esteem to be non existent. I sadly grew up completely hating myself, and because of this caused me to make poor choices. After graduating high school, I was so tired of the constant struggle to lose weight. I had yo-yo dieted since elementary school but even though I wasn't that big in high school, I still was completely unhappy and hated myself. In my first year of college, I stopped eating completely. I lost 30 pounds and was finally a "normal" weight.

I got sick, very sick. Barely touching my skin would cause a bruise. I finally gained some sense and told my parents that I hadn't been eating for the past 8 months. They were devastated. They prayed with me and I promised them I would never starve myself again, and knowing how much my parents loved me, I kept that promise. But 2 weeks later I dropped another bomb on my parents..... Two weeks after I stopped starving myself, I found out I was pregnant.

After so many years of hating myself and thinking my life was good for nothing from all the bullying, God blessed me with a child to show me that my life was worth so much more than I ever knew. I had been so unhealthy for so long, but now I had a precious baby inside of me that NEEDED me to eat and nourish him.

I loved Matthew from the second I found out I was pregnant. I didn't love myself yet, but I knew I loved my baby. Loving myself would come later. ..........

Unfortunately, someone wasn't happy with my weight gain from pregnancy. When I was 5 months pregnant, I got married.......

Without completely trash talking him, I will just say that all the bullying I endured in school, didn't even compare to the complete verbal abuse I endured while married. I was called fat and disgusting on an almost daily basis. I will leave it at that.

When I filed for divorce, my self esteem was completely destroyed. But three years later that changed.

I met a man who loved me for me. Even at the highest weight of my life, he still loved me and told me I was beautiful all the time. He showed me that beauty is more than what's on the outside, and because of him, I decided it was finally time to love myself. My decision to love myself has been a daily struggle. I am still not there, but I am working closer every day.

My husband will love me no matter what weight I am, but I want to be happy, so therefore I have lost a total of 41 pounds so far. I am happier than I have ever been because I am doing this for ME! I am not doing it to please the bullies, or my ex, I am doing it for ME.

I changed my outlook. Instead of focusing on how far I have left, I focus on how far I have come. Every day I work out I feel so much better about myself. I have even cried after some workouts because I am SO PROUD of myself.

I have accomplished so much in my life. Most woman never get away from abusers, they always go back, but I left and never looked back and have grown stronger every day. I can accomplish anything, and I can tell you, without the help of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and my supportive and loving husband, I would not be where I am at today.

Philippians 4:13
King James Version (KJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.


My message to any young girls out there, is if you are being bullied, tell someone. It's NOT okay for anyone to ever make you feel inferior. We are all beautiful and are here for a reason. I will personally help you in any way that I can, so if your being bullied come talk to me. I let it affect every fiber of my being, and it's a daily struggle to get over the hurt I feel every day, but I will be there for you! I don't want your to turn out life mine, starving and hating yourself. You are worth more than that, and so am I!

I work with children because I want to make a difference. I want children to grow up loving themselves and being happy with who they are. We only live once, so we need to make the best of what we have.

Thanks for listening.