Name calling from significant others

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  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
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    It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

    This^^
  • chrlslove7
    chrlslove7 Posts: 136 Member
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    I'm reading each post and taking something from it. I don't have anyone I can go to that won't judge me for this so I figured I could get some helpful advice from some people/strangers who may or may not have struggled with their weight. I also apologize if this sort of thread has been posted numerous times before! Still relatively new to MFP :glasses: Also, thank you for the posters who have opened up and told their story in order to help someone else.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

    This^^

    This again.

    You do not deserve to be name-called no matter how angry he is. If he can't figure that out, dump him and find someone who loves you and wants only the best for your health, happiness, and wellbeing.
  • norcal_yogi
    norcal_yogi Posts: 675 Member
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    First things first: lose the significant other who calls you names.

    Then, take care and learn to love yourself.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    that is just not the right thing to do....... It sounds immature as all hell- I would sit down and have a one on one conversation with him and practice in your head before you start. You are giving effort. You are HERE!! You are monitoring your food, your exercise and counting calories like they are you best friend.... I would ditch him because honey you can do better!! I'm in the complete opposite situation. My man *****es EVERY time I want to go to the gym.......
  • jesz124
    jesz124 Posts: 1,004 Member
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    OP, I don't have any brilliant advice for you as such, just wanted to say you come across as a very sweet person and I like your responses to people giving you advice. Partners can be douches sometimes and they know exactly which buttons to press to hurt us the most. Try not to focus on things said in the heat of a row. You are doing really well with your losses. Just keeping that up a d carrying on regardless is the best cure for *kitten* type behaviour I think.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    It sounds like your partner is emotionally abusive.
  • maz_z
    maz_z Posts: 55
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    OP i also dont have any amazing advice, but when you are thinking about this think the opposite! if they call you ugly, call yourself beautiful, may even help to write these down and have them on post it notes or posters around you house to remind you of how beautiful and strong you are!
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
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    How to overcome the pain of an SO calling me names. Tough topic. My husband never called me names but he did say critical things and they hurt every time. And he didn't stop until I told him to stop. I had to say it a few times and specifically repeat his words back to him because his criticisms were always said in the heat of an argument and he didn't even remember what he had said. It took me a long time, many years in fact, before I could speak up for myself. but once I did, things were much better in every way. Sometimes I had to talk it out with a friend before I could speak to him about a hurtful remark he had made. But really, once I could do that the pain was a lot less. His apology and hug went a long way toward easing my feelings too.

    When my Mom was in her 80s and my Dad was sick and cranky and miserable and ragging on her all the time. She said she wished she had "trained" him differently when they were young and it was too late now to make him do anything differently. Don't wait until you are 80....or 40 like I was.

    And congrats on your successful weight loss so far. It's amazing. Don't let this knock you off your plan.
  • Momonamission53
    Momonamission53 Posts: 13 Member
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    Do not let anyone anyone make you think bad of yourself, God has made you special, and beside that your beauty comes from within and how you treat people. I am proud of you for taking the steps you have taken, never lose weight or change your looks for someone else, do it for you. You have come a long way keep up the good work. Hang in there looks like you got a lot of good advice. :smile: :smooched: :flowerforyou:
  • Karabobarra
    Karabobarra Posts: 782 Member
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    It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

    This! And use the name calling to your advantage... I still call myself those names occasionally when I feel like quitting in the middle of a workout or going easy ... it fuels the fire! lol, by the way we have been divorced for over 14 years, he had his gall bladder removed, got put on blood pressure medicine, and has managed to eat himself into a becoming diabetic this year... I ran my first 5k and my doctor told me I'm healthier than most people 10-15 years younger than me and was extremely proud of my low blood pressure ... my ex can kiss my "fat lazy lard A**" for all I care...lol
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    use it as motivation :)

    This is good... Also, quite honestly, any person who is "significant" in your life will not call you such things. I would ensure that they would be much less significant quickly. Love prefers the other person (I Cor 13)... True love edifies and builds up... it does not reduce to rubble. You are so much more valuable than this.
  • ynotcycle
    ynotcycle Posts: 121 Member
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    OP, You see that little banner under your posts, the one showing the weight you've lost?

    I rest my case :)


    /hi-five
  • johnplil
    johnplil Posts: 10
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    For what it's worth...you look like a very beautiful woman on your picture. Any 'significant' person in my life that ever talked to me like that would be 'INSIGNIFICANT' very fast. You need to surround yourself with people who have positive attitudes that want the best for you. Sounds like the people in your life are poison.
  • swisswife
    swisswife Posts: 47 Member
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    It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

    I agree .... I was once in a relationship where I was constantly being put down and always being told I was lucky he was with me etc etc It obviously didn't start like this but slowly over time. It was all about his insecurity and control..... well it worked for 2 years until a friend of a friend asked me at a party " what are you doing with that idiot, you are too good for him, can I take you to dinner?'"
    I had an affair for 3 months and my confidence exploded, The guy was good looking, played rugby, had a great job and treated me like a princess. I found the strength to ditch both guys, find a new place to live and worked on making myself happy.....

    Try to take a step back from you relationship and imagine it was a friend in your shoes telling you that story... what would your advice be....Do you have a straight talking friend who can advise you??

    For your 'significant other' to say cruel hurtful things when you are clearly working hard to loose weight is really a big no no for me. He should be being supportive and encouraging.....
  • FloyMcCaudie
    FloyMcCaudie Posts: 1,132
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    "If they hate,let em hate drop their whole clan,lay their *kitten* down for 3 seconds of tan"

    ^^ xD that, or you can always tell me to shut the fuk up
  • LexyDB
    LexyDB Posts: 261
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    It's all a state of mind, the fact you class them as significant implies they have meaning to you.

    You really care what others think? Are you not the best person to comment on you and who knows about you?

    Makes those who call names insignificant, drop them from your life.
  • plaingirly
    plaingirly Posts: 378
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    Name calling hurts! I tend to be an over-thinker so spend way too long thinking about what was said over and over.

    Way back when I was at school my "best" friend was one of those pretty, slim and popular girls. I was the plain friend! I didn't notice at the time but there were little digs all the time and comparisons. It sounds so insignificant but I still see myself as plain and feel like it isn't worth the effort to try any beauty stuff as I would still be the plain girl just with too much make up. It is amazing how it has stayed with me - even though we aren't friends now - just going into a changing room to try some clothes on reminds me of when we would both try the same outfit and she would look gorgeous and I would look awful!

    I am starting to realise that she perhaps wasn't as confident as I thought she was and that the digs and comments were as much about her as they were about me.
  • LexyDB
    LexyDB Posts: 261
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    Name calling hurts! I tend to be an over-thinker so spend way too long thinking about what was said over and over.

    When you're 14 and don't know better.

    Why is this so difficult? Someone calls you names, so what? Ignore them or tell them where to go. As for overthinking what someone else says about you, life is too short to worry about such things' get something in your life that means something instead of dedicating time to something you can't and never will change.

    What a waste of effort and emotion.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Best solution: break up and find a real man.

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