Name calling from significant others

It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

This! And use the name calling to your advantage... I still call myself those names occasionally when I feel like quitting in the middle of a workout or going easy ... it fuels the fire! lol, by the way we have been divorced for over 14 years, he had his gall bladder removed, got put on blood pressure medicine, and has managed to eat himself into a becoming diabetic this year... I ran my first 5k and my doctor told me I'm healthier than most people 10-15 years younger than me and was extremely proud of my low blood pressure ... my ex can kiss my "fat lazy lard A**" for all I care...lol

OP, You see that little banner under your posts, the one showing the weight you've lost?

I rest my case


/hi-five

It's called abuse. His control is threatened by your weight loss successes and feels you'll leave him when you're at your best. So he tears you down the only way he knows how. Dump his sorry *kitten* and use THAT as your motivation to move forward in your life. It'll only get worse

I agree .... I was once in a relationship where I was constantly being put down and always being told I was lucky he was with me etc etc It obviously didn't start like this but slowly over time. It was all about his insecurity and control..... well it worked for 2 years until a friend of a friend asked me at a party " what are you doing with that idiot, you are too good for him, can I take you to dinner?'"
I had an affair for 3 months and my confidence exploded, The guy was good looking, played rugby, had a great job and treated me like a princess. I found the strength to ditch both guys, find a new place to live and worked on making myself happy.....

Try to take a step back from you relationship and imagine it was a friend in your shoes telling you that story... what would your advice be....Do you have a straight talking friend who can advise you??

For your 'significant other' to say cruel hurtful things when you are clearly working hard to loose weight is really a big no no for me. He should be being supportive and encouraging.....

It's all a state of mind, the fact you class them as significant implies they have meaning to you.

You really care what others think? Are you not the best person to comment on you and who knows about you?

Makes those who call names insignificant, drop them from your life.

Name calling hurts! I tend to be an over-thinker so spend way too long thinking about what was said over and over.

When you're 14 and don't know better.

Why is this so difficult? Someone calls you names, so what? Ignore them or tell them where to go. As for overthinking what someone else says about you, life is too short to worry about such things' get something in your life that means something instead of dedicating time to something you can't and never will change.

What a waste of effort and emotion.

Just here to talk to chime in with the same info as everyone else really - name-calling is abusive the FIRST time! It may not mean the person doesn't love you... but love needs to be accompanied by loving words and actions, or else, what good is it? These loving words can be honest, maybe harsh in some ways (such as suggesting that diet/lifestyle/whatever changes might be necessary) but should be done in as popsitive a way as possible. "fat *kitten*" does not apply. EVER!

Keep up your good body work, and maybe consider making some OTHER changes as well!

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain?

In my opinion, this is the kind of pain you can really only overcome by eliminating the offender from your life. I can't imagine being with someone who had such little regard for me. Any person who treats their partner this way has serious issues. It's not a little thing you can just ignore - it's a major character flaw, and I'm not sure it's something YOU can fix. You deserve so much better!

How do you overcome the pain?

After years of a verbal/mentally abusive marriage I left and never looked back. When I met him I was around 125lbs (same as I am now) I was too fat in his eyes and by the time I left I was 112lbs , mentally scarred and borderline anorexic.

Please don't allow anyone to treat you this way. You set the standard for how you are treated. I chose to leave. You have to choose what's best for you. You're addressing your weight now address you SO.

Best of luck!

I'd echo all the advise from this feed and suggest his negativity and ignorance towards you is simply because your already too good for him and he worries that once you have the new found confidence with yourself once you reach your target will attract more people and hes worried about the competition.

His controling insults will take a hell of a big weight off your shoulders which the gym just cant reach.

If he's making you feel bad enough to ask for help it sounds to me like you need the final confidence in yourself that you need someone who sees your complete beauty (god knows thats one hell of a stunning profile pic no matter what size you are/arnt!)

It really is unacceptable that hes willing to make you feel worse about your insecurities than you do.

Good luck hun x

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

What age are you ?

It sounds like your partner is emotionally abusive.

It's domestic abuse and controlling.

I always try to be sensitive and suttle when trying to, not critise my SO, but help her achieve her goals

Like if we are out for dinner, I'll say to the waiter

" Here, no chips for the salad dodger beside me" and things like that.

I'm reading each post and taking something from it. I don't have anyone I can go to that won't judge me for this so I figured I could get some helpful advice from some people/strangers who may or may not have struggled with their weight. I also apologize if this sort of thread has been posted numerous times before! Still relatively new to MFP :glasses: Also, thank you for the posters who have opened up and told their story in order to help someone else.

Chris, first let me say that the gal in your profile pic is drop dead gorgeous, and the sensitivity your post projects tells me you have a generous & tender heart. Many men would be proud to be seen with you. You gotta be a keeper & I feel an obligation to try and share what little I can with you.

I intended to send this to you in a private message, but then saw that there was other verbally abused and hope they will gain a little something from me. It really hurt reading about how cruel your partners had crushed you; in-light of knowing that I have also pierced a sensitive heart of someone I cant live without.

I was raised in a household with several siblings & my mother was a total B. She was abusive; physically, mentally, and verbally. As a result, we kids all became desensitized & combative. Name calling was just a daily part of our existence.

Generally my ego is indifferent to being insulted; I dont take it to heart. It is an act I basically view more as an act of maliciousness which I generally ignore unless I want to tangle.

My lover and I have been married for decades. I worship the ground she walks & she me. I was totally stunned that she felt hurt and offended when I would, often in playful (to me) jest, call her a name. ie. dumb^$$, dummy, goober, etc. I wasnt being malicious or trying to hurt her & thought she was just too sensitive ( you know, a sissy girl lol).

When seriously arguing I have gone way further & was cruel. I just didnt realize; I didnt have a compass. Today when we argue I still call her names, but they are words such as angel, sugar, darling....Im still a work in progress, and thankfully she is a generous and graceful person. As the Jack Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets", she "Makes me want to be a better man"

Im not defending my actions. I am not trying to justify anything, I can still do better; and my verbal insensitivity is still a second nature. For whatever reason, I still do not have the empathy of some - it just isnt there. I am generous, loving and considerate in most ways and actions; except in my choice of language.

I am sharing this with the intent that I can ease some of you victims pain. It's not you. Some abusers are just mean and malicious and relish hurting others. Some are insensitive to other's feelings. Some are just ignorant -whatever it is- your children are watching & it goes both ways - if you whip a dog enough he learns to growl.

And to you who feel the need to condescend, volunteer unsolicited advice about my faults, opinions about me....think of a very nasty insult and imagine I am saying that to you. :bigsmile:

I am in need of some advice and experience from anyone who has been called names or ridiculed for their weight from significant others. How have you overcome the pain? Sometimes, I repeat the words I've been called (fat-*kitten*, lazy, gross, etc) in my head and and having difficulty forgetting or learning to think past what I've been called. I know weight does not define who you are as a person nor does it define your worth; however, I am really struggling with this. Any advice or encouragement would be very helpful. Thanks:flowerforyou:

I haven't had that happen. However, I for a very short time dated a very horrible man who liked to accuse me of cheating and call me a *kitten*. And I dated another who would constantly tell me how much smaller all his exes were than I was (I was pretty tiny, but I'm an hourglass and he liked smaller breasts and less in the hips).

My response to both was, "If I'm so awful, why are you with me at all?"

I think you need to think about leaving this relationship. It's abusive. And don't believe anything he says about you. He was attracted to you enough to pick you. He's just trying to chisel your self-esteem so he can have control. It's classic.

I completely agree with Bronx and KMS....

On another note, if you don't wish to be treated like that (even in the heat of the moment) you have options.