Boyfriend needs anger management, can someone relate?

No, I do not think you should put up with it. This is not normal behavior. I can't say I can relate, because I could never be with someone like that and therefore have not experienced it. I wish you the best and sincerely hope your boyfriend does get some help.

I guess you have to think about what it would be like to be married to him. Would he freak out one day and hit you, or your future children? If the answer to this is yes, get rid of him!

Listen darlin I was in your shoes for a long, long time. Twenty years. High school sweethearts. Never hit me but the emotional abuse, the constant criticism and the angry, unpredictable blow ups......they get real old.

And let me tell you, it is easier to leave now then it will be in 20 years, after you have kids and a mortgage or two and your families are all intertwined. You will be bound for life then whether you like it or not, even after divorce. That's where I am now, mid divorce and trying to sort out all the belongings, all the relationships, and it's amicable but it's amicable at MY expense, just asit always has been, because I bite my tongue to keep it peaceful for the kids.

But I digress.......anyway my point is I wish I had listened to that little voice when I was 18, 19, 20........telling me this person is selfish, angry, rude. All I can tell you is......if it's not good NOW......it's not going to be good later. Time, debt and children make a dysfunctional relationship worse, not better. Just MHO. Good luck.

I grew up in a house with someone who needed anger management and the emotional abuse was too much to handle. I haven't been back in years. It's better you move on now.

i have anger issues. people are going to think this is weird, but they are hard to control. it can be a chemical imbalance, it can be a result of depression. i have been prescribed some meds to help deal with mine. and i also see a counselor. have him talk to a doctor before you give up on him. just be careful in the meantime.

Definitely wrong to say that he can't help his anger - that's not right. If he wanted to he should be able to do something about it. Have you spoken to him about it at all?

Leave his *kitten* on the curb, honey. If your heart is telling you something is wrong or that you should leave him, you should. I know you've been together a long time and he's a major part of your whole world but trust me when I say that if you don't trust your instincts now, it will get worse and you will regret not leaving sooner.

No one needs to put up with this type of behavior. He need to address his problem and learn how to handle it, before it escalates to a much more serious problem. If you can talk to him on ths, and he feels he doesn't have a problem, then you have to look at this from the outside. Soul mates or not, this is not normal. You didn't say how old you are, but at any age, there comes a time to realise when you have to move on......if things don't get better. It'll be hard emotionaly, but we all survive and most of us move on to much better things. Good luck:ohwell:

Seriously concerned for you (even though i'm sure you blow it off all the time) but even more concerned if you got pregnant or had children, it's an awful environment to be in. I really hope he gets help or you leave, I know it's hard being in love with somebody like this but I've seen these situations go from bad to worse quickly. Do not mistake their abuse/anger for passion. Good luck

I absolutely completely understand!!!! I have been in that VERY situation, not that long ago. I have been with my boyfriend (now fiancée) for 2.5 almost 3 years. He had alot of anger, control issues. We all have our issues and vices that we must all face, anger is his. We had an instance where he ended up throwing something at me and kicked me out. A very 'explosive' situation. I don't tell you that to make you think that that behaviour is acceptable, because it is not.

He has since gotten therapy, done alot of personal work. It is something he must always keep in his mind. We are happily engaged now. While hte vast majority do not recover and don't seem to be able to move beyond that, change is possible. You need to find what makes you happy and what this is worth to you. He has to want the change.

:drinker:

im in on the angryman issue. been there for three years now, i even use the "star crossed lovers" often. it truly is the best way to describe it. It really depends on his severty but how i cope and this may or may not be healthy but give him what you get. just play role reversal and when he says " woah babe chill out" you can tell him that how you are behaving is how you see him when he is like that. i find that mine gets very concerned over his beahvior and that the anger is so powerful they dont see their own actions and once they do they try harder to find restraint. its a tiring process and well for all we know we'll never truly beable to control it. but we can always try to help and they can always try to help themselves. but what you have got to figure out is if you personally can handle him without the change if you can handle the next 5, 10, 50 years of him exactly the way he is now. if you cant seem to make a solid yes its time to walk. for you and for him. now take time on it. nothing says you have to say " woah i cant make a solid yes i can deal, i got to go now" . nothing should ever be handled hastily. so just keep it in the back of your head. you'll know what is right and when the right time is. best of luck

What's going to happen if you have kids? Is he going to flip out every time there is a toy on the floor. He would have a total cow at my house. Get up...pack your things...leave and don't look back. You have the power!

I agree with many of the posters above. In short....

RUN, RUN, as fast as you can......

It's not worth it, unless it's in HIS head to change, and he actually does so. You're seeing the signs, you're scared of what *could* happen, and it's not YOUR problem to fix.

Take a look at what you wrote:

I know he can't help his anger and that's why I give him so much slack

Listen to THOSE warning bells. Anger is a FEELING. It's up to the person feeling it to control themselves and behave properly. It's when they allow anger to justify their violence (yelling, throwing things, breaking things, "snapping") that it becomes a dangerous situation. You (nor anyone else) do NOT deserve that for your life.

Speaking from experience, if he doesn't get a handle on his anger it will only escalate. I'm sure you can look back to when you were first dating and see the progression of his anger. Maybe at first he wouldn't yell as much when awoken but now it seems like his fuse has gotten much shorter.

You have to decide if you're willing to take that chance that one day, he's going to lose enough control to become violent with you. It may not be striking you, but throwing things and breaking your stuff is also abusive. Then there is the emotional abuse that goes along with it.

I wouldn't stick around, but then again I promised myself I would never do that again.

I know he can't help his anger and that's why I give him so much slack but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe he belongs to someone more like him.

That statement is a fallacy. We are all in control of our anger. If he's not, you need to get as far away as possible. Blowing up over little stuff as you've described is ridiculous and will only escalate. I've seen it in plenty of relationships and had it happen in my own.

You should RUN RUN RUN. No one should have to live with that.