Guys, it is never okay to...
RobynLB
Posts: 617 Member
Guys, it is never okay to joke about your girlfriend's weight or body! I don't care if she is 200 lbs or 100 lbs! Just don't do it.
It is not funny to call a fat girl fat, and it is equally NOT FUNNY to call a skinny girl fat! My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to tease me for being fat (because I am not), and I have to keep telling him he can't joke with me like that because it totally messes with my head! Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Even the most confident woman is not THAT confident.
Rant complete.
It is not funny to call a fat girl fat, and it is equally NOT FUNNY to call a skinny girl fat! My boyfriend thinks it is hilarious to tease me for being fat (because I am not), and I have to keep telling him he can't joke with me like that because it totally messes with my head! Not funny! Not funny! Not funny! Even the most confident woman is not THAT confident.
Rant complete.
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Replies
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AMEN!0
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AMEN!
I second that! One sentence about a woman's weight stays in her mind forEVER.0 -
I agree! Been married for 18 years, and with all our ups and downs, my husband has never used the "f" word (fat), no matter what my weight. Nor I with him. It really is the "f" word.0
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I'm kinda having a bit of trouble with the words "it's never ok" and "this should never happen"
not because i want to be teased, and not because I want to be called fat.
But rather because this kind of thinking establishes a routine where the word itself, in this case "FAT" is now a weapon, and has power.
I'm working really hard on my self esteem and while it's not perfect, I'm realising that I had, when I was overweight, fat, obese, what have you and whatever you call it, given these words SO much power that it crippled me.
I was fat. And if i can't say it, and I can't hear it, then uhmmmm I have a problem, because I was fat.
it's not the word you should be disputing...it's the method of delivery....
this should be " People (because guys aren't the only ones that do it) it is NEVER ok to tease someone about something that you know makes them feel sensitive, or inferior."
THAT'S what is not ok....the teasing, the created feeling of being less and less worthy....
but the word fat? I just feel you are hanging up on a word, and giving it WAY too much power...
the problem lies in the tease.
it's never ok for a boyfriend to tease you about something that you feel very sensitive about.
That I will agree with.0 -
My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
1) anorexic
2) athletic
3) average
4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)
I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."
I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....0 -
Yes. I attribute this to the longevity of my 2nd marriage. My hubby loves me - no matter my size and in 14 years has never made any comment about my weight except to tell me "don't lose too much - I like you the way you are". First husband? Nothing was off the table when trying to make me feel bad. Hence, his title of "EX" - among other names! LOL0
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My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
1) anorexic
2) athletic
3) average
4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)
I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."
I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....
That is the douchiest thing I've ever heard.
My husband has NEVER said anything about my weight fluctuations. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what size. Likewise...I always find him attractive.
People are so superficial.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.0
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My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
1) anorexic
2) athletic
3) average
4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)
I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."
I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....
That is the douchiest thing I've ever heard.
My husband has NEVER said anything about my weight fluctuations. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what size. Likewise...I always find him attractive.
People are so superficial.
Why is that douchy? She asked him to be honest she then asked him, he answered. It doesn't appear as if he indicated that he did not find her attractive and he was upset about it himself. Not douchy at all.
OP: imo it is never ok to tease someone about anything like that - there lies the slippery slope of starting to believe them.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.0 -
My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
1) anorexic
2) athletic
3) average
4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)
I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."
I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....
That is the douchiest thing I've ever heard.
My husband has NEVER said anything about my weight fluctuations. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what size. Likewise...I always find him attractive.
People are so superficial.
lolwut?
I am by no means in great shape but I am NOT going to pretend somebody is attractive when I don't find them attractive. If I am getting too big (or too thin) to a point where my partner don't find me attractive, I would much rather she tells me than her just leaving me because she can't stand looking at me. When she tells me, I can at least work on it.
But thank you for calling us superficial. I am sure you have found every man and woman on this planet attractive, even this guy
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lolwut?
I am by no means in great shape but I am NOT going to pretend somebody is attractive when I don't find them attractive. If I am getting too big (or too thin) to a point where my partner don't find me attractive, I would much rather she tells me than her just leaving me because she can't stand looking at me. When she tells me, I can at least work on it.
But thank you for calling us superficial. I am sure you have found every man and woman on this planet attractive, even this guy
Fat doesn't automatically equal unattractive.
Every person has different things they're attracted to or not attracted to.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.
I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that0 -
lolwut?
I am by no means in great shape but I am NOT going to pretend somebody is attractive when I don't find them attractive. If I am getting too big (or too thin) to a point where my partner don't find me attractive, I would much rather she tells me than her just leaving me because she can't stand looking at me. When she tells me, I can at least work on it.
But thank you for calling us superficial. I am sure you have found every man and woman on this planet attractive, even this guy
Fat doesn't automatically equal unattractive.
Every person has different things they're attracted to or not attracted to.
What you said in this context makes almost as much sense as me saying Italians are from Italy0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.
I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that
It doesn't matter whether you believe a body is "meant to be" fat or not, no body is "meant to be" disabled, but some people just are. There is nothing wrong with either.
Fat is a type of body. Just like thin is a type of body.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.
I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that
It doesn't matter whether you believe a body is "meant to be" fat or not, no body is "meant to be" disabled, but some people just are. There is nothing wrong with either.
Fat is a type of body. Just like thin is a type of body.
whatever.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.
I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that
It doesn't matter whether you believe a body is "meant to be" fat or not, no body is "meant to be" disabled, but some people just are. There is nothing wrong with either.
Fat is a type of body. Just like thin is a type of body.
An adjective is not the same thing as a classification.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
fat is not a body "type"
fat is a body with too much fat on it
still....it is lame for a SO to make fun of you
"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain"
Charlie Chaplin
Fat is a body type just like thin is a body type or muscular is a body type. Everyone has different definitions of "too much" fat, so that does not accurately describe what being fat is.
I disagree. No body is meant to be fat. When you get fat, your body "type" does not change. Your body type (endo, ecto or meso) will always be one of those three. Added fat does not change that
It doesn't matter whether you believe a body is "meant to be" fat or not, no body is "meant to be" disabled, but some people just are. There is nothing wrong with either.
Fat is a type of body. Just like thin is a type of body.
An adjective is not the same thing as a classification.
Which is why I reworded it into type of body instead of "body type". I'm not even talking about body classifications.0 -
I'm kinda having a bit of trouble with the words "it's never ok" and "this should never happen"
not because i want to be teased, and not because I want to be called fat.
But rather because this kind of thinking establishes a routine where the word itself, in this case "FAT" is now a weapon, and has power.
I'm working really hard on my self esteem and while it's not perfect, I'm realising that I had, when I was overweight, fat, obese, what have you and whatever you call it, given these words SO much power that it crippled me.
I was fat. And if i can't say it, and I can't hear it, then uhmmmm I have a problem, because I was fat.
it's not the word you should be disputing...it's the method of delivery....
this should be " People (because guys aren't the only ones that do it) it is NEVER ok to tease someone about something that you know makes them feel sensitive, or inferior."
THAT'S what is not ok....the teasing, the created feeling of being less and less worthy....
but the word fat? I just feel you are hanging up on a word, and giving it WAY too much power...
the problem lies in the tease.
it's never ok for a boyfriend to tease you about something that you feel very sensitive about.
That I will agree with.
Well said0 -
Your boyfriend is a D*ckhead0
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I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
We covered this. I meant a type of body. As in, bodies come in a variety of shapes and sizes, fat being one of them.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.
no. being "fat" is not genetic. It is over eating.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.
Yes, eating twinkies all day and sitting on the couch all day is genetic.
And fun.
I miss twinkies
0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.
no. being "fat" is not genetic. It is over eating.
Science disagrees with you.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.
no. being "fat" is not genetic. It is over eating.
Science disagrees with you.
they walk among us.
more so this morning than usual it appears.0 -
I get what you're saying. Fat isn't a bad word though. Fat is a body type. Using that word as a weapon is what's not okay.
I think what you mean is build.. Fat isn't genetic, nor is it a body type. It's influenced by what you eat and/or medical conditions.
Fat is as genetic as tall.
Yes, eating twinkies all day and sitting on the couch all day is genetic.
And fun.
I miss twinkies
I magically became fat without eating twinkies. I never liked twinkies.0 -
My fiance had a rating scale of body sizes on women.
1) anorexic
2) athletic
3) average
4) cuvy/has meat on her (2 and 4 are his preference. I happen to be the 4)
5) dude.. girl, you got FAT (not in those terms, but that's what a girl will hear)
I, like an idiot, told him to be honest about the day I started getting too big (nearing 5). Being in a REALLLLYYY ****ing depressed mood for about a week, I looked at him and said, "I'm a 5 aren't i?"
His response came slowly and I knew it was going to be bad.. He had that look of "Don't make me say it." Well.. he said it... "I'm sorry babe, but you are getting there."
I sobbed for 2 hours, ignoring him completely, or as much as I can, even though he was near/in tears for making me feel so bad. I had never felt so ashamed and hurt and all around ****ty EVER. Really sucks when the person you love pretty much is overly honest....
I believe you already knew the answer before you asked the question. It was just hearing it out loud that made you believe it and that hurt your feelings. Honestly, what could he have said, THAT WAS HONEST, to avoid hurting your feelings. It looks like you are trying to lose 90 pounds. If that is correct than you were significantly over weight. I am not saying that he or any of these men couldn't find a kinder way to say it, but if you ask someone if you look attractive, healthy, skinny....whatever the question is and they answer you honestly and not in a mean way, how can you be angry with them. Please don't mistake what I mean here, i am not trying to stick up for anyone who is mean or teases. I am a very honest person and I value someone's opinion who will tell me the truth in matter how bad it is so much more than someone who just says what they think I want to hear.0
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